Dead Dreams

This one-shot takes place after Requiem. Clark never fell for Lois. He became Superman, but following a different path.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and plots from Smallville. They belong to their rightful owners. Only the idea for this story line is mine.

Metropolis, 2048

Clark Kent was sitting in front of his TV watching the news- another heroic entrance of Superman.

Clark showed no emotion. He couldn't care less about people praising him. He was sixty one years old- well not physically. The last forty years had been torture.

Today was that day. The only day of the year he kept for himself. The day she left.

Every other day he was Superman, saving the world. Not today, today he was just Clark Kent. The 21 year old man whose dreams hat been shattered. Whose life has been taken away from him.

Lex Luthor.

He wanted to kill him. To make him suffer for what he did to him, but he wouldn't. No, he wouldn't lose himself in hatred. Even if she wasn't there, even if she couldn't see him, he wanted to be worthy of her love. Every day he wondered if she still loved him, if she had moved on, if she was ok.

He would never find out. He hadn't heard from her in the past forty years. Sometimes he wanted to hate her- it would be easier. To hate her for leaving him. For not staying in Smallville. But he couldn't. He would never be able to feel any less for this woman than pure love. After all who could blame her? He probably wouldn't have endured seeing her every day and not being able to be with her, anyway.

Why?

He was doing so much good. Didn't he deserve any in return?

He thought of his father, Jonathan. He had been a blessed man. He had spent his whole life with Martha, the love of his life. Why couldn't he be like him?

Or his biological father, Jor-El, with his mother Lara.

She wasn't Louise, son. I loved her, but she wasn't Louise.

So you are telling me that we share the same faith, dad?

No, yours is much harsher. I could escape. I just left Earth. But you have no Krypton to come home to. You have no way to escape the pain. Your "Louise" is still alive, mine was not. I loved your mother, but I don't know if I would have been able to start a life with her if I knew that Louise had been somewhere out there waiting for me. I am heartbroken, son, that it had to happen this way. I know that you loved her. She was worthy of standing by the side of a Kryptonian. Worthier than I ever thought was possible.

I didn't love her. I still do. Why, dad? Why a man with so great responsibilities isn't allowed to take a break? To have someone to give him strength?

The purest souls are the most tortured ones, Kal-El. I know this is difficult, son, but I am proud that you didn't abandon your mission. I am proud that you are there for Earth. The people need you.

But what I need is not of importance.

She loves you, son. She never stopped and she never will.

With these last words Clark felt Jor-El's presence fade.

She loves me.

After she left he was…nothing. He forgot about his mission, about saving the world. He was miserable.

Oliver was the one to bring him back, at least physically and mentally- emotionally he was still a dead man.

It took him only one sentence. You know, I am glad she didn't stay- right now you wouldn't deserve her anyway.

Those words went through him like electricity. What had he done? He remembered some of her words during their last encounter.

I know what I need to do with my life now. Life is so precious, so beautiful and to be able to protect that, that's an amazing gift.

That was enough to bring him back. She was right. He had an amazing gift and he had to use it wisely. It didn't matter if he was broken inside. Outside he had to be the hero the world needed.

Being the man she fell in love with, making her proud was the one thing that kept him going.

The other was Lex Luthor. Maybe he wouldn't be able to end his life, but he sure would keep making it miserable for as long as the man should live. Lex Luthor would not accomplish one single thing. He would not be happy, he would not gain power. Superman would be there to stop him every single time. This would be his way of taking revenge.

For three hundred and sixty four days a week he was a super hero. He allowed himself only a few moments to think of her. Only a tear here and there escaped. Otherwise he stayed focused.

But this day belonged to him. This day he didn't save any lives. This day Superman disappeared. By now it was known to the whole world. His absence was evident and the pattern could not be a coincidence. They didn't know why, but they knew, that if Superman took a day off, there had to be a pretty good reason. His fellow heroes made sure to keep the world save for him during these twenty four hours. It was the least they could do for this troubled soul.

Clark allowed himself to grieve, to break down. This day of the year there was no Superman. There was no duty. There was only her- her and pain.

'Lana,' he breathed and with this word he collapsed on his knees crying. Crying for the moments they shared and were gone. Crying for the moments they never had the chance to live. And crying at the thought of spending eternity without her; at the thought of being miserable forever.

This sight would probably break the coldest heart on earth. Even Lex Luthor might sympathize if he ever saw the Man of Steel like that. But he never would. No one would. No one would ever understand how broken their superhero really was.

Same time, Nigeria

Lois Lane was doing her last story abroad. She was sixty two, soon to be retired. The only reason she was sent to Africa was because she was the most popular reporter of Metropolis. The editor of the Daily Planet felt like he owed it to her. He didn't have the heart to take this story away from her. It would break her own heart to acknowledge to herself that she was too old for safari. She was Lois Lane after all- a force of nature, a symbol of eternal youth despite her wrinkles.

Angel of the Plateau had drawn attention one more time. So far every reporter sent after her, wasn't able to uncover her identity.

Lois Lane was determined to be the reporter to manage this impossible task even if she had to die in the process.

She was hiding in a village known to be protected by the Angel. All of a sudden a dark blur shot across the village and came to a sudden stop in the middle of it. This blur reminded Lois of another one; a red blue blur.

Soon the figure was surrounded by ten, maybe fifteen children who were hugging her.

Lana! Lana! Different voices with accent shouted. The love in these children's' voices was impossible to miss. Equally impossible to miss was the affection she showed them. Like a mother did with her children. The strange thing was that this woman didn't look any older than in her twenties.

Lois Lane couldn't believe her eyes. She stepped out of the shadows.

'Lana Lang?' she asked although she knew the answer.

'Lois?' the woman was clearly startled. She barely recognized the old woman in front of her. If it wasn't for her unmistakable voice she probably wouldn't have.

'How…you haven't aged one single day,' Lois tried to put her astonishment in words, 'are you like Clark?'

Clark eventually had figured out that it would be better to have one reporter he trusted to write on Superman, rather than many he didn't trust. It felt safer. And who would be better than Lois Lane? That is how Lois found out.

He might have trusted her with his secret, but he never returned her feelings.

'You know about Clark?' Lana was surprised.

'Personal reporter,' Lois awkwardly smiled.

'Right,' Lana quickly understood.

She took Lois to a safer place and shared her story with her. Lois was the first and probably the last person to ever hear about Lana Lang's journey. She hadn't spoken to anyone from Metropolis or Smallville since the day she left.

'I won't expose your identity. But allow me to show the world what an amazing person the Angel of the Plateau is - just like I did for Superman,' she pleaded.

'I trust you, Lois,' Lana smiled. Then her smile faded. She struggled to ask the question that popped in her head the second she recognized Lois.

'Just ask, Lana,' Lois encouraged.

'How is he?' The pain in Lana's voice was so evident it broke Lois's heart.

'He is doing ok, I guess. The first months had been awful. He was a living dead. He wasn't Clark Kent. One day Oliver visited him. I don't know what he said, but he brought him back in the game. Not that he was the same Clark, but he at least was Superman. He saves people, he defeats the evil, but he is dead inside. His smile never reaches his eyes. He doesn't enjoy anything in life. In fact he hasn't a life, just a duty, a responsibility; and your memory, accompanied with an awful lot of pain. He still loves you, Lana,' Lois decided to settle with the truth.

Silent tears were streaming down Lana's face while she heard that the man that she loved suffered as much as she did. Every day after saving lives, bringing criminals to justice, Lana wondered if Clark still loved her. Now she had her answer. Her heart felt joy and the most excruciating pain in the same time. She longed for him to love her and at the same time she longed for him to be happy.

'When you see him again, tell him…tell him that I still love him. Tell him,' her voice broke, 'that I will always love him. That…that there won't be any other man for me- ever. Even if I shall live forever, it will always be him. It always has.'

'Which you probably will,' Lois smiled weakly, 'I will tell him, I promise. You know..Clark is getting stronger every day he stays under the yellow sun. His weakness slowly fades away, that is why he stopped aging. Green kryptonite doesn't bother him as much as it did before. It still hurts him, but it got better. He can endure the pain longer as it has less force. Emil says that it can't kill him anymore, only weaken him. Maybe someday...'

For the split of a second hope shone in Lana's eyes, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Life had taught her in this past forty years that there wasn't any hope left for her, that happiness wasn't any longer a possibility.

'Maybe,' she repeated with a sad smile, 'tell him where he will find me if this day should ever come.'

'I will,' Lois promised honestly, 'goodbye, Lana. It was an honor to meet you again. Take care- the world needs you, Clark needs you.'

'Be safe, Lois,' Lana said. She was fighting back her tears at the sound of this last sentence.

Lois turned around to leave. Her job was done here. After several meters she looked back one last time to see Lana on her knees, crying and shaking. Lois had never seen so much pain. She couldn't understand how a body that small could harbor it.

'There is no such thing as justice after all,' she whispered to herself. She quickly looked away not being able to stand Lana's torture for another second. Like she is burning from the inside.

Clark.

Lois wasn't sure if she had imagined this faint whisper.

CLARK!

That heartbreaking cry ensured her that she hadn't. It was desperate, like a wounded person trying to keep breathing. Lois quickened her pace.

Lois was sitting in a plane to Metropolis. She still couldn't believe what she discovered in Africa. She was writing in her personal journal.

I found Lana Lang in Nigeria today. I promised to deliver a message to Clark Ken…

She would never keep that promise. She wouldn't even finish her sentence. Lois Lane clutched her chest trying to catch her breath. Her eyes grew wide and her body went limp.

Lois Lane, sixty two years old – An eager reporter, who still had so many things to say to the world.

I know this was tragic. But after I saw the love, the sacrifices Lana and Clark made during 8 long years, a happy end apart from each other just didn't seem right.

After watching their last scene – so much need, so much pain – I would be happier if the show had ended the way I described.

As much as I like Clark Kent and Lana Lang and want them to be happy this is the only end that makes sense to me.

Sometimes a tragedy has so much more emotion than a happy end.

There might be Lois Lane in movies and comics, but- for me- in Smallville there was only Lana Lang. And this is what happened to Clark Kent when they took her away from him.

I might someday write a sequel to this, but right now it feels appropriate to stop here- in the middle of the unbearable pain.

As far as I am concerned this is my best work so far, so please refrain from taking any information (apart from the one that you could also take from the series) and writing a sequel.

If there is ever going to be one, it has to be from me, because it would mean that I changed my point of view. Right now I am not in a mood for a happy twist.

(I know that I am writing other happy stories about Smallville concerning Lana and Clark. But every single of them is in AU. I either write a crossover or simply change the events dramatically. This one actually follows exactly the happenings from the series apart from the Lois thing- which was a disaster in my opinion.)

As always I would be pleased to have some feedback. Sorry if I made you cry. And if Lois-lovers have the urge to bash me, bring it on.