A/N: This is my first fic! I apologize if the characters seem OOC. Concrit and reviews are loved!

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Diaries. They still belong to their respective owners… despite how much I'd love to get my paws on them.

Dear Diary,

It's been awhile since we last talked. I really only have myself to blame for that. Even when I had first started writing in you - vivid, numbingly painful memories of my past - I never went this long. It's weird to admit, but… things felt easier back then. "Back then" wasn't so long ago, though, was it?

I feel lost, more than ever. Just lost in overwhelming sadness, grief, frustration, confusion? Not only for myself, but also for others. My mind is whirling. I wish it could stop, at least just once, to ease the constant flow that I'm growing tired of.

No matter how many attempts I make to push those eyes, that anger and hatred I witnessed from my head, I can't. I feel as if they've burned themselves permanently into my vision. I can't remember feeling so afraid with him. Afraid ofhim. That wasn't Stefan. He told me it wasn't me, I didn't unleash that sudden change, but my gut tells me otherwise. If I hadn't given him my blood, well… I suppose a number of things wouldn't have happened, but a number of other things would've. A momentary lapse in character didn't mean anything, right? It was part of his nature, I just had to remind myself of that. But he's Stefan. He's always been Stefan. Soft eyes, sweet smile, threatening fangs… No. He isn't a monster. Not even close.

But then there's him.

I want so badly to hate him. Everything within me just wants to yell, scream, hit, cry… but something holds me back. Damn it. I feel sorry for him. Why, Elena? I seek and strip and search for the answer, but it never seems to come.

What makes Damon Salvatore so deserving?

Surely the bad things he has done (say… killing mercilessly and feeling no remorse) outweighs the good by a landslide, but tonight… and Atlanta… and the night at the tomb… There is more to him than the dangerous monster he was created to be. He has a strong barrier up and I am begging myself not to care about what's behind it, but I can't. Because I do. I care about Damon Salvatore.

Funny thing? I think he cares about me, too.

Anyway, the excitement of today, if you could call it that, has my limbs aching for sleep and my eyes heavy with evidence of it. I only hope my dreams are a bit more relaxing. A girl can only handle so much.

After all, I'm only human.

A/N: Ok, I haven't written in forever. I'm still stumbling across where I want to go with this story or if I'm going to bother continuing in the first place, but reviews would be lovely regardless! I apologize again if Elena (or anyone in the future) seems OOC. Anywhooo, chapter 2? Yes? No? Bueller?