Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I do not have any money so don't sue k, man I can't even afford to buy Gundam stuff. If I had money, I'd pay the creators and directors to create more Gundam. *sigh* I guess they won't be making any more for a long time, or more like never. Anyway on with the fic.
"Thank You and Goodbye"
Dear Milliardo, Noin and Gundam pilots,
I'm writing to you because your are my family and I feel that I owe you a goodbye. Over the years, I have come to know you all so well. I want you to know that I've truly cherished the time we have spent together.
Milliardo, the brother I never knew I had for so long, I'm glad that we finally got to know each other. I'm sorry for leaving you now, but you will be okay. I won't worry about you because you have Noin.
Miss Noin, take care of my beloved brother, and thank you for being my friend and advisor. I know that I never told you this before but, when I was princess of the Sanq Kingdom, you once told me that in order to obtain peace we must fight for what we believe in. I'm sorry that I never listened to you, I was so caught up in my ideal world of total and complete pacifism. During the Mariemaia incident, I realized how right you were.
Quatre, thanks for always being so kind to me, even though I probably didn't deserve it. You helped protect my kingdom, back when Romefeller wanted it wiped out, I thank you for your efforts.
Trowa, thank you for your words of wisdom, without them I couldn't have gotten this far. Thank you for always being their to listen to me, always being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.
Wulfei, I want to thank you for coming to respect me, although with this, you may just lose your respect. Just know that I have always respected your judgment, that is why I knew that when I had a problem I could seek your advice. Duo, thank you for also getting me through my rough times. No one could make me laugh the way you did, I always felt so much better after being with you. As though I didn't have the whole world on my shoulders any more. Oh, and thank you for saving me that time, back in 195 when your found me at the base, with a gun pointed at me by you know who. You saved my life, and I never thanked you. Sorry about that.
And last, but not least, Heero. I have many things to thank you for. I thank you for saving my life over and over and over again. You saved my heart, when my father died. I don't think you ever knew that. You saved me from myself, when you made me see that total pacifism wasn't the way. I was so caught up back then in my ideals, and you knew it all along. Thank you for always lending me your strength. You have always been stronger, than I could ever be. Maybe that is why I fell in love with you. Yes, fell in love with you Heero Yuy. My one and only love. God, that feels so good to get off my chest.
But, I suppose that you all knew that all along. I've always been so easy to read, just like an open book. Even if I wished to hide how I felt, you guys could always see that I was hiding something. Then you would worry about me. Oh, I know that I've been so much trouble for all of you. I'm so weak, constantly needing all of your support. My whole life has just been one huge mess.
First my real parents died, then my foster father, then OZ was after my life, then I tried to put back together my kingdom only to have it fall again, then I became Queen of the World, then I was forced to resign, then I failed to convince Milliardo of my ideals, then I became Vice Foreign Minister.
My life has been one huge roller coaster ride. But one thing has always stayed the same, I have throughout all of my life remained untouchable, and so doll like. You all may not understand this, so allow me to explain.
When I was Relena Darlian I was unbelievably wealthy, as I have always been, I went to an opulent boarding school. There, I had no friends. No real friends, only admirers, who would try to please me, and gain my favor. When I was princess of the Sanq Kingdom, I had no friends. I had no life.
My life was devoted to my people. Of course at the time, it didn't bother me one bit. I loved the people, and only wished to help them find true peace, something which I could never find in myself.
When I was Queen of the World, I was nothing more than a doll. Romefeller wanted me for my name and face, nothing more. I was their pawn to unite the people together. Through all these years, no one has seen past my plastered smile, uniform and title. Everyone sees me as nothing more than a symbol. A symbol of innocence, peace, and the future. No one could see past that except you seven.
Only you guys knew the real me, a girl who was lost and confused. A girl, just a normal person, like anybody else. I guess that is partially what makes me so sad. All of you have put your lives back together now. You have finally found true peace and happiness. If anyone deserves happiness, it is you guys. I'm so happy for you, but at the same time, in this weird way, I envy you.
I will never have a life behind meetings and conferences, speeches and balls. The balls and parties. The two things that I hate the most about my job. When I ever I go to a party, men line up to ask me to dance. Wouldn't that make any woman happy? No, not me, for these men only see me as a prize to be won. A one way ticket to the top of society. When they dance with me, they give me false flattery. It wouldn't matter if I was the ugliest girl there, they would still say how magnificent or beautiful or ravishing I looked. I despise these men, but even more so the men that do not dare come near me. These men fear me, you can see it written clearly in their eyes. Why do they fear me? Is this what I have become, nothing more than a scary beast?
I'm sorry, but I can live like this no longer. No longer. All I ever wanted was to have a normal and simple life. With real friends, and a husband and family. Surrounded by people I love and who genuinely love me back. Is that so much to ask out of life?
I suppose I will have to settle for my eternal peace and freedom away from this world. What I will do today, this morning, is the most selfish thing that anyone could possibly do. But let's face it, I can easily be replaced. I am no longer needed here. Most of the officials and diplomats can not stand the sight of me anyway.
Just think of it this way, now you guys won't have to protect me or worry about me. I will no longer be a burden to anyone. Life will go on without me, I have served my purpose in this world.
I'm sorry for leaving, I am so, so sorry. God will never forgive me for doing this, but please I beg of you all, please understand me and forgive me. All I need is your forgiveness. Goodbye my friends, I will miss you all.
Love,
Relena
P.S. Don't blame yourselves, as I know you might. You were the best friends that anyone could have. This was my decision, and only mine.
"Miss Noin is that all it says?" said Quatre who had sadness, hurt, and shock clearly etched on his face.
"Yes. Oh, Milliardo....where can she be? Could...could she really commit sui..cide? Relena...Relena is not that kind of a person. She would, she would never, ever do something like this!" said Noin who was now crying into Milliardos' chest, while hugging him tightly.
"Your right honey, your right." said Milliardo stroking Noin's hair as tears began to make their way down his face.
"There is still hope! She just left recently right? Maybe there is still time to find her. Where did she love to go? Did she have any special spots that she escaped to?" said Duo with a spark of hope in his violet eyes.
When Duo finished, Heero got an idea and ran out of the room they were all in. All the rest of the guys took this as a sign that he knew where she might be.
"Follow him!" yelled Wulfei as he ran after his friend. They all followed suit and soon caught up with Heero and dashed into the car that he was leaving the Peacecraft mansion in.
As Heero drove them all, as fast as he possibly could to Relena's supposed location, everyone remained silent. Each in their own world thinking about their dove, their friend, their Relena.
'My dear friend, don't waste your life. Please Relena, you could never be a burden to us. We needed you as much as you needed us. I fought the war so that people like you could find happiness. I was so fooled to think that you were just a little sad. I should have seen something was wrong, if I was such a great friend to you. Relena, don't leave us. Heero needs you! We need you!' thought Quatre as silent tears streamed down his pale cheeks.
'Babe, you can't leave us yet. Please don't go. Why didn't you tell me the way you felt? We could always tell each other anything and everything. Why didn't I pick up on this earlier? No, don't blame yourself. She wouldn't want that. Please don't do this 'Lena, I will miss your smile and laughter to much. I..We all still need you.' thought Duo, who as rarely as this happens, did not have a smile on his face but a deep frown instead. One of his best friends was going to take her life.
'You are not weak Relena. You changed the world, and created a real peace for us all to live in. Your stronger than you give yourself credit for. Who else could influence Heero the way you have? Who else could help me get through my pain as well. You, I could always speak to you. Don't leave us.' thought Trowa. As usual it was hard to detect any emotion in him, but if you looked close enough in his uncovered green eye was a twinge of sadness and loss.
'You weak onna! I respected you, something that I do not do for a lot of women. I expected more than this from you. You are stronger. How can you do this to yourself?' thought Wulfie who had his eyes closed so as not to reveal the turmoil inside him. He too had grown close to Relena over the past couple of years.
'My dear sister, I wanted to shield you from all pain. How could I have failed so miserably?' thought Milliardo when Noin squeezed his hand tight. She looked into his eyes and shook her head 'no'. Somehow, she always knew what he was thinking. As Relena had said, this was her decision alone.
'Relena... if there's a God, please help us find her before it is too late. It can't be her time yet. It just can't be.'
Suddenly the car came to a halt. They were by a cliff that overlooked the entire Sanq Kingdom. At any other time, they would have realized just how breathtakingly beautiful it was there. The sun was rising, their was a soft breeze and the birds were singing. All seven of them hustled out of the car as they spotted a woman, who had just yesterday turned 22, standing at the edge of the cliff.
'Stop crying Relena. It is time. Say goodbye to this cruel and loving world. I need freedom, it is the only thing I ask. Oh Heero, I love you. Goodbye.' was Relena's last thought before she jumped. Arms outstretched and feet out, as if she were diving.
"NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!" shouted everyone at once. They couldn't reach her in time, and were witnesses to her death. She looked like an angel from heaven. Her hair whipped about her heavenly face, her eyes without fear, it looked as though she was flying into the sun rise. Then horribly, she hit the ground. She didn't survive the fall. They knew she did not survive, fore she had no will to live.
The funeral service was held soon after. It was a small funeral, consisting only of the people closest to her. That is the way that she would have wanted it. Everyone was having a hard time letting go, yet they knew that somehow she was now happy and had finally found her peace. They had all forgiven her, save one...Heero Yuy. Relena's only love.
A.N. Okay, there is a second part to this, but it is titled I Thought She Knew. It tells about what Heero thinks about all this, since he had very little place in this story. Oh yeah, Trowa may not talk a whole bunch, but he probably thinks a zillion thoughts a minute, so there. Constructive criticism welcome, but if you thought that reading this was a waste of time, then don't waste your time by reviewing it. Sorry I had to say that, but I had a seriously rude reviewer one time. Well, thanks a lot for reading. Ja ne.
"Thank You and Goodbye"
Dear Milliardo, Noin and Gundam pilots,
I'm writing to you because your are my family and I feel that I owe you a goodbye. Over the years, I have come to know you all so well. I want you to know that I've truly cherished the time we have spent together.
Milliardo, the brother I never knew I had for so long, I'm glad that we finally got to know each other. I'm sorry for leaving you now, but you will be okay. I won't worry about you because you have Noin.
Miss Noin, take care of my beloved brother, and thank you for being my friend and advisor. I know that I never told you this before but, when I was princess of the Sanq Kingdom, you once told me that in order to obtain peace we must fight for what we believe in. I'm sorry that I never listened to you, I was so caught up in my ideal world of total and complete pacifism. During the Mariemaia incident, I realized how right you were.
Quatre, thanks for always being so kind to me, even though I probably didn't deserve it. You helped protect my kingdom, back when Romefeller wanted it wiped out, I thank you for your efforts.
Trowa, thank you for your words of wisdom, without them I couldn't have gotten this far. Thank you for always being their to listen to me, always being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.
Wulfei, I want to thank you for coming to respect me, although with this, you may just lose your respect. Just know that I have always respected your judgment, that is why I knew that when I had a problem I could seek your advice. Duo, thank you for also getting me through my rough times. No one could make me laugh the way you did, I always felt so much better after being with you. As though I didn't have the whole world on my shoulders any more. Oh, and thank you for saving me that time, back in 195 when your found me at the base, with a gun pointed at me by you know who. You saved my life, and I never thanked you. Sorry about that.
And last, but not least, Heero. I have many things to thank you for. I thank you for saving my life over and over and over again. You saved my heart, when my father died. I don't think you ever knew that. You saved me from myself, when you made me see that total pacifism wasn't the way. I was so caught up back then in my ideals, and you knew it all along. Thank you for always lending me your strength. You have always been stronger, than I could ever be. Maybe that is why I fell in love with you. Yes, fell in love with you Heero Yuy. My one and only love. God, that feels so good to get off my chest.
But, I suppose that you all knew that all along. I've always been so easy to read, just like an open book. Even if I wished to hide how I felt, you guys could always see that I was hiding something. Then you would worry about me. Oh, I know that I've been so much trouble for all of you. I'm so weak, constantly needing all of your support. My whole life has just been one huge mess.
First my real parents died, then my foster father, then OZ was after my life, then I tried to put back together my kingdom only to have it fall again, then I became Queen of the World, then I was forced to resign, then I failed to convince Milliardo of my ideals, then I became Vice Foreign Minister.
My life has been one huge roller coaster ride. But one thing has always stayed the same, I have throughout all of my life remained untouchable, and so doll like. You all may not understand this, so allow me to explain.
When I was Relena Darlian I was unbelievably wealthy, as I have always been, I went to an opulent boarding school. There, I had no friends. No real friends, only admirers, who would try to please me, and gain my favor. When I was princess of the Sanq Kingdom, I had no friends. I had no life.
My life was devoted to my people. Of course at the time, it didn't bother me one bit. I loved the people, and only wished to help them find true peace, something which I could never find in myself.
When I was Queen of the World, I was nothing more than a doll. Romefeller wanted me for my name and face, nothing more. I was their pawn to unite the people together. Through all these years, no one has seen past my plastered smile, uniform and title. Everyone sees me as nothing more than a symbol. A symbol of innocence, peace, and the future. No one could see past that except you seven.
Only you guys knew the real me, a girl who was lost and confused. A girl, just a normal person, like anybody else. I guess that is partially what makes me so sad. All of you have put your lives back together now. You have finally found true peace and happiness. If anyone deserves happiness, it is you guys. I'm so happy for you, but at the same time, in this weird way, I envy you.
I will never have a life behind meetings and conferences, speeches and balls. The balls and parties. The two things that I hate the most about my job. When I ever I go to a party, men line up to ask me to dance. Wouldn't that make any woman happy? No, not me, for these men only see me as a prize to be won. A one way ticket to the top of society. When they dance with me, they give me false flattery. It wouldn't matter if I was the ugliest girl there, they would still say how magnificent or beautiful or ravishing I looked. I despise these men, but even more so the men that do not dare come near me. These men fear me, you can see it written clearly in their eyes. Why do they fear me? Is this what I have become, nothing more than a scary beast?
I'm sorry, but I can live like this no longer. No longer. All I ever wanted was to have a normal and simple life. With real friends, and a husband and family. Surrounded by people I love and who genuinely love me back. Is that so much to ask out of life?
I suppose I will have to settle for my eternal peace and freedom away from this world. What I will do today, this morning, is the most selfish thing that anyone could possibly do. But let's face it, I can easily be replaced. I am no longer needed here. Most of the officials and diplomats can not stand the sight of me anyway.
Just think of it this way, now you guys won't have to protect me or worry about me. I will no longer be a burden to anyone. Life will go on without me, I have served my purpose in this world.
I'm sorry for leaving, I am so, so sorry. God will never forgive me for doing this, but please I beg of you all, please understand me and forgive me. All I need is your forgiveness. Goodbye my friends, I will miss you all.
Love,
Relena
P.S. Don't blame yourselves, as I know you might. You were the best friends that anyone could have. This was my decision, and only mine.
"Miss Noin is that all it says?" said Quatre who had sadness, hurt, and shock clearly etched on his face.
"Yes. Oh, Milliardo....where can she be? Could...could she really commit sui..cide? Relena...Relena is not that kind of a person. She would, she would never, ever do something like this!" said Noin who was now crying into Milliardos' chest, while hugging him tightly.
"Your right honey, your right." said Milliardo stroking Noin's hair as tears began to make their way down his face.
"There is still hope! She just left recently right? Maybe there is still time to find her. Where did she love to go? Did she have any special spots that she escaped to?" said Duo with a spark of hope in his violet eyes.
When Duo finished, Heero got an idea and ran out of the room they were all in. All the rest of the guys took this as a sign that he knew where she might be.
"Follow him!" yelled Wulfei as he ran after his friend. They all followed suit and soon caught up with Heero and dashed into the car that he was leaving the Peacecraft mansion in.
As Heero drove them all, as fast as he possibly could to Relena's supposed location, everyone remained silent. Each in their own world thinking about their dove, their friend, their Relena.
'My dear friend, don't waste your life. Please Relena, you could never be a burden to us. We needed you as much as you needed us. I fought the war so that people like you could find happiness. I was so fooled to think that you were just a little sad. I should have seen something was wrong, if I was such a great friend to you. Relena, don't leave us. Heero needs you! We need you!' thought Quatre as silent tears streamed down his pale cheeks.
'Babe, you can't leave us yet. Please don't go. Why didn't you tell me the way you felt? We could always tell each other anything and everything. Why didn't I pick up on this earlier? No, don't blame yourself. She wouldn't want that. Please don't do this 'Lena, I will miss your smile and laughter to much. I..We all still need you.' thought Duo, who as rarely as this happens, did not have a smile on his face but a deep frown instead. One of his best friends was going to take her life.
'You are not weak Relena. You changed the world, and created a real peace for us all to live in. Your stronger than you give yourself credit for. Who else could influence Heero the way you have? Who else could help me get through my pain as well. You, I could always speak to you. Don't leave us.' thought Trowa. As usual it was hard to detect any emotion in him, but if you looked close enough in his uncovered green eye was a twinge of sadness and loss.
'You weak onna! I respected you, something that I do not do for a lot of women. I expected more than this from you. You are stronger. How can you do this to yourself?' thought Wulfie who had his eyes closed so as not to reveal the turmoil inside him. He too had grown close to Relena over the past couple of years.
'My dear sister, I wanted to shield you from all pain. How could I have failed so miserably?' thought Milliardo when Noin squeezed his hand tight. She looked into his eyes and shook her head 'no'. Somehow, she always knew what he was thinking. As Relena had said, this was her decision alone.
'Relena... if there's a God, please help us find her before it is too late. It can't be her time yet. It just can't be.'
Suddenly the car came to a halt. They were by a cliff that overlooked the entire Sanq Kingdom. At any other time, they would have realized just how breathtakingly beautiful it was there. The sun was rising, their was a soft breeze and the birds were singing. All seven of them hustled out of the car as they spotted a woman, who had just yesterday turned 22, standing at the edge of the cliff.
'Stop crying Relena. It is time. Say goodbye to this cruel and loving world. I need freedom, it is the only thing I ask. Oh Heero, I love you. Goodbye.' was Relena's last thought before she jumped. Arms outstretched and feet out, as if she were diving.
"NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!" shouted everyone at once. They couldn't reach her in time, and were witnesses to her death. She looked like an angel from heaven. Her hair whipped about her heavenly face, her eyes without fear, it looked as though she was flying into the sun rise. Then horribly, she hit the ground. She didn't survive the fall. They knew she did not survive, fore she had no will to live.
The funeral service was held soon after. It was a small funeral, consisting only of the people closest to her. That is the way that she would have wanted it. Everyone was having a hard time letting go, yet they knew that somehow she was now happy and had finally found her peace. They had all forgiven her, save one...Heero Yuy. Relena's only love.
A.N. Okay, there is a second part to this, but it is titled I Thought She Knew. It tells about what Heero thinks about all this, since he had very little place in this story. Oh yeah, Trowa may not talk a whole bunch, but he probably thinks a zillion thoughts a minute, so there. Constructive criticism welcome, but if you thought that reading this was a waste of time, then don't waste your time by reviewing it. Sorry I had to say that, but I had a seriously rude reviewer one time. Well, thanks a lot for reading. Ja ne.