Title: Moonflower
Author: OCDdegrassi
Pairing: Petunia/Remus
Rating: T
Warning: AU, Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Death/Murder
Note: Written for the "Ship Name Competition." This story got away from me, but I've decided that this should have happened in canon.
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When most people looked at the moon, they saw the beauty of nature. When Remus looked at it, he saw the beast inside him - the monster that he became because of it. He grew to hate it. It wasn't beautiful to him – quite the opposite; it destroyed beauty. The flowers that covered the ground were all so lovely in the day, but they all practically wilted at night.
He used to avoid looking at it, but as of late, he was forcing himself to gaze at it as a sort of punishment. James and Lily were dead. So was Peter, and Sirius was in Azkaban. Everyone that Remus loved was gone, and he had done nothing to stop it. His mind kept replaying every moment that he could have done things differently. He should have saved them.
He was nothing short of a wreck – unsure of what to do with himself and not sure that he cared enough anymore to do anything. The only thing that he knew for absolute certain was that he needed to see Harry. The child had lost his parents, and Remus owed it to James and Lily to at least see that their son was alright – no matter how hard it would be to look upon the face of someone that reminded him so much of the ones he had lost.
He apparated to Privet Drive, wearily approaching the Dursley home. He knew that he wouldn't be welcome. The Dursley's hated magic, and the fact that he was a werewolf (which Lily had told Petunia) only made it worse. He almost convinced himself to leave, but he needed to do this. He knocked on the door, and Petunia answered a moment later.
Remus was surprised to see that she was as much of a mess as he was, though he felt guilty for thinking that. No matter how many issues she had with Lily, they were still sisters, and that counted for something. He wondered if those issues had made Lily's death even worse, because now they would never have the chance to be close. He wondered if that was something that Petunia would regret for the rest of her life.
He was grateful, though stunned, when she let him inside. Seeing Harry was like a knife to his heart. He looked so much like James, but with Lily's eyes. It was hard to look at. And the worst part was that Harry would never know his parents – two of the most amazing people that Remus had ever met.
When Petunia put Harry and Dudley down for the night, Remus was hesitant to leave. He felt awkward around Petunia, but his last connection to James and Lily – the last person in this world that he cared about – was in this house. Leaving meant that he was going back to nothing.
Whether it was out of compassion or her own grief, Petunia didn't ask him to leave. She told him to sit, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and pouring them both a large glass. He learned that Petunia had lost her sister and her husband. Vernon walked out on her after she refused to abandon Harry to an orphanage (a thought that made Remus' blood boil). Vernon said that there was no way that he would raise a "freak." He didn't want Dudley to be raised around one either, but Petunia refused to give up her son.
The resulting court battle was ugly and traumatizing. Fortunately, since Vernon couldn't explain that Petunia was raising a "freak" without the court declaring him mentally unstable, the judge sided in her favor. She had full custody of Dudley with Vernon getting visitation every Wednesday and every other weekend. He was paying child support, but that hardly made Petunia's life easier. She was still struggling and overwhelmed with raising two babies on her own.
For the first time since Remus had met Petunia (which was a not a pleasant experience), he finally began to see her as a human being – someone with flaws, but who loved and hurt just like everyone else. He felt sympathy for her plight, and it was beyond cruel of Vernon to force her to choose between him and her nephew, though Remus was grateful that she had chosen Harry.
They finished the entire bottle of whiskey that night, and part of another one. Remus ended up crying, letting his tears flow freely as all of his pent-up grief and pain came out. Petunia didn't cry, but there was pain in her eyes; she had learned long ago that tears were a sign of weakness - something she refused to ever be again.
It wasn't as shocking as it should have been that they ended up in bed together. The alcohol was magnifying their grief, pushing them to the point where they both just needed something or someone to hold onto. It was about lust or attraction or even getting off; it was about finding comfort the only way they knew how. Petunia wasn't someone who talked about her feelings, so this was how she needed to cope, and Remus felt much the same.
When he awoke the next day, the bed was cold and Petunia was nowhere to be found. He dressed, feeling guilty for what took place the night before, and made his way downstairs. Petunia was feeding the boys, pointedly ignoring him. He should have just left, but he found himself unwilling to, especially when Harry threw his oatmeal at Petunia and started wailing. She looked so frazzled, trying her best to keep it together.
He handed her a paper towel with a sympathetic smile and set about calming Harry. He didn't want to overstep his boundaries, but he felt like he needed to do something. Petunia said nothing when he began to feed Harry; she merely raised her eyebrows and resumed feeding Dudley.
He found it strangely comforting to be standing in the dining room, working together to get the two babies fed. Petunia walked him out once breakfast was over, and they both paused at the doorway, feeling the urge to say something but not knowing what.
"Thank you," she finally said quietly. She closed the door before Remus could respond, but he let a small smile cross his face.
After that, Remus found himself making excuses to go over there more and more. First, it was to bring a toy for Harry. Then, it was to bring a toy for Dudley, because he felt guilty about only giving one of the boys a present. Then, it was to see if he could take the boys to the park for a day out. Petunia didn't talk to him much during those visits, but he could tell that she was grateful for the reprieve. He got the feeling that she didn't get much of a break most days.
Usually, those visits wouldn't end until well after the boys were asleep, when they sought comfort in one another's arms again. There was always alcohol involved, and they both knew that it was unhealthy, but it helped them deal with everything, so how could that possibly be wrong? For Remus, it stopped him from sinking into a pit of despair. He only hoped that it helped Petunia in some small way too.
He wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow, over time, they drank less and less and began doing more than just having sex. It was a simple as watching a movie or eating ice cream at first, but it eventually grew into genuine conversations where they got to know each other.
He was surprised to learn that Petunia could sing, and she was surprised to learn that he loved reading. She did too, and he began reading the same books as her whenever he went home so that they could talk about it the next time he saw her. Their relationship – though they never called it that – was comfortable and safe.
Most days, Remus wasn't eager to leave. Petunia and the boys were the only bright spot in his otherwise dark life. He was beginning to heal, slowly, but he no longer dreaded waking up in the morning. Every day, it got a little bit easier to face his life. He never stayed during the full moon, of course, but his place always felt so lonely and empty now. The wolf inside him seemed to sense that something was missing too, because it desperately howled and fought against the chains, wanting to get to something.
The only thing that gave him comfort during those days was thinking that his flower (as he had come to think of her) was looking at the same moon as him. He would often find her standing by the window and looking up at the night sky when he stayed over, and that thought helped him feel a connection with her during his transformations.
He was content with how things were, yet he couldn't help but want more. He just wasn't sure what came next. He could hardly ask her to move in with him – the place he lived was small and old and stayed perpetually dirty no matter how many times he cleaned it. Aside from that, it didn't seem fair to ask Petunia to move herself and the boys away from their home where they were comfortable and secure.
Yet he certainly couldn't ask to move into her house, because that was incredibly inappropriate. He couldn't ask her to marry him either, because she was quite turned off by the thought of marriage after going through such a difficult divorce. Fortunately, he was spared from his dilemma when Petunia made the decision for him.
One morning, after they had woken up in each other's arms, she hopped out of bed and put on her robe. As she started to exit the room to prepare breakfast, she stopped at the doorway and glanced back at him.
"You might as well move in, if you want. You're here all the time anyway." She left immediately after those words, completely missing the surprised but happy expression on Remus' face. He understands now that she did that out of fear of rejection.
He had once thought her to be cold and heartless, but he had long since realized that she was just guarded. She felt things so deeply that she was afraid to show her emotions in case she couldn't control them. He knew that she was worried that he would turn down her offer, but that was the farthest thing from his mind.
They never talked about it again, because it simply didn't seem necessary. He simply moved the rest of his belongings over to the house, though he still used the cottage during the full moon. His transformations were still never discussed, but he assumed that it was a bit too strange for Petunia to handle, which he didn't begrudge her.
She always made sure to keep extra chocolate around the house after the full moon, and she treated his wounds carefully and gently whenever he returned home, and those actions made him feel more loved and cared for than any conversation ever could.
He awoke one night and realized that Petunia wasn't in bed. He looked around in confusion, noticing that the bathroom was empty as well. Worry and fear began to claw at his chest, but he tried to stay calm and not overreact. It was difficult to do, seeing as he had lost so much already. He didn't think that he could handle losing her too.
He went in search of her downstairs, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw her sitting on the swing on their back porch. He walked outside, wincing as he saw the almost-full moon. He sat down beside her, and saw shot him a tired smile.
She looked even more beautiful than usual. The moon was reflecting on her pale skin and hair in a way that made her positively glow. She looked almost ethereal. Her eyes shined brightly in the moonlight, and Remus was rendered speechless from the sight.
"I love coming out here at night," she said quietly. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and she leaned into the embrace instinctively.
"Why?" He asked in genuine curiosity. He had never known her to go in the backyard at night, though he supposed that he had simply never woken up when she did. She sighed serenely in response.
"It's just so quiet. Peaceful. The moon is beautiful and larger than life, and it makes all of my problems seem so small," she answered honestly. Remus blinked, looking up at the moon skeptically. He had never considered the moon to be a beautiful thing; it was more like the bane of his existence. But sitting next to her now, it didn't seem so bad.
"Did you know there's something called a moonflower?" She continued, and he looked at her with a fond smile.
"No, I didn't." He replied, and she smiled softly.
"They are white and only open after nightfall. By morning, they are already closed up again," she explained. Remus regarded her quietly, suddenly seeing the similarities between his lover and that flower.
During the day, she was reserved and "proper" – seemingly cold to people who didn't know her. She was serious, focusing all of her energy on keeping everything perfect. But at night, she was different. When it was just the two of them and no prying eyes to see, she let her walls come down. She spoke honestly and sang, and she smiled in a way that lit up her entire face. That was when she opened up.
"Why do you think that flower only blooms at night when most people won't see it?" she asked him. Remus pulled her closer and thought about it.
"Perhaps the flower is afraid to open up when everyone else can see it, because then it would be judged against all the other flowers. Perhaps the moon makes the flower feel safe," he whispered, the meaning behind his words making his body feel warm. Petunia looked at him with affection shining in her eyes and smiled gently.
"Perhaps it does." She leaned into his embrace again, and he rested his head atop of hers, breathing in the scent that was distinctly hers. Staring up into the night sky, Remus decided that if his flower could only flourish under the moonlight, then perhaps the moon wasn't so bad after all.
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A/N: Reviews are always appreciated!