Ronon's Happiness
Disclaimers: I own nothing in the Stargate Universe, and I really don't know who does, or I'd be bribing them with alcohal and chocolate.
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"Ronon is not going to be happy about that.." Colonel Sheppard stated as he tilted his chair back, propped his feet up on the desk, and laced his fingers behind his head in amusement.
"He's not going to be happy! What about me? I won't be happy to die!" Sgt Jesse Braddock paced Colonel Sheppard's seldom-used office frantically.
"Well, whose fault is that?"
"Yours!"
"Mine! How is you roping and hog-tying Ronon my fault?" Colonel Sheppard demanded surprised. "It's not like I ordered you to do it"
"You may as well have." Jesse said belligerently.
"How did you come to that conclusion, pray tell." Sheppard asked exasperated.
"You are the one that told me to entertain those Athosian kids while their parents met with the Dr. Weir and the science department. The only thing they seemed to like was rope tricks and sailors knots. Then, Ronon walked by, and the little devil on my shoulder, which by the way, looks remarkably like you, told me to make an example of roping out of him." Remarkably she said it all in one breath.
Colonel Sheppard looked at her quizzically before saying, "And you then hog-tied him for what reason?"
"Well, from the expression on his face, he looked like he was going to seriously hurt me, and since I'm not that fond of pain, and didn't want those poor kids traumatized for life by him hurting poor little ol' me…"
At that, Colonel Sheppard began laughing, "Braddock, there is no way in hell, that you are helpless and innocent. I know for a fact that a good portion of this expedition are convinced that you are the devil's daughter."
"Well, those poor kids don't know that. And speaking of which, you really need to talk to Ronon about the language that he uses around small people. I finally duct taped his mouth shut so they wouldn't hear anymore vile language." Jesse continued trying to look virtuous.
Colonel Sheppard's chair fell back to an upright position with a thump as he goggled at her slack-jawed . "You did WHAT!"
Nervously, Jesse began to pace the office again, "Well, he kept yelling, and it was hurting my ears, and I couldn't think…"
"Not thinking sounds about right. I possibly could have ordered him not to kill you with just the tying up, but now, about the only order he might obey is an order not to torture first before he kills you."
"You know, I'm not asking for much. Just send me off world on some scavenger mission for a few decades. Maybe by the time I come back, he'll have moved on to somewhere else."
"In your dreams! Not after those knots you tied." Colonel Sheppard said in disbelief. "He's going to hunt you down and do god only knows what to you."
"I think that I'll take my chances by running and hiding. It's a big galaxy out there." She said weakly.
"And if I let you off-world, he's going to want to kill me for aiding and abetting!"
"Oh please! Just let me have a day's advance on him, or a couple of hours at least!" Jesse begged desperately.
Dr. Zelenka burst into the room, "Jesse, RUN!"
"Colonel?" She asked desperately.
"You have one hour. I suggest that you make your peace with the Universe, or think of some way to appease him." Tapping his COM unit on, he continued, "Lorne, open the gate for Sgt Braddock please."
"To what address?"
"Anyone on a planet with atmosphere. She's going to be coming through in a hurry." He and Radek started laughing at Jesse's rapidly retreating back. "So what is the betting pool like on their current differences?"
"100 to 1 that it takes him more than a day to find her. 2 to 1 that it's within 5 hours." Radek said cheerfully. "Rodney is betting that Ronon will finally kill her for him."
"In his dreams!" The Colonel repeated cheerfully. "Put me down for it being at least a day before he brings her back."