The Sunset
"Clint, can we go to Hawaii?" Natasha asks lying in bed one morning; her partner of course next to her drawing idle shapes on her wrists.
"We can go where ever you want to go. If you want to go to Maui, then Maui it is." He raises himself from bed, making way to the bathroom. "We'll watch the sunrise over the sea, drink out of a coconut preferably lounging on a hammock, what do you say?" She simply nods in affirmation.
For Natasha, it's one of those rare days that she spends in bed. Very rare days, indeed. For Clint it's one of the days that he'll cherish for the rest of his life. They both have the month off, the team is nowhere to be seen and the rain has thankfully given way for the sun to shine. It was a good morning.
Clint emerges from the bathroom minutes later, freshened up, gel in hair, smile on face and all. "I'll go get us some breakfast. What do you want?"
She raises her eyebrow in response. And he knows exactly what she wants.
"Okay, stupid question. Pancakes it is."
It started maybe a week or two ago, Natasha had been feeling slightly under the weather and had filed for a leave. The director finally and thankfully realizing her excellent service and contribution to the company had accepted her leave and even extended it. A month off of duty is really something at SHIELD. Clint applied for the same the very next day. 'Have to take care of my partner, don't I?' excuse was easily accepted too. Well that was merely a bonus.
And so they lay in bed until the sun is high in the sky and until one of their team members decide that they need to pull the pair of assassins out of bed and into the world of the living. Yup one of those days.
Clint returned a little while later, a tray with two plates of pancakes on them, a glass of pineapple juice for her and a steaming cup of coffee for him.
"Are you sure that's pancake with a side of whip cream or the other way around?" She jabbed at him as he walks in. Really the amount of cream on his pancakes was plain crazy. That much amount of it was enough to give Tony a full blown sugar rush.
She was expecting a pun in return but none come. Instead he raised his brow in the same fashion as she had earlier. Well that was the end of it. He placed the tray on her lap, taking away one of the plates and coffee for him.
They munch in silence because they have known each other for far too long now for any kind of quiet to be uncomfortable. Also because they can just read one another that well now and most of the times the same thoughts run through their minds. But today was an exception. They were on two different pages of the book but they needn't acknowledge it.
She hums once she finishes her share of pancakes and gulps down a sip or two of the citrus juice. Clint being the partner he is clears off the tray and stashes it on the bedside table.
"You know you should really have finished those pancakes." He tells her, noticing she hardly had anything. "I mean, you don't want to end up sick from malnutrition or anything of the sort, do you?"
"No, I don't. I am just not that hungry."
He huffs in response in that cute way that blows his sandy locks out of his face and down back again. It's one of the many, many things she loves about him. He hears something similar to 'dad' being muttered by her and promptly throws her a glare before sitting on a seat at the other end of the room, facing the window
She pulls the comforter around her more tightly and settles in for another period of silence.
A minute passes, and then another and it is at the third minute mark that she breaks the silence.
"Clint, you know this was going to happen sooner or later."
He doesn't response.
"Clint. Look at me. We have to talk about this sooner or later."
"I prefer later" And that does it.
"I may not have a later, Clint. Look at me, I am in a hospital room, my body is shutting down and I know I am not going to make it through this one. How much later do you want it to be?" She yells, because really he is acting like a petulant child.
"I NEED MORE TIME, DAMN IT!" her words seemingly aggravated the right string, causing him to push right out of the chair and punch the wall next to him. "I need more time-with you." He breaks it to her more slowly this time, anger evaporating in the air at the sight of her.
She sits in the medical room of the Avengers Tower, in a grey hospital gown, an IV attached to her arm, skin almost too pale for any ones liking and she asks him to talk about it? One of her kidney's failed just two days ago, damn it.
And she doesn't know what to say or do or how to act. Should she cry or try to be happy in her last few days or should she sulk or what? She looks around the room for some sort of purchase and raises her hand in defeat, a broken sigh accompanying it. "I am sorry Clint. This is all the time I can give to you. My enhancers are shutting down and I can't do anything to stop it."
"Please, Natasha-just" He lost his words, trying to find the right ones. He wants to say more. God, he wants to say so much more but the abrupt knock on the door halts his attempts.
They quickly look at each other and wipe what little tears had escaped during their little exchange. She clears her throat for extra precaution and Clint moves to open the door.
"Hey Legolas! What up?" tony greets them and enters the room, the others including Pepper trailing behind with a much polite hello, than Tony's. "Sup Spidey?" Leave it up To Tony to cheer up any kind of atmosphere regardless of the occasion.
"Hey guys." Natasha replies, pushing down the comforter out of the way and sitting up a bit. And leave it to Natasha to act like nothing ever happened.
"How are you feeling today?" Pepper asks. While they all find a place to sit around her.
"Honestly I am a bit surprised. Tony just knocked the door. He never does that."
"Well excuse me for being polite today. Don't except it always, it's a onetime thing." Tony defended clearly offended by the idea of being polite. "Any way, since none of us can wait to see 'Despicable Me 2' at IMAX and since you can't get out from here. I decided to bring 'Despicable Me 2' to you."
"And by his idea, he means Banner's idea." Steve chuckles from the other end of the room, which Clint had occupied previously, while Tony just makes crazy faces in a sorry attempt to imitate him.
Tony and Bruce proceed to set up the projectors, angling it and playing with it until the desired perfection is achieved. Clint and Steve magically disappear and reappear with five buckets of popcorn. Yes five buckets-Never underestimate the power of superheroes and more importantly their super appetite.
Once everything was set, Clint slipped in with Natasha pulling the blanket around them. The action should have surprised the others in the room but then again they had pretended like they hadn't had betting pools already on the nature of their fellow assassin's relationship. Tony and Pepper occupied the couch, cuddling into each other and Bruce and Cap happily lied down on the floor. And then the movie magic began.
Loads of laughter later and once the movie came to an end; they decided to watch 'Lion King'. Big mistake.
"Oh my god, this is-this is so sad" Steve cried, literally cried on the ground blowing his nose in to yet another tissue. Tony extended his hand out to Steve and understandably was passed the tissue box.
"MUFASA no!" Clint wailed in equal remorse.
The men of the Avengers were a bunch of softies.
The movie ended with the guys dancing around the room to Hakuna Matata.
"Quick JARVIS, take a video of this." Natasha whispered as Pepper moved beside her only girlfriend in the Tower barely containing her laughter.
Seemingly the dance could go on forever had Bruce not bumped into Steve and Steve into Clint and Tony who were doing the cha-cha. Really cha-cha on Hakuna Matata? They quickly realized their surroundings and composed themselves.
"Let's pretend like that never happened?" Tony says in a grave voice. The others whispered a communal 'agreed.'
"Pretend all you want guys but I and Natasha are never going to let you live this one down. Isn't that right, Natasha?"
"Yes. And of course the moment when they all bawled likes babies over Mufasa's death."
A quick flash of terrors passed their eyes but was covered quickly. Steve spoke first. "Alright we did but so did you girls."
"We are allowed to cry, we are girls." Pepper and Natasha both claimed at the same time.
"This is sexism." Clint yelled while the other men joined in. "Men are allowed to feel all the emotions women can."
"Yeah." The others joined.
"And if that means shedding a few tears over animation, then so be it." They all puffed up their manly egos and crossed their arms over their chest in defiance.
The fight could have gone on for longer but a voice from the door stopped any attempts to do so.
"Well, I am sure men are allowed to cry every once in a while but for now you all have to leave." Dr. Purcell's voice came through the door and instantly everyone's cheek went bright red.
"How much of that did you hear?" Tony asked.
"Oh I heard all of it." She smirked on their expense. "Now leave so that I can give Natasha her medications."
At this they all glanced down at their respective watches and groaned. Visiting times were over. In fact it was nearly 7 in the evening.
"Wow, time just flew by." Pepper said.
"Yes, because they were dancing for the most of it." Natasha gloated, masking her disappointment on seeing the doctor. It just made everything final.
So the dancing avengers and Pepper walked out with the promise to bug her again later, everyone but Clint. Clint just stayed the room, occupying his preferred seat by the window. Most of the time he would just glance out the window to give her some polite privacy while the doctor was checking up on her, other times Clint would just sneak a glance of her pale face and hope that is isn't happening to her.
They say her enhancers are running low and her organs are systematically shutting down because of it. It's simple to put it like that but it really isn't-because she is dying-and that's what they meant. Putting up pretty words and disguising the reason why she is in the medical wing can only hid the truth for so long.
'I am 29 and I can proudly say I lived my life' she'll say later, he thinks. But there is so much more that they can live through together if she just fights this.
"Okay, your organs are fine and everything looks good on the whole. But as a precautionary method I am going to keep you on medication." Dr. Purcell says as she puts down her stethoscope and jabs another chemical in Natasha's IV bag.
"Thanks Doc."
"No problem agent Romanoff. So I'll check up on you tomorrow. Okay?" Natasha gives her a simple nod and settles in more comfortably in bed. "Agent Barton, can I have a word with you outside?"
For a while both the assassins are confused but no one says a word and after a while Clint shuffles himself out of the room and closes the door behind him.
Natasha can hear their muffled voices through the door but effectively zones it out. As if they know anything about her medical status that she doesn't. She contemplates on going out for a walk with Clint and only then realizes how tired she really is. So that's one more sign of her impeding death. Check.
He comes back in about five minutes later and Natasha doesn't need to look up to know his eyes are red in tears they shouldn't acknowledge.
"My heart's slowing down isn't it?"
"How do you know?"
"Because I have seen this happening in the red room, remember? Sometimes I feel like I never completely made it out of the red rom. Like pieces of me are still trapped with those walls."
"Natasha.."
"No Clint, it's alright. It was bound to happen sooner or later." Not the wisest words to say to a pissed off partner. He quickly crosses the little distance between them and yanks her hand to make her face him, his eyes burning with fire.
"How can you pretend like everything is alright? How can you just give up? DAMN IT, how can you?" Clint yells dangerously close to her face, eyes wild and all.
Her demeanor is the complete contrast of her partner. She is a picture of calm currently while he is the storm. She does what she does best in situations like these and gives him a shrug. "I don't know. I am yet waiting to wake up from this nightmare, wake up and just hold you." Honesty is the best policy, right?
And just like that both of them are drained of what little energy they had left. The storm in Clint's eyes passes as he scoots in next to Natasha and shut their eyes in desperate hope to blind out the reality of the situation.
'Her heart rate's slowing down.'
'Maybe 4 days at the best' the doctor's words play over and over again in his mind. 4 days, all Natasha has is four days. That's just 96 hours, that's just not enough time.
He contemplates on telling her but is this something any one would like to know? Is telling your partner that they have four days to live right? How come they didn't see the signs before?
Questions run through his minds like sand through an hourglass and soon he finds himself in the comforts of a deep slumber. He doesn't want to sleep, no, because sleeping means less time with Natasha but at this point sleep is the necessary escape that they both need from reality.
He wakes up sometime later with Natasha persistently shaking his arm. The rational part of his brain sends him into battle mode and his hand flies to the alarm next to the bed. But it never reaches it because the next thing he knows is Natasha stopping him.
"Clint, I am scared."
His hand stops midway to the alarm before he turns around to face her. It's a sight he rather die before seeing. Her pale face is red with tears and so are her eyes. She tightly wraps her arms around him the best she can, with the IV and really this is the last sign-she is giving up on her.
"I don't want to go hell. I am so sorry for the things I have done but I don't-I don't want to go to hell."
It breaks his heart.
"Shh, you are not going anywhere, Natasha. You are right here and you are staying." He tries comforting her, wrapping her up in his strong embrace.
'She might become emotional over this.' Once again the doctor's words fill his head.
"You'll get better in no time and then the only place you'll be going is Hawaii with me. So that you can see the sunrise you never shut up about."
She lets out another sob instead and loses what she was about to say. "I-Hawaii-I am-scared" By now her sentences make no sense and she is just crying that badly.
"Shh, Natasha, it's going to be alright. I promise."
"I don't want to die Clint. Please-please save me. Help me-please" He's crying too now.
They don't say anything more but merely hang on to each other as their life support system. Sleep doesn't come easy after that.
Morning was slow to come the next day and neither of the assassins made any move to get up from bed. Clint absent-mindedly stoked his partner's hair while Natasha looked anywhere but at Clint.
"I can feel myself letting go now." She mutters quietly. He says nothing in return.
It's like dealing with two contradicting personalities now. She be fine during the day, will show no emotions what so ever to the others, which is quiet normal on her part and then she'll take a 180 degree flip and show him a rainbow of emotions at night. Her insecurities and fears lay bare in the silence of the night.
The team doesn't pay them a visit that day and Clint is suspicious that Dr. Purcell had something to do with it. Maybe he is even happy about it. That just means he gets more time with Natasha by himself.
"So what do you want to do today?" he asks because he knows this isn't how she wants to spend her time.
"Maybe we can just walk around the park." And he agrees.
She pulls on her sundress and a light cardigan while he dresses in his signature blue jeans and green Tee. Its takes Natasha minimal efforts to pull her hair in a ponytail and then they are out and heading towards the park on the hot summer afternoon.
They don't speak much during their walk but simply lock their hands together and throw each other a smile every now and then. They'll have ice cream and for a second, it's just like the movies. Instead of it lasting like that the second passes quickly and Clint realizes their surroundings. She notices this and mumbles 'It is okay Clint.' They walk some more and soon Natasha places a light hand on his shoulder and he instantly knows they have walked more than she can now. So they slowly start heading back towards the Tower.
The walk was nothing special and yet it meant the world to the both of them. It was something that they never could do before that is to say without having any weapons on them. Guns and ammunition just doesn't matter anymore. They make it to the Tower with Natasha more out of breathe than she would like to admit but she has come to terms with her conditions and can't deny that she was having difficulty to breathe. Clint did offer-insist on carrying her back but Natasha yet has some fight in her.
Soon she is back in her medical bed and he is back on his trusty window seat, watching the night life of New York just begin 40 floors below.
He falls asleep on the chair that night.
"Clint! Clint, wake up!" It takes him a while to register the voice. It's Dr. Purcell. Shit.
"What? What's wrong? Is she alright?" he jumps, throwing question upon questions and running towards Natasha's bed.
"Clint-it's" she hesitates for a minute because no matter how long and how good of a doctor you have been, you can never just get used to giving the bad news. "It's time." That's all she says.
And honestly Clint doesn't understand what the doctor just said as he gingerly looks down on his partner. There is a part of his mind that goes back and plays the doctors exact words again but can't help himself from asking again. "What?"
"It's time to say goodbye now." She repeats firmly and he just looks at her because she might be lying.
"But-but you said she has 4 more days-you said-she" And there are those inevitable tears that have just begin to cascade down his cheeks. This is unbelievable. She had 4 more days' right?
He might be going into shock eight now and so she does what she is trained to do. Dr. Purcell grabs him by his shoulders and shakes him roughly. "I know but these things can never be predicted. But listen to me carefully Clint. You have got to be strong for her now. It's going to be long and painful for her but you have got to make sure that at least her mind is at peace even if her body isn't. You understand? Stay strong."
"But please-I"
"There's nothing more we can do Clint. I am sorry" And she really is because she sees the love they have for each other in their eyes and so what if they were assassins-they deserved happiness too. "Now go, your partner needs you." She says and walks out.
She looks as if she is sleeping but Clint knows his partner better than that, so he hops into bed right next to her and envelopes her in his arms. 'It's going to be alright, Natasha.' He'll mumble redundantly, kissing her forehead over and over again.
"It hurts" she says slowly after staying still for a good one hour and yet her eyes remain close.
"I know. But it's going to be alright- in a while" Truth to be told be chokes on his own words a couple of times because these damn tears just keeping slipping by and the lump in his throat just won't go away.
The night passes away similarly as the exact words are repeated, now almost a dozen of times. And they don't comprehend that morning has come until the team enters the room, seemingly knowing the news.
They do nothing but greet her, mumble a few words and sit around the room. The ambience is too dark now as if ….what should be said now?
"Remember the time when we filled chocolate into water guns and attacked the whole hellicarrier?" Bruce begins.
And soon the empty and quiet room is filled with nostalgia of the happy days. It's uplifting to say the least but not really. It's just to provide a little mental peace to Natasha, Clint understands.
It was Pepper's turn of their 'Remember the time when' but it really couldn't be completed when Natasha finally decided to open her eyes. All she had done up to now was smile sadly and nuzzle in closer to Clint.
Tony comes over and cover and her a red fluff blanket that he claimed to be the most softest thing in the world and it slightly melted Natasha's slowing heart.
The room goes silent once again.
"Am I dying?" she asks out of the blue and-and Clint can't keep his eyes dry now. No one in the room can keep their eyes dry now and it takes them all their will power not to let a sob out. Because she'll need the peace. Natasha takes their silence as her answer and smiles only to break Clint's heart more. "It's okay. I am not afraid to die-not afraid when I am with you now." She slips her eyes close again, wrapping an arm around Clint to seek out more heat.
"It's going to be okay. Just stay with me. You hear just stay with me." Clint breaks down and kisses her head over again. How many times does he have to say that it's going to be okay for it to really be alright?
'Stay strong-for her'
Dr. Purcell enters the room, just as Natasha dozes off. She walks over to the heart monitor and takes the reading, not making direct eye contact with anyone nor saying a word. The reading on the monitor does nothing to comfort her and she instantly knows it won't be long before she has to pull an archer away from his late partner. She'll give him a sad smile on the way out noting how his tears haven't dried since she broke him the news and leaves.
There is a sniff from the corner of the room, where Steve was sitting and it's no surprise that their leader is crying. All hopes lost now that their leader was accepted that they will be one member short from the Avengers.
"She wanted-she wanted to go to Hawaii to watch the sunrise over the Maui Mountains." Clint says dreamingly, tears yet present in his eyes and dripping down his cheeks while his arm is dutifully wrapped round her. "Now, she never will." And now he lets out a sob.
Tony and Bruce have to close their eyes at this because it was too painful and Pepper had to be stopped from walking out in barely restricted cry too. They don't even have the heart or the will to wish her parting words. Parting words are for those that you may see again but this isn't the case here. This is something that they can never be completely prepared for no matter how many funerals they have had to go to. This is family and they aren't ready for those last words.
An hour eventually passes, bathed in dark silence, punctuated by small sniffs and sobs coming from all around the room, but mostly from Clint before Natasha stirs in his arms. She opens her eyes in narrow slits and glances up to meet her partner's eyes. Disorientation and confusion clear in them.
"Clint, are we going to Hawaii?" It breaks his hear all over again.
He gulps once and then twice to avoid chocking on his answers again. He looks around the room to clear his eyes and then he is all business. "Yeah, we are going to Hawaii. Where you'll stand near the shore and the crystal clear water laps your feet and the sand is so soft you can just lay on it for hours on end."
"Sounds nice." She interrupts him, eyes locking up on his. Bruce walks out of the room in a stifled cry.
"It is. And we'll have the time of our lives, making most out of these rare holidays we get. Just you and me and a couple of cocktails." He stops here, breath hitching in his throat as her eyes slip close.
"And that sunrise?" she questions too softly.
All's quiet…the partners are alone now that the team has decided to give them the privacy, they need.
"Oh, the sunrise is the most amazing thing you'll see. Its soft red and reflects stunningly on the sea and-you are therein that white sundress you adore so much and believe me that sunrise had nothing on you." He gets lost in his own world now, describing the perfect Hawaiian conditions to her and where they will stay and what they should eat and what they'll do. It's perfect.
"The seafood there is exceptional. Then at night I'll take you dancing under the starry night. Just you and I, and it will the best time we ever had."
He has more to say had Dr. Purcell not interrupted them. She walks over them softly, reaching over the heart monitor and quietly pressing a button that silences the machine. Believe it or not, it was the first time, then, that he had noticed the furious beeping of the machine.
Gluing the pieces together quickly he tears his glance from the monitor and down on his Natasha. Her lips are pale, eyes are closed. She lays shockingly still and she is just so cold despite being wrapped in two blankets.
"Why? Why isn't she moving?" He asks no one in particular and then he asks her "Natasha? Natasha, wake up!" He desperately tries shaking her now but Dr. Purcell stops him "Tasha."
"It's over now Clint-she's in a better place." Her voice never sounded as distant as it did when she said those words.
It's over, she is gone. Everything just stops now. His tears stop, his voice stops and for a moment so does his heart. That's it? Is this how she was meant to go?
He doesn't remember how long she keeps her in his embrace but slightly knows that he was being pulled away from her before they dropped that white cloth over her body and face. He doesn't remember the words that his team had said to him, but knows that he was unresponsive as someone hugged him. It was a big blur to him.
He doesn't cry after that. Simply pushes himself from the floor of the medical bay and automatically walks towards her bedroom.
TWO WEEKS LATER.
He finds himself standing on the shore of the Maui beach at sunrise, water lapping at his feet and a single envelope in his hand.
'Open when in Hawaii.' Clearly written by Natasha.
He takes a deep breath, clearing his mind of the fog that was yet present after that day. He glances back at his team mates and they encouragingly nod. He takes another breath and tears open the letter.
'Dear Clint,
Set me free on a sunset and give rise to a new sunrise of your life.
PS: I will always love you.
Natasha.'
25 words, that's all she writes. Honestly but this has done him more good then all those fake sympathy at SHIELD ever did. 25 words that's all.
So they all sit there on the beach that she wanted to be at, and wait for the sunset. They don't speak, just sit and watch. And when the time comes it can be said without a doubt that the view had their breaths taken away. It was beautiful-just like her. It was red and storm like but it was quiet and mysterious all the same.
He gets up from his spot on the soft sand, grabs the can next to him before walking towards the sunset.
"Be free, Tasha." He quietly mutters to the can and opens it. The breeze carrying her away towards the water.
'He'll stand there for a while longer and then finally move back his spot next to his team.
The sun had completely set by now….but there would always be a new sunrise on the horizon.
THE END
AN: This is my first fanfiction. Hope you guys liked it. Reviews?