An Exercise in Recollection

by Super Reader

Sometimes when you can't remember, it's best to retrace your steps. "Even though my life would have been so much simpler without you, I can't even imagine what would have happened if you hadn't come back. You already know I can't do without you." A/H Fluff

An Exercise in Recollection
By Super Reader

"If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered."
-Edgar Allan Poe

x - x

He wanted to believe that his return had been a complete success. In truth, while his mother beamed as he walked the halls and Butler stopped moodily pacing the grounds in search of something undiscoverable, Artemis Fowl II felt something was wrong. On paper, everything was even more perfect than before his trip to a very different type of Limbo. Scars gained in past adventures had disappeared, the headaches he hypothesized came from the memory wipe had ceased, and his two fingers on his left hand, swapped in one of the time travels, were restored to their rightful places. Artemis couldn't put his finger on it (pardon the pun) but something still felt wrong. Not quite right.

It had only been a few days since his return and he was still having trouble sleeping. Maybe because he had inhabited a place somewhere between sleep and death for the past six months that he was unable give into exhaustion or maybe it was the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he had forgotten something.

This was odd because Holly, an enemy-turned ally-turned friend-turned who knew anymore, had taken it upon herself to tell the story of their escapades. Her story telling techniques were admittedly weak and she was constantly contradicting herself and backtracking, but by the end of several hours worth of information, Artemis believed he had gotten everything straight. The main issue, of course, was that all these accounts were from Holly's point of view. He had no idea what he had thought during these incidents. His personal journals had helped but they were all written in a dreadfully detached manner. The facts were all present but emotion and personal thought were nearly nonexistent.

As a result, he couldn't be sure if the information inside of his head had been remembered or was there because his impeccable memory retained whatever he had been told. There were altogether too many blank spots dotting his memory and then there was that infuriating feeling that he was forgetting something important.

With the disruption of his sleep cycles seeming so absolute, Artemis had taken to spending his nights in his office. Sometimes he read novels that he couldn't remember reading and sometimes he reread his accounts, although he had long since memorized every word. Tonight, however, Artemis Fowl was just thinking.

The moonlight peeked through his window, drawing shapes on the carpet. Outside, an owl hooted and trees rustled.

Earth had rebuilt immensely in the months from the near Armageddon. Although so much technology had been destroyed, the knowledge remained and soon enough, people began anew. Stock markets were rebuilt; companies began selling technological products and industry restarted. The one bright spot was that the amount of rigorous industry and the complete worldwide equalizer had put an end to the economic crisis. Rich people weren't quite so rich anymore and poor people weren't as poor. The Fowls retained their properties but had very little in stocks and investment. Artemis knew that as soon as he was back on his feet, he'd insure his family's return to the top of the monetary ladder.

The fairy world had surged forward at an even faster rate than the humans. Artemis suspected that Foaly was secretly pleased to have been given the opportunity to create a whole technological world from scratch. Within a few dozen hours, power had returned to Haven and Atlantis followed not too long afterward. Fixing the physical damage took longer, but luckily there hadn't been too many fatalities. Today, six months later, Haven was more functional than any human city had ever been, although they still had far to go. Holly had spent two days with the Fowls after Artemis's return, taking the time to complete the Ritual, and then found passage back down to Haven. "I wish I could stay," she had said, "but Haven still has a lot of things that need doing." She said this to the room, but had looked at him. "I'll try to come back soon."

Myles and Beckett had pouted, Beckett more obviously than his twin, and Butler had wrapped his small friend in his arms. Artemis stood stoically until Holly rolled her eyes and wrapped him in a hug of her own. Artemis automatically returned the gesture, ignoring the shining eyes of his mother. He tried not to imagine what was going through her mind. "Sleep better, Arty," Holly had whispered, fully aware of his nighttime troubles.

Artemis rubbed his chin thoughtfully, unused to the scratchiness of a day's growth of beard. That was another change he was getting used to. Foaly had admitted that his current body was older biologically than he was due to a mistake in the lab. As a result, Artemis was experiencing troubles with facial hair that he had never had to before. Never mind the time travel and gaps, in actuality Artemis had lived a far fewer amount of years than his body would suggest.

Artemis was pulled from his musings of a potential device that would slow facial hair growth by a pulsing light from one of his drawers. Frowning, he pulled open the drawer to find a small screen glowing neon green. "Holly?"

"Hey, Mud Boy. Still not sleeping, I see?" The red-haired elf on the screen frowned sympathetically.

"Unfortunately not. I fear my sleep schedule has been permanently altered," Artemis said with a sigh.

Holly smiled. Artemis could almost feel the warmth it exuded. "Cheer up. I'm sure you'll be back to normal in no time. You did just wake up from a six month nap."

"I suppose." Artemis paused. "How did you leave me this communicator? My office is always locked."

Holly shrugged, a grin playing at her lips. "I don't know. Maybe you happened to leave it unlocked."

"Doubtful, but I will forgive your invasion of privacy this once. How are you, Holly?" Artemis waited a beat. "The twins miss you."

An eyebrow rose. "Just the twins?"

"My feelings on the matter were implied."

"Of course. I'm fine. Same old, I guess you could say. We had to catch a troll today. Normally I'm not placed on that sort of detail but I happened to be in the area." She grimaced. "That's always my luck." Her brow furrowed for a moment. "Are you alright, Artemis? You seem preoccupied."

He shrugged, a horribly blasé movement that he made a note to put a stop to. "It's nothing of importance."

"It's obviously important if you're fixating on it." Her voice turned gentle. "Tell me."

"There isn't anything you can do. It's just a feeling that won't leave my mind. I have the most infuriating notion that I have forgotten something important. If I didn't have so many other memory gaps these days, I'd be able to figure it out, but at the moment I'm missing so much information that it becomes futile."

Holly frowned. "You still don't remember everything?"

Artemis shook his head. "I remember all events of importance, it's the feelings, personal memories and thought processes that I'm missing. I cannot remember what was going through my mind during our invasion of Jon Spiro's headquarters, for example, nor many parts of our latest adventure since we weren't together the entire time."

Holly looked sad for a moment. "I wish I could help you but I think that any thought processes of Artemis Fowl can't be determined by anyone but him."

"Hence my dilemma. It is quite distressing."

"I'm sorry, Arty," Holly glanced at something off-screen. "I actually have to go. I just meant to check in. I have to head to the LEP in a few minutes. And Frond knows how much this is costing me with all the new taxes and charges."

"Please don't hesitate to call collect in the future," Artemis said. "I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of your bankruptcy."

Holly winked at him. "I won't turn down something like that. I'll call you tomorrow. Collect, of course. Now, try to get some sleep."

Artemis smiled. "Goodbye, Holly."

x - x

A few weeks later, after many late night conversations, little to no sleep and the feeling of forget persisting, Artemis found himself holding the communicator in his hand before it even began glowing. He smiled as he looked down at his friend. "Holly."

"That was quick." Her voice was teasing.

"The regularity of your calls has instilled itself in my routine. You are nothing if not punctual, something I can't help but find rather surprising." His lips twitched as if trying to avoid a smirk.

Holly rolled her eyes. "What are you doing now? I assume you aren't busy?"

"Just attempting to crack Einstein's theory of special relativity but that can wait until tomorrow. What did you have in mind?"

A sly smile. "I thought we could go on a field trip. Come outside and bring car keys."

"I don't suppose it's relevant to point out that I don't know how to drive?"

"I'll take care of it. Just come out. It's freezing."

Artemis wondered how he found himself in these sorts of life and death situations. By the time Holly had parked the car, about thirty minutes later, he had already had what little of his life he remembered flash before his eyes. He tried not to shake as he exited the vehicle. "I think I'll call Butler to pick us up," he said. "I don't think you can even see over the wheel."

Holly laughed. "Chicken."

Artemis pointedly ignored her and instead focused on determining where they were. "Dublin City Zoo?" He questioned, looking down at his petite friend. "I don't think there are animals in there anymore." She said nothing but motioned for him to follow her.

In this time post the Great Techno Crash, going to the zoo was not an activity that most people frequented. Most people had been more concerned with gathering food and surviving than observing caged animals. As a result, the zoo was deserted, the animals sent elsewhere and the front gates were padlocked. It took Holly mere seconds to omni-tool her way in, taking the precaution of locking it behind them. She walked the abandoned paths of the zoo, saying nothing until she stopped in front of a specific enclosure.

Artemis swallowed as he noticed which one it was.

Holly faced him and smiled. "You know, we've been here before."

"Indeed. About eight years ago now." Artemis looked around at the abandoned zoo. "Or three years, depending on if you count time travel as a separate timeline. Is there a particular reason you brought me here?"

Holly shrugged. "I had a few hours off after sending some illegal tourists back below ground so I decided to stay on the surface. Helping you get your memories back is just a perk."

Artemis frowned. "I don't understand. How would coming here return my lost memories?"

Holly didn't answer and leaned on the fence to the gorilla exhibit. "Do you know what happened here?"

Artemis avoided her gaze and Holly wondered if she imagined the faint dusting of pink that emerged on his cheeks. "Yes."

"Eight years ago, you almost died for probably the millionth time. We haven't exactly had a relaxing relationship through the years. I don't think we've ever hung out when we haven't been tracking down an egomaniacal mastermind."

"I highly doubt that Briar Cudgeon or Abbott were masterminds, but I see your point." Artemis smiled slightly. "We should have tea sometime. Earl Grey, preferably."

Holly smiled. "Sounds nice."

The two lapsed into silence and Artemis's brain began nagging in a most persistent manor. "Why did you bring me here, Holly? If I were to believe my own instincts, which in this particular case I would be inclined not to, I would presume something that you, yourself, forbad from happening."

"I didn't forbid anything, Artemis. If you remember, I said something very specific on the subject." Her eyes searched his and he imagined that they looked sad. "Your eyes are back to normal," she murmured suddenly, as though the thought had just occurred to her. She touched the skin beneath her blue eye absently. "Probably for the best considering that was the reason for this whole mess."

Artemis wasn't sure what to say. Social interactions had never been his area of expertise and at the moment, he had never felt so average or so confused. Thankfully, he was spared from answering as Holly seemed to snap out of the reverie.

"Anyway," she said, a faint blush staining her cheeks. "My thought was that we could try and relive some of the experiences that you're missing. The zoo was the closest place to your house that I knew you hadn't been since you came back." She paused. "There isn't a gorilla anymore but I thought that just revisiting some of these places would be enough to jolt something. After we're done here, we can go visit Tara and the tree where we met, if you haven't already been there. I could even punch you in the face like I did that night we met," she finished with a wide grin.

Artemis forced a smile. "I'm fairly sure that that didn't happen." The persistent feeling pounded at the back of his mind. What was it that he couldn't remember?

Holly shrugged. "I'm not going to point out who has the better track record for remembering things." She removed herself from the fence. "Do you want to walk around a bit? Maybe pretend we're stalking a lemur and a 10-year old criminal mastermind?"

The words spilled out before he could stop them. "Are we recreating everything from that night?"

Holly stopped in her tracks and Artemis wished he could pull the words back in. "To help me remember, of course. It's purely scientific. There have been numerous studies done on amnesiac patients that examine the effect of familiar scenarios and locations on the hippocampus. I believe Doctor Argon has published a series on the subject. I assume that's where you got the idea." Artemis finally shut his mouth as Holly turned to look at him.

"It's a totally different scenario. Neither of us are teenagers and you aren't dying from gorilla-inflicted wounds. It would be a pointless experiment."

There was his chance. Yes, I agree. The variables are too different. It wouldn't make any sense. I must be more sleep-deprived than I thought to not realize that. Artemis couldn't explain why he wasn't verbalizing these thoughts. They made sense, logically. But something urged him to keep his mouth shut. It was almost as though he wanted to recreate something that had happened almost a decade before, according to one timeline.

"You never know," Artemis started slowly. He had no idea why he kept talking. "What could trigger something. At the very least I would be able to piece together my thoughts during that moment. Although your account was excellent, it was unable to explain my feelings on certain things."

Holly raised an eyebrow at him. "Couldn't you have read some journal of yours? Surely you wrote about… that." She shifted uncomfortably, obviously wondering if this had all been a terrible, terrible idea.

Artemis shook his head. "Merely in passing when I covered the hormonal and physical changes experienced from time travel. I have been frustrated to say the least with my own recounting of events. It seems that I excluded anything personal involving you and our relationship."

Holly looked at him sharply and he hurried on. "Our platonic relationship. The relationship that has changed undeniably throughout the years, according to your own account."

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "That makes no sense. Aren't those details important in your evolution to what you are today? You certainly talked about relationships in the video you left after the mindwipe, right?"

Artemis nodded. "I believe that was to insure my acceptance of a positive relationship between us and between me and the other fairy folk. It does not seem to be present in any of my other electronic journals." He paused. "It is as though it has been removed, although I can't imagine why." He looked at her seriously. "It's not as though there was anything special about our relationship, was there?"

Even Artemis with his poor social skills could feel the change in atmosphere. Holly shivered although her LEP suit was thermally insulated and drew her arms around herself. "I honestly don't know," she said simply. "There's so much going against us. If we have anything at all in common, I'll be shocked." She held up a hand as he made to speak. "Not to mention our past. You've changed so much and yet you still used me and lied to me." Her eyes flashed angrily and when she looked away, Artemis thought he saw tears shining. "You died."

The brisk Irish air breathed around them. "I came back," Artemis said, his voice surprisingly soft.

"You have no idea how many times I've woken up in the middle of the night wondering what would have happened if I had done something wrong. I'm not as smart as you are. What if I hadn't understood your clues? What if I had taken a shower before going to Foaly like everyone was encouraging me to? What if you hadn't come back even after we cloned you? You have to admit that was a bit of a long shot." Holly wiped the tears away roughly, as though angry for their existence, and then glared at him. "I mean, d'Arvit, Fowl, you have caused me more grief in the past five years than I have experienced in the last 60 years of my life."

Artemis looked at her helplessly. "I'm sorry. The last thing I ever wanted was to trouble you."

With a noise somewhere between a groan and a chuckle, Holly crossed her arms over her chest and sent him a reluctant smile. "Aside from the whole kidnapping thing, you mean?"

At the look on his face, Holly hurried on. "Even though my life would have been so much simpler without you, I can't even imagine what would have happened if you hadn't come back. You already know I can't do without you."

Something caught in Artemis's throat and he knelt down to her eye level. "Likewise." Without a second thought, (he knew he'd lose what little courage he had if he thought too much) Artemis closed the distance between them and kissed her. Holly's arms immediately encircled his neck and she pulled him closer.

With some artistic license, you could say the kiss was magical and the two felt fireworks and they had never before felt as close to someone as they did in that moment. In reality, the kiss was brief and wasn't filled with lust or longing. It was chaste, little more than a peck really, but it perfectly told the story of their years together, apologetic, forgiving and loving. When they pulled apart, Artemis wasn't wearing a sappy smile and Holly didn't have a starry look in her eye. Instead, she smiled slightly and kissed Artemis on the cheek before retracting completely.

Artemis took Holly's hand and squeezed it wordlessly even while his mind raced. He realized that although his memory was still riddled with gaps, the most obvious hole had been filled. He no longer needed to wonder what he had forgotten and could now focus on how he had managed to forget such a thing.

He was, and had been for quite some time, completely infatuated with a certain fiery haired LEP captain.

x - x

Later that night, Artemis sat at his desk and tapped the surface absently. It was an odd feeling, knowing that for the first time in weeks, he would not have to pour over his accounts and Butler's journals to discover what he had lost. This change in routine, although welcome, was almost unsettling in its peacefulness. Still. He breathed a sigh of content. At this moment, Holly would be on her way back to Haven. There was still so much to be done there just as there was here. But he wasn't worried. He knew that tomorrow night, his communicator would glow neon green and he would accept a collect call from the center of the Earth.

Artemis reached for a pencil, intending to write an account of tonight in laborious detail, but paused after withdrawing one from the pencil holder at the corner of his desk. Almost unconsciously, he removed the collection of pens and pencils and turned the container over. There, innocently taped to the bottom, was a tiny flash drive. Artemis felt a beat of excitement as he inserted the flash drive into his laptop.

A window popped up asking for a password. Artemis smiled when none of his usual passwords allowed him entrance. Wasn't he clever? Of course, the only person on Earth cleverer than Artemis Fowl II was Artemis himself, so it didn't take long before he hacked his way into this strange flash drive.

There was only one file on the drive. The title made Artemis pause and his palms begin to sweat.

Staring at him from the center of his computer screen was a document, simply titled so as to give no confusion to what it contained.

Holly.

x - x

A/N: Hello Fanfiction world! My name is Super Reader and you've probably never heard of me because I haven't posted anything since 2010. Ah well. People can change, right?

I began writing this right after I read the Last Guardian and then it sat on my computer for 7 months because I have a problem completing things. I found it the other day and now we have this! And although I think I have improved as a writer since my first Artemis story, 5 years ago, I still cannot come up with titles to save my life.

Also, just in case this was waay too unclear, here's a quick synopsis of what was going on: Artemis has almost completely returned, memory wise, but because everything he knows was told to him by other people, he lost a lot of pretty crucial stuff. i.e., forgetting that he loved Holly. Obviously, since he didn't go around telling people, now they can't tell him that he does. He just knows Holly and Butler and whoever else's side of the story. Hence, the feeling that he's forgotten something and all that drama. Hopefully, I wasn't too vague about that!