Obsession

Summary: Is love greater than friendship? A short story about how Tomoe fell in love with Kenshin since I did not explain it well in The Great Pretender.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Was love an obsession?

My college professor in psychology had asked after another relationship of hers ended badly. It earned her a few snickers at the back of the classroom as they gossiped about the latest disaster that was her life. She looked indignant and she told them to get the hell out of her class. It earned more laughter and hoots from her student that she embarrassingly almost gave up.

But there was one who answered her question and consequently stopped the laughter as everyone listened to him attentively. It was the way he spoke articulately, the way he stood elegantly, and the way he passionately delivered his piece that made everyone hang to his every word. He charmed the class more so than the frazzled professor at the front. But what hooked me to him was his answer to the teacher's question.

Love, as he said, is a deadly obsession. It creates a prison that can stifle a person to his death. It can't make us move our own way as it chain us into something that we absolutely detest. It created illusions that can deter from seeing the reality. Love can make you believe and hear what you wanted and you never noticed that the person you supposed to love already hate you. Love as an obsession can create hatred so deep that you wanted to throttle and kill a person.

I raised my hand and said it was bullshit and I pity the red head who uttered those depressing words. But my classmates were so enamoured with him that for the next few weeks all I could hear was how great and handsome he was. And I was sick of it.

I frequently met him in the hallways of our school. And every time I saw him it was those words that he uttered that I'll always remember and unexplainably made me angry at him. The first time we spoke to each other was in debate. We were debating about the pros and cons of divorce and the discussion was so heated that I never noticed we already was talking about what he said about love. After the debate I noticed the glare he gave me and I decided I hated him back.

It was sometime later that I knew of his name. As I promised my brother I went to eat with his friends. It was what he had described them to me: Sano, the womanizing jock but a protective brother of all his close female friends; Megumi, the intelligent and beautiful doctor to be who have a sharp tongue and very strong; Aoshi, the strong, silent one but I still couldn't figure out why he was glancing between my brother and Kaoru; Kaoru, she was kind and really very sharp hidden beneath the innocent look. And I chuckled as I finally realized why Aoshi took interest between my brother and her. It was the reason why my brother kept talking non-stop about her. He was in love with her.

The question was why won't he make a move?

"I'm sorry I'm late."

I looked up annoyed at seeing the familiar face. But the loving smile that Kaoru offered to him was answer enough to my question. She was taken already by this heartless guy. And I wondered if she even heard his views about love. But I kept my mouth shut, not intending to create any trouble.

As days passed, I got to know them one by one and I came to love them as I love my brother with only one exception. But it was Kaoru who I got closer to. She was a sweet, lovable woman and we have the same interest that it was a given that she became my best friend. She was younger than me but it didn't matter. We did everything together. And once Sano even asked if we were lesbians. We laughed ourselves silly over that question because I know she was my friend. And I'll die if I lose her friendship.

But the more complicated my course have gotten, the less time I spent with her and the more time I spent with her fiancée. I did not like him but I've got no choice. We were partnered in an art project-- it was an elective subject he had chosen--and every day we argued until our throats were dry.

He was stupid, disrespectful son of a bitch that made me wondered why Kaoru was so in love with him. I asked her that so many times and she always answered about how kind and gentle he was. That was bullshit if I say so myself. I never met such an annoying man before. He always gets the last word, he always knew how to annoy me and he always gets on my nerves. But since he was my best friend's beloved fiancé I tried to tolerate him.

"You're stupid. How can you judge a person when you don't even know him? That's just so like you: judgemental and incredibly dumb."

As I said I tried to tolerate him but comments like this made me want to kill him. And as always I would reply, "What did Kaoru ever see in you?"

And he would shrug as he answered, "Dunno. She loves me I guess."

The answer would always leave me blinking and wondering how dispassionate he was. So it was a mystery why he would ever take art class as an elective and as a club when he did everything dispassionately.

The answer to my question arrived months later when I went back to the arts room to take the art materials that I've forgotten. And that's when I saw him painting alone and too absorbed in his world to notice anything else. He looked intense and passionate that I dared not disturbed him. I clutched the door as I watched him paint, mesmerized by his actions. My heart beat intensely at seeing him that way. Because for the first time I realized he was passionate about one thing: art.

By the next days that followed I can't get him out of mind. Kaoru noticed my daze first and it made me feel guilty. I secretly chastised myself for being immoral. He was of course Kaoru's fiancé and I had no rights of thinking about him. And it almost worked but the fact that I always saw him made me think of him again.

It drove me nuts. But one day I thought of a plan to drive him away from my mind and erased this guilt that was eating my heart. I thought of finally asking him why he likes to paint so much. I mean isn't that why I kept thinking about him because I was curious to know the reason why?

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm just interested. I mean I'm an art major while you are a business major. So I'm just wondering why you choose art as elective subject?"

"Painting gives me the freedom to express myself. I can get lost to the deepest of my fantasy whenever I hold a brush in my hand. And the satisfaction after putting the thought I had in my mind into the canvas give me an instant rush. But the best thing I like about it is it gives me freedom to do what I want, to be what I want me to be and to be who I want to be.

I stared at him because in my eyes I saw him grow another head. Where was the immature guy I know? Where was the unemotional son of a bitch I hated so much? Where this guy did came from? Because in his eyes I saw a young man that was passionately in love with something and it's within his grasp! And I wonder, "Why didn't you take up art as your major?"

He smiled and shrugged and for a moment he looked so sad that I wanted to embrace him and let him know that it was okay. And that's when I knew I could never get him out of my mind. I felt guilty for thinking about a man who belong to someone and scared shitless of the probability that I might be in love with him. So I did what any sane person would do: I avoided him. I just didn't realize how painful it was. I missed our time together. I miss our horrid fights when I call him a dick and he called me a bitch. I miss our debates and I especially miss him.

But he cornered me into an empty hallway one day and demanded why I was avoiding him. I gave him useless excuses but he cut me off with a kiss. At first denial settled in. I couldn't believe he was here with me and kissing me. So I stilled unable to respond. Second, reality sets in and my mind was racing about why I was still here letting him kiss me when he was with my best friend. So I pushed him away as hard as I could with Kaoru in mind. What we did was wrong and I can't hurt my best friend. I just can't.

I ran away from him as I pretended not to hear him shout my name. My heart was beating so fast and my mind was racing about probabilities: he might like me; he might not but what about Kaoru, what about her, and what about me? I stopped at the last thought. I clutched my heart as I catch my breath. I fell down to the floor as I wondered, what about me?

I love him.

The realization shook me to the core and I cried because I knew I would never be with him. He belongs to Kaoru, my best friend, and I can't have him. No one would know about my feelings. It would hurt Kaoru and I can't hurt her. She matters to me too much. Hurting her would be the last thing I would do.

I tried to stand but I trip on a canvas. And for the first time I noticed I was on the art room, surrounded by the smell of paint that I love so much. It comforted me and I tried to smile despite the ache in my heart. And in the corner of my eye I noticed a painting covered with a piece of cloth. Curious, I went to inspect it and despite my hesitation pulled the cover off.

I gasp at what I saw. It was me. Laughing. Womanly. Lovable. Passionate. And not this detestable woman I have become. I traced the painting with my finger, careful not to touch it afraid I would ruin it. And at the last part of the painting I saw the painter and I cried.

This is how he sees me.

"Tomoe."

I looked up as I heard the soft voice that uttered my name and I saw him and my heart ache.

"Kenshin."

He took one step towards me and hesitated. And I put my arms around me as I was afraid I might run to him and hug him. I closed my eyes as chains gripped my heart so hard. He was so near and yet I could not touch him. Oh dear Lord help me.

He waited silently for me to recover. And I open my eyes and I saw him staring pensively back at me. But his eyes were a different story. It was warm and there was…love.

"Since when?" I finally choked out, needing to know. But the sensible side of me wanted me to run and hide until this was all over.

"In history class. When you told the teacher my answer was bullshit."

My mouth fell as I tried to absorb what he had said. In the beginning, since he met me, he likes me? But what about Kaoru? I tried to asked but couldn't. Because the selfish side of me wanted to love him and let him love me back. Was love really that important to risk my friendship over Kaoru? No, it's not. I know it's not. But…

"Is love an obsession?"

The End

A/N: This is weird and I don't know if it's understandable. Oh well…this a side story until I can get myself together and finish the fourth chapter of the great pretender 2. So this is the story of how Kenshin and Tomoe met and how Tomoe fell in love with him. Review people!