With Time, It Will
Rated: K+
Disclaimer: I own thee not. I own neither InuYasha or the song "We Might Heal." Unfortunately.
She stood there, helplessly watching InuYasha as Kikyo pressed her cold, lifeless lips against his. It was wrong. Kikyo wasn't of this world, but InuYasha was. Coulod she not move on? What held her to this world? Surely her hate and need for revenge could not be strong enough as to anchor her body of ash and graveyard soil to the realm of the living?
But it was.
Sometimes we don't know why things happen.
Sometimes we don't understand.
To make it through, we cling to each other.
We hold each other's hands.
"InuYasha," she found herself mumbling, even as a cold emotion swept through her body and took claim of her from the inside out. "Is this . . . is this really . . . ."
Words no longer found their way out as the sensation of burning liquid stung her cheeks. Hot tears fell, sobs wracking her body, when suddenly she felt nails, more claw-like then anything, digging into her shoulder.
Kagome Higurashi sat bolt upright under her blankets, nearly hitting her head on a low hanging branch. Startled slightly by the girl's sudden movements, InuYasha jumped back. Kagome turned, noticing the hanyou immediately. He seemed to be the only other thing moving in the chill night.
A short way off, under the protection of low, shaggy trees, slept the other four members of their motly crew. Sango lay on her side, one arm stretched over her head, the other laying on the curled up body of Kirara, the two-tailed cat demon that served not only as the demon exterminator's pet, but as a means of traveling. A little ways away, curled beneath an over grown bush, Shippo was curled into a tight ball. Sitting at the base of a tree, Miroku the Buddhist monk sat in sleep, his staff resting on his shoulder. Kagome inwardly smiled at the fact that they had all become friends. Sure, a monk and an extermiator may work together, but with Shippo and InuYasha, who, by rights, should be their prey?
And then there was herself. A time-lost girl who mistakenly entered an era that was not hers. They had, in a way, taken her in, and grow close in the process. By rights, they should have sent her home, but they didn't. They formed a sort of alliance where one falls back for the other to catch, one stumbles for another to help stand again. They really were a motly crew.
"Kagome?" the boy next to her asked, rousing her from her thoughts. There was something wrong with his voice, something like a quiver resounding in it. "Is something . . . are you . . . all right?"
"I'm fine, InuYasha," she said. In truth, she certainly didn't feel fine. It was only three days ago that she had seen the encounter between InuYasha and Kikyo, but the scars on her heart made it seem otherwise. "Why?" she asked weakly.
"You're crying," InuYasha said tentatively, pointing one clawed finger at the girl's cheek. "Why are you upset? Was it your dream? Or was it . . . something else?"
Oh, we won't forget
The way we still feel.
No we won't forget
But with time, we might heal.
We might heal.
Kagome put a shaky finger to her cheek, touching it gingerly. She let out a gasp only audiable to the hanyou's sensative ears. He instantly reached out a hand to console her with, and was surprised when she slapped it away. He recoiled quickly, fearing to be on the receiving end of a tantrum. He turned his back to her cautiously.
What would cause Kagome to cry? He had tried to be kind to her, especially since he had found out that she had seen Kikyo and him together . . . .
It seemed as though the wheels in his mind stopped, his heart speeding up and slowing down at a dramatic pace, his breath clogging his throat. That was it. Kikyo was the reason.
"Kagome, I'm . . . ." His voice stuck to the inside of his throat again. Taking a deep breath, he tried to start over. But since he had started, it seemed it would be impossible to continue.
Yet he had to. For her.
"Kagome, I'm . . . I'm not sure how to say this."
"Then don't." It wasn't even a whisper. It was as though the wind had swooped down to catch the words she had spoken and take them as far away as possible. When InuYasha turned back around, it was to find Kagome's back to him.
"Kagome, listen to me. I just . . . ." He stalled. He didn't know how he should go on.
"You just what? Hm, InuYasha? You just slipped and ended up with your lips on hers? Or you just felt bad for her and thought it was the only way to make her happy? Well? I'm waiting!"
By now the scent of salty tears had reached InuYasha's nose full force and stung his nostrils. How he hated it when she cried! But there was nothing he could do. There never was. And he hated the feeling of helplessness that rendered him useless and powerless whenever it happened. That was why he had sworn to beome a full-fledged demon. He never wanted to deal with these feelings again, and if he could do something about it, he would.
Sometimes when bad things come along, we suffer,
But none of us is alone.
We keep the faith that there is a reason,
Though it may be unknown.
"Listen Kagome!" he snapped. "I'm just so . . . wrapped up in everything; in finding the Shikon no Tama's shards and putting it back together; in Kikyo being resurected; in . . . in all of you guys (InuYasha waved a hand carelessly to where the others lay sleeping soundly and fitfully, what the two of them should be doing); in keeping you safe. And then she's right there, Kagome. She's right there in front of me, and I have a chance to make it right with her, to explain to her what really happened. But I couldn't do it. I didn't do it. And now I regret that. I was just so . . . so caught up in the moment, in her embrace, breathing in the familiar scent that is her. And it just felt so . . . so real, and so right. Me and her, and what we both felt for each other fifty years ago. And that is what I felt she needed then. And well, I guess . . . I guess I was wrong.
"And then . . . and then you were there. And had I known that before, I wouldn't have . . . . No, I guess things still would've been the same. I'm just so . . . so horribly confused, because I used to care about her so much, so much that it used to hurt when she wasn't there. And I still care about her. But now . . . well, now there's you. And you aren't just a replacement. Because I care about you just as much. But when she's . . . when Kikyo's around, I seem to lose myself. And I just don't know, Kagome. I'm just so . . . so sorry, Kagome. For hurting you. For exposing you to that. For . . . for everything."
The tears seemed to slowly find their end, to Kagome's relief. Touching her fingers to her bare collarbone, she squeaked, "Do you . . . really mean that InuYasha? All of it?"
"Of course I do!" the hanyou spat angrily. "Why else would I have wasted my breath spilling it to you?"
But just as the words left his mouth, her tears resurfaced. Astounded at the sudden change of emotion once again, he faltered and stepped back. Covering her face, she said in a muffled mix of words and sobs, "You . . . big idiot! You . . . don't . . . actually mean . . . any of it! . . . You just want . . . me to . . . to . . . to stop . . . crying!"
"N-No!" InuYasha stammered. "Kagome, really! It is true! I'm sorry! I really wish that I could take everything that happened back. I wish you didn't have to bear this burden. I wish it would just . . . go away. For you." His voice got quieter with every word, but rang louder then ever in Kagome's ears.
Silence draped over the two like a curtain of velvet and silk. Kagome sunk to her knees, still weeping softly into her hands, ocassionally dabbing her eyes on the geen scarf still tied around her neck. InuYasha stood awkwardly behind her, wringing his hands nervously, not sure how to break the quiet.
After taking several deep, calming breaths and slowing her tears, the miko reincarnation said quietly, "It won't just go away, InuYasha." She reached out in front of her, picking a wilted flower and turning it in between her fingers. "It's sort of like a battle scar that you'd get from fighting a losing battle. You know you won't win, but you try anyway. And in the end, you end up hurt. Badly. And you have to carry the scars around with you for the world to see. And that ends up hurting you even worse, because there will be people there, whispering behind your back."
Kagome stopped spinning the flower, and plucked off one of the petals. "It leaves a part of you exposed. Vulnerable. And people feed off of that vulnerability. They take it for granted." She turned and showed the flower to the half-demon. "And slowly, it tears at you, and you break down." Without touching the flower, one of the petals fell off. "And that hurts it even more. These things don't leave you with just a wish, InuYasha."
The boy stood dumbfounded, staring sadly at the girl before him. Pity stirred deep within him at seeing such a beautiful creature in such a deplorable state. Tiny bits of hair stuck out at odd angles on her head. Her eyes were watery, her face swolen and red. And the sorrow in her eyes rang out to him, taking hold of his heart and squeezing it like a vice. "Kagome," he whispered, and slowly moved forwards, bending down, and embracing the girl. "Please, Kagome, don't cry over this."
"It doesn't work like that, InuYasha. But with time, with time, it will heal."
Oh, we won't forget
The way we still feel.
No we won't forget
But with time, we might heal.
We might heal . . . .