Rose started it.

She insisted that Renesmee should have a trip to Santa's Grotto and, since it wasn't exactly easy for us to take a family trip to the lo mall, she hired a Santa's outfit. Alice spent days decorating the grotto with animatronic polar bears and thousands of twinkly lights. Emmett got to wear the suit.

I think Edward was a little bit jealous at first, he would have liked to be Santa. Alice calmed him down somehow, assuring him that he was going to enjoy the next few days very much indeed.

And we did enjoy ourselves very much, taking our little girl to see Santa. I held one of her hands, Edward held the other, and she skipped her way to the grotto. Nessie oohed and ahhed over the lights and loved the polar bears. She was amazed when she saw Santa, and tightened her grip on our hands for a moment. But he soon won her over, Santa assured Nessie that she was the very top of the Nice List, and gave her a teddy bear. She snuggled on his lap then, and chatted about all the gifts that we all wanted for Christmas.

Emmett kept the suit and - from the sound of things - he and Rosalie had a lot of less family-friendly fun with it. Emmett loved that suit and - as far as anyone can tell from the new bed on order - Rose loved it too.

As a family we definitely over-share, so Rose and Emmett's escapades gave me some ideas. That helped me formulate a plan that I'd been toying with since talk of Santa began. I got my own suit (there are some things even we don't share), sent Nessie to spend a night with her aunt and uncle, left Edward a note, and waited for him.

Edward arrived in the grotto, looking a little bemused. Then he saw my outfit and he grinned broadly.

"Merry Christmas, love," he said, walking in much faster.

I didn't grin back, "you look surprisingly cheerful, young man. Do you not know who I am?"

He shook his head.

"My name is Mrs Claus," I said. Then, in my attempt at a bored tone, I asked, "name?"

Edward barred his head smartly, "Edward Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

"Really?" I said, attempting to sound unimpressed, "I doubt thst. I suppose you don't know why you've been summoned here tonight."

"I'm afraid I don't, ma'am," Edward said, looking around the room and clearly trying to guess where I was going with this little game.

I rolled my eyes, as if I had many more of these interviews to get through. "Well, Santa is very busy at this time of year, so I like to help out a little. One of his jobs is to take care of the naughty and nice lists."

"Ah," I could see that Edward had worked the scene out now. He stood up a little straighter and put his hands smartly behind his back.

"This is the checking part. Would you like to guess which list you're on?" I asked.

The full scene clicked into place abd Edward swallowed. He bowed his head and looked up through his eye lashes, very sweetly indeed. "I have a terrible feeling that I might be on the Naughty List, ma'am," he said.

I tutted, "there's no might about it. You've been something of a handful this year, and not nearly admiring enough of your wife."

Edward broke role for a second, giving me a confused look, "seriously?" he said, "is that what you're going with?" I usually complained when he complimented me, and had told him several times that it was ridiculous for him to admire me so much. But, then, I have to keep him on his toes. The game is only fun if Edward's wrong-footed from time to time.

"Well," I said, "now you're in trouble for back chat too. Any more smart remarks to make?"

He bit his lip and shook his head.

"Alright, then," I went on. "Now, as things stand, you're due for a stocking full of coal. That is the traditional consequence for naughty boys."

"Yes, ma'am," Edward agreed, meekly.

"But, you do have one more option available to you. It would be a real shame for your wife if she couldn't spoil you at Christmas. There's such a lovely stocking full of presents set aside for you, too. So, I could give you a suitable punishment now, and you could go ahead with a very merry Christmas. Would you like that?"

Edward was smirking, but he kept his eyes on his feet and said, "yes, please, Ma'am."

"Very well, get yourself over here, then, and be quick about it. I have a lot of naughty bottoms to spank tonight."

Obediently, Edward came forward.

"I'm sorry to put you to so much trouble, ma'am. I wouldn't mind a very short spanking," he said, "since you are so busy, ma'am."

I laughed, "you are a very cheeky boy, your wife should put you over her knee more often."

"Probably, ma'am," he agreed.

"You needn't worry," I said, "there's plenty of time to give you a thorough spanking. That's the magic of Christmas."

"Oh, good," said Edward dryly.

He stood smartly by my side and let me fold him over my lap. I pulled down his pants and his underpants and gave him a light swat.

Edward wiggled a bit, so I made the next swat a bit harder. This time he held still.

I dealt out a few more sharp smacks.

Edward said, "thank, you, ma'am."

I could hear desire in his voice, very thinly veiled in submission.

"I have half a mind to slip a whip in your stocking anyway," I said, "cheek like yours probably needs more frequent spankings."

"Yes, ma-ow!-am," Edward replied, struggling to speak through another swat.

I gave him a few more smacks, not too hard, just enough to make him whistle. Then I paused.

"I hope you've learnt your lesson," I said with mock sternness, accentuating my words with another smack.

"I hope so too, ma'am," Edward replied.

"And you'll be extra polite in future?" I said, with another smack for punctuation.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Any more cheeky remarks to make?" I said, with a couple of swats.

"No, ma'am." Edward shook his head eagerly against my leg, "I will endeavour to improve my manners and cease all cheeky remarks forthwith, ma'am."

"And take care to show your wife plenty of love?"

"Oh, yes, ma'am, I swear it!" Edward said earnestly. He didn't really believe that I wanted him to stop making cheeky remarks, that was obviously just part of the game. But he was always unsure whether or not he was a loving enough husband towards me.

I gave him a slightly harder smack, he kicked his legs out and said, "ow!" in surprise.

I giggled.

"Well, then," I said more warmly, "and how are you going to do that?"

"Ma'am?"

"Show me how you are going to show your wife that you love her."

Edward wriggled off my lap, gave his rear end a quick rub, and grinned at me.

"As you wish, ma'am," he said, slipping between my thighs instead of over them.

Now Edward loves me very much, and he is - in point of fact - very good indeed at showing it. He is incredibly skillfull with his tongue, and he was very eager to please. In only a couple of minutes, I had forgotten my role altogether and cried out, "oh, Edward, you are very, very good!"

He sat back on his heels for a moment and smirked, "thank you, ma'am."