Sam pulled out the box, staring at the flat black lid a spot polished smooth by the sheer number of times he'd ran his fingers over edge of it. More often than not he didn't even open it. He just felt that it was still there before sliding it back into the corner of his duffel bag. This time he pulled it out. Taking a slow breath."Jess" He whispered her name wiping away the tears that he always felt stinging at the back of his eyes when he thought of her. He snapped open the box and stared at the ring. He felt so much regret, that she had deserved so much better. It was all he could afford at the time. He should have given it to her, he should have bought something better, he should have told her.
"Secrets ruin relationships," His own words echoed in his head if only that were all. Secrets destroy lives, they destroyed his, they destroyed Jess.
The only piece of her he had with him, and she'd never seen it. How many years had it been since he'd seen her? How many since he'd kissed her lips and felt her snuggled up against him in the dark. Too many.
"Soon," He promised knowing she couldn't hear him. He dropped a kiss on the glittering stone willing her to feel it where ever she was. He knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that him and Dean wouldn't be sitting side by side in rocking chairs.
Dean might make it that far, but it would be Cas with him. Not Sam. Sam was running out of time. He could feel the end coming at him. And he was ready for it. As soon as they straightened out the veil. As soon as he knew he could join her, as soon as he could convince Dean to let him go, he could rest. All he really wanted was to rest. He closed the box. Instead of putting it in the bag he put it on his dresser. If he was ever going to get back to her, dean was going to have to get use to the ideal of being alone or at least the ideal of living without Sam by his side.