I've had people request that I write about the events of the cocktail party that I mentioned in my short story, "Shaken, Not Stirred". So here it is. I do recommend reading that short story first to understand just exactly how Seven ended up as a Bond girl. As well as to learn about an acceptable answer to the question: What do we do with leola root.
Though not exactly graphic, this story is a little bit naughty. If you're old enough to watch 007, then you're old enough to read this story.
And the title to this opus, is a direct quote from GOLDFINGER. (As was "Shaken, Not Stirred.")
All the usual disclaimers apply. Sigh. I wish I did own it… Then I would have really done some shaking up about TPTB's take on relationships on board starships…
"MEET ME TONIGHT AT SEVEN. BLACK TIE."
As captain of the USS VOYAGER, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway had learned many things.
Many, many things.
Unfortunately, one of those many things that she had learned was something that she really would have preferred not to have learned at all.
Martinis.
Shaken.
Not stirred.
And popcorn.
Do not go together.
She calmly watched as some of the more juvenile members of her crew - meaning Tom Paris and Harry Kim - pelted Tuvok every now and then with popcorn during the intermission. Tuvok sat in his old-fashioned theatre seat several rows in front of her - and his tormentors - patiently waiting for the second half of Tom's scheduled movie night double feature of GOLDFINGER and TOMORROW NEVER DIES, to begin.
Tom was seated two rows behind Voyager's security officer. The captain and her escort were in the row behind him.
Harry was standing behind the bar on the landing to the right of where Captain Janeway sat.
Why the two ensigns had mutually decided to use Tuvok for their popcorn tossing target was something that the captain didn't know. And it was something that she would never wish to know. Though she suspected that the 007 cocktails both men had been imbibing, might have had something to do with it.
She turned her eyes back to her Second Officer. Only a captain who had known him for many years would have noticed something odd about her favorite Vulcan.
He was too still.
Too imperturbable.
She just knew as she watched Tuvok never twitch even as the occasional kernel managed to land on his head, that her favorite Vulcan was already strategizing as to how he was going to get his revenge. Not that he would ever describe it as 'revenge'. He'd probably call it an appropriate response to the situation. He would effectively retaliate. This she knew as a fact. Someday. Soon.
So Tuvok just sat there. He was stoic as he seemed to be ignoring all the nonsense.
Janeway smiled in anticipation for she wanted to be there when Tuvok got his revenge.
A tuxedo clad thigh lightly brushed against her right thigh.
Tom Paris had requested that all attend the 0-0-7 movie night wearing appropriate attire, so quite a few of the crew showed up wearing evening gowns, tuxedos or even came as characters from the Bond movies.
This meant that the captain of the Voyager was sitting in very close proximity to a living, breathing, hot-blooded temptation.
The first moment Kathryn had seen Chakotay dressed in a tuxedo, she had almost swooned - not that by look or deed did she reveal to her lover how great an impact his appearance had had on her heart - and her libido. There was something about Chakotay's oh-so-broad shoulders dressed in a tuxedo jacket that set her heart- and other parts of her anatomy - aflutter… Some men were born to wear tuxedos. Chakotay was most definitely one of them.
With Chakotay in her arms, she'd been sorely tempted not to go to Tom's movie night or Seven's little cocktail party this evening. She suddenly found herself daydreaming of dancing with Chakotay for the rest of the life.
But Chakotay had actually wanted to go to see the double feature. Observing something as iconic as James Bond had intrigued the anthropological side to Chakotay's nature. Besides, he wanted another one of those James Bond martinis that Seven was providing, too.
So they went. Officially, it wasn't a date. Not that anyone in the crew believed this faradiddle for a second.
Kathryn Janeway had difficulty controlling her smug little smile as she observed the reactions of the various female members of her crew watching Commander Chakotay enter the holodeck theatre. One didn't have to be a psychic to know that the vision of Chakotay in a tuxedo was agitating quite a few feminine hearts. Her only regret was that she couldn't publicly proclaim the man to be her private property. Though woe be unto any woman who tried to trespass…
When she looked around the holodeck, Kathryn was surprised to see that the cocktail bar was already serving martinis.
Even as Chakotay escorted her to get a drink from Harry, the captain wondered aloud, "Is this wise?"
Chakotay took several sips of his perfect martini before he answered his captain. "Probably not. Shall I close the bar down?"
Kathryn took several sips of her perfect martini before she answered her first officer. "No." She sighed.
So did Harry in relief.
"We've had quite a rough go of it the last few months."
"Kathryn, when have we haven't had a rough go of it?"
She finished off her martini and stuck the glass directly in front of Harry's nose. The temporary barkeep wisely filled up the captain's glass without comment. He added a few more olives to the sword pick.
"Let the crew let off some steam, Chakotay. We all need to relax." She took a tiny sip - for her - of the alcohol. Then she ate an olive. "Would you be so kind as to help your captain relax after the movies, Commander Chakotay?"
Chakotay almost dropped his martini. He wasn't used to this kind of flirtatious question from Kathryn - in public and in front of a very attentive audience for Harry was practically leaning across the shiny black lacquer bar top. Not that Harry Kim ever eavesdropped.
Chakotay leaned closer to his captain, appreciatively eying her lavender sequined silk dress. Her décolletage especially caught his interest. "Your wish is my command." He could not refrain from a few glances down the front of her dress. He couldn't recall Kathryn wearing such a dress this sexy in public, ever before.
Clutching martinis and the pre-requisite tub of buttered popcorn, Chakotay and Kathryn finally sat down in their seats, and watched GOLDFINGER. And then it was intermission time.
A kernel of popped popcorn flew by her nose, momentarily distracting her. And then Kathryn became aware of something else…
A stray finger accidentally slid under the leg slit to Kathryn's silk evening gown. She casually nudged the probing finger closer, even as she placed their super-sized bucket of popcorn on top of her marauding first officer's left hand effectively covering up his foray onto her person. They both smiled together when he realized just how effectively she had trapped his roving digits on her thigh under her gown. In the dim light of the movie theatre, they both doubted that his actions would be observed. She was rewarded for her efforts by the continuation of his gentle touches, stroking flames wherever the fingers roamed over her knees or inner thighs.
Another kernel of popcorn flew by her nose, this time landing on top of Tuvok's head.
"Commander, behave," she chided, speaking just loud enough for Tuvok to hear, in order to inform him of another name to add to his retribution list.
"Captain…" Chakotay's soft voice was much closer to her ear.
She couldn't control a shiver as her first officer's lips nibbled her right lobe just a little bit; just for a nanosecond.
"Did I neglect to mention how lovely you look tonight?"
Though she didn't look at him, she knew she was flushing as the heat of his gaze glanced downwards into her décolletage. The front to her gown would provide a discerning male something to look forward to, if she permitted him to get close enough to her in the first place.
"Utterly ravishing…" he murmured.
He reluctantly moved away from her, straightening up in his chair, glancing about in the dark, to see if anyone had noticed how close he had gotten to his captain.
So she was forced to lean closer to him in order to whisper, "I'd rather be ravished." And then she breathed deeply, taking in the scent of him.
He gasped. Then chuckled.
For a second, she felt giddy again.
Quickly her captain mode reasserted herself.
"Mr. Paris," she loudly called.
"Yes, Ma'am," he quickly replied, standing up, dusting the popcorn off of his lap.
"What are we waiting for? Roll the picture. Isn't that what you're supposed to say when one wants it to begin?" For some reason, the captain wanted the event to be over as quickly as possible, since she was rather impatient to return to her quarters.
"As soon as Seven arrives, Captain."
She waggled an empty martini glass in Tom's direction. "Another one," she added.
"Whatever happened to the two-martini limit?" Chakotay chuckled as he observed Harry rushing to pour another martini into the glass.
"This is your glass, Commander." She handed it to him.
"Oh." He was taken back a bit. "Kathryn, I've already had one…"
For a second, the look she gave him was purely sensual. And it went straight to his groin.
He just had to whisper, "Captain, are you planning on my drinking multiple martinis in order for your first officer to get drunk so that you can take advantage of me after the movie is over?"
"Oh, yes," she promised, in her best captainly voice.
He groaned. Then Chakotay reached over and picked up the popcorn bucket and placed it squarely on his lap.
There was a commotion on the stage as Mr. Neelix climbed it. "Let's havth a sing-a-long!" Neelix cheerily announced from the stage. For a moment, everyone froze at this suggestion. Then the somewhat rude responses to this suggestion began - which Neelix totally ignored. For he had already partaken of his two double-martini limit.
In fact, the captain felt sick to her stomach at this suggestion. For two things were about to happen. The first would be that the EMH would appear and sing. The second would be that Mr. Neelix would join the EMH in a duet - probably from an opera for the captain had heard her EMH practicing Siegfried from Wagner's "Götterdämmerung" earlier in the day.
Chakotay had to put his arm around her shoulders in order to help control her instinctive shuddering…
"Sick to my stomach…" she moaned.
"We all feel that way whenever Mr. Neelix is about to sing," Chakotay mumbled.
The First Officer then noticed the speculative glances of the people sitting around them. Angling Kathryn's body a little bit he pushed Kathryn's head down, almost to rest on his thighs. Then he stated, "The captain isn't feeling that well. She's a little nauseous…"
Several people knowingly nodded.
And Chakotay was totally unaware that he had just provided the crew the incentive to start the when is the baby due? betting pool.
"So, who's going to join me and help lead the sing-a-long? I'vth studied the complete Girl Scout Song Book! I'vth learned all their songs!" a jolly Neelix suggested. "I Lovth to Go a'Wandering!, anyone?"
Several more less polite suggestions were catcalled from the audience.
But then, there was total silence. For Mr. Vorik stood up. He walked the steps up to the stage with a dignified, slow, stiff stride. His amber brown, formal Vulcan robes were swirling about his sandals. The gold liripiping on the sleeves glinted in the spotlights.
"Mr. Vorik, you'vth come to join me!" an excited Neelix squealed. Mr. Neelix had come as "Jaws". He was having trouble speaking through his temporary stainless steel teeth apparatus.
"No," Mr. Vorik replied with a stentorian voice.
Then Mr. Vorik pushed Mr. Neelix off the stage. It was a hard enough shove so that the Talaxian landed on top of Mr. Chell seated in the first row.
"I've always wanted to do that" B'Elanna observed.
"So have I," Mr. Tuvok muttered to himself.
For once, Mr. Tuvok couldn't control his response. He didn't realize that just about everyone seated around him had heard his comment. And grinned. Unwittingly, the Vulcan had just gone up several notches in the crew's opinion of him.
"And people say that I have a temper!" B'Elanna added.
"Impressive!" both Delaney sisters said in unison. Most of the men in the audience turned to ogle the twins as they jumped up and down at Mr. Vorik's bravery. Both twins were wearing identical pumpkin orange macrame string bikinis. They were dressed to be noticed. Then the twins giggled in perfect harmony too. They were quickly re-evaluating their opinion of Mr. Vorik.
Without even being asked, Tom informed Mr. Tuvok, "From now on, Mr. Vorik has a one-martini limit."
"That would be wise." Then Tuvok stood and stepped out into the aisle, brushing off stray kernels of popcorn from his uniform as he moved. "I shall escort Mr. Vorik back to his quarters."
"Oh, no, let us!" the twins quickly countered as they raced up the steps to pull the still what did I just do - frozen as a deer in the headlights Mr. Vorik who was swaying, just a little bit.
"Very well," was Mr. Tuvok's atypical response as he returned to his seat.
Tom leaned over B'Elanna's shoulder. "Care to make a wager as to how many double martinis Mr. Tuvok has had this evening?"
His wife was not foolish enough to take such a bet.
As if Mr. Vorik being dragged off the stage by the Delaney sisters was her cue, Seven boldly strode onto the stage from the left wing.
Captain Janeway could hear male jaws dropping, hitting the floor as the former Borg drone crossed the stage to stand at its center.
The captain then heard some sort of vile Klingon expletive followed by, "I'll kill her!"
"Oh, I don't know, Bel. I think she looks pretty good," Tom unwisely pronounced.
"You're a pig!"
Tom knew his wife well enough to dodge her blows. He almost succeeded.
In fact, when it came to heterosexual males in the audience, they all were in agreement - that Seven of Nine looked pretty good. And there were more than a few females in the audience that would have agreed with the men too. However, the remainder of the women were collectively thinking of tar and feathering the Borg drone. For if they did cover her with feathers, it would be more clothing than what she was currently wearing.
For Seven of Nine had chosen to attend her cocktail party dressed as a Bond girl - her body was painted solid gold. Even her implants were gilded. And she had taken Tom's advice from when she had first revealed her costume to Tom. Seven indeed was wearing a bikini - a semi-transparent, nano-miniscule string bikini. It covered nothing of importance.
"It looks like your little girl is all grown up, Kathryn," Chakotay managed to choke out to the somewhat stunned lady who had just raised her head off of his lap.
Kathryn truly thought about hitting her first officer at that remark. She heroically restrained herself. B'Elanna did not. The chief engineer swung her arm over the back of her seat and whapped Chakotay squarely on his knee. Chakotay jerked. And some more popcorn went flying. A few pieces landed on Kathryn's silk evening gown. The captain was not pleased as she contemplated the greasy stains that the popcorn had left behind.
"Ignore her," the captain ordered.
Chakotay sent her a look that clearly indicated that he thought that his captain had gone stark, raving looney tunes. A nearly nude Seven of Nine was not a sight that the men in the movie theatre could ignore.
"Captain, there isn't a man in this room that can ignore that," he warned, pointedly looking at the figure on the stage.
At least Seven's appearance was sufficient distraction. The crew was no longer putting their captain and the first officer under their speculative microscope.
"Remind me that I have got to rewrite the EMH's medical program if this is the result of his tutelage," she muttered to Chakotay, even as she stood, brushing off her lap. Then she walked down the aisle and onto the stage.
She strode quickly up to the Bond girl.
"Seven."
The Borg goddess quickly turned and smiled down at her commanding officer.
Kathryn only speculatively studied the woman. There was a twinkle in the eye of this former member of the tertiary adjunct to Unimatrix Zero that revealed to her captain that Seven knew exactly what she was doing to most of the heterosexual males in the audience.
"Yes, Captain?"
"I'm sure that I am not the only one who would appreciate it if you'd program the replicators with the recipe for your martini."
This was not what the Borg had been expecting her captain to say. Automatically analyzing the expression on Captain Janeway's face told the former Borg all that she needed to know. The captain was not a prude.
"I will comply."
Kathryn stepped closer to the woman and softly added, "I will also be interested in reading your report of the results of your little social experiment. You've definitely lit a few matches with certain crewmembers tonight. I'll be curious as to how you extinguish those fires."
"Of course, Captain." Then Seven smiled. It was a rather intriguing expression. "I intend to use ice."
"I'll tell Mr. Neelix to crank up the ice makers."
Then the captain went to the center of the stage, holding onto Seven's hand, and then raising it.
"Everyone. Let us give thanks to Seven for giving us the very best use for leola root - ever," she proclaimed.
The audience cheered and clapped and roared their approval, letting Seven know of their very great appreciation for her discovery - and her still.
Even Neelix clapped too as he clambered up off Mr. Chell's lap, for he would never be one to begrudge a friend that came up with a great recipe for his favorite vegetable. Besides, he was coming to appreciate the alcoholic use for leola root.
There was a crowd that moved over to the temporary bar, after the second movie ended. Apparently watching Bond movies created quite a thirst in the audience.
Tom helped Harry at the bar. "Sardines!" Tom advised the crew when they asked if they could ever drink some more martinis in the future.
The captain and the first officer had nothing more to say for they'd disappeared the second the end credits had started to roll.
By this time even Harry had heard the rumors of the captain's morning sickness…
Tom, naturally, had that particular betting pool already in place, just waiting for the appropriate moment to start taking bets. Apparently, tonight was it.
In her quarters, far, far away from the maddening crowd, Kathryn Janeway was conveying to her First Officer her appreciation of his choice of dress. For she was taking her good ole time in removing the tuxedo and all of its accoutrements.
When she reached his studs, her fingers were trembling too much. For the studs were as small as her captains pips. In frustration, she started ripping.
"You'll have to replace this suit if you ruin it, out of your credits," her First Officer warned, even as he reveled in the way Kathryn was taking advantage of him.
"Trust me, Chakotay. My credits will be credits well spent."
Then she grinned and showed him the heights to which his tuxedo had inspired her. When she had finished, he was still wearing his bow tie, cummerbund and a black sock. Nothing more.
Of course, her gown had been removed within the first sixty seconds after they had entered her quarters. In between passionate kisses. And frantic caresses.
Chakotay rather enjoyed the sight of a naked Kathryn kneeling at his feet figuring out how to unhook the garter buckle to his dress socks - after she had already removed his pants. For his tuxedo had been an authentic replication from a 21st century Saville Row description. He'd needed the computer's help to figure out how to put it all together when he'd been dressing. He'd never encountered studs and collar stays and cufflinks before. He would never again complain about Starfleet dress uniforms being uncomfortable.
A long time later, they'd eventually reached her bed where Chakotay would give her a massage. For it was his turn to ravish her.
=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=
Thirty-three weeks and four days later, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok won the when is the baby due? betting pool. This occurred two weeks after he'd taken temporary command of Voyager in order to marry his captain and her first officer. It had taken that long for Captain Kathryn Janeway to finally admit: The crew knew.
They named the baby James. Thomas James.
THE END
A.N.: More to come. There's a prequel - MAN'S BEST FRIEND - that sort of explains how Chakotay and Janeway became lovers. It's currently posted.