It was weeks before she was strong enough to clean up Becca's lab, let alone actually be able to leave the island. She patched up all the survival suits and tested them to make sure they worked. She wasn't sure why. Maybe it was something to do, a distraction or maybe she held out the hope of someone surviving the death wave other than herself. After many failed attempts, while she waited for her body to heal she found herself often in front of the launch bay doors, leaning against them. She wasn't sure what made her start doing it, but she created a tally, everyday a new stroke joined the others. Eventually her rations were running dangerously low and she knew she'd have to leave the island, so rounded up some equipment, guns, ammo and anything she thought would be of use. After loading the rover up, she returned one last time to the lab and counted every single tally. 284. She radioed Bellamy so he'd know she was leaving and may be out of communication for a couple days. Before starting the rover up she wrote 284 on the rear door, just in case she forgot.
The long drive back gave her time to form a plan. She'd go back to Arkadia and see if any of the structure had survived, and hopefully score some food while she was at it. Driving brought back painful, albeit happy memories of Bellamy, Raven, Monty and Jasper. Jasper. Several tears made their way down her cheek. She regretted the way they'd left things when she had last seen him, and now it was too late. She hoped they'd all been at least relatively happy while on the ground, although she wondered if they'd ever had the time to just appreciate it, between the grounders, mountain men and ALIE she supposed she understood why they choose to give up when faced with the second ending of the world.
After much reminiscing, a little too much for Clarke to handle; she was here. Arkadia. It still stood in relatively one piece, looking as if a light breeze would knock it to the ground, smoke still billowing from some sections. She pulled the rover right into the open bay, remembering Monty and Harper had left in a hurry. She got out closing the large roller door, which screeched many protests, and found the solar electrical system had fused during the wave, deciding to fix that later. Clarke moved further into the complex, which felt almost unfamiliar to her, not quite able to place her finger on why. She moved towards the recreational area, in search of clean water and possibly some food.
As she approached the closed door, which on its own was closed; unusual, her stomach knotted tighter and her palms became sweaty. Wiping her hands on her pants she reached for the handle and slid the door just far enough open for her to slip inside. She took one step forward before she sank to the floor, backed pressed flat against the wall, knees pulling up to her chest and tears streaming down her face. Her throat went dry and Clarke forced herself to breathe despite being unable to take her eyes off the bodies scattered around the room. Some, she presumed the ones that had died first, wrapped in blankets and laid on the floor, others appeared to have dropped dead where they last stood.
A lone figure was crumpled in front of the large window facing the front gates. She didn't have to look to know that would be Jasper's body. Shudders ran through Clarke's body as overwhelming grief took over. Short, ragged breath and a spinning room forced her to slide down the wall, laying in an eerily similar way to those around her. Her eyes closed, and she blacked out.
Upon awakening her first thought was of the bizarre dream she'd had and the stale stench offending her nose. Her dream had involved an argument she'd had with Jasper months ago, about what he should be doing with the food and supplies they had, rather than intoxicating a bunch of unsupervised teenagers. She remembered the real conversation and was surprised to realise just how violent and aggressive dream Jasper had been. The smell was certainly unusual, Becca's lab reminded more of her prac time in the medical centre on board the ark than a smoky grounder cave. Upon opening her eyes she realised why; she was no longer in Becca's lab.
Eventually having grounded herself enough to get up, Clarke grabbed a single canteen of water and closed the door behind herself, not quite ready to face her friends; could she even call them that? She somehow thought it was disrespectful as it was her fault they had ended up dead in the first place. She set about fixing the solar electricity, to be able to contact Bellamy and the others, she first had to have a working radio. This took several days, and she avoided going back into the room during this time.
An idea had occurred to her while separating the wiring in the conductor. Just like in their first home, she would respect her fellow delinquents by giving them a proper send-off; a burial. She already knew the perfect spot, maybe half a kilometre from the main structure, a sheltered area she could easily fence off and turn into a private cemetery. The next day Clarke began work, and after nearly a week of hard labour the ground was ready with nine neat plots waiting. She took care with each and every body, ensuring to carve their name and what she had found their most prominent trait into a small piece of wood she had for each one. She left Jasper to the end, up until this point able to keep fairly level-headed.
When she reached his body, still laying in front of the window, she sat next to him. She told him how very sorry she was, cried until her throat burned and begged for him to find a way to forgive her. After several hours, Clarke was able to steel herself for the task at hand. She wrapped his body in the blanket he'd died upon and dragged him through the building and into the cemetery. Gently rolled his body into the final grave, to the very left of all the others, overlooking the cliffside. As she inscribed his name, she flipped the wood over and wrote "DNR" on the back, while "Loyalty" beared the front. She sat there for a while, finding peace in having done a little thing for those she could not save.
As night fell, Clarke trudged back into the building and found herself in the rec room, looking blankly around. She flicked the switch and prayed the lights would work. When they slowly flickered back to life she made her way around the room, folding up the blankets, collecting discarded shoes and cups, finally making it to the window, where she found a pair of goggles. A stray tear slipped down her cheek as she slid them onto her arm, knowing exactly where she was going to put them. As she made her way back to the rover bay (where she slept) a small smile creeped onto her face. Placing blankets and other supplies she'd found in the back, she opened the driver door and hung the goggles over the rear-view mirror.
Two years later, when Maddi asked Clarke why she had goggles hanging in the rover her answer was that an old friend was going to want them one day, a distant look in her eyes.
When Bellamy first saw Clarke, he was sure it was a figment of his imagination, she moved so fast it very well could have been, except the man she launched herself at went down hard and he heard the bones in his ribs break. After the shock wore off he barely had time to avoid a right hook being thrown his way by one of the other attacking men before his training took over and he helped disable the remaining few. While Echo helped him tie their attackers to a nearby tree, Bellamy heard sudden shouts coming from Monty and turned to see him seething with rage, about to explode with anger. In the few seconds it took him to get over to the rover, where he and Clarke were standing, she'd said something, and he was suddenly embracing much like he did when they first saw her after the attack. He could see tears streaming down her face and when Monty finally let Clarke go, he too was rubbing red-rimmed eyes. It dawned on Bellamy when he saw the goggles hanging around Monty's neck what caused the yelling in the first place.
The flood of memories that come back when Clarke first drives them through the gates of Arkadia overwhelm him, but one stands out. The guilt and regret overcome him for a second and he takes a sharp breath not unnoticed by Clarke. When they've all settled in and had some food, Clarke asks if they would all come with her she wanted to show them something. Monty and Raven's eyes light up as if they were back at their first camp and Clarke had just told them she'd solved yet another problem. He supposed that's what made her a good leader, her ability to control people without manipulation or fear. He brought up the rear of the group, Maddi insisting he hold her hand; a funny little girl Clarke seemed to have adopted while he was up in space, but she'd taken quite the liking to him straight away after he'd 'saved' her life. And he had to admit she was growing on him too.
As they exited the structure from the rear side, he could see a fenced off area he didn't remember being there before and could see Clarkes shoulders grow more and more tense the closer they got. Suddenly as Monty and Clarke reached the fence, he ran over to where she pointed and collapsed to the ground, Raven followed quickly, placing an arm around his quivering shoulders. Harper hugged Clarke and slowly entered the area, which Bellamy now recognised as a cemetery. The other slowly trudged in and eventually he and Maddi were in line with Clarke at the entry. She had silent tears running down her face and Maddi immediately left Bellamy's side to hug her, while he leaned over her head and brushed the tears off her cheeks. A small smile was exchanged then Bellamy turned to face those he has failed to save. The top slate of the entry gate read:
"Here lies one from a distant star, but the soil is not alien to him, for in death he belongs to the universe" – C.D.S.
He remembered telling Clarke that quote the night they had to bury Atom, when they discovered a shared interest of history. Rather than intrude on the others time with their friends, Bellamy stood opposite Clarke and Maddi at the entry watching the others. He'd come back later, alone and see them.
Hours after everyone had gone to bed, it'd been a long day for them all, he heard rustling coming from one of the prone figures; and watched as they got up, grabbed their shoes and walked out of the room. He waited a second before grabbing his own and following them. He was surprised to find Clarke, sitting next to Jasper's grave, talking quietly into the night. She turned as he approached and he gave her a knowing smile; he'd talked to her almost every night when he was on the arc, but she didn't need to know that.
"Did I do this?" she asked the pain of a haunting question straining her voice. He sat beside her not quite close enough to touch arms but feel the warmth of each other's presence.
"Well if you did, then I did as well, remember. We lead together," He paused and looked over to find her eyes, glistening but maintaining contact with his own. He reached out and put his arm around her, while she sidled closer. They sat like that for a while in blissful silence, merely content to be in each other's presence with no one else around. As Clarke started to fade against his chest, he picked her up and carried her, despite muffled protests against his chest back into the building, and laid them both down, removing their shoes and pulled her protectively against his chest before drifting into a peaceful sleep, Clarke already having beat him.