Close to a Fault Line
It was the tickle of her hair on his nose that finally roused Tyler to consciousness. It had been the barest of brushes as Caroline had softly swept her lips against his temple and amidst the agonizing fire that seemed to seep from his very bones, he had to resist the urge to sneeze at the feather light touch. A small part of him rejoiced that he could still feel something so inane as hair on his skin while the rest of him struggled to fight the roiling waves of nausea and the maddening throbbing in his head. He tried to focus instead on the soft hand slowly trying to ease the tension out of his arms.
He didn't know how long he'd been lying naked on the dirt floor of his family's old slave quarters. It felt like an eternity had passed since the previous morning. He remembered thinking, naively hoping, that all their preparations would have been for nothing. That he'd be standing half-naked in the middle of what amounted to a dungeon draped in chains, the full moon would rise and nothing would happen. Tyler had imagined that he and Caroline would have had a good laugh at it then – the one time he wouldn't have minded a solid laugh at his own expense. He'd fervently hoped it had all been part of some cruel joke on Mason's part or that he'd really just been suffering from some sort of nervous breakdown as a result of his father's death. The idea of a joke had all been in the back of his mind until Caroline had handed him the wolf's bane and he'd felt the searing pain of it against his skin, had smelled the acrid stench of his own burning flesh at its touch. The reality of his situation had begun to sink in after that as he felt himself start to burn from the inside out and the minutes ticked away, until he couldn't think through the pain anymore, until all he'd known for hours upon endless hours were waves of agony and the impossible, torturous sounds of his own bones breaking over and over and over again.
He felt Caroline shift slightly to adjust the sweater she'd thrown over him. He tried to tell her it didn't matter, but his abused throat seized with the effort and he gagged on his words, his body suddenly racked with coughs, muscles spasming painfully as he tried to heave breath back into his lungs. He felt Caroline's arms tighten around him once more, like steel wrapped in silken flesh, and he grabbed wildly for her hand – anything to anchor himself back down as he felt his body reel out of control again.
He heard her whisper softly into his ear, felt her cool breath against his skin, and focused on the sound of her voice much as he'd done in those first few hours of the transformation while he could still think past the waves of pain that had threatened to rip him apart.
Slowly, he felt the pain subside. His bones no longer felt brittle. His muscles no longer bore all the agonising tension of the past night's horrendous event. Tyler slowly turned his head away from the dirt floor, his dark eyes meeting Caroline's bright blue gaze. He didn't try to speak again, but he didn't need to.
As Caroline gently helped him to sit up, a gust of cold air blew against his bare back and he shivered. He heard the pull of a zipper and watched her walk back over to him, clothes in hand. He reached for the shirt, pulling it over his head and wincing as his shoulders protested the sudden movement.
"Can you - "
Shadows had fallen over her face, but Tyler imagined a blush creeping across her pale cheeks. He only nodded in response and struggled to stand as Caroline turned around. He felt like an old man as he forced cramped muscles to loosen, his legs to straighten. Wobbling slightly, he took a moment to steady himself before reaching for the extra pair of sweats Caroline held for him behind her back. Struggling to stay upright, he clumsily pulled the pants over his hips before strong hands grasped his shoulders when dizziness threatened to send him back down to the dirt floor. He'd moved too quickly, too suddenly for his weary body.
Raising his head, he met Caroline's worried gaze with a slight quirk of his lips he was sure resembled more of a grimace than anything remotely reassuring. In that moment, seeing the long-dried tears staining her cheeks, knowing he could have hurt her and that she'd stayed with him anyway, that she'd come back to stay with him again, he wanted to be reassuring. He wanted to tell her he was fine, that he would be okay. That next time he'd know what to expect and that it wouldn't be as bad, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. Not when her hands were now absently smoothing the fabric of his shirt over his shoulders and that worried frown still hadn't left her face.
Tyler reached up and grasped her hand. Cold against his heated skin, her touch was a small relief from the uncomfortable heat that continued to make his skin itch. Eyes fluttering closed for the briefest of seconds as he relished the sensation, they flew wide open when he felt her other hand against his cheek. She'd barely touched him, her hand hovering so close he could still feel her numbing coolness on his skin. If he moved just a fraction of an inch he'd be able to recapture the wicked sensation of her touch – like plunging head first into a cold lake at dawn. So he did.
Her eyes roamed his face as her hand gently moved along his jaw and up to sweep across his fevered forehead. He found himself wondering if they'd always been so vividly blue or if becoming a vampire had intensified them somehow. The thought made a part of him wish that they'd been friends long before all the insanity in their lives had begun - couldn't help but wish that their friendship now didn't have to revolve around his agonizing transformation.
He needed to thank her somehow, but the rights words kept getting lost somewhere between his brain and his mouth. He didn't even think he could have formed the words anyway, his tongue felt two sizes too big and his throat would probably seize up. He'd never been one for grand gestures or great speeches, had never thought them necessary or that they'd particularly suited him. But as Caroline continued to hold him upright, her hands anchoring him to sanity, and her gaze boring ever deeper into him and refusing to let him go, he wished he could have been that guy. Instead, he reached up to squeeze both her hands tightly in his. A slow smile swept across her face when he nodded and for a second he stood mesmerised, momentarily forgetting that every part of his body existed in a constant state of soreness. For a second, he let himself imagine something a million light years away from his current reality.
But then she was slowly pulling out of his grasp and the startling sound of chains against stone brought him crashing back down. Not trusting his legs to move right quite just yet, he watched silently as she effortlessly packed huge lengths of chain back into his duffel, stuffed his tattered clothing in a side pocket, and collected the miscellaneous remnants of the previous night.
Muttering something about coming back later to clean the rest of it up, she walked back him; with the duffel slung over her shoulder and one arm around his waist, she helped him walk out of the cellar, hobble up the stairs, and into the shockingly cold early morning air.
Tyler stopped for a minute, closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths to savour the crisp breeze washing the damp, musky air of the cellar out of his lungs. Sweat cooled against his skin and it was a relief from the sauna of his own body. Finally, he could breathe without suffocating, move without wincing in pain.
Opening his eyes, Tyler stared up past the vast canopy of trees and into the cloudy sky where he imagined the moon would have been only a few hours ago – where it was going to be again in a month's time. He felt that all too familiar sensation of choking fear well up in this throat. Turning to face Caroline as she shoved his duffel bag into her car and slammed the trunk shut with a little too much force, he tried to keep his voice from cracking as he asked, "What do I do now? How do I go back?"
Caroline sighed and let her head fall against the car; eyes squeezed shut as she tried to come up with a better answer than the only one she knew.
"You don't," she replied in a whisper, catching Tyler's gaze in the reflection of the rear window. "It won't ever be the same and you can't ever go back."
Slowly turning, she leaned back and tilted her head to the side, waiting for Tyler to angrily refute her statement. She wanted him to do anything other than stand there looking defeated.
"You can't go back, Tyler," she continued, her voice stronger this time, "But it doesn't have to suck, you know. You don't have to let this be your defining moment."
His eyes never left her face and she swore she could see his eyes darken as he spoke. "Is that what you did? It was just that easy?" His jaw clenched tightly, his eyes daring her to say yes. He was falling back on years of mistrust again, on learned behaviour after all the years of being lied to – first his father, then Mason, now her. But he didn't know that – couldn't know that about her. Not yet.
"No." Caroline shook her head. Dirty, blond tangles waved across her face and she wanted to hide behind her bangs from his piercing stare. His shoulders were set in a hard line now. He was preparing to snap back at her and she had to make him listen to things he didn't want to hear.
"No," she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper she knew he could hear. She took steps towards him and watched his shoulders fall a tiny fraction that would have gone unnoticed by anyone else. Toe to toe, she forced herself to look him in the eye. She wanted to hold him again, wanted to lie to him and make him believe that normalcy was something still attainable for either of them, but his eyes made the words dry up like dust in her mouth. Haunted, his eyes held all the ghosts of past betrayals and half truths, and she felt guilt rise up to choke her.
"I thought I was going crazy from all these feelings I couldn't make sense of." Her icy breath blew across his throat as she spoke and Tyler fought the urge to shiver. Caroline continued, her eyes never wavering from his, a plea in them that he couldn't understand. "When I found out what was actually happening to me, first I wanted to laugh because there was no way it was possible. Then I wanted to cry because it was possible and it was happening to me and that still didn't make any sense. When I killed -"
Tyler's hands snapped up to grip her forearms, to stop her from talking about something he knew still terrorised her. It had to. "You don't have to -"
Her eyes hardened and he took a sharp breath, freezing, remembering that she was actually so much stronger than him and how well she managed to hide it.
"You asked me, Tyler. You wanted to know if it was easy. I'm telling you it isn't. I'm telling you that you can't go back to before and you need to know that. You need to know it and you need to understand it because wishing and hoping is only going to drive you insane."
Caroline's eyes softened again and she smiled sadly as she gripped his forearms a touch too tightly. "But it's not the end of the world and whatever happens, whatever you need, you're not alone, Tyler."
Her eyes dropped for a moment to stare unseeing at their connected arms. Her hands pale, her fingertips white from gripping his arms and she realised she might be hurting him. Loosening her grip, but not letting go, she raised her head once more to find Tyler's head bowed down. She focused on the crown of his head, wanting nothing more than to rest her forehead against him, maybe fall asleep and wish this whole thing away. Inwardly, she laughed at her hypocrisy. Outwardly, she gave Tyler a small shake. He needed to understand that everything she was doing was to protect him – to protect everyone.
"You know that, right?" Light met dark and she swore she saw the briefest sprinkle of gold in his eyes.
Tyler slowly nodded and heaved a sigh. Letting go of her arms, he stepped back and studied her from the dishevelled hair in tangles around her face to her dirty clothing. He thought if he was ever going to believe anyone whole heartedly and without reservation, it should be the person who'd stayed with him during the worst night of his life, whispering encouragement in his ear, holding him so he wouldn't fall apart.
He nodded more firmly this time, not quite trusting himself to speak. But he looked up from the mud splattered on her jeans and attempted another smile. He felt one corner of his mouth twitch upwards before wavering and he gave up with a sad shrug of his shoulders.
It was enough for Caroline. She turned back towards the car, hearing the soft crunch of leaves as Tyler gingerly moved to follow. She focused her acute hearing, listening as Tyler's breathing evened out with every increasingly surefooted step. Trying to convince herself that physically he was going to be fine, she forced all thoughts of Mason, vampires and werewolves, and the crazy ancient blood curse to the back of her mind. There would be ample time to deal with that later. Right now, she had to get home before Damon came out looking for them.
Reaching to shift the car into drive, Caroline stopped in surprise when Tyler's warm hand met her own. She shot him a questioning glance and froze when she met his earnest gaze. This time there really were the tiniest of gold flecks in his eyes.
"Thanks." He spoke quietly as if afraid his voice would fail him at any second and needed to get the words out. "Most people – well, you're not – I mean." Tyler sighed and cast his eyes upward, impatience sweeping across his face. Caroline couldn't help but smile a little. She squeezed his hand. He nodded the barest of nods and turned to stare forwards.
Driving back towards the town, trees falling back and road opening up before them, Caroline was filled with an increasing sense of dread. Tyler would find out the truth eventually. He'd discover she covered up about Mason. That she'd lied to him about nearly everything. It wouldn't matter that she'd done it to protect him because Damon would have killed him otherwise. She would just be another person in a long line of people who'd deceived him and had tried to excuse it away with a cliché.
Maybe she even deserved it.
Caroline heaved a heavy sigh beside him and Tyler didn't think she even realised she'd done it. She seemed lost in her thoughts and he wasn't in the mood to talk anymore, so he leaned his forehead against the cool glass and watched the trees flicker by.
There was something flittering between them in the car, something he couldn't quite grasp and the thought of it made his head pound harder. Truth be told, he didn't think it was something he really wanted to know, not if it would cost him the one person he felt he could count on. He feared it might. The thought of it, that shadow lurking around the edges of his consciousness, the unspoken words that always seemed to be on the tip of her tongue and in the depths of her eyes, made his stomach twist up in knots. Whatever it was, it could wait. He didn't have the energy to deal with anymore surprises in his life at the moment. Whatever she wasn't telling him, he had to believe she had reasons.
Loneliness, more than the werewolf curse and the agonising transformation, gnawed at him like a hungry demon after his very soul. Caroline somehow pushed the worst of that away until he could think past the sickening events of his recent life and imagine something altogether not as horrible in his future. She'd been there for him through something the majority of people couldn't even conceive. For now that would have to be enough because if he didn't have Caroline, he had no one and that thought made his stomach heave and panic rise up to choke his throat.
He glanced over at Caroline beside him and watched the early morning rays lighten the shadows under her eyes. For a split second he thought he saw black veins creep across her skin. She caught him staring and quickly shook her hair to cover the sides of her face.
An entire species line divided them now, but somehow he was closer to her than he'd ever been to anyone and that had to count for something. She might be hiding something from him, but she'd been more honest with him too than most people in his life and that had to count for more. But he wondered for how long and if he'd ever change his mind.
His head pounded in protest and he closed his eyes against the sun's increasing glare. This wasn't the time for deep thoughts. He let himself be carried off into the sweet relief of oblivion and missed the fresh tears as they fell freely down Caroline's cheeks.
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