I don't own SPN, just this story.

Because You're Mine

Dean sat on his bed in his own room in the bunker and stared at his shaking hands that were stretched out in front of him. It all got too much to bear, he wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to pretend that everything was fine when it totally wasn't. The hunter wasn't sure when it had all began but he guessed it was in his early childhood, maybe the moment when his father gave him his baby brother and told him to run from their house that burned to the ground slowly. Then his father dragged Sammy and him all around the country never staying in a town for too long, the brothers never stayed in a school for long. They had seen their father dying, they had fought angels and demons, they had even fought each other.

The list got on and on, the worst things on it were all the dead people, most of all Bobby, Helen and Jo. He had to leave Lisa and her son behind to go on with his life as a hunter, to protect them from all evil that hunted him and wouldn't hesitate to kill his small family in order to get him or hurt him. Going back to hunting was the hardest decision he had ever made in his life but he was still convinced that it was the right decision. At least he was sure that they were safe now. He didn't really miss Lisa. It was the normal life that he craved: going to work in the morning, complain about a lousy job and too lousy payment, getting home in the evening, going to sleep and again the same procedure every day until he died. He didn't even ask for someone to hold, someone who held him from time to time. That would be too much to expect from life.

His hands were still shaking, the fingers cold and kind of frozen in their position. He was too weary to even move them, so he continued staring and musing about everything he had seen in the past few years… Cas had unleashed the Leviathans and for months Dean had thought that his friend was dead. Missing Cas had been hell and when he thought that the angel was dead it was like – again – the world crushed around him. But with Cas it had felt different for the first time. For a few weeks Dean simply hadn't been able to go on though Sammy dragging him along on their hunts. Now Cas was back. He came back as an angel, was robbed off his grace by Metatron and had stolen another angel's grace so that he had his powers back and wasn't with the Winchesters in the bunker any longer. Dean missed him again.

The hunter was so damn tired of missing, hurting, hunting, everything. Peace was all he wanted, a vacation perhaps but he doubted that he could get away from Sam too soon. Sammy… In his younger brother's opinion they weren't even like brothers any more. So he could just live here with a total stranger, it wouldn't make a difference. Dean was utterly alone and at the moment he felt it more like ever before He needed someone to talk to.

"Cas." He whispered. Nothing more. The angel would hear him and know that Dean needed him. Dean wondered if he would appear while he still watched his shaking fingers. Maybe he was busy in heaven, unable to drop by for a few minutes. Dean would understand. The angel had done so much for him. The older Winchester brother was able to face his fear and angst alone but with Cas he just felt better. The angel made his heart race at double speed, soothed him at the same time and left him speechless with his honesty and affection. He missed him so much.

"Hello Dean." The voice and greeting was all that was needed to flood Dean's worn heart with warmth and for the first time in what seemed like hours he looked up from his hands and into the angel's unbelievingly blue eyes. With a forced smile he sat up, turning towards the man and forced a smile to his lips. Getting off the bed was out of question, he simply felt too heavy, too tired to do so. Instead the angel walked over to where Dean sat and stared into his green eyes for a long while before speaking up again. "Why didn't you call for me earlier, Dean? Why don't you call whenever you need me? Is it really so important to you to appear strong?"

The words went straight to Dean's soul, cause every single one of it was the truth. He enjoyed that Cas could see right through him, it made things a lot easier and he wasn't in the need to pretend any longer. Nothing. Something broke within Dean, something he had held captured in his chest for years and years but now it was simply too much, the dam broke and he didn't feel the tears on his face until the angel lifted his hands to gently brush them away. "Cas…" The name fell from his lips with a shiver, barely above a whisper but he knew the other man would hear it and if not he would feel it. Everything was easy around Cas, Dean felt as if the angel fought off everything that would hurt him.

"I'm here, Dean." Cas didn't say his name different from any other person in this world, though it sounded different to hear his own name from the celestial being's lips, more gentle, full of affection. It had sounded like that from the beginning and the hunter was glad for it. It was one of the things that made him trust Castiel so deeply that he didn't even care that he was a mess right now, that he cried and shook from the pain that was always there. Slowly the angel came closer, observing Dean's reaction but at this level of pain and numbness he didn't care, he was just glad that the other man was with him right now, maybe Cas was the last being in this world he could trust completely. With sudden shock Dean realized that he would never trust Sam again like he had done before all this shit had happened. They weren't like brothers anymore and even Dean had tried to hold them both together he had failed. Again.

Carefully Cas wrapped Dean with his arms, holding the hunter's head against his neck and shoulder. It wasn't one of the awkward embraces that they had shared before – most likely because Cas had started this and wasn't surprised this time. It felt great to be at the receiving end of gentle caresses and whispered words of reassurance and soon Dean's hands stopped shaking lying still on Cas' shoulders and the tears stopped falling when he was wrapped up in the angel's embrace and grace. "Do I make you feel better, Dean?" The words were whispered against the hunter's temple and the man in Cas' arms struggled to remember when he had felt so safe and well the last time. He nodded. "Good, I can't stand to see you suffer." Dean gave a dry laugh at this comment.

"You're the only one who gives a fuck." His voice was tinted with bitterness and within seconds he felt Cas' smile against his temple. The hunter struggled to look up at his friend in time, he smiled so rarely that he didn't want to miss this opportunity to see Cas' pink lips curl upwards.

"But I'm the one who matters, Dean." The comment left the hunter puzzled.

"What?" A feather light kiss was pressed to Dean's temple where he had felt the smile just seconds ago. The hunter understood and closed his eyes. His trembling subsided when the angel's embrace got deeper like Cas wanted to melt his hunter against his chest.

"I'm yours, Dean, and I will always be there when you need me." Cas promised. Dean gave a deep sigh. He had known this from the start, since he had felt the burnt skin on his arm where Castiel had grabbed him to pull him from perdition. So what he felt was true: the angel was meant for him and Cas was just his angel. The hunter's arms and hands grabbed Cas more firmly, he tried to pull him closer still while another tear escaped his eye. This one was from relief, it was all the tension that fell from his shoulders in this very moment. So he finally found a place where he was save and where he could just let go, a place where he was allowed to cry and show all of his weaknesses. It was more than he had ever hoped for. There was just one question left.

"Why, Cas?" He asked silently, his voice wasn't shaking anymore and he felt calm because he already knew the answer. Another soft kiss to his temple, so sweet and gentle, while Cas' hand wandered over his neck to his chin, to lift Dean's head. Blue locked with green. This time the angel pressed his soft lips against Dean's, a chaste kiss promised laden with the sins that would follow. Dean melted in his angel's arms, his eyes fluttered closed and he enjoyed the new sensation, grateful that Cas was slow and gentle for now, soothing the hunter's worn heart.

"Because you're mine, Dean. I love you."

END

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