A/N: Hey everyone...still working out some demons and this is what my muse kicked out. For now this is a one-shot and can stand on it's own. But there may be a possibility for it to be continued. Set at the end of 4X11 with some changes obviously.

CONTENT WARNING: Dark and disturbing content ahead. Suicide & character death (implied). Also mild f/f implied feels.

I don't own any of these characters or make money off this yadda yadda yadda.

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Emma gently resettled Killian's heart into his chest and he exhaled in relief as she withdrew her hand and everything finally felt right. Opening his eyes he looked up at her with a warm smile and started to lean in but the tears in her eyes and the sadness in her face as she turned her head made him draw back.

"Love…you know I couldn't help myself…right?" he pleaded.

"I know Killian. I could see how hard you were fighting it," she told him hoarsely as a few tears streaked down her face.

"Swan, I would never willing betray you."

"I know. But my life….this is what my life has become now. Everyone I love and care about- you will always be targets and pawns to be used against me when the next villain rolls into town. I- I can't take this anymore," she choked out.

"Emma, please love…don't do this."

She sniffed, wiped her tears and then squared her shoulders and finally met his gaze and he knew the battle was lost before he'd even been given a chance to fight. "No Killian. It has to be this way. I'm sorry."

And with that she turned and left him alone in the hallway and made her way down to the diner in desperate need of a drink or five. She wasn't surprised to see Regina sitting there, silently brooding over her own personal losses that day and decided to try and make her peace with the woman one last time. No more pleading or begging for forgiveness. She was Emma fucking Swan the god-damned Savior and she didn't win Regina's respect before by being weak.

As she settled onto the stool next to Regina, the brunette sighed. "I'm not in the mood for the hope speech Emma," she told her tiredly.

"You're mistaking me with my mother," Emma retorted in an equally defeated tone. "You don't need a speech. You need a drinking buddy. Shots?"

A perfect eyebrow arched in her direction, but a hint of the older woman's smirk played on her face as she studied the blonde. "Sure, why not?" she finally agreed.

As they waited for their drinks, Emma couldn't help but tell her, "You know you did the right thing today."

The brunette huffed in irritation. "And there it is…a hope speech! I thought we were drinking."

"It's not a hope speech it's a compliment," Emma told her with an eye roll and then let the subject drop as the shotglasses were dropped in front of them and Ruby poured. "Rubes…leave the bottle," Emma requested before the waitress retreated.

She raised a concerned eyebrow. "You ok?"

"It's be a long fucking day….actually it's been a long fucking four years…so no I'm not ok. WE are not ok. So please just leave us the bottle."

"Keys first then, Ems."

The blonde scowled but she tossed them onto the counter without protest. Ruby frowned at the lack of protest and even Regina was looking at her funny. "If plan on getting plastered with her then yours too Regina," Ruby demanded firmly.

Regina balked, but now it was Emma's turn to look at her pointedly. "So you gonna be my drinking buddy or what?"

"While I don't plan on getting completely hammered, I will agree to relinquish my keys to be safe," Regina finally acquiesced as she dropped her own keys onto the counter.

"Just don't wreak….magical havoc or something in here once you start getting trashed."

Two shots in Regina finally broke their comfortable silence. "So why are you here drinking with the Evil Queen and not cozying up to Captain Guyliner?"

"You aren't the Evil Queen anymore Regina. Cut yourself some slack. As for Killian…I broke it off tonight," was the blunt answer.

Regina blinked. "Why?" she asked in surprise.

Emma poured them both another set of shots and knocked hers back. "Because everyone I ever get close to is just something to be used against me when the bad shit goes down. Our son, my parents, Hook…." there was a long pause before she whispered Neal's name. Her jaw tightened as she poured herself another shot but she didn't pound this one just yet, just stared into it lost in deep thought.

Regina hummed in understanding and knocked her own shot back and re-poured and contemplated her own glass. She'd started to believe that the villains didn't ever get their happy endings- especially after today. She'd never given thought to the fact that the one person who was supposedly responsible for giving them all their happy endings, would likely never see her own. Emma had been forced to fight tooth and nail for every little bit of happiness that she had in her life right now. But every time a threat popped up, all that happiness was immediately threatened and more often than not barely survived. What kind of fucked up world did they live in?

"We're all just pawns in one giant fucked up story," Emma said darkly, echoing Regina's thoughts.

"Do you really believe that?" Regina asked, fearing the answer. If the Savior believed it then she was really screwed.

"Think about it- everything in our lives have been manipulated. Yours, mine, all these people," she waved absently at the other patrons who were obviously trying to pretend they weren't listening but from the disturbed looks on their faces they were. "Hell…I think even Rumple is just another damn chess piece on someone's board. When that fucking book turned back up, I almost wanted to burn it," she admitted.

"Trust me, it doesn't work," Regina grumbled, pouring herself another shot.

"You tried?" Emma asked, curious.

"Everything. I dynamited the damn thing and the next morning Henry came downstairs with it."

Emma stared at her and then laughed a little hysterically and raised the shot she had in her hand. "To chess!" she toasted.

And somehow, in her morbid and buzzed state it was funny to Regina. She joined in the disturbed laughing and clinked her glass to Emma's as they tossed their shots back. Ruby came over and eyed them warily, not liking the turn their conversation had taken. She slid two glasses of water and pitcher of it in front of them. "How about you two pace yourselves bit hmm?" she suggested firmly.

She left them after they just glared back at her, but not before she took their bottle away after Emma had refilled their shot glasses one last time. "So are you the Black King or the Black Queen?" Emma asked Regina.

"Well since Rumple has his limitations due to the dagger, but his power is greater than mine, I will gladly concede to being the Queen. If I fall, he will too."

"So what does that make me? A Rook? A knight?"

"You, my dear, are my counterpart."

"A Queen? Me?" Emma snorted. "Yeah right."

"David is a tool….a knight at best. Your mother is the King. Why do you think it was your father who was the one to make the sacrifice? It wasn't just because Snow was pregnant."

Emma thought about that. "Well she definitely IS the one who wears the pants in that relationship," Emma admitted with a snort. Regina just smirked knowingly.

"Face it. Snow is the White King and you as the Savior are the Queen. You and I both have the latitude to move in any direction, and really….every good game of chess is nothing without the Queens."

"Huh."

Emma was silent a long time after that staring at her last shot as the humor of the whole situation slowly left her. Just when Regina was about to ask he what was on her mind again Emma looked up at her with a strange look in her eyes. "I don't know if I ever told you Regina, but I want you to know that you are pretty much everything I could have hoped for as a mother when I gave my son up for adoption."

Regina's head pulled back in confusion. Where the hell had that come from?

"I know you and he had your rough patches, and yeah…there was the whole Evil Queen thing. But all I ever wanted for Henry was for him to have a good home, a place where he had friends and someone who loved him. If there is one thing you have proven time and again, it's that you love him with everything you have and will stop at nothing to keep him safe. Thank you for giving Henry that."

"Emma?" she asked, a niggling of worry in the back of her brain, cutting through the haze of her alcohol buzz.

She tossed back her drink stood up on far steadier legs than Regina would have thought and then reached into her back pocket to pull out her wallet as she dropped all the money in her wallet on the counter.

There was a glimpse of black carbon steel in its holster under Emma's coat and Regina frowned. Why was Emma still wearing her gun? And then the conversation, Emma's words…it all fell into place and shocked her sober.

"Emma-" she started, setting her drink down as she clamped her hand down on Emma's arm.

Emma just gave her a sad smile and then did something that shocked everyone. She stepped into Regina's personal space, and raised a hand to brush through her hair. "All this time we kept losing everyone else around us and it kind of just hit me. Everyone else could be used against us because they can't protect themselves. Not you or I though-we made a hell of a team. But you and I can only take so much before we will break and that could be disasterous for everyone. It's time I ended this game one and for all so everyone can go on with their lives," she said in a quiet voice that was so steady it unnerved even the blonde.

"No Emma, don't do this," Regina whispered hoarsely, afraid to let go of her hold on the woman in front of her. The diner was deathly silent, as everyone watched the tense interaction. They had all been witness to the Savior's dark musings, and now they watched the most hardened woman they knew, break down in tears and desperately plead with the blonde.

Emma closed her eyes and then everyone found themselves frozen in place…including Regina. She turned her body and looked at those in the diner. Ruby, Archie, Leroy, Granny, and several others that she recognized stared at her in mute horror. She met their eyes, knowing that this had to be done…for her and for them. They'd all had their lives threatened because of her and it was time for that to stop.

She looked back at Regina and gave her a watery smile of her own. "You were always the better choice of a mother. Take care of Henry and tell him…tell him I loved him….so much. I'm sorry it has to be this way. And Regina? You were never a monster….just lost. They could never understand what you went through, but I do." She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Regina's forehead. Forgiveness, acceptance, and a goodbye all wrapped in one affectionate gesture. Tears streamed down Regina's cheeks as she struggled to break the Savior's hold on her and Emma knew she couldn't hold her for much longer.

So she stepped back, drew herself straight and looked around the room one last time before she released her hold on everyone. "Emma, NO!" Regina screamed as she launched herself at the blonde but the younger woman was already gone in a puff of white smoke.

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Emma materialized in the small meadow deep in the woods that she had found during her early days in Storybrooke. It was a place she had often retreated to over the years when she'd wanted some time to herself to think in peace. Unfortunately, it had been an area that the damned Snow Queen had taken over during her little reign of terror. Emma was relieved to see that it had been restored to its natural state upon the woman's death.

Finding her favorite tree, Emma settled herself against the base and looked up at the moon. It would be full in another few nights. She pulled her gun out and stared down at it, lost in her own thoughts for a little while. So many people had lost so much and it all revolved around her. She held a special power that everyone was either after or needed. She was the fucking hero and what was a hero without a villain right? Her life and those around her would be destined to suffer heartache after heartache, threat after threat, and neither she nor they would ever have peace.

Regina was right. Once a Queen fell it was pretty much game over. She was the Savior and if taking herself out of the damn game wasn't the ultimate act of saving everyone then they were all lost anyways. At least she got to be with her son and her parents for awhile….and Regina. They really had made a hell of a team.

Her eyes closed and tears spilled down her cheeks as she remembered the look of utter devastation in those deep chocolate eyes. She'd known all along. Deep down, she'd known who held her heart almost this entire time. No one challenged her like Regina and though she'd lost it for a little while there, she'd done everything out of love for Henry. But it somewhere between almost losing Henry the first time and Neverland, she'd realized that her life and everyone surrounding her would constantly be in jeopardy. Even Regina's.

She prayed the brunette and her son would forgive her for this. Ironically, she didn't much care what her parents thought. Or maybe not so ironic. They did put her in a fucking tree and left her on her own in a cruel and cold world only minutes after her birth. She looked up at the rather magnificent tree she was leaning against and snorted. "Started with a tree and will end with a tree," she murmured to herself.

Taking a deep breath she flipped the safety off and put the gun to her temple. Part of her was surprised at how steady her hand was, but then her musings had lead to her crystal clear revelation in the diner. She really had only two clear paths ahead of her...lose herself as Regina had or spare everyone-herself included years of heartache by doing this. She had long ago been resigned to her fate as the Savior, and now she was resigned to carrying out her final act as such. Closing her eyes, she felt a sense of peace fill her. A sad smile lifted her lips as she thought of the two most important people in her life and pulled the trigger.