Set during season 4, after « The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie ». Remember : Chandler is comforting Rachel after a failed date. Here is what could have happened right after. Just Randler friendship, don't worry R&R and Mondler fans :) In fact, while writing it, I've decided it is pre-mondler.
PS : English is not my mother tongue, so please be kind :)
Disclaimer : I don't own anything or anyone. It would be great to own a Chandler, though...
They were cuddling in the barcalounger. Chandler wanted to ask the girls a question for so long… Rachel was there, relaxed, ready to talk… Maybe the timing was good. "Have you ever been with a woman ?", he asked Rachel. She looked at him, both confused and angry : "What ?! Chandler, what is the matter with you ?!"
"Damn !" thought Chandler, "I never should have asked, she's gonna be mad at me." He choosed to be honest and tell the truth to his friend : "So there is no good time to ask that question !"
But he was right about a thing : Rachel WAS ready to talk. So she decided to want more informations about that guy thing, that guy fantasy. "Seriously, Chandler. I couldn't imagine Joey and you making out…"
Chandler looked at her, in shock. "Oh My God, me neither !"
Rachel felt she had a point : "See, you're shocked too ! Then why would you imagine Monica and I… you know…"
Chandler tried to defend himself : "I'm not !" He then added in a whisper : "Especially not Monica, my God…"
Rachel was intrigued. "What did you say ?" Chandler didn't understand the question at first. What did he say ? Rachel saw that he looked confused, so she asked again : "Why not Monica ? Me but not Monica ? What's that supposed to mean ?" Suddenly, it became clear to Chandler : she felt... offended ? hurt ? "Oooohhhh... No, no ! It was just a random question anyway, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I wasn't serious about you, it was just for fun. Really, I'm sorry. See, you were right : I should not be allowed to talk to people."
"Chandler, come on ! You were serious about Monica ! What did you mean ? Do you think that a girl wouldn't want her ?"
Okay, maybe Rachel wasn't hurt, actually. She was... angry ? Because she thought that he thought Monica wasn't good enough ? Man, he REALLY shouldn't have talked, earlier. "Leave this kind of things to Joey !", Chandler thought while trying to find an appropriate answer to Rachel, who was looking at him with an expression on her face which was saying : "Well, I'm waiting !"
"See...", he started. "I just think that Monica needs a real guy. A man, I mean. You know, she was with Richard. He had a moustache. And girls don't have a moustache... well... normally... Soooo... I don't think that... Hem... I just..." Where was he going ? "Stop it, stop it !" yelled his brain. So Chandler paused, looking at the ceiling. Thankfully, Rachel stopped his nightmare and laughed.
She patted him on the knee : "I didn't understand a thing you said, but I guess I took it in the wrong way. You weren't mean towards Monica, were you ?"
Chandler turned his head to look at her, feeling offended : "No, of course not ! I would never be mean to her. Or to you. In fact, I didn't know why I said that, okay ? I can't control my mouth sometimes."
Rachel stood up and went to the freezer. "Icecream ?" she asked. "Oh yes, please !" answered Chandler, relieved that the subject seemed to be ended. Just seemed... Because, while grabbing spoons, Rachel gave Chandler a weird look and couldn't help herself to add : "You know... I think... I think that deep down, you KNOW why you said that."
Chandler wasn't sure of what she talked about. So Rachel continued : "About Monica, I mean. Not me. I'm sure you were just curious about me, no big deal. Joey asks me the same question all the time. But that thing you whispered... The way you said it..."
Chandler became worried : what was she doing ? Analysing him ? Analysing his feelings ? Wait ? Feelings ? No ! He didn't feel anything... Did he ? No ! No ! "Okay so now, you have to say something, because otherwise she's gonna think something is up", he thought. "Think of something funny ! Change the subject ! Talk, talk !"
But for some reason, what came out of his mouth was not what he wanted her to hear : "What do you mean ?"
"Oh yeah, congratulations ! Now you're in the conversation. Good luck...", said a little voice in his head.
Rachel was surprised that Chandler asked that question and she was happy to try to get some gossips on that subject. She decided to make Chandler wait longer for her answer and she took a big spoon of icecream. "I mean... I mean... That... You know... You have a soft spot for her."
"What makes you say that ?" Damnit ! He was doing it again ! Couldn't he just shut up ? Find a joke ? Talk about the icecream ?
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhh !" smiled Rachel, pointing her spoon at him. "I'm right ! I knew it !"
"Hey ! I never said you were right ! I'm just curious : where this weird idea comes from ? And don't point this spoon at me !"
Rachel smile grew bigger. "Ah ah ! See, maybe she doesn't see anything, but I, I catch your look sometimes. And... And she told me about your offer at the beach. Sweet."
"Yeah, well... I guess she also told you about me being not boyfriend material, then. See ? Problem solved !", said Chandler, bitter.
"No."
"No ?"
"No."
"What do you mean by no ?"
"Chandler ! You know what I mean ! I mean, she didn't tell me that thing. What is it ?"
Chandler sighed and started to explain quickly to Rachel : "Well I proposed to be her boyfriend... Not right now, I mean, just... you know... if she doesn't find someone else, which I doubt because every man would want to date her, but... I just said that I could be there, if she needed someone. She laughed. Really laughed. Not just ah ah. But ah ah ah ah ah, so funny ah ah ah ah, you know ?"
Rachel gave him a weird look. He clearly didn't know how to talk about this. And he clearly was hurt. And he clearly didn't want her to believe that he was really serious about the proposition... but he was, she knew it.
"Anyway... She then said that I wasn't boyfriend material. Well, she didn't exactly say it, but I asked and she answered no. Which is okay, really, she's right. I know she's waaaaay out of my league. That's not what I tried to do, you know ? I was just comforting her, like I was doing with you before this evening, that's all."
"Then why are you so hurt ?"
Rachel didn't want to ask that. Not so brutally. But it came out.
She wanted to apologize but Chandler answered quickly : "Because I already doubt myself ! And a great girl confirms all my fears ! And laughs ! I feel so... Useless... I suck."
He seemed so fragile. And cute. And insecure, too. He made her feeling better earlier, so she had to do the same thing. "You don't. You don't suck, honey. You're a great catch."
He rolled his eyes.
"No, I'm serious Chandler ! I'm not just saying that to be kind. Maybe you should talk to her. If she knew that it hurt you so much, she would explain you better..."
"Come on !" smiled Chandler. "I talked to her ! I did ! Anyway... That's... That's okay. Forget it. It doesn't matter. Can we talk about something else ?"
"Sure. So... Have YOU ever been with a man ?"
He looked at her in disblief and saw she was kidding. He laughed and knew the serious moment was over. Finally.
It's longer that what I had in mind, but sometimes when I start I find it difficult to stop :) So what do you think ? Should I make a continuation ?