Dance of Curse

by GothCloud

One Hell of a rode tripe go worng if you read Pretty GirlsMagical Sexy Sorceresses!” and like it this is the longer more funnyer one read

Dance of Curse

Disclaimer: This is the longer version of "Pretty Girls/Sexy Magical Sorceresses!". I still don't own anything, and as a warning, this fic was made for the sole purpose of being MSTed by my girlfriend so that she'll stop trying to MST my good fics. Like "The Puppet Master", which everyone should read.

The following fic has been rated "R" for "Retarded". Do not try to make sense of this because it is GARBAGE. And don't take this seriously EVER.

As the fic begins, Barret and Seifer are flying in Sandrock and Wing Zero. And they're playing with the ZERO system like it's a radio.

Barret said, "Heero and Quatre sure are stupid, mon!"

Seifer agreed, saying, "Yeah, ya know? We gave those two some Juju beans. Because we don't want a mindless DBZ cameo, ya know?!"

"That comes later!" Marlene said. Marlene randomly got Freedom Gundam, because, why the hell not? Then Ansem flies up to their ship, because he stole Koryuu's wings.

Ansem said, "At the low, low price of Barret's hairstyle, I'll give you a rip-off of the acoustic version of "Shell" from Witch Hunter Robin! And I'll even throw in Kairi's virginity!"

"Hmmm.... You drive a hard bargain, mon," Barret said, "But okay, mon!" Ansem gave Barret the song, but then Riku flew in on the magical love of happiness and lucky cookies and lovey-dovey goo-goo-gumdrops and happy smile hello and RAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNBBOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWSSSSSSS!!!

Then Seifer said, "We have the keys, now what?"

Barret said, "I need a random cell phone, mon!"

Ansem was in the sky, without any wings, clothes, and looks like what would happen if you stuck Karasu in a blender and cross-bred him with Eggman and Ganondorf, with Char's mask and Squall's scar, and pants.

"Phones ripped off from Serial Experiments Lain, anyone? If you want, you can have her identity crisis too! All for the low, low price of Marlene!" Barret gave Marlene and Freedom Gundam to the orange person, and Ansem made Freedom Gundam all Technicolor and flew away, with Marlene riding on the back of a silver and Technicolor dragon into the Technicolor darkness. Ansem flew off in the bad Superman pose, and forgot everything he ripped off.

Barret pulls out his cell phone to his Satellite. "Hello, Monkey mon!"

On Barret's satellite, there was a whole squad of monkeys with little helmets with blinking purple lights (because if we used red, it would be a rip-off!) and the machine guns.

Monkey A (Let's just call him Q) said in a really random and crappy Swedish accent, "Hello, oh great one!"

Barret said, "I need you to find the door to the Lair of the Magical Sexy Girls That Might Be Sorceresses That Seifer Has No Interest In Whatsoever, mon!"

Monkey B (Let's just call him C) said, "Okay, mon! We've put the coordinates in our super-advanced computer!" C stuck the piece of paper in a toaster and the monkeys went about their business of being a part of the worst fic ever written, next to "Rough Sex" and "Cloud 9".

Barret said, "Looks like we have a little bit of time on our hands. So let's take a Road trip, But this not a bad way for GothCloud to kill time!"

Seifer said, "Ok ! Why not? it 's not like this is going to end up being a badfic that somebody will end up MSTing, ya know!"

Then Barret and Seifer flew on Space Bears into the moon, singing "Forces" very, very, very badly. Like this fic will turn out!

Seifer said "I wish there was something to do!"

Barret explained, "Something will come up soon like in 5...4...3...2..

Soon they see a big O and sing Big O but then the words Mortal Kombat fly by them all.....Um...Um... Link in a Park like.

Barret and Seifer fly off to the fight thinking that there might Sexy girls and no fighting there too!

Ryu walks up to them and says, "Want to have.... A piece of cake? I don't like to fight anymore, and now I'll explode!" Ryu exploded.

Seifer said, "I think that Ken had something to do with this!" Then Evil Ryu comes in and Barret said, "I thought you died....and where's my cheesecake?!"

Evil Ryu punched Barret in the face and calls Barret a crazy pyromaniacal rapist freak, and kicked Seifer in the balls and called him a random Sorceress-fucking moronic psycho. Then Evil Ryu signs his name on a sheet of paper that says, "TOURNAMENT FOR THE SUPER-MEGA MARTY-STUS!!!!"

(It took me forever to think of the name.)

Barret said, "I wanna kick his ass! I'm not a rapist! Or a pyro!"

Seifer said, "Yeah, me too! I'm not a Sorceress-fucker!" Then they put on spandex jumpsuits that they ripped off of Power Rangers. But they looked sooooooooooooooooo gay in' em and went off to fight in the TOURNAMENT OF THE SUPER-MEGA MARTY STUS!!!!!!!!!

Barret said, "But we need a third member!" As the shadows appeared, the Ultimate Self-Insert made a dramatic entrance that ate up most of the fic's budget! A mysterious dark-skinned man emerges from the shadows, and then TK from Season 2 of Digimon walk behind him.

"Thanks for the ride!" TK said, "You lose!"

GothCloud (the darkskinned man) said, "All your base are belong to us! You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha...Now I need a team!" GothCloud looked at Barret and Seifer and said, "Hey Pedo! Hey Sorceress-fucker! Join me and help me win the tournament!"

Barret and Seifer looked at GothCloud and were very mad.

Barret said, "I'm not a pedophile! And who are you, mon!"

Seifer said, "And I don't fuck sorceresses, ya know!"

GothCloud said, "I am the author of this fic! And there are many underage girls and sorceresses in store if you help me win! Or we can all have sweet, random yaoi that makes no sense whatsoever, like this fic!"

Barret and Seifer said, "Okay!!!" and they went in.

----ROUND THE FIRST!! Barret, the Great and Sexy GothCloud WHO IS NOT A MARTY-STU and Seifer -VS- Vegeta (SS1), Vegeta (SS Monkey) And a cheese sandwich)

GothCloud ate the cheese sandwich and said, "I are winner!"

Barret said, "But don't Self-Inserts suck really badly 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 of the time?"

GothCloud said, "I have a backstory! I'm part Cat, Sayian, Sorceress, Namek, Ancient, Gundam, Crazy person, Hyrulian, Toadstool, Vampire, Wolf, Fox demon, Dragon, Fairy, Pixie, Wizard, Elf, and Juraian, and anything else that might make me sound like a Marty-Stu! But I'm not!"

And Barret and Seifer went off to fight the two Vegetas and a Super-Saiyan monkey.

Vegeta (HP 5000)

SS1 Vegeta (HP 60, 000)

SSM Vegeta: (HP 100, 000)

Barret said, "Mon, they're really strong, mon! I'll have to use some dirty tricks!" Barret throws a mini-Junnon Cannon onto each of the three Vegetas.

"WE ARE THE PRINCE OF ALLLLL SAIYANS!!!" said the Vegetas, and then Scarlet flew in on a meteor and hopped on top of the cannons to do unspeakable things, but we can't show it because the fic is only rated R and the author ran out of money, and then the Vegetas lost 1000 HP, then the people of Disney gave the author money and slapped the Disney label on it, saying, "We can make MAD CASH off of this! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Seifer said, "I will summon a gift from Disney!" Seifer summoned Maleficent and she says, "I am Sorceress Maleficent!" Then Seifer went with her to go backstage to, er, talk. But you do hear sounds of sex, and Seifer screaming, "WHO'S YOUR KNIGHT, BABY! YEAH!" But there is no sex whatsoever.

GothCloud runs at SSM Vegeta with great speed and accuracy, he left SSM Vegeta at half of his life points with his mighty weapon of Power. A weapon of immense power and ancient magic secrets.

Barret said, "That was good, mon, but I'll show them why I'm the BIG SHOT!!" Barret yelled at his wristwatch, "YE NOT GUILTY!!!!" and then lasers shot from the sky to kill SSM Vegeta! And then SS1 Vegeta was at half-health, and Vegeta randomly exploded by the Gears. (Random Guilty Gear ripoff. Get used to them. Because I shop at Ansem's Ripped-off, er, I mean, Borrowed Stuff store!)

Seifer said, "I got it, ya know!" Seifer ran at the remaining enemies with his Blazing Horse of Justice, setting fire to those who stood in the way of the New World Order. As you saw the Gundams of every nation from G Gundam flew into the sky, "Fly Gundam" played in the background. (Bad G Gundam reference, and WORSE Mobile Suit Gundam cameo)

Ryu, who came back from the dead, said, "I'm going to have...a....piece of cake!"

Barret said, "Aren't ya dead, mon? And WHERE'S MY CHEESECAKE, mon!"

Ryu throws a cheesecake in Barret's face and said, "People like you make me sick! I'm going to turn into FIGHTING RYU now! Fightfightfightfightfight........"

Barret pulls out the CHEESECAKE OF VICTORY and said, "I WILL DEFEAT YOU IN THE NAME OF THE CHEESECAKE OF VICTORY!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Seifer said, "Yeah, and I swear upon the Sorceress of Victory! Or Annoyance!" Seifer pulls out Ayeka. Fortunately, she's sufficiently bound and gagged so that she doesn't get away....or speak.

And GothCloud said, "I will defeat you in the name of the Angel of Victory!!" He summons Alita (The most horrible Battle Angel Alita reference, EVER. And Alita Sexy. Sexier than my girlfriend who will now kill me because I just said that.)

Dr. Nova ran in and said "YOU STOLE MY FLAN OF VICTORY!!" Then he ate his flan and ran away. And then a space bear flew in and said, "FATHER! Why did you give me life?" And everyone was happy!

Ryu said, "And if I win, it will be on the Saint of Fighting-ness. But if I win, you get Cammy and Chun-Li."

Chun-Li and Cammy said, "But we're people! We have feelings and emotions! We are not objects!"

Ryu said, "Shut up, stupid women. You know your place."

Guile and Ken come in.

Guile said, "You can't say things like that to Chun-Li! She's cute and sweet and I'm randomly seventeen! Yay! Chun-Li and I are legal!!!!"

Ken agreed, saying, "And Cammy's hot! And she's very charming and you're lucky that she half-likes you!"

Meanwhile Vincent and GothCloud were dancing to "Forces" and "One-Winged Angel" and any other random dark stuff when some Chibipires attacked Vincent. Chibipires are a race of vampires that suck out the dark, angsty feelings, leaving their victims in a state of Di Gi Charat-mixed-with-Hamtaro-level fluff. They ride in on cute chibi hamsters and Mogs and chocobos. GothCloud, using his speed and agility that Disney gave him, avoided the attack. Vincent, however, was reverted to Chibi form.

"I'm chock full of big-headed anime goodness! Happy smile hello! Eat a lucky happy cookie! I shoot eye beams at the things I hate and make them explode! YAY!!!!"

Then Season-two T.K. comes in and says, "All righty, then. GothCloud, you are a Marty-Stu! Now join me, in the darkness, GothCloud. The Darkness and the Yaoi!" (The worst Kingdom Hearts reference ever. This, and it mocks Sora/Riku bad-yaoi. Yey for cameos.)

GothCloud said, "NEVER! I can't have hot steamy Alita lovin' in the darkness!"

"But you can have better!" Season-Two TK said, then brings out Keiko. (Yu Yu Hakusho cameo)

"Same difference. They're both robots," Seifer said, "And don't you have a girlfriend who MSTs shit like this fanfic for the hell of it?"

GothCloud asked, "But what are the odds of her MSTing this? This is QUALITY!!" (This quality fanfic was brought to you by Disney and Mattel. Quality family entertainment for the family!)

Hojo brings in the odds of this fic being MSTed by a certain author's girlfriend, saying, "She will definitely MST this, and then take an extremely large knife to your dick, GothCloud. If she can find the thing."

Alita said, "I found it! And it's mine!" Alita and GothCloud have a third-base makeout. The dragon was being unleashed in GothCloud's tight leather pants. Then Hojo jumped into a giant Plothole which seemed like the only logical escape from the stupidity that would ensue.

Round the Second:

Goku – 1000000000000 Marty-Stu points.

Goku SS1 – 2000000000 Marty-Stu points.

SS4 Goku – 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999998 Marty-Stu points.

-vs-

Ryu – 88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888887 Marty-Stu points.

Evil Ryu – 777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777772 Evil Marty-Stu points. WHAHAHAHAHA!

Ryu said, "We shall defeat you and steal your powers easily! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Ryu and Evil Ryu did the Fusion Dance. Of course, this is a lie that they tell to children so that they don't know that this is...the YAOI DANCE!!! Ryu and Evil Ryu have sporadic sex with no plot, spelling (like "klock" and "kum".), or even a reason as to why they're fucking. They just had hot steamy lovin' in the middle of the battlefield. With no real reason. Or a point. And aren't they something like related or something? Who cares? It's the random sex scene! There needs to be no reason! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Goku said, "Oh noes! It is the random yaoi! How many times has my universe fought this scourge of PWP sex and stupidity?! I'm hungry!" The Gokus jump into another plothole which led to the Sun which burned them all oh dear.

Barret said, "I like waffles! I wanna rape the undercooked waffles everywhere! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

--------------------------------

Round the Third!

Ryu and Evil!Ryu –vs- Psycho Boy, Pryo-Man and Self-Inserted Idiot.

GothCloud, Barret, and Seifer all say, "THAT'S NOT US!!"

Ryu said, "MORTAL KOMBAT!" (Most of the Spellcheck was done by Sorceress Ultimecia! Because as we all know, "Combat" has a C not a K.)

GothCloud summons....Zapan, because according to demonology, he ruled one of the regions of Hell, making GothCloud the creepiest person on Earth. GothCloud said, "And don't forget...I LOOK SO GOOD! I LOOK BETTER THAN MARTH OR RAIDEN!!"

Evil Ryu said, "Attack, my Chibipires! Attack!"

Instead, the Chibipires attacked Evil Ryu and turned him into a chibi form of himself, filled with the Big-Headed Anime Goodness ™, singing, "I love to sing-a! About the moon-a in a June-a in the spring-a! I love to sing-a! With a tea for two-a and an I-love-Quistis-and-her-Huge-Materia! Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis Fic is GARRRRRBAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!" Then he exploded.

Then Ryu randomly died. And the souls of the interesting characters rose from his charred Marty-Stu body to gain new lives of interesting-ness!

Both Cammy and Chun-Li walk sadly to Barret, Seifer and GothCloud when... A plothole opened under them, and Cammy and Chun-Li fell through it, and we have no idea where it led..."

Barret said, "We owe this victory to the Cheesecake of Victory™!"

Dr. Nova smacked the cheesecake and said, "No, do it right! It's the FLAN OF VICTORY ™!!" (Another Battle Angel Alita cameo. Mr. Kishiro would be very, very sad, and then he would cry from the badness oh dear.)

--------------------

Round the Third!

Barret, Seifer, and GothCloud

-vs-.........................

A dramatic drumroll heralds his immense presence. The crowd cheers as he comes forth. It is.... TYSON!

The crowd chants in a unison, "TYSON! TYSON! TYSON! WE LOVE YOU AND THE WAY YOU NEVER LOSE!!!" Girls throw their panties at Tyson. And then... the battle begins!

Seifer said, "I'll take him on, ya know!!" Seifer charged at Tyson with speed and agility. Tyson throw Sorceress Ultimecia at Seifer and then they have some hot steamy lovin. We can't show it because Disney won't let us, boo hoo. But you can hear every detailed scream, pant, moan, and slurp, and glurp. And "WHO'S YOUR FUCKING KNIGHT?!" and "WHO'S MAMA'S DIRTY, DIRTY KABANA BOY?!" (Again, spelling approved by Ultimecia. Who is busy having random sex with Seifer.)

Barret, "Don't worry! The great and brave Barret Wallace will save you!" Barret poses and then charges. Tyson, being as "smart" as he was, threw Windwaker Zelda at him. WindWaker Zelda and Barret had some hot steamy lovin' even if it's technically illegal but this is the Worst Fanfic Ever, so who gives a shit really?

GothCloud said, "I'll save you, guys! Mon! Ya know!" GothCloud hits Tyson with many martial arts techniques. Tyson only gets two damage. Then GothCloud does Lionheart on Tyson, and Tyson only gets three damage. Finally, GothCloud performs the Panzer Kunst, the strongest fighting technique that is programmed into cyborgs, and Tyson only gets ten damage.

Tyson said, "Look, a papercut! Now it's my turn!" Tyson yawned and caused a billion damage to GothCloud.

Then Tyson looked at the scenery and then caused 999,999,999,999 damage.

Then Tyson scratched his head and did a gazillion damage.

GothCloud said, "THIS IS WHY I HATE MARTY-STUS!!!" Then he attacked Tyson using the Plasma Jets, boosted with the Game Genie™, the Gameshark's ancestor. So you see this coming toward Tyson:

75238902647865790364979690364779054398p4q897584ugiroyw684u6hg6859w76yuhe85907608u708-9w647ug40896767-0w8674-6578658-90w54890675p789678497w683yu085488thisficisshitty2389102409230inc2ir9318y75ryu89yIFUCKINGHATEMARTYSTUSpui34p2uio34huio23iryu23hu fwehui fhuiwruhiw3huirwhuir23ui4ryu23y8528y5y89235y8234y895r23yu849cy2yuiru2yiryui2ui. This much damage hit Tyson.

And Tyson said, "Owie. A boo-boo." Tyson unleashed his Mighty Beyblade of Overrated Perfection and summoned Dragoon, the most Marty-Stu-like bit piece EVER.

GothCloud did Armageddon and Supernova and Shock Pulsar at the same time, with a boost from the Game Genie™! So you saw this: 12823789ehuidhjarkskrfwugeryugweyukgrwy7854237452p3788r7r935r60373fh75t3784ory085r3y84y593y4785rf3y7845y7834y78IHATEMARTYSTUS0w4809234eui23ui9er23u238ru83u8r293u8ru8324ro2u83u8r8yory8THISFICSUCKS90e0823u4u892349u8234u832u84u89PLEASEMSTTHIS09e90u234u8923p84r23895ry782345y7824y78ry78ttr78378r67t3975r967t78IAMAMORONo0ie2794p2497237984237898923714689y23y37819r2y7814671295421689567236785962968592679087892147823497889u823xeuwhuieru2iw4284994723723yu15h23451y7826785788ow678e6788IAMALAMESELFINSERT02-42i91jr2rjiu9r9uh9p3ru83urh2er23hu8r34y4uy438y5oy834y7t43t378t67848920789389024089124038990238430892490839028424-90129034-90-903-904903YAOIFOREVER2io1478124892eyuqr2uyir23y89r97823r8342yry7823qy78ty78y78y78OYWEy23y98yyuiqwefuiweruigweyuqweyu8

As GothCloud fell to his knees, Dragoon said, "WHAHAHAHAHA! I lost...half a health point."

GothCloud fell to his knees and said, "Who's the real Marty-Stu?!" GothCloud ran at Tyson and as a final desperate attempt, screamed, "DESPERATION!!!" And a random piece of rope appears from mid-air and GothCloud jumped for it, but....

Naked Laguna kicked GothCloud in the forehead and said, "This is MY show, boy! COME AND SEE HOW GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD I LOOK!!!!!!!!!" Laguna swung back and forth on his rope happily as fangirls looked on.

"What the shit is this?" GothCloud asked, when... a Dance Dance Revolution (or DDR) game falls on GothCloud and a brass pole fell from the sky with the DDR game, and Kiros came down naked and dancing provocatively.

"Wow, that was so freaking random, mon," said Barret, "I think I'll sing...er... 'Cry Me A River'?" And he did.

Just then, Tyson decided he needed to do something.... Drastic, as Laguna swung from his rope, and Kiros was being random fanservice. He grew one of those generic villain mustaches and developed one of those generic villain accents and said, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Dragoon! Open a portal between here and... the 99th ½ dimension! WHAHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHAHAHAGENERICEVILLAUGHTER!!!!" Dragoon opened the portal to the 99th ½ dimension with the totally fake 1980s video game graphics (And we mean E.T.-style graphics.), the Evil Egg People Who Don't Like Anime or Crappy Fanfiction descended and started destroying stupidity. And then the Angel Masters (Wish cameo!) came and turned the egg people into eggs and everyone ate them as a well-balanced breakfast.

Koryuu flew in wearing absolutely nothing and said, "HEY! We sent those because Hell didn't want this shitty fic! We sent the Egg People to save the world... because if we didn't, the badfic would eat their souls, and that's my job!" Just then GothCloud shot Koryuu in the back of the head and then Koryuu fell into a plothole and we don't know where the plothole leads oh dear. And then a Mysterious Laguna-loving Fanfic Writer ™ swooped in and took Laguna away, probably to get him some fucking clothes. And then Kiros, DDR machine, pole and all fell through another plothole which leads to...I don't know. Maybe to a place where he can find some CLOTHES, oh dear.

And then, with Barret's strength being gone, GothCloud at zero energy, and Seifer otherwise engaged, Tyson stood over GothCloud, knowing he had the superior position. Tyson said, "WAHHAHAHAHA!! I will defeat you, but first, I must tie my shoe." He reached down to tie his shoe, then he collapsed and died. (Wish cameo again) As he died this extremely dramatic death, his dead and dying body landed on the Spear of Life, which appeared out of nowhere (Legends of Dragoon cameo!) and he came back to life. Tyson said, "Boo hoo. I can't be a great Beyblade champion anymore. Boo hoo. Dragoon died. Wah boo hoo. Ah well, I can always fall back on my minor. Being the Random Hot Guy in bad yaoi!"

Then Kai popped out of nowhere and said, "Mwahaha! My overratedness will take over! WAHAHHAHA!!!" And then Kai's Beyblade exploded oh my goodness.

"Boo hoo," Kai said, "Dranzer died, too. I can't be a beyblade master, either. Ah well." Kai fell on top of Tyson and Tyson said, "What the hell, let's have some hot steamy lovin'!" Tyson and Kai pulled off their pants and gave each other sporadic blow jobs in the middle of the very small Beyblade arena.

Then Ray walked by not being a Marty-Stu or overrated, as Tyson and Kai were having the hot steamy lovin'. And as everyone knows, it is rude to walk past people fucking in a small Beyblade arena. Then Ray asked, "Am I yaoi-bait?" Then the yaoi fangirls exploded Ray because he had a girlfriend.

Then Ray didn't really die, but he fell in a cave with Mariah. There were sounds of a screeching cat and a roaring tiger. The sounds that came from that cave sounded like a tiger and a cat having sporadic sex.

Meanwhile, safe from the massive stupid, King and Ozuma were arguing. (And no, Tyson does NOT show up thank god) And this took place during the one thing everyone used to solve everything. A Beyblade match! Beyblade is the new Tennis! (Prince of Tennis cameo!)

Ozuma said, "Take Mariam! I don't want her! She's hideous and loud and—and she snores! Yeah, that's it! And—and—she looks like The Blob."

King answered, "How dare you say that stuff about Mariam! She's a goddess! She's sweet, graceful, strong, intelligent, and her presence lights up the Technicolor Darkness ™ that Ansem created. Queen, on the other hand, is rude, screechy, has this horrible helmet hair, I thought she was a man, and oh, yeah... She nags. God, how she nags. Nag, nag, nag, nag... ick."

"What?! Have you been living in a cave all your life?" Ozuma said, "Or are you slower than Tyson over there? Queen is smart, pretty, feminine, and for my gift to her, I'm disbanding my team, and giving my beautiful Queen Mariam's place as Second-in-command and her Beyblade. All I need is Queen and air. And I don't even need air anymore."

"You really were deprived of oxygen at birth," King said, "So, I must be going then. Mariam is waiting for me in the cave's Secret Area (Final Fantasy 8 Cameo!). I am going to give her Queen's Beyblade and her spot on the team. See ya!" King stomped off angrily.

Ozuma burned inside with violent anger as he pulled out a random Lightsaber and charged at King. Then King pulled out his random Lightsaber and the Obligatory Lightsaber Scene ™ took place. Then Mariam and Queen walked in and saw them fighting.

Mariam grabbed King and said, "Let's go! Little boys playing with big Lightsabers are compensating for things!" They left to one end of the cave to have random sex.

Then Ozuma went off with Queen to the other end to have Random Sex ™. I don't know how sixth graders managed to figure out what sex is, but there are third fucking graders who are fucking like mad. (Card Captor Sakura reference, Magical Girl Pretty Sammy Reference, hell, DIGIMON AND POKÈMON FUCKING REFERENCE!)

Round the Fourth

GothCloud –vs- Sora! (Not the cute one from Digimon. The Asspony from Kingdom Hearts.)

Sora said, "Nobody can defeat me! My heart is the PUREST OF THEM....." GothCloud stabbed Sora in the back Sephiroth style and said, "Fucking Marty-Stu assclown! This is why I hated Kingdom Hearts. This is why I fucking hate your fans! YOU STOLE ALL THE PERSONALITY!!!!!! FROM EVERYONE!!! Poor Kairi! She would've been so fucking awesome if you didn't suck out all the personality out of her...." Then Disney said that GothCloud's language wasn't family-friendly and took all its money. Never fear! Ansem's Ripoff Industries and Network and Stuff is now funding this fic, so now there will be full-blown sex scenes where you can see all three of Sorceress Ultimecia's breasts! And Seifer's... er, we would "baby dick", but babies are better hung, so for the record, we'd say... electron microscopes are required to find it, because he is The Man With The Smallest Penis™!!!!

Kairi popped in and stabbed Sora with the Oathkeeper and said, "You forgot about me again! And we're supposed to randomly hook up! But noooooooooooooooooooo, the all-important Namine appears! (Random KH2 spoiler!!!) And yet again, you leave me alone. Goddammit, there IS evidence that Tifa's my mom. We both have shitty taste in men!" Kairi left.

----------------------------------

Final Round!!

Duel of Fate: GothCloud vs. Shobu!!! No, wait, it's only Season 2 TK... yawn.

GothCloud asked, "Where is the pyro and the sorceress fucker?!" Then Yuffie comes out in a string bikini, as the Chocobos and Cactars in the audience were going wild! (Chocobos Gone Wild! On sale after this fic is over!)

Yuffie said in the Worst British Accent EVER ™, "Well, the people in the white coats took Seifer away and gave him a happy shot!"

GothCloud said, "And where's Barret?"

Yuffie said, "Barret's been taken away by an evil talking cat—er, dog—er, ANIMAL WHO FATHERED MY CHILD!!"

Ansem runs in and says, "MOMMY!! You found Daddy?"

Yuffie answered Ansem, "No, Daddy's off fucking Barret again for extra money for child support. Damn cheating bastard. He ran off with Kirara again!" (Worst Inuyasha Cameo EVER)

Kari and Davis and the rest of the Digidestined from Digimon (Season 2) appear, and Kari said, "Step into the light, TK! We could be a couple with development!"

TK said, "Hmm, lemme think..." TK pushed everyone into a plothole.

GothCloud said, "Woe is me! How can I defeat TK!? And he's more of a Marty-Stu than Tyson!

Then Season 2 TK puts on a cheesy fake villain mustache and said, "MWAHAHAHAHAHA! My powers are INFINITE! Because I drain my power from Sasami! MWAHAHAHAHWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" Then Sasami appears very tied up and hanging from a pipe above the stadium.

GothCloud said, "I will defeat you using the powers of the Darkness! Not the Technicolor Darkness™. The real Darkness that consumes your soul and makes you wish for death, as it consumes you like the shadows of remorse, forgotten memories, and regret." Then he ran at TK using great speed and agility using the Rave of Knowledge (Rave Master cameo!). Then GothCloud cut his arm and fallen angels of darkness flew at TK, ripping open his flesh. Then GothCloud jumped high into the air, and it seemed as if he had split into two, but GothCloud had opened the nine circles of Hell and dragged TK through each one, making TK wish for a quick, painless death.

Scarlet came riding in on the Junnon Cannon and said, "And the award for Maximum Creepiness by a Self-Insert in a Bad Fanfic goes to... GOTHCLOUD!!!" After GothCloud accepted his award (what a frigging show-off), TK said, "You have done what most people have NEVER been able to do... Gave me a scratch! And now, my friend, allow me to demonstrate the true power of the Technicolor Darkness™!" TK scratched his head, yawned, rubbed his belly, and looked at the scenery, and this did such an immense amount of damage that the Game Genie™ couldn't handle it.

TK said to Sasami, "Now, you have served your purpose. I don't need you anymore. And now I will take over the world! WHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! "Then TK grabbed a bottle of sake, never mind the fact that he's a minor, and said, "The sake of VICTORY!!!!" Then TK summoned a giant fireball and hurled it toward Sasami. Then GothCloud shouted, "NOOOO!!!!" as he lunged toward the fireball to save Sasami.

GothCloud said, "Don't cry for me. I lived a long life. I fought long, hard, and fair, but my best wasn't good enough....against the Ultimate Marty-Stu." As he reached to give Sasami the one key that will ultimately defeat TK, he melts and his soul ascends into the air, toward the warmth and light that awaited.

Then Sasami raised the key above her head and said, "This will defeat you, TK!" Sasami summoned Quistis and then Quistis said, "Here, TK. A real opponent for you." Quistis handed TK a mirror.

TK looked in the mirror and said, "Oh no! How can I defeat myself? But I am my strongest opponent! NOO!!!" TK drove himself crazy and jumped into a plothole. Unfortunately, the Plothole led to Ansem's Pleasure Dome™, and TK was trapped there for all eternity.

Barret and Seifer walk in. Barret asked, "Hey mon! Why didn't anyone tell me that Zelda was a man, mon?"

Seifer asked, "And why can't I find a nice, stable sorceress who doesn't get killed by Sorceress Stabber Quistis and her squad of Sorceress Hunters, which is made up of a brick, a playboy, a chicken-wuss, and the inspiration behind Di Gi Charat and all its fluffiness?"

Barret and Seifer look around, and ask, "Where's GothCloud at? And did we win the tournament? And where's the Cheesecake of Victory?"

Sasami looked at them and said, "The poor, brave GothCloud. He saved me, and you guys did win the tournament, but he died..." Sasami cried.

Then Seifer came up with a great idea. He said, "Don't worry, Barret and I will look after you! It's what GothCloud would want!"