It's Valentine's Day.
If it's not obvious, Valentine's Day is not my 'thing'. Just talking color scheme, I don't wear colors other than black and sometimes white for formal occasions, let alone red or pink or anything close to Valentine's-esque. And everyone around me knows I've got the worst attitude today. Fuck this holiday. What was the purpose of its creation? The damn holiday is worse than Christmas—except if you aren't a couple, you have literally nothing to appreciate about the damn day. It's just another day, except it gives everyone else an excuse to flaunt their shitty relationships to the public, running around declaring you love someone. Right. Like most of these people even know what 'love' is. Love, my friends, is not a greeting card with a box of chocolates made in a gray factory. Love isn't even a nice romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant.
Love fucking sucks. And we, as a society, have decided to devote a whole goddamn day to celebrating it.
Okay, yeah, so maybe I'm a little bitter. But you know what? I have the right to be. I fell in love when I was a human to the Queen of Manipulation and spent another hundred and forty-five years pining after her—even when I thought she was dead. Then, apparently, she was never dead, and confesses she never loved me, it was "always Stefan".
If that's not bad enough, not long after that bullshit, I fall in love with her doppelgänger. And said doppelgänger confessed the exact same thing to me later on. But no, that's not the worst part. The worst part of loving Elena I never considered, even in my worst nightmares. She didn't die—well, actually, she did, but now she's a Vampire so it's a moot point. So she didn't die; she didn't marry my brother and go off into the sunset leaving me here alone. No, what happened was worse than all of those things combined.
After a year of sexual tension, compelled-to-forget confessions, road trips and failed make-out sessions; Elena breaks up with Stefan, lets me know in her round-about way she has feelings for me, we sleep together, and come to find out, she's sired to me.
Which, if you haven't kept up with our regularly scheduled soap opera, means that because she was turned by my blood and had feelings for me prior to becoming a vampire, once she did become a vampire, if I tell her to do anything, she'll do it, no questions asked. She literally lives to make me happy.
You know how they tell you, "be careful what you wish for"? Yeah, no one on this planet knows that better than me. I used to wish-upon-a-star that Elena would, just once, care about my happiness over my brother's. Albeit I did that selfishly and hid that wish deep down in my soul because yes, I do love my brother and want him to be happy; but anyway, I did and now she literally lives for it and I can't tell if she actually loves me or if it's just the sire bond talking.
If there is a God, he's got a seriously fucked up sense of humor.
So, in essence, I should get the Worst Vampire Immortal Life award. I'm the poster child for warning people not to become a vampire. I must have a sign on my forehead that reads, "Want to be immortal? No you don't! I'm a living; breathing example that even eternity can't give you love and happiness, no matter how much time goes by!"
So, anyway. If all of that wasn't enough to make Valentine's Day the worst day ever, I'm stuck at Elena's dead parents lake house training her brother how to be a Vampire slayer. And to keep you tuned in on what's been going on in Vampire Suckville (the name I deem my soap opera life), Jeremy and Bonnie are being all cute and ordering dinner to celebrate their amazing love for Valentine's Day, which makes the suckage of this day go up another notch.
Fucking joy.
I've also become just like my brother. I'm standing by the lake, my hands deep in my pockets, brooding while the sun goes down. To my surprise, I hear the door open and footsteps walking out towards me. I'm surprised because I've been an asshole to everyone in the house today. While Jeremy wanted to get things ready for Bonnie, I made him and Matt run around the house 50 times, literally, instead. Jeremy has only been in the house taking a shower and getting ready for Bonnie to come over for about an hour, so I make an educated guess that my unwelcome guest is Matt.
Lovely.
"Hey, man," he says to me as he walks up.
I look back at him and give him a curt nod and continue brooding at the sunset. After a few beats of awkward silence, I decide to speak. Might as well, right? It's not like he's going to go away. "Why are you here, Matt? I assumed you'd be tired of seeing my ass after all of the ordering around I did today."
Matt chuckles. Seriously. Does he not understand that I give no fucks about his inconsequential life? "Yeah, you were kind of a dick today. But uh, Bonnie's here, and that's awkward, so I figured…"
"You figured you'd rather come out with the Asshole and have Single Men party? No, thanks. I'm good."
Matt lets out a burst of air. Good. He's mad. Maybe now he'll leave me the hell alone. I don't look at him and continue self-loathing. I am even so immersed in my thoughts, my vampire hearing doesn't register that he hasn't left yet, so when he speaks, I'm yet again taken aback. I've seriously got to get my shit together.
"Look, Damon. I know why you're being an asshole."
I look at Matt like he just told me my mother was a whore, or something equally as offensive. I'm having a bit of trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that this human child thinks he "knows" anything about me; let alone state that to my face.
"Oh yeah? Well go ahead, Enlighten me, Matthew. Since you apparently know me better than I know myself, please bring to my attention what my problem is."
He doesn't even miss a beat. "You miss Elena."
Ha. Simply "missing" she is an understatement. I've been ruined forever, now. I've kissed her and she's kissed me back with the same feeling of love, understanding, want, hunger. I've slept with her. I've woken up to her face more than once. She's kissed me casually, as a "hello" or a "goodbye". I've seen her face light up when she sees me. I've seen her protect me. She's begged me to touch her, love her, to never let her go.
She has ruined me, broken me in to a million pieces, and she will never know, because I will never tell her. She deserves to be happy for herself. She deserves to make her own decisions without my influence.
So I don't respond to Matt. Uncomfortable silence settles again.
"I understand. I loved her once, too, you know."
He just won't give up. "So what? Now we're supposed to be best buds? We're supposed to get together and make an 'I love Elena but can never be with her' club? What do you want?"
His face scrunches up in anger. It actually makes me laugh. His love for her has become so irrelevant to everyone, including her. I'm being unnecessarily cruel, I know, but if he would just leave me alone to hate my life in peace.
"No. We don't have to be friends. We obviously don't even like each other Damon, but whether you like it or not, I do know her, Damon. I've known her a shit ton of time longer than you. And the only reason why I don't leave your sorry ass to hate yourself is because I know her and I know the truth and I feel you deserve to know."
"What are you talking about, Donovan?"
"She loves you, Damon." I roll my eyes.
"Sire bond, remember?"
Matt huffs. "Damon, will you stop being an asshole and just listen to me? At least let me FINISH what I was trying to say!"
I just look at him. Whatever. I'll humor him.
"ANYWAY," he rolls his eyes at me and continues, "What I was trying to say was the truth is she loves you. She's loved you for a long time. And not just 'loves' as in, cares about you like a friend or neighbor or family member. She actually loves you. She didn't tell me in so many words… But back before she was a vampire, back before the sire bond, before she got hurt and had to go the hospital which initiated your blood being in her system, I asked her about you. And she told me this exactly: that you snuck up on her… that no matter what she does, she can't shake you."
I looked at him and let what he said sink in. So it wasn't always me… I mean, towards the end of her human life I had a feeling that maybe it wasn't all me, but if she even admitted it to Matt… I don't know. I know it makes no difference now, because even if she was actually in love with me during her human life, it's just… The sire bond changes everything. And I'm not mad anymore, thanks to Matt. Now I just… want to be left alone.
I sigh deeply. "Matt, you know you're not my favorite person… but thank you. I appreciate you're trying to make me feel better, but I just… I can't."
"She wants to be with you. I don't see the harm in finding the cure together, is all I'm saying. But it's your choice. I'll leave you alone now. I… I hope you'll be okay, Salvatore."
I turn and watch Matt walk away. This, right here, is the reason why Elena loves Matt so much. Matt is basically the male version of her, all loyal and do-the-right-thing-all-the-time kind of person, just like she is. It makes my breath away for a second, remembering all the amazing qualities about her… her kindness and forgiveness, two main ones. And then it hits me with bone-shattering clarity: she reminds me of when I was human.
Shit, maybe I'll take the damn cure. I could use a little humanity.
Just then, a car pulls into the driveway between the trees. It's Elena's car. Seriously? Did I fucking stutter? I told her I would take care of Jeremy without her. I'm so pissed off that as soon as she's out of the car—before the car door is even shut—I'm over to her and pulling her out with my super human speed. I pull her towards a tree and pin her against it.
"I thought I told you to get out of here," I snarl at her.
At first her eyes are wide with… Not fear? But she is surprised.
"Damon," she breathes, and like the insane girl she is, she kisses me.
At first I don't move, but her hands are on my face, pulling me toward her. She knows that's our thing. And I'm a sucker for it. So I relax in her hold and kiss her back, letting one of my hands run through her hair and my other explore her upper body until my hand is on her ass, and she lifts herself up for me slightly which gives me the initiative to pull her leg around my waist, pushing myself into her as much as she's pushing herself onto me. We're basically dry humping each other against this tree. Jesus Christ.
She pulls away for a second, to catch her breath, which is ironic because we don't really need to breathe; we're already dead. But I know how she feels. As I'm catching my own breath, it hits me again that none of this is real. This is the sire bond. Elena doesn't go around dry humping people against trees.
A little too harshly, I snatch myself from her grasp, pushing her away from me hard enough to make her almost trip onto the ground.
"God damn it, Elena! What. Are. You. Doing. Here." I demand, and then regret it. Sire bond. Now she has to tell me. Great. Another decision I'm taking from her. If Stefan were here, he'd probably rip my heart out on the spot.
She doesn't even blink. She just looks at me. This is the problem with her—she knows me too well; which means she knows exactly why I'm upset, and none of those reasons actually are her fault.
"Matt told me you were being an asshole all day and wanted some company, since Jeremy's a little preoccupied with Bonnie, so I came over." She says softly, looking at me.
Donovan. I'm going to kill him.
"I'm going to kill him," I say to her, and turn away from her, towards the house, so I can kill him. But now she's a vampire, so she's next to me again in a millisecond.
"No, Damon. It's not all his fault. I've been… I haven't left him alone. I miss you. It's Valentine's Day." She says softly, looking at me with her big, stupid, beautiful, brown doe eyes.
"Don't you think there's a reason I haven't been answering your calls or texts? I've listened to your voicemails, Elena. I'm trying to do the right thing. Why can't you just accept that? There was a time you were begging me to be the better man. Now that I am, you don't want me to be. Jesus, Elena, figure out what you want. "
She stares at me, unfaltering. "I want you."
I look at her, conflicted. I used to dream about her saying those words to me. I want to punch something. I want her too, so much that it literally hurts. I'm dead, have been for almost 200 years, and every second that I'm not with her I feel so much pain that I almost turn it off. All of it. Except I already know it wouldn't matter. I love her no matter what, switch or no switch. But this sire bond… Then it hits me. I can make her hurt. I know exactly what to say to make her walk away from me, voluntarily… but selfishly, I don't want her to hate me.
I walk over to her car and close the door, leaning on the side, and press my fingers to my temples. I spend a minute thinking about my priorities, and finally decide that her hating me is less important than her having free will. I open my mouth and inwardly grimace at the harsh things I'm about to say to her, none of which I actually mean.
"Elena, you wanted Stefan once, remember?" I see her grimace. Seeing her in pain makes me want to stop, but I have to keep going. "You told me, 'it will always be Stefan'. Elena, you don't seem to ever know what you want. You want me today, but tomorrow Stefan will be around and I won't. Maybe you'll go back to wanting him."
Elena's heart breaks right in front of me, so I close my eyes and wait for her to slap me. I wait for her to scream at me. I wait for her to say nothing and just leave… But after about thirty seconds and the car isn't moving and my cheek doesn't sting, I slowly open my eyes to look at her.
She looks hurt, for sure, but she's not mad. I keep my face stern, hoping she'll leave. She's got to leave. This is for the best. Go away, Elena.
She shakes her head. "Damon… I tried not to care about you. I tried not to want you. Don't you know that? I tried when I was human. I tried when I turned. But I haven't been in love with Stefan since he came back and kidnapped me, Damon. But you were there… I told you goodbye countless times, yet you stayed. And you didn't stay because you wanted a chance at getting me, you didn't stay because you couldn't leave, either. You stayed because it was right. You stayed to make sure I was okay. You stayed for your brother, for my brother. You stayed to be my friend." She takes a deep breath. "And somewhere along the way…"
I look at her as she trails off. I wait for her to say whatever it is she's going to say. Stupidly. I should be telling her to leave—
"Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you." She smiles at me, sadly.
I stare at her, and I can feel the stern expression on my face fall. I look at her, and I see her, really see her, for the first time she's been here. She's wearing some black tank top with a red cardigan, with a pocket on the front with a pink heart. She's got her skinny jeans on, and her infamous converse. This is Elena, not Katherine, not "human" Elena or even "Vampire" Elena. The woman standing in front of me I've loved, the woman standing in front of me I've dreamt of, lusted for, cried over, saved, would die for—really die, forever for—just confessed she loves me.
As if I couldn't hear her, she repeats herself. "I love you, Damon."
I'm taking a step toward her. "Elena, the sire bond."
Elena takes a step toward me. "It doesn't matter. You snuck up on me, Damon, and I can't shake you. So, I love you. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, I'll love you tomorrow, and I'll love you when I take the cure and become human again. There's nothing you can do or say that could change that."
I reach my hand up to her face and push a strand of hair behind her ear, letting my hand linger there. "Elena… If I let you stay here, I won't be able to let you go again… and I can't do that to you."
She smiles up at me, reaching her own hand up to cup the outside of my own. "You won't be doing that to me, because I won't let you. I'll tell Matt to tell me to come back. I'll tell Jeremy to do it. I'll fight this stupid ass sire bond to come back to you. I am never leaving your side again."
She closes the space between us, taking my hand in hers, and kisses me. It's everything our kisses haven't been in all the times we've kissed each other—it's soft, slow, and innocent. Her tongue dances in my mouth and I hold her close to me. I love her. How can I live without her? I can't. There's no point in trying.
I pull away. "So I guess we're just going to have to figure this whole cure thing out together, won't we? Since you apparently can't get enough of me and all," I say and wiggle my eyebrows at her.
She laughs. "Oh please. Like you weren't over here brooding the entire time I was gone."
"Damn Donovan. I really am going to kill him, you know."
Elena just smiles this thousand year old, wise woman smile. "No, you won't. In fact, I think you should thank him. He likes you, Damon. He wouldn't have told me to come over if he didn't love you just a little, too."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." I say, and kiss her cheek.
"Sooooo," she says and puts on her puppy dog face. "It's Valentine's Day. Do you think it'd be too much to ask if I spend it with my boyfriend, or are you going to try to send me away and let me be all alone again?"
"Boyfriend?" I scrunch up my nose. "That sounds so childish."
She looks at me sternly. "Damon."
"Okay, okay. Turn that frown upside down. Of course. Even though I'm definitely not a boy, and I'm so much more than your friend. At least I should be, after that borderline action we did against that tree not more than twenty minutes ago."
She smiles a hundred-watt smile. "Yay! Alright. Get in the car."
I raise my eyebrows. "I thought Donovan wanted you to keep him company?"
She winks at me. "I don't think he'll mind."
We get in the car and I go to sit down, but I'm sitting on something. I pull it out as Elena gets behind the driver's seat, looking at me expectantly.
I look at her. "What's this?"
"Just open it."
I open the little silver package and see that there's a fake tattoo of a customized heart that says "Elena + Damon 4 Ever".
"Seriously, Elena? A fake heart tattoo?" I tease her. I would never wear this, ever.
She shrugs, and leans over and kisses me lightly.
"Happy Valentine's Day, baby."
She turned the car around and we were off, just for one night, to forget about the cure, Mystic Falls, Jeremy's hunter mark and Klaus, and I had the best Valentine's Day of both my lifetimes.
-Matt POV-
I snuck a peek out of the blinds in the living room to see Damon and Elena kissing in the front seat of the car.
"The Eagle is flying!" I shout to Jeremy and Bonnie who are giggling together in the kitchen. We came up with that signal to let each other know that our plan had been successful and Damon and Elena went off together, away from this shit of a mess they are in, at least for a night.
"Hell yeah!" Jeremy exclaims and walks out of the kitchen with Bonnie in tow. "I know it's fucked up, because Elena is my sister and all, but I hope Damon gets laid. He's been such a dick."
Bonnie and I laugh. "Yeah, I don't think he's going to come back unsatisfied." I say, and Bonnie pushes me teasingly.
"Hey! That's my best friend and YOUR sister, Jeremy!" She says, pretending to be mad. None of us are. I'm even proud of Bonnie. When we mentioned the plan to her, I thought she'd be against it. Damon isn't exactly her favorite person. But she went right along with it, encouraging it, actually. She even had a back-up plan, in case Damon screwed up and sent her away again. Thinking about it, it makes me glad Bonnie is on her side. Caroline has been Team Stefan and seems to have forgotten who her friend is.
"Yeah but you know…" I start, getting serious. "They love each other, and they deserve to be happy too. All of this craziness and complicated emotion can wait. It's Valentine's Day, for crying out loud. This whole holiday is about being with the person you love. Elena deserves that, and you know what? So does Damon."
We all get quiet as we open the blinds watch the pair drive away, and I mentally pat Damon on the back. You go dude, I think, to Damon. You got the girl. Now never let her go.