I haven't even watched the episode (i don't live in US T_T) but i got sooo many intakes on the scene from so many of you amazing writers out there! (and i did see the promos and some pictures) that i just couldn't stay away, i give you my small contribution to the 100th episode commotion!. (please tell me if i got it right)
Pathetic
He couldn't feel it, not anymore. Not the wind blowing in his face, nor the moisture gathering in his eyes. Not even the smell of her shampoo. He couldn't feel it.
All that existed was the hole, the shallowness in his chest. Where his heart should've been.
The feeling was familiar, in the past it felt like anesthesia, but even then he could tell his heart was still there, beating somehow even if he had no notion of the beat.
Tonight, he seriously doubted it even existed anymore.
Had she dug her nails through his flesh? Had she ripped it out with her own delicate fingers?
Somewhere inside of him, he hoped she had. He still craved her touch desperately.
So close, so fucking close to her. But all he could do was wrap an arm around her -after everything, he was still trying to shield her from the world- and walk. The taste of her lips still dancing in his mouth. Mocking him.
His mind knew what was coming: anger. But unlike her, his mind had little to no jurisdiction on his actions, on his feelings, on the numbness that creped at his senses.
So you could say that there was no warning for the way he smashed against the wall the framed picture of her that greeted him after he closed –more likely slammed- the door.
He stood over its remains, breathing heavily. On a new whim of emotion, he picked up the picture and teared it apart furiously.
Like she tore his heart apart.
He was so pathetic that he even liked it, the idea that she'd lay a hand on him, even if it was meant to harm.
She had more pride left, even if she broke down crying in front of him. At least she wouldn't have been so pleased to have his fingers shred her to pieces.
She didn't need him like he needed her.
She didn't lie awake at night begging for her soulmate to love her back; she didn't smash pictures against walls.
Right now, she must be sleeping like a baby… 'like the angel she is' … he felt bitter as he stared at the small pieces left of her image.
He knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he burned them, but he didn't have it in him to get rid of it.
He could smash, rip and tear all that he wanted, but he could never burn her.
Just like he didn't have it in him to leave her.
It was a death sentence, and he wasn't getting out of it, he didn't want to. His love for her had turned him into a masochist.
He'd rather cry himself to sleep every night, he'd rather watch her move on, he'd rather smile and pretend everything is alright… than never seeing her face again.
He'd rather not kiss her than never glancing a her lips again. He'd rather protect her himself than having any other idiot do it. He'd rather waste his 30, 40, 50 years working with her, than building a family with a stranger.
He'd rather lose his dreams… than lose her.
He was aware that he was going to screw up his life, but he felt a smile flicker across his lips.
It was pathetic how he had found some relief.
He was going to screw up his life beside her.
there are some many lines from so many songs in here i'm sure it must be plagiary...
now that i think about it, it sounds very... 'somebody to love'-ish...