How to Annoy Edward Cullen
Get him a "Buffy the Vampire" DVD
Get him Vampire Diaries
Ask him his favourite food
Tell him Bella wants him to suck her blood
Get Bella's blood and filter it through his house and then put it on his clothes
Nick Name him Eddie
Tell him Bella had sex with Carlisle
Tell him that Bella is a lesbian
Tell him Bella was originally a vampire (jokes)
Douse him in Bella's blood
Tell him he looks bad without a shirt on
Tell him Charlie's going to kill him
Tell him Nessie doesn't love him
Make him eat food (wasabi)
Smash the god damn Volvo
Tell him Bella only married him for the sex
Get him a Dracula costume for Halloween
Tell him Bella convinced Alice to change her.
Then, once he's already yelled at a totally shocked Alice, say you were kidding
Tell him that you're taking him to an opera in Seattle then take him to La Push
Make him spend the day with Jacob
Tell him Jacob raped Nessie
Read bedtime stories to him
Ask him how old he is
Cover your body with glitter and yell. "Look what Jasper did!"
Challenge him to a race
Make him move to La Push
Tell him that Jacob and Nessie are married
Tell him that Nessie isn't his
Then say that she's Jacobs
Tel him Bella slept with Jacob and like it more than sleeping with Edward
Tell him that, because Bella got depressed when he left, you switch to Team Jacob
)Look at him like you're suspicious or something and picture yourself naked
Tell him Bella is in Volterra on vacation
Then when he flies all the way to Italy, say you were joking
Tell him Bella wants a divorce
Ask him his bedtime
Give him a dog named Jacob, Sam Leah, Quil, Embry, act. Anything but Seth
Tell him that the Blacks moved in with Bella and Charlie
Smash all of his CDs onto the floor and tell him that is looks like him
Smash his Austin Martin
Tell him he's ugly
Tell him he doesn't have an American accent
Tell him Jacob kissed Bella again
Tell him Bella kissed Jacob
Tell Nessie to colour in his journals
Walk in while Edward is over in Bella's room without permission and tell Charlie on them.
Have a cookout with the Cullen's, the Denali coven, the Egyptian, Irish, and Romanian covens and have human food on his birthday.
Throw garlic, crosses and wooden stakes at him. Then ask him, "Why the heck are you still alive."
If you're still alive after that...
Tell him that you defiled his piano with your boyfriend/ girlfriend