First time posting anything like this, so please be gentle guys? I just couldn't get this out of my head! I'm sorry it's messy. I wrote this and posted it on tumblr on 4/2017 after reading and watching some interviews. She may still think of him a hundred years later, but that doesn't mean it must be in a good light. This is Anti Steroline and Stefan.
Sometimes she thinks about him and cringes when she thinks of him.
Damon had emotionally destroyed her, but when Katherine turned her she had come out of the ashes as a new woman. She was stronger, and she grew into herself. She didn't let others treat her like she was second best anymore! She stood up to the big bad himself! But that changed when she began, in a moment of pure loneliness, falling for Stefan. She had let yet another Salvatore tare her down. She became this woman she couldn't recognize. she no longer dreamed of exploring the world and instead dreamed of staying in mystic falls, living a human life that she knew Stefan wanted. She sometimes wondered what her Mother would've thought of her if she had seen her act that way over him, over someone how clearly didn't respect her or her feelings (not the way he did with his other loves). Would Liz still encourage her to give Stefan a chance? What would Tyler and Klaus think of her choices, after all, both men had loved her confidence and her strength.
Sometimes she thought of him with a smile and a bit of nostalgia.
He had been a friend before everything got messy, not a great friend, but still a friend in the end. She remembered being his sober coach and being there for him when Elena finally made her choice to stay with Damon after the sire bond broke. The shared looks of annoyance when Damon talked to much, or when dealing with Klaus and his usual threats and dramatics. She remembers sharing fries and laughing with their little group during rare times of peace. She remembered how he understood and stuck by her after everything with Klaus and Tyler, how he didn't abandon her or judge her the night it all came out into the open.
Sometimes she rolls her eyes when she thinks of him. Annoyance. How he stilted her growth as a vampire because of his own issues with control. How he made her doubt herself. How he wasted her time. How selfish he could be and how he broke promises.
Anger.
She thinks about how he had burned the last words from her mother. Sometimes when she thinks of this she'll pace for hours just thinking about what could've been in that letter. Anger when she thinks of the danger he brought back into her life, how he risked not just her life but her babies as well. Anger when she thinks about how much she risked because she thought he loved her. she can even admit a big amount of her anger was at herself for letting herself become her worst self for him.
Sometimes she thinks of him and feels thankful.
He had showed her that she deserved better. She deserved someone who would move mountains for her. Someone who wouldn't put her in second or third place, who wouldn't want to change her, who would love her for her. He had showed her that she could make it on her own if need be. She knew where to find such a man (or should she say hybrid?) But she wasn't ready for forever just yet. She had a feeling he was ok with that though, after all he did promise all those years ago, however long it takes.