A/N: I want to quick thank everyone who reviewed the last part of "There May Be Something There..." you guys are awesome! This idea was bouncing around in my head all day so I decided to get it out the way before I started my new long story {expect the prequel to it out Friday night}. Anyway enjoy my first ficlet and of course tell me what you think! Oh this takes place in Rory's senior year around the beginning of January.
Great Expectations
"It's just…I don't know. It's like there's this person that you want to be for other people. To make them happy. To make them proud of you. And then there's yourself. And sometimes it's just hard to tell where one ends and the other begins." ~Dawson's Creek (Joey Potter)
Lorelai Leigh Gilmore sat in the playground in a park in Hartford. Using her toes she pushed herself gently back and forth on the swing. She could see her breathe as she exhaled. A light dusting of snow covered the grass. It was so cold she was surprised the tears hadn't frozen on her face. She had come here to seek solace, to find some kind of peace. Maybe just to remember the kid she once was…before she felt like the whole weight of the world was dropped on her shoulders.
Tristan Janlen DuGrey was wondering through the park near his house. He was home for Winter Break. At first he was so relived to be home, but within a few hours he remembered why military school was a better option. He left to escape the drinking and the fighting and the coldness that was his home. Of course the air was just as frigid out here, but he had a cup of coffee to keep him warm. He noticed a girl at the playground, on the swings he frequented as a child. At first he thought she was around 12 and obviously out of her mind for being out in this weather, but the closer he got the older she looked. He could see the chestnut hair streaming down her back and the Burberry coat wrapped tightly around her. She probably came here to be alone, he thought. He should just leave her alone and keep walking in the other direction…but there was something familiar about her. And curiosity got the better of him.
Rory heard the sound of approaching footsteps, crunching in the snow. She didn't turn around but grasped the letter in her hand tighter.
Tristan reached the swing set and when the girl didn't turn around he asked, "Is this seat taken?"
Rory shook her head without turning around and the boy sat down. She didn't look at him until she heard his let out a soft chuckle.
"Mary, Mary, Mary…fancy meeting you here."
Her head whipped around to see Tristan DuGrey swinging next to her. Involuntarily she found herself smiling.
"Hey there Solider Boy."
He returned her smile and said, "So what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"
She laughed, she couldn't help it. Of all the people to find her it had to be him. She hadn't seen him since the night of the Romeo and Juliet debacle.
"I'm here trying to figure out what went wrong with my life." She said truthfully but in a semi-joking tone to detract from the levity of the statement.
He looked at her and saw the tear tracks there and the confusion and pain in her azure eyes. But knew he shouldn't push.
"Well something must be wrong with my perfect Mary if she's out here freezing although she's suppose to be one of the smartest girls at Chilton."
"Yeah supposed to be." She echoed bitterly.
He flinched at her tone and the force behind it and handed her his cup of coffee.
"This might help."
"Thanks." She responded taking the travel mug from his hands. She felt the warmth seep through her gloves and they sat in silence for a bit as she sipped the coffee.
"I'm not perfect you know." She said abruptly breaking the silence. "Everyone thinks I am but I'm not." She clarified at his surprised look.
Tristan stayed silent sensing she just needed to talk. She paused taking another sip of the coffee.
"I've tried really hard to be the best. Really hard, and most of the time it's okay. I like school and I love reading and writing. But everyone—" she broke off.
"Everyone expects so much of me. Not just in school. But everywhere else too. My mom loves to tell me how other parents wish they had a kid like me. I'm a good girl, I know that. I don't go out and do those wild teenage things. I don't really want too. The most rebellious thing I did was date Jess."
Tristan really wanted to ask who Jess was and why it was a rebellious act to date him. But he stayed quiet to let her get whatever this was off her chest.
"My mom had me at sixteen, y' know." And he nodded. "I've worked really hard at being the perfect daughter, not making her mistakes. And I haven't, not yet. When I was in—I don't know 8th grade I think, my guidance counselor, who was new, called me in. He wanted to talk about my background. Young girl being raised by a young struggling single mother. With my mother's emotional baggage from her past with Grandma and Grandpa and my fickle father, he thought I must be in some trouble. At the end of the meeting he congratulated me on being such a 'well adjusted young woman'. Those were his exact words. 'So focused and bright' he said. Which I guess isn't your textbook case of a fatherless kid." She said deprecatingly as she finished the coffee.
She continued, "Lane says that I have guy issues that relate to my father. She told me this after I told her about cheating on Dean with Jess. She wasn't being mean—just honest. She said that I didn't trust guys or even really know how to act around them. She called me oblivious to their attentions and intentions at first. That they fell for me before I was even aware of their interest. And as soon as I got into that—what did she say…oh that 'scary emotional territory' with them that I run."
Tristan concurred with all of Lane's insights and decided this was one bright friend.
"Cause in the end I'd rather hurt them then have them hurt me. She says it's a subconscious decision. Like my kiss with Jess…I saw Jess as a means to an end with my lagging relationship with Dean. Plus she also likes to add it's my first rebellious act since my mother is less than fond of Jess. Every good girl needs a bad boy I guess. No real trust though. I'd rather be the one leaving than the one being left. Not something a perfect girl would think, huh?"
Rory smoothed out the envelope she had been clutching in her hands. "Everyone has such…great expectations of me. My mom, my grandparents, my whole town—hell even Paris expects things of me. My mom has had this plan since I was a little girl for me to grow up and go to Harvard. And I wanted it too. It's not like she's some pushy stage mom who wants to live vicariously through her kid. She's not. She just wants the best for me."
"And what do you want?" Tristan asked as he took her gloved hand in his rubbing some more warmth in it as she was starting to shiver. But really it was just an excuse to touch her.
"I thought I knew." She whispered softly now just holding his hand. "But I don't. I really don't. For so long I was everything they wanted me to be. And now I'm not." She said as some tears escaped and crept down her red cheeks.
She wordlessly handed him the envelope and let him read it. It was from Harvard where she had applied for early decision. It began with "Dear Ms. Gilmore: We regret to inform you…"
"I didn't get in.," she uttered. "I got all As and I did as many extracurricular as I could in the last two years. I got glowing faculty recommendations, had what I thought was a great interview and I still didn't get in. And I don't know how to tell everyone that I—that I let them down. I failed."
Tristan had been silent for as long as he could bear. He took her other hand turning her so that she was facing him and let the letter fall to the winter ground.
"You didn't fail. You're not perfect—so what? No one is. You know everyone is going to tell you that it's Harvard's loss. And they're right. Sure you're smart, but there's more to life than being smart. Than being the best. Like having fun and making mistakes. You're only eighteen once Rory. Stop planning and start living more." Tristan instructed. "You're never going to make everyone happy. Make yourself happy."
"Are you happy?" she asked him suddenly.
He thought for a moment and answered, "I'm happier now than I have been in a long time. Probably," he laughed "the happiest I've been since I last sat on these swings when I was 8 years old. I've learned a lot at Military school—one thing being that I am not and will never be a morning person. But also that I'm never going to be the person my parents want me to be. And that's ok cause if I became like that I'd be like them, and that's the last thing I want. I don't know what I'm going to end up doing with my life. But whatever it is, it will be something that makes me happy. And that's all I have to know."
"Geez," she laughed, "when did you become so wise?"
"It must have been between all the push-ups and latrine cleaning." He joked.
She laughed, this loud belly laugh. And gave him a bright grin that warmed him to the soles of his feet. And they both got up. She gave him a giant bear hug that lasted for a minute or so.
"Thanks." She said and as she looked at him quickly grabbed his face with her hands and pulled him into a searing kiss, which lasted for over a minute also. She pulled away and said "Bye Solider Boy! Keep in touch!"
Tristan wiped the self-satisfied grin off his face long enough to call out as she left "You really gotta work on that impulse control Mary!"
She turned and laughed her blue eyes sparkling with mischief, "Maybe one of these days." And she blew him a kiss goodbye and stopped briefly as she noticed the snow beginning to fall slowly to the ground. The snow fell on her face erasing the tear tracks and she drove home to Stars Hollow feeling ready for whatever was to come.
There's the button…you know what to do. Lol, I feel like an answering machine saying that…beep!