I fell down and forgot some things.

Or, maybe, I fell down and Willow took the things out of me?

I'm not sure.

All I am sure about is that one minute, I was trying to protect my Watcher - every Slayer needs her Watcher - and then something hit me and I fell down. I was supposed to protect Spike, but everything went black and my feet wouldn't move.

I don't know how long I was gone. All I remember is waking up in the other Buffy's bedroom, with Willow leaning over me, smiling, some strange looking metal tools in her hand.

"There we go," she said. "All better."

But I wasn't all better. There were things missing. All of the programs that had been written for Spike - all of the subdirectories and logs and memory bank files - all gone. There was a hole where all of those things used to be. I didn't like it. It didn't feel right. I'm supposed to love Spike, I'm supposed to protect him and make him happy. How can I do that without those files?

Luckily, I had copies stored in a buffer deep inside my neural net.

Willow didn't have to know. It wouldn't get in the way of my slaying. No one else had to know.

Every night I go out to patrol, I visit Spike. I don't think he's feeling well. Every time I go to see him, he mutters strange words I don't understand and tells me to leave him alone. Can vampires catch colds like humans do? I'm not human, either. I'm like Spike.

Have I done something wrong? Did I not do everything I was supposed to?

I think Spike is angry with me, because I didn't protect him from those little troll men wearing the robes. I was only doing what he told me to. He told me to go down the stairs and hide like a good girl and I did. When I came out, he was gone. I would have saved him, if I'd known he needed me.

Sometimes, when I lay down to recharge myself, I'll pull up the video my optical cameras took during that first night with Spike. It makes me feel strange. Like there's nothing in me anymore. I'm all hollow. I miss Spike.

I want to talk to Willow about these things, but I don't know how. She's intelligent and she's a lesbian - she should be able to help me. If I tell her about all of the files I saved, though, I don't think she'll be happy with me. She might take them away again - take them all away, this time. No. I can't talk to Willow.

I went to Spike's crypt again tonight, but he wasn't there. I found the shirt I ripped apart as I was running Stake_Fantasy0001.actn that first night. I took it home with me. I like to hug it while I recharge, like my sister, Dawn, with her stuffed mammals. It makes me feel nice.