"Thoughts whirling in Harry's Head"
Freedom. I never got to taste it.
Dad protected and was buried.
Mom died saving me.
She saved me from one act of violence.
But did she really save me?
I have commitments, duties, and obligations!
How am I free?
Boy who lived = slave
Enslaved by the notion of the world
Trapped by the belief
Encircled by the faith that I am a savior...
When am I ever free?
Who do I connect with?
Dumbledore just passes on his knowledge
on a need to know basis.
He just waits for things to happen.
Then lets me save the day.
Apparently that's all I am good for...
What friends do I have?
All they care about is fame!
Do they even know me?
No one knows me!
Ron and Hermione… they say they understand.
Let us get real
Ron was nobody before me!
He wants money and fame.
I provide that…
Hermione needed people and crisis…
just so she could show how smart she is.
I gave her crisis to prove her skills.
They get what they want from me.
Ron and Hermione...they say they understand*
So who is on my side?
The dead godfather who just died for penance.
Hagrid, the half-breed who only wanted attention.
Who needs patronizing?
I sure as hell don't!
Tired of living this life that was not chosen by the one who counts.
Tired of living in this bright light.
It's time for me to live life for me.
Sometimes you look at me and words do not form in my mind. You evoke feelings in me which no one has before.I love being in your presence. Just the thought of you and a powerful new and tingling feeling overcome me. Yet, as I picture you in my mind, the words you speak are not filtered from memory. I can remember every cruel name you uttered to me. Every cruel dejection of my character. The memories as they shadow the feelings should destroy what I feel for you. Does it? Never...because each time my emotions triumph over my rational thinking.
I am not stupid. I may be unhappy with my friends, my classmates, my professors, my headmaster, in short everyone around me but I know that they are the "smart choice". I know it is smart to want to be with those who have already shown a good face to me in public. It is safer to go with those who will do what is expected of them, so they will not publicly disappoint me by performing betrayal. I know so much. I know what my parents would have wanted, me staying on Dumbledore's side.
IT IS NOT THAT I CANNOT DO THE ACTION, I JUST SIMPLY CHOOSE NOT TO. The public can't tell me what I am feeling. In my childhood, I had freedom. Sure, I was treated terribly by my relations but at the end of the day, I had a choice. I could have done mostly whatever I wanted they did not care about me. I chose to stay and live with my non-magical relations.
I choose not to ignore this. I love him. I love how he makes me feel. So I have to follow him to Voldemont, even if that means leaving behind the others.