Not even the sound of my own screams can break through the haze of pain fogging my senses. I know only fear and the sensation of blow after blow raining upon my body…
I can't make out the words screamed at me as my eyes submit to the curtain of unconsciousness that pushes against them. The feelings of panic that were threatening to overwhelm me fade as a world of silence and peace surrounds me for a single, unending moment.
I don't know how much time passes before I sense traces of a world beyond the darkness. Sweet, soft notes of bird song drift to my ears on a warm breeze scented with growing things and sunshine. My eyes open to a view of fluffy white clouds floating in a perfectly blue sky framed by tall grass stems.
I sit up expecting waves of pain to wrack my body but none come. The beauty of this peaceful world steals away my breath. A carpet of deep green grass stems splashed with the colors of wildflowers dance in the soft gentle breeze. Tall, noble trees guard the edge of a bubbling stream where sunbeams seem to laugh and play on the water's surface.
I can hear voices calling to me softly, asking me to come and play. Ever so slowly, I rise to my feet. Where am I? My mind is whirling, but an indescribable feeling of joy is rising in my heart as I gaze at the beautiful meadow surrounding me. This place is beautiful! I am staying here for the rest of my days. My feet take a few hesitant steps forward before breaking into a jubilant run. Joyful voices begin to sing in the wind, bidding me to dance with them.
The breeze caresses my bare skin, forcing shrieking laughs of pure ecstasy to escape from my lips. Voices in the wind chuckle. "Dance with us, we will comfort the hurt in your heart." The meadow blurs as I spin around, giggling. As I danced, the pain hidden deep in my heart melts away. I collapse onto the grass, joy radiating from me as warmth radiates from the sun. "It is time for you to go back, but do not fear, you will be able to return."
"No!" I exclaim, shock and hurt coursing through me now. "I do not want to return! There is nothing there for me to go back to! "Why can I not stay here?"
A single breeze touches my face softly. "This is not a place for you to stay. You were led here to be healed. You have been healed, so you must go back to your rightful place. You will return soon, I am sure."
A feather-light pressure lands on my shoulder. A small colorful bird eyes me carefully before a beautiful song escapes its beak. Drowsiness threatens to overwhelm me from the first note of the song. "I don't want to go back!" I mumble sleepily. "Please, let me stay here, please…" My words cut off as sleepiness crashes over me, sending me back into a world of blackness.
"What should we do with her, dear?" a cold female voice asks somewhere above me. Something nudges my ribs, sending waves of pain shooting through my body. I bite back a scream.
"I don't know, my love," a male voice answers. It is colder than the female voice. "I suppose we should just leave her here. It is getting late, and I don't want to sit here and babysit her. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll be dead by morning. Let's go to bed."
"Okay, dear," the female voice says. Their receding footsteps echo through the floor, pounding in my already throbbing head. My eyes crack open and see a slippered foot climbing up the stairs. The light flicks off, leaving me in complete darkness. I hope his wish comes true. Maybe I will get lucky and be dead by morning. Even as the thought crosses my mind, determination settles in my heart. I will not be dying so easily.
A sigh blows from my lips. "Let's get to bed," I whisper to myself. I am laying on my stomach, dull aching pains radiating from almost every inch of my body. With a great effort, I roll onto my back. Knives stab my back and ribs, winding me. "Slowly, slowly… you can do this…" More stabbing, more screams fighting to escape my lips as I pull myself to my feet. Bracing myself against the wall, I stumble my way down the hallway inch by painful inch.
By the time I reach my waiting bed, I am panting with the effort. I think this is the worst yet. Hopefully, by morning, I will be healed a little bit. Despite the pain worsening, I lose myself into a dreamless sleep before my head reaches the pillow.
A cheery, tinkling tune pulls me from my unconsciousness. Sleepily, I feel under my pillow and extract a small cell phone. The screen announces I have one waiting message. Hey! Are you coming to school today? You never did call me back last night. I'll be waiting at the usual spot. I love you! See you soon! Chiharu. 3
The alarm clock on my headboard announces it is 7:31. I type a quick reply to Chiharu before I swing my feet over the edge of the bed, testing the tenderness of my body. A gasp escapes my lips when I try to move my left arm. It must be broken. Taking care not to jar my arm, I get dressed and ready for school. By the time I am ready, my clock is telling the time as 7:58.
I grab my bag and race out the door. Another tinkling tune sounds from the phone in my hand. "Hey, Chiharu, I'm on my way," I say apologetically.
"I'll just pick you up at your house. I'm on my way already," Chiharu answers. "I was getting worried about you."
"Sorry, I'm not in the best shape this morning," I tell her. "I'll explain when I see you." I close the phone as Chiharu's red car pulls up to the curb next to me. I open the door and slip into the seat, holding my arm.
Chiharu greets me with a soft kiss. "Good morning to you, love," she says softly. Her brown eyes are brimming with worry and tenderness. She glances at my arm and scans my face for the bruises I know are there. "What happened?"
"Good morning to you as well," I say with a smile. My face falls as I tell her the story. "I don't know what triggered it. I came home and the next thing I knew, I heard them talking about how they hoped I would die this time. I think he broke my arm though."
"Should I take you to the emergency room?" Chiharu asks, cupping my face in her small, soft hands.
"What would I tell them? I only have another year of dealing with this fucking shit before I can move out," I reply, tasting the bitterness in my voice on my tongue. "I don't want anyone finding out… they may take me away from here… away from you." I pull away from her, looking out the window.
"Alice, look at me," she commands. Her voice is firm, but I can see the softness in her eyes as I look at her. "Your arm needs medical attention. I am taking you to the ER. I'll think of something to tell them, okay? I am not going to be able to sleep tonight if I have to worry about you hurting your arm worse. Got it?"
"Okay, Chiharu," I sigh. I lean across the seat and kiss her again. She squeezes my hand as we pull away from the curb. I give her a grateful smile and turn her CD player to our song. "Do you remember how we met?"
"Which time?" Chiharu laughs. "How could I not remember the way your hair was shining in the sun? The way your eyes were shining when you were laughing? That's how I knew I wanted to keep making you laugh like that. I wanted to see your smile directed at me, not anyone else. I wanted to keep you for myself."
"Sometimes, it's hard to remember what happiness feels like," I say. "I think you are the only reason that I am still living in this world. Ever since…" My voice trails off.
"Hey, let's not talk about that right now," Chiharu says. "We have the whole weekend ahead of us! You are still coming to stay with me, right?" Her gaze is hopeful. The thought of spending two whole nights with her sends shivers of anticipation down my spine.
"You know I wouldn't miss it for the world!" I assure her. Chiharu's face lights up with her beautiful smile. My breath catches in my throat. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
"You might have mentioned it a couple of times," she says, laughing.
"Well, let me tell you again," I chuckled. "I love you with all of my heart and soul, Chiharu. You are the only reason that I am alive still. I have no idea how I am ever going to make up to you everything that you have done for me."
"And I love you, Alice," Chiharu answers. She reaches for the CD player buttons and hits the 'Reverse' button. We spend the rest of the drive singing our song to one another. Too soon, we are pulling into the hospital parking lot. Chiharu parks the car, runs to my side, and opens my door.
"Are you sure this was a good idea?" I ask her doubtfully.
"Yes, that arm isn't going to get better on its own," she tells me firmly. "Your arm won't heal right unless you get it taken care of properly. Stop worrying, I have an idea. Let me call the school and tell them what happened."
Chiharu pulls out her cell phone and dials a number. After a few moments, someone picks up on the other line. "Hi, this is Chiharu Akita. I am with Alice Walker, and I had to take her to the ER. She fell down the stairs at home this morning and broke her arm. We will both be late to school today."
A few moments of silence passes before Chiharu speaks again. "Okay, thank you. Yes… Very well. Thank you again." She closes her phone with a satisfied smile on her face. She turns to me. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"I guess not, but now we have to have the doctors believe that story," I remind her.
Chiharu shrugs. "We'll be fine, I promise. You need to have more faith in me, Alice." She pulls on my good arm and leads me from the car towards the doors. A blast of air conditioning hits us as we enter the hospital. Chiharu drags me to the registration desk where a lady in scrubs is engrossed in the files spread across her desk.
She looks up and smiles pleasantly at us. She pulls the glass divider open. Her voice is kind as she greets us. "Good morning, girls. What can I help you with?"
"My friend here fell down her stairs this morning. We think she may have broken her arm in the fall," Chiharu explains calmly. She gestures to me cradling my left arm.
"Okay, I need you to fill out some paperwork, dear," the lady says to me. She hands Chiharu a clipboard and a pen. "Do you have your insurance card?"
"I do," I answer. I pull my wallet out of my purse and hand the card to the lady. She thanks us and points us to the empty waiting room. Chiharu writes out the answers for me. I sign the form and watch my friend take it back to the lady. She returns to her seat beside me.
"I guess all there is to do is wait," Chiharu sighs. She draws my head to her shoulder. "You should take it easy for while. I told the secretary that it wouldn't be a good idea for her to call your parents. I gave her my mom's number instead. The doctors will see you as soon as they can." I mumble a thank you to Chiharu before drifting off against her warm shoulder.
A light pressure on my cheek brings me back to the waiting room. "Hey, Alice," Chiharu's voice is just a breath against my ear. "Wake up, honey. The doctor is here."
A young man in a white coat is standing in front of us. The smile in his blue eyes matches the one on his face. "Are you the young lady with the injured arm?" he asks.
"Yes," I mumble sleepily.
"It's nice to meet you Alice," the man says. "I am Doctor Armstrong." He offers his hand to me.
I shake his hand with my good arm. "It's nice to meet you as well."
"Let's get you into the examination room," Doctor Armstrong says. "Do you need any help?" He offers his arm to me.
"No, thank you," I decline. "I have Chiharu to help me." The doctor nods and leads us down the hall to a small room with an examination table covered with a paper slip and various medical instruments along the wall.
"Now, tell me what happened," he says.
"I was running late to school this morning. I was hurrying down the stairs when my foot slipped and I fell down about fifteen steps. I landed on this arm," I explain.
"Why didn't your parents bring you to the hospital?" Doctor Armstrong asks. There is a meaningful look in his eyes. A wave of panic shoots through me. I have a feeling he knows I'm lying about falling down the stairs.
"They aren't home," I lie quickly. "Chiharu was picking me up for school and insisted on bringing me here instead."
"I'm very glad she did," the doctor says. "If your arm is broken, it needs to be put in a cast as soon as possible. There can be serious complications if the injury doesn't heal properly." Chiharu shoots me an I-told-you-so look over the doctor's shoulder. She quickly plasters an innocent smile on her face as the doctor turns to her. "Chiharu, could I please ask you to wait outside for a few moments? I need to ask Alice some questions, and you cannot be in the room when I do so."
Chiharu face twists into a look of incredulously. "O-o-okay," she stutters. With an encouraging smile, she looks at me once more before opening the door and exiting the room. The doctor shuts the door softly behind her and turns to me.
"Okay, Alice, I know you didn't fall down the stairs," Doctor Armstrong says. "You didn't get those bruises on your face by falling. Those types of marks come from being struck by something. Did someone hit you?"
"Does everything I say stay confidential?" I ask after a few moments of silence.
"Yes, if you tell me something, it must stay between us unless you give me written permission to tell others," the doctor answers with a sigh. "Although I think you need help judging from your injuries. There are people who can help you."
"I know what is out there," I say icily. "I appreciate your offer, but I am only home about two or three nights a month. The rest of the time I am not around my parents. I don't want anyone to know because I am so afraid they will take me from Chiharu and everyone will know I have a freaky family. I have eight months left before I turn eighteen."
"They won't take you from Chiharu. If her mother is willing to take guardianship of you, I could help you with the legal proceedings. I don't expect you to make a decision right now. I just want you to know that I am here to help you if you need an adult to turn to. Everything you tell me is completely confidential." He offered me an encouraging smile.
I returned his smile. "Thank you, Doctor Armstrong."
He nods once before walking to the door. "I am going to call your friend back in here while I go get the X-ray machine ready. Would you be willing to tell me the whole story when I return?"
"I'll think about it," I say truthfully. "It's not something I am completely comfortable talking about."
The doctor nods in understand. He pulls open the door and disappears around the corner. A few seconds later, Chiharu is pulling me into her arms. "What did he want?" she whispers.
"He knows I didn't fall," I whisper back. "He has a pretty good guess at… that. He told me that he thinks I need help and he would be willing to help me if I want him to. Also, he wants to know the full story."
"Do you want to tell him?"
"It would be nice to be able to confide in someone other than just you," I admit. "Besides, everything we talk about is confidential unless I give him my written permission. Something like that. What do you think?"
Chiharu thinks for a minute. Her voice is slow and careful. "I think you should at least tell him. Keeping all of that locked inside you all of the time is not healthy for you. Maybe he can help you. It's not that I don't want you coming to me, but I can only do so much for you. I go to sleep every night you are at your parent's house worried that you aren't going to live to see the sun rise again. It would give me peace of mind and be much better for you in the long run."
"I know, I know," I sigh. "I'll at least tell him the story."
Chiharu smiles at me and kisses me softly. "I love you. Don't forget I am behind you, no matter what." She moves a wisp of hair tenderly out of my face before stroking my cheek with her fingers.
"Okay, Alice, the machine is ready for you." Doctor Armstrong's voice makes both Chiharu and I jump. There is an unreadable expression in his eyes, but a smile is on his face. I follow the doctor farther down the hall before turning into a darkened room with an X-ray machine filling one wall. Without a word, the doctor readies me for my X-ray. Five minutes later, I find myself standing in front of the machine alone. Chiharu went with Doctor Armstrong to take the X-ray.
"Okay, Alice," Doctor Armstrong's voice echoes around the room. "I'm going to take the picture now. You can close your eyes if you want. The flash can be quite bright. On the count of three now… one…" I snap my eyes shut. "Two… three!"
A bright flash fills the room. I open my eyes slowly. Spots of light are dancing in my field of vision. Behind me, I hear the door to the room open. "Let's get this heavy vest off of you," the doctor says. "Chiharu, help her. She is awfully pale." He pulls off the heavy protective vest and leads me back to the examination room. I am pushed back onto the examination table.
"Your X-ray should be ready now," Doctor Armstrong announces. "I'll be right back." Without a glance in my direction, he breezes from the room, pulling the door shut behind him.
I give Chiharu a questioning look. "Did I do something?"
Chiharu bites her lip nervously. I always thought she looked adorable when she did that. "Umm… No, not exactly. I think he was surprised to see how… close we are is all. He didn't really say anything, I think it was just unexpected. There aren't many girls like… us in this town."
"Oh…" I look down at my feet. My cheeks are growing warm. "What does it really matter anyways?"
"It doesn't," Chiharu says quickly. "He just isn't used to it. Do you remember how weirded out you were when we first… felt the way we did? It scared you quite a bit. I already knew I liked you, and I had liked other girls so I was used to the strangeness of the feeling. It was a first time thing for you."
"Yes, I remember," I sigh. "It isn't a big deal. It just makes me think that he is… disappointed in us for some reason. I'm not used to caring what other people think about me."
A knock on the door makes me jump, jarring my arm painfully. Doctor Armstrong walks in with an envelope in his hand. "Well, the bad news is your arm is broken. The good news is that it is only a hairline fracture. You will only need to be in a cast for six to eight weeks," he announces.
"It could have been worse, I guess," I say, my voice indifferent.
"Let's get you started on this cast," the doctor says.
Two hours later, Chiharu and I are standing at the check-in desk with Doctor Armstrong. My arm is being weighed down with a heavy plaster cast colored a deep blue, my favorite color. "Now, Alice, you are going to have to come back in four weeks so we can see how your arm is healing up," Doctor Armstrong instructs me. He holds out a small folder. "Here is an information packet on what you should and should not do with your cast."
"Thank you," I say taking the folder from him. The doctor nods and turns to walk away. I grab the sleeve of his coat. He recoils a bit before he can compose himself enough to look at me. "May I speak to you for a moment, please?"
"Yes," Doctor Armstrong replies after a brief hesitation. He leads me down to an empty conference room.
"I appreciate everything you have done for me," I say, "but I noticed that you've been treating me differently since you saw Chiharu and I together. Why is that?"
"I knew you two were close, I just didn't know that close," the doctor says. "It was unexpected, that was all."
"If you mean that we are together, then yes, we are that close. She is the only one that knows my secret, and she is the only person in this world I am afraid of losing. She loves me despite knowing about my home life. She helps me through it without asking anything in return. I love her too." I explain. "She makes me happier than I have been in… my whole life."
"I'm very happy for you two," the doctor assures me. "Believe me, I want you to have someone you can trust and depend on. We all need it. I just want you to realize that the whole world isn't as… accepting about your kind of relationship as you may think it will be. Once you become involved in the adult world, things will become complicated for you. Not many people accept couples of the same sex."
"I understand that," I tell him. "Thank you for the warning though." I turn and walk from the room. Chiharu is waiting for me by the front desk. A large clock on the wall announces it is almost 3 in the afternoon.
"Should we go to school or just head straight home?" Chiharu asks.
"We would only have fifteen minutes of class left," I answer. "Let's just head to your house. Let's go home, Chiharu."
Chiharu grabs my good hand and leads me to her car. We spend the drive home singing at the top of our voices and laughing about the silly things that we would have done at school today. Despite Doctor Armstrong's warning, I couldn't help but think about how happy this lovely and dazzling girl sitting next to me makes me. I love Chiharu, and there is nothing that is going to change that.