Early mornings
Plagued by warnings
What's the point of the alarm that I'm ignoring?
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Summer morning light yawned across the sleepy Hidden Village of Konoha. It was one of those days when everything that plagued you in life didn't seem to matter, at least for the next twenty-four hours. It was Saturday, a day where even strict senseis let up on their genins' important training to hang out with drinking buddies and lovers. Academy teachers took a moment to stop grading horrendous test answers to do other physical, more enjoyable, activities, owners of popular ramen huts stop frying noodles to notice the cloudless sky and humble henchmen of the great (and demanding) Hokage halted from purchasing more liquor for their powerful boss to smile at the little children playing tag. Yes, this lethargic, easy-going Saturday was a much needed break to all those who lived in the bustling village of Konoha.
Well...except for one unsuspecting jounin.
Dammit.
The persistent buzzer of the odd scarecrow-shaped alarm would not give up in the act of awakening an equally stubborn, silver-haired smut-reader. The aforementioned man only buried his unruly silver head deeper into the now flattened pillow, effectively smothering himself in the process. But that was okay. It was better than opening his eyes. Oh, but alas, his fervent wish to delve back into his lucid dream of bathhouses and orange novels was to be unfulfilled.
Cracking open a bloodshot eye, the elite ninja glared at the unrelenting alarm clock that was out to bash his sensitive eardrums. This proved to be a foolish action, however, as he hissed like a garlic-induced vampire as the cheerful sun rendered him sightless. This would never do. A blind ninja could not read precious literature - ahem - important mission scrolls. Forcing himself to move, he groggily lifted a hand from underneath his green shuriken-printed covers to rub sight back into his non-sharingan eye. Blinking, trying to get used to the new lighting, the ninja resumed glaring at his alarm clock. Why he ever bought the thing was beyond him. It wasn't like it helped him to be punctual.
Not bothering to glance at the time, the copy-nin smashed a pale hand down upon the snooze button with more force than needed. The alarm clock whirred and whizzed a moment from such a harsh physical contact before being reduced to silence for at least seven more minutes. The jounin let a peaceful sigh escape through his unmasked lips. Lifting his warm, green covers to rest upon the bridge of his nose, the ninja let his one eye flutter shut. Nuzzling his head lovingly against his precious pillow (that was filled with goose feathers for extra fluffiness), the jounin lulled himself back into a semi-conscious sleep.
Ah, peace.
"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"
Instead of suffering from a massive heart attack from such a sudden outburst, Kakashi merely pulled his sheets and comforter over his silver-maned head. The owner of the shrieking voice did not cease and Kakashi blatantly noted that his alarm clock sounded like a sweet symphony compared to it.
"KAKA-SENSEI, IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW I'M BUSTING THROUGH YOUR DOOR!"
Go ahead, it's booby-trapped.
"I MEAN IT! I'M RIGHT BY YOUR FRONT DOOR!"
Nothing like the smell of charred chuunin in the morning.
"MY HAND IS ON THE KNOB!"
Please, I insist.
Silenced reigned upon Kakashi's quaint bedroom for about ten seconds. His eyes still closed, the jounin raised a brow from the sudden quiet that had been handed to him on a silver platter. But, unfortunately, 'nothing gold can stay'.
"Um...FIVE MINUTES KAKASHI-SENSEI AND I MEAN IT!"
Kakashi smirked at the image of a certain blonde-haired chuunin retracting his hand from his front door like it was toxic before reaching out towards it again, this continuous action being repeated about three to four times. Instead of getting up to please his former student, Kakashi remained where he was, enjoying the peace that was finally given to him.
He wrapped his cocoon of blankets tighter around his chiseled form, inhaling the 'wild orchid' scent of his fabric softener. Resisting the urge to retreat into a childlike fetal position, the respected jounin listened intently to see if his former student who had a cashew-sized attention-span gave up and let the sleeping ninja lie. Both of his eyes creased, matching the smile on his unmasked face, when he no longer detected the blonde ninja's chakra.
Left alone (finally) to sleep, Kakashi silently pondered as to what Konoha's number-one-hyperactive ninja was so relentless about. Was his birthday today? Kakashi slowly unveiled his non-sharingan eye to look out his east-facing window only to snap it shut once more. Nope, there were no leaves on the ground and the air didn't have an annoying nipping chill to it as the month of October normally had. He shrugged. Whatever it was, he was late to it anyways.
With a heavy sigh at not being able to fall back asleep, the jounin reluctantly sat up in his bed, his back cracking at the sudden strenuous task it was expected to fulfill. He continued to sit stock-still like an exhausted zombie with his eyes shut tight for two minutes before opening his right one to peek at the new day that was rather rudely sprung onto him. Swivelling his eye to his left, Kakashi eyed his alarm clock.
9:09 a.m.
Furrowing his silver brows, the copy-nin gazed onto the small bottle of insomnia pills next to the dreaded device. Snatching the bottle of white tablets, Kakashi's lone eye traced over the directions of use and precautions of overdose. Doing a quick mathematical calculation in his head, the jounin narrowed his eyes at the innocent bottle when he found the solution. With a dignified huff, Kakashi roughly slammed the pills onto his night stand.
'Guaranteed eight-hour sleep' my ass.
Freshly awoken from his four-hour sleep, Kakashi proceeded to swing his legs over the edge of his bed one by one. He smirked out how Sakura's eyebrow would be ticking at his intentional slow-pace. He was half surprised that she didn't throw a boulder (No matter how many times you tell me Sakura, it was not a pebble...) to smash open his window to wake his lazy ass up this morning like last time. Despite how many plans and concepts he ran through his mind that fateful day, he was still drawn to the conclusion that in order to clean up broken glass shards, you were required to get up. Silently thanking Kami that he did not have to be victim of finding tiny glass fragments buried in his feet for weeks after such a harsh punishment, the copy-nin finally rose to his feet and proceeded to walk towards his bathroom with the grace of a drunken feline.
Once refreshed with his bathroom needs, his jounin uniform in place and mask tightly secure, Kakashi ambled down his hallway towards his tiny, but comfortable, kitchen for much needed nourishment. With a delicious image of a delectable tamagoyaki in his mind, the sharingan user searched high and low for his ingredients before squeezing half his body into his corner cupboard to find the right sized pan. Clangs and bangs of metal filling his small apartment, Kakashi furrowed his brow when he could not seem to find his frying pan anywhere.
Let's see... the last time I used it was when ...
"Yo, Kakashi."
Suppressing an annoyed moan, the jounin wiggled one of his arms free to gesture his to faithful friend that he heard him loud and clear. Grunting out an incoherent greeting to go along with his one-handed hello, the copy-nin continued his unattainable search for any pan that could be used for frying. His ninja-trained ears picked up soft padding across his kitchen tile coming towards him. A wet nose poked at his side.
"What are you doing with your ass sticking halfway out of that cupboard? Lose your mask?"
Growling lightly, not wanting to deal with his nosy nin-dog, Kakashi ignored his companion's inquisition and continued to poke and prod in his cupboard, receiving a slight back pain from his position on his hands and knees.
There was that one time when Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura came over when I was sick... Sakura had fried some medic-thing to relieve my sinuses...
The wet nose jabbed him in the lower abdomen again, "You're late with that rendezvous you were supposed to have with Tsunade-sama at 7:30. She won't be chipper, Kashi-kun.."
Choosing to ignore his nin-dog's statement and the irritating nickname he used, Kakashi tried to jog his memory about what happened that one time when he fell ill.
Hmm, I do remember a loud smack and Naruto yelping after he commented something to Sakura. He then said something along the lines of S and M when there was a loud bang...
Kakashi paused in his search as he recalled the loud crash he had heard. It distinctively sounded like metal on flesh.
No, she couldn't have.. Not my only frying pan!
"Kashi-kun. Are you going to get out of there or what? It's a tight fit if you ask me. I know you're in fantastic shape, considering your age and all, but you're no contortionist."
The wet nose stabbed him again with more force, "You shouldn't breathe too deeply in there. Remember that rat poison you put in a week ago?"
Kakashi's heart dropped as he wrapped his hands around a handle and brought the piece of kitchenware up to his lone eyed gaze. He sighed dejectedly as he saw a clear imprint of Naruto's pleading face forever engraved in the twisted metal. It was one thing using one of his precious, most used items to pummel a teammate and friend, but to put it back in the way end of the cabinet for him to find when he was in desperate need of tamagoyaki was another. Adding "buying a frying pan" to his ever-growing list of Things I Say I Will Do But Will Never Get Around To, Kakashi sighed once again.
Easing his way out of the cupboard with great care, the copy-nin stood with his Naruto pan in hand. Perhaps he should leave it on Sakura's front doorstep just to mess with her. A deep chuckle pulled Kakashi out of his thoughts and he looked down at his feet to his companion.
The small pug smiled as much as a pug could and chuckled heartily again, "Ha, a fine piece of artwork you got there Kakashi."
Kakashi only hung his head in shame as he quietly muttered, "Why I even let them near my house is beyond me."
Settling for some rice and chopped fish instead, the elite jounin popped his neck before slipping on his shinobi sandals by his front door. Reaching for his hitai that lay upon a hook, Kakashi wondered if Tsunade was one for masochism. He shrugged his broad shoulders as he pulled the forehead protector down to cover his sharingan, earning him the original lopsided look and unruly silver hair, despite being pushed up from the hitai, that screamed "Kakashi".
Walking lazily through the streets of Konoha, the great copy-nin was greeted with the spicy smells of new ramen concoctions and the sweet odor of broiled basil. Sliding into his infamous slouching position, Kakashi continued his trek to the Hokage's office, taking as much time as possible, and let his mind wander while still being alert for unwanted company. More precisely, green spandex company. His mysterious mind thought of what mission or simple task he'd be assigned and how much deeper he was burying himself in shit for being over two hours late. Kakashi mentally shrugged. Facing Tsunade's unfathomable wrath while still keeping his cool facade was nothing new. Kakashi let his mind delve into more interesting things such as why ANBU uniforms consisted of white jumpers when they were supposed to be discreet and when the last time he got a haircut was (more precisely, when he gave himself one with a kunai).
Nonchalantly running a fingerless gloved hand through his silver locks, Kakashi dubbed it was a long time since indeed.
Stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets, Kakashi's lone eye swivelled toward the numerous civilians that came out of their cozy suburban homes to shop at thrifts and fruit stands. Those strawberries did look delectable... Surely he could stop to buy one...
"Kaka-sensei!"
Unwillingly pulling his eyes from the luscious red fruit, Kakashi turned around to see his only female student jogging towards him with an armful of textbooks and a hopeful sparkle in her emerald eyes. That was never a good thing.
Fighting back his initial instinct to run and leave no trail behind, Kakashi planted his shinobi sandals firmly into the ground and waited patiently for the pink-haired kunoichi to catch up to him. Skidding to a stop, Sakura beamed a wide grin at him, her pearly whites glistening in the morning sun, and Kakashi supplied her with a friendly eye-crease. The glint in her eyes never dying, Sakura fell into step with the older jounin.
Gazing up into his lone eye, the medic-nin began her inquiry, "Kakashi-sensei, I need a favor."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "Sakura, the last time I granted you a favor, I was knee-deep in body fluids helping you haul out corpses."
Sakura, not at all affected by the gruesome memory (unlike the sharingan wielder beside her), waved off his doubt, "Don't worry, sensei, I don't need your help at the morgue. Actually, it was something a bit more cleaner and..personal."
Kakashi liked the sound of clean but felt his eyebrow reach his hairline, "Personal?"
Sakura made little circles with her finger upon the large textbook in her hand, her eyes suddenly finding the bold writing of 'MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY' fascinating.
Ah, pulling the old 'innocent act' I see. All the more to be suspicious. Be on guard, Hatake.
Sakura stared back into Kakashi's lone, grey eye while her lip construed into a pout, "Well, my final exam to be a full-fledged head medic-nin is coming up and I am in need of a...test subject, if you will."
The words, Get Naruto to do it, he'll practically get hit by a ramen cart for you, were almost leaving his lips when she hopefully added, "And I get extra points if they have a bloodline."
Kakashi furrowed his brow, still not convinced he'd be the only choice, "Why not one of the Hyuugas? Nara, even?"
"Missions."
"Inuzuka?"
"Bedridden for a month."
"Yamanaka?"
"As if."
"Aburame?"
"On a bug-quest."
"Rock?"
"...He doesn't have a bloodline."
"But his taijutsu is exceptional and he's got a crush on you."
"Sensei!"
Sakura's face reddened with embarrassment over how it seemed everyone in Konoha knew of Rock Lee's current infatuation, even her aloof former sensei. Kakashi saw how her flushed cheeks slowly became anger-oriented for avoiding her question of being a test subject. Kakashi only eye-creased at the young medic.
Sakura folded her arms in a huff (as much as she could with the textbooks in hand) and turned her head away from her dear old sensei. Kakashi merely shrugged at her mood swings and continued to draw closer to the Hokage building. A cold dread was creeping into his normally nonchalant exterior at what the Godaime would have in store for him when he finally arrived fashionably late.
Sakura's frown subsided as a sigh emitted through her plush lips, her head turning towards her distracted ex-sensei, "Please, sensei? It's really nerve-racking to have all those council members breathing down your neck and I could use the extra points if I mess up a little." Sakura saw the alarmed look in Kakashi's usually emotionally void eye, "Not that it'll cause you bodily harm or anything!"
Sakura looked down at her feet after hearing the relieved sigh from Kakashi's concealed mouth, "And anyway, I'd feel more concentrated and less nervous if you were there, Kaka-sensei..."
The way the pink-haired kunoichi picked at her textbook's binding anxiously while biting her lip in hope made Kakashi want to groan. There was no way out of this it seemed. He didn't even bother to question her about the last Uchiha's availability, knowing full-well that the avenger would want nothing to do with Sakura's examination. Kakashi, on the other hand, had an annoying soft spot for his roseate-haired former student. The copy-nin reluctantly turned his head to look to Sakura who was still tearing her book apart. Refraining from running a hand down his masked face, Kakashi stopped in his tracks, Sakura following the suit curiously, and scratched the back of his head.
Sakura's emerald orbs glistened with anticipation as the copy-nin brought down a hand to place on her shoulder, "I'd be honored to be a lab rat for you."
Sakura's face flickered with minor annoyance at his term, but quickly was replaced with a gleaming smile as she hugged her off guard sensei, books dropping in the process, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't regret it, I promise!"
Kakashi's muscles only tensed for a moment, having gotten used to the spontaneous close proximities between Sakura and Naruto (not to mention a few drunken nights with Genma he'd rather like to forget). Kakashi placed a hand upon her pink head and ruffled her hair into something that resembled an angry bird's nest. Sakura let go of her sensei from her rather monstrous bear hug (the poor girl didn't know her own strength) and tried unsuccessfully to reevaluate her hairstyle into something that more closely resembled the magazine model she'd copied it from hours before. Picking up her forgotten textbooks, Sakura beamed once again at her former sensei.
"I'll stop by Training Ground 3 at five tomorrow to show you what we'll be working on. Thank you again! Ja ne!"
Sakura then speeded off in a cloud of dust towards the Hokage's office.
She's probably late too. She'd never beat my record though.
Stuffing his hands back into his pockets with indifference, Kakashi continued his wayward journey to where he'd meet certain death.
o-o-o
"I'd rather you not rub off your disgraceful tardiness onto my students, Hatake!"
Kakashi's eye lazily stared at the throbbing vein that threatened to burst upon the blonde's temple. Glancing up swiftly at the clock, Kakashi mentally smiled at what he saw.
12:04
Ah, new record.
"–so I'll need you to...HATAKE!"
Kakashi's grey eye met the Godaime's caramel, "Hai, Hokage-sama?"
Tsunade tapped her nails impatiently upon her newly replaced desk, her burgundy nail polish chipping away with each thrum. Kakashi merely looked on with lethargic apathy. The blonde Hokage hissed out as calmly as she could, "Are you listening to a word I'm saying, Hatake?"
"Of course, Hokage-sama."
"Don't lie to me!" The sound of a fist pounding against moaning wood echoed throughout the office.
"Duly noted, Hokage-sama."
Tsunade growled with frustration, trying to keep from pulling out her honey locks - not wanting the slightly amused copy-nin in front of her to know he'd gotten the best of the old (I mean youthful) Hokage. Tsunade merely let a sigh escape her throat while she rubbed her throbbing temple. She'd have to send out for more sake after this vexing man left. Looking back up at Kakashi's smiling eye, the Godaime narrowed her eyes, "I have a mission for you, Kakashi."
Kakashi found himself standing a bit straighter as the Hokage addressed him, wondering briefly if the mission had been bumped down a rank for his inattention (and maybe his timing).
Tsunade laced her fingers together and seemed to smirk at the unsuspecting jounin, "Since you seem to know just the right thing to say, I'm sending you on a special B-rank mission. One that requires you to use force, if need be."
In other words: if they intimidate, you kill.
Kakashi nodded but couldn't help the wrinkling of his nose as he said, "Special, Hokage-sama?"
The Hokage smiled, "I thought it was time for you to retrieve the antidote I take when you leave my presence."
Kakashi raised a silver eyebrow at the Godaime's vagueness and was about to ask her to elaborate when the door behind him burst open to reveal a clambering chuunin with blonde locks.
"BAA-CHAN! You said I had a mission today and–"
Naruto's cerulean eyes darted about the room, landing on one inconspicuous elite jounin, "Kaka-sensei! You made it!"
Kakashi only raised his eyebrows even more. Naruto got passed the ANBU guards? Shaking his unruly silver-haired head, the sharingan user concluded that the hyperactive ninja would never cease to surprise him. The copy-nin gave Naruto a one-hand greeting as the blond chuunin stepped beside him with a wide grin and then turned back his attention to the Hokage.
Tsunade continued once both Leaf ninjas were situated, "I see you failed to get your sensei up, Naruto."
Naruto pointed accusingly at the still-bewildered jounin beside him, "BAA-CHAN! How can you say that! It's not MY problem his door is trapped and Sakura wasn't around to bust his window! Be grateful, Tsunade baa-chan. At least it's not after one!"
Tsunade shot back, "You were assigned with a simple C-rank mission of awaking your sensei and he came later than usual! You failed. End of discussion."
Naruto prattled out incoherent, angered words before crossing his arms and pouted at the unfairness of it all, "I'm not Kakashi-sensei's baby-sitter..."
Kakashi decided then to make his presence known once more with a cough, "Don't I have a say in this?"
"No."
"No!"
Kakashi merely sighed and closed his good eye, wondering why the world treated him so. It wasn't his fault that those damn pills didn't work. Kakashi opened his grey eye once more to regard the Hokage with mild interest, "Hokage-sama. My mission?"
Naruto nodded his head vigorously with uncontrolled zeal, "Yeah, yeah! What about my mission, Tsunade baa-chan?"
The blonde leader sighed as she stacked a few stray papers neatly upon her desk, "You, Naruto, were originally going to be paired up with your sensei and Sakura. Oh, but alas, my student was tardy this morning and will not be able to finish her studies in time for said mission."
Tsunade proceeded to shoot murderous daggers across the room to the bored-looking Kakashi and the oblivious Naruto raised an eyebrow at the exchange.
Tsunade laced her fingers together once more, "And your dear old sensei here will not have the time either for this mission because he so warmly volunteered to purchase more sake for myself."
The Godaime took in the raised eyebrows of Naruto who looked more confused than the time there was more than one ramen special and then to Kakashi whose widened eye and stiffened posture sent evil giggles bubbling in her vicious mind.
Naruto pointed at the startled copy-nin next to him, "But Kaka-sensei would never do something out of kindness like that."
Kakashi briefly glared at Naruto's bluntness, mentally correcting that he agreed to help Sakura out of kindness. Okay, so she backed him into a corner, but he could've easily 'poof-ed' away from the whole mess which he did not. Kakashi turned back to the smirking Hokage.
"I don't believe an exchange like that ever went on here, Hokage-sama."
Tsunade narrowed her eyes, "But I do believe I am the Hokage and you will do as I command."
A still silence settled upon the small, quaint (and not to mention messy with all that undone paperwork) room. Kakashi's heated glare met Tsunade's own, two forces that should never be reckoned with. Naruto merely looked to and fro from the respected nin, trying to gather and sort out what he had just heard. A smug smile spread across his whisker-scarred face as he put two and two together.
He barked with laughter, "Haha! Kakashi-sensei has to be Tsunade baa-chan's maid instead of going on a real mission with me!"
Kakashi chose that moment to knock Naruto upside the head, ignoring the cry of pain, and to ask the Hokage in a relatively calm, low voice, "You are really going to assign me that sorry-excuse-for-a-mission instead of using my skills rightfully and beneficially in an A-ranked one?"
Tsunade scoffed, "You flatter yourself, Kakashi."
Kakashi ignored her, "Do you think that's smart?"
The Hokage quickly reclaimed the fire that had briefly left her eyes, "Smart? As smart as that mouth of yours, Hatake? I believe so. Now, Naruto. I'm assigning you a B-ranked mission at the border. Problems have been arising down there recently and ANBU reports state that Stone-nins have been causing these disputes and it's up to you and two other ninjas to settle everything. Use force if need be."
Naruto punched the air, "YOSH! Some real action! Who are my teammates, Tsunade baa-chan?"
"Uchiha Sasuke and Yamanaka Ino."
"NANI?!!"
Tsunade quirked an eyebrow at the flabbergasted chuunin in front of her desk, "Is there a problem, Naruto?"
Naruto sputtered, "A-a problem? Of course there's a problem, baa-chan! You're sending me on a mission with Sasuke-teme and Ino-pig! Sasuke's never going to let me have some action and Ino's never going to heal me! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"
"I don't believe I am. Meet the others by the gates at two o'clock sharp. Pack for a week. You're dismissed."
"But baa-chan – !"
"You're dismissed, Naruto."
The orange and black clad chuunin only huffed before stomping out of the office before turning back around to glare at the Sharingan-wielder, "Thanks a lot, Kakashi-sensei."
The door shut with a defined click (and slight slam) and Kakashi felt the need to run a hand down his face at his student's childlike behavior, not wanting to give in to the fact that he had acted in a similar (more calmer) way himself. Kakashi stared at the Hokage in front of him that had seemed to begin a fresh new stack of paperwork, completely ignoring his presence. Kakashi only stared on, waiting patiently, and stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets, noting how the fabric seemed to stretch too far – the early signs of a new hole apparent.
New jounin pants are in order. The list keeps on growing.
"What are you still doing here, Hatake?"
Kakashi raised his eyebrow for the umpteenth time that day, "Waiting for you to assign me a mission, Hokage-sama."
Tsunade glared, "You know very well what your mission is. That sake isn't going to purchase itself."
Kakashi knitted his brows, "That's hardly a mission, Hokage-sa –"
The short-tempered Hokage cut him off with a low growl, "Do you want me to lower it even further, Hatake?"
Kakashi clamped his concealed mouth shut. An impasse had arose it seemed. To deny such an easy task? No, of course not. To even rank the sake-retrieval as a B was a joke. Kakashi would've chuckled at the idiocy if the Hokage's gaze didn't seem so serious about the issue. What else was the copy-nin left to do? Either way, he was going to be the laughing stock at the bar on Friday night. Fighting off the temptation to tug at his silver locks until the roots were revealed, Kakashi stiffly bowed an inch, not wanting to succumb to her own sick and twisted personal enjoyment.
Lifting himself just as robotically, Kakashi asked in what was his attempt at mocking her assignment, "And what kind do you prefer, Hokage-sama?"
Tsunade waved off his mockery like it was an annoying gennin, "A strong one, Hatake. Think of this as a vacation. Continuous bloodshed isn't good for the mind. Dismissed."
Slouching once more into his signature 'still-not-affected' position, Kakashi let himself out and slowly made his way down the hall of the large HQ.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten up today. Intuition likes to be taken seriously, I suppose.
o-o-o
Early afternoon bliss settled upon the bustling village of Konoha. The sun was making its languid pace down the slope of the sky after its almighty position directly overhead. Villagers set down their handiwork to take an early lunch break with their good buddies at the local cafes and restaurants. Children were called inside for their first clean-up of cuts, bruises and possible mangled limbs and older kids made their way towards the dubbed hangout spot. All in all, the day was still young and bright. The calm, cheerful disposition of the sunny afternoon never wavered.
Even as the inwardly disgruntled jounin resided in his favorite tree to do what he did best.
Write out mission reports.
The supposed "mission" took all of about five to maybe ten minutes at best. After searching for the strongest substance and paying with his own money (he got himself set up for that one), the respected copy-nin made his way back to the Hokage where she took the alcohol and demanded a mission report.
Kakashi felt his securely tight self-control slip an inch as his pen dug into the beige-colored scroll. His idea of a "vacation", as the Hokage had put it, did not consist of two-page reports on how he had to endure a certain green spandex-clad man who happened to own the strongest sake known to Konoha and how he wouldn't give up the liquid without a series of ridiculous challenges.
He felt his silver brow tick as he briefly described the duel of rock-paper-scissors that had ended infinitely in ties before Kakashi figured out Gai's pattern. His mission reports were usually sweet and to the point (sometimes being only two sentences long), but he wanted to annoy the blonde Godaime with more paperwork she must read through. And what better than to debrief about Gai having to get his eyebrows waxed after losing another battle of wits?
Signing his sloppy signature below a purposely more gruesome penmanship above (that went on for two and a half pages mind you), Kakashi leapt off his branch and landed gracefully onto the ground below. Deciding to make the Hokage wait until tomorrow to read his superbly-written report, the jounin turned in the opposite direction towards an unknown destination.
Kakashi was a simple man. A mysterious man. A man that took any mission thrown at him (no matter how idiotic or death defying), a man that read porn in public. Kakashi was a man that wasn't easily swayed. A man that had unknown values, unknown intentions. A man with a twisted sense of humor and a heart that was shrouded in tragedy and perhaps hadn't learned to love again.
Kakashi, in reality and beyond the exterior, was not a simple man. It was just easier to pretend to be.
Running a finger between the seams of his worn pocket, Kakashi tried to rid his mind of the worries for Naruto's team at the border. It may have only been a B-rank, but Kakashi and even Naruto had been on missions where the simplest escort could turn into a blood bath. The border itself was a grueling place. It housed some of his most darkest memories from ANBU that he couldn't seem to burn away. But then again, during his time in ANBU and prior, a war was in the process and nowadays, peace reigned supreme among alliances. He, himself, hadn't been to the Konoha border in ages. Whenever there was a mission that required him to cross it, Kakashi had flown over the imaginary line without a second thought as to where he really was.
Shaking his head out of his momentarily dark thoughts, the sharingan user continued his random stroll throughout the village. The sun was beating down on his standard-issue jounin flak jacket a smidge too intense, but other than the pre-beginning signs of heat stroke from all his layers, the day was still smiling. Light murmurs of laughter and squeals were picked up on his ninja radar that seemed to come from a close vicinity. Lowering his gaze from the sky, previously seeing how long he could stare at the blinding hues of blue, Kakashi was met with a building that trained on how to become grueling little monsters.
The Academy.
Ah, still gives me the shivers.
There was a reason why Hatake Kakashi graduated from the learning establishment in almost less than a year. No, it wasn't all about becoming a child prodigy at the tender age of five. It wasn't even about the tri-flavored cupcakes they served after his graduation (like he even ate the things. Just another scheme to see what was behind the mask...). No, it was much deeper than that. It was to get away from those little hellions. Despite all the objection his former students would rebut with, Kakashi didn't get his jollies from torturing. Well, teachers anyway. At five years old.
So the tables have turned a bit since then, but really. The look on their faces when he had brought them to that Icha Icha screening for learning how to deal with the opposite sex was priceless. Iruka had called it inappropriate and had a mother-hen lecture on what the heart of the lesson really was: "Learning how to not succumb to the temptations of the opposite gender when on a deadly mission where it may be used against said ninja". Kakashi only watched on with slight amusement as Iruka was being hit with migraine after migraine as Naruto continued to ponder the terms he had heard during the screening. The words "inappropriate" and "irresponsible" had been uttered about two hundred times each from the nose-scarred chuunin.
Kakashi had called it unconventional.
The silver-haired torturer chuckled lightly at the fond memory of Sakura's eyes widening with every second of Paradise action, Naruto's jaw dropping lower and lower, and Sasuke's face becoming paler than a Hyuuga's eyes with each scene. Ah those were the days. He could never get away with that nowadays. Not that he liked to admit it, but Sakura's chakra-pumping fists were a little intimidating when flying too close to his face.
Finally shaking out of his reverie, at least this time it was a good one, the jounin in question quirked an eyebrow at the building before him. He was close enough to the academy to see the concentrated (and snoring) faces of the diligent (and pain-in-the-ass) future genins, but too far to make out the contraption one student in the back was aiming towards the unsuspecting (Kakashi hoped he was wrong and that the instructor very well knew of this) lecturing teacher in the front of the room. Leaning against a conveniently placed oak tree, only frowning slightly as he discovered that the bark was covered in sap, Kakashi continued his observations. Silently, he cheered on the little rascal in the back row as he took careful aim. Squinting only a tad, Kakashi could now make out it was a paper-folded shuriken. Too bad he wouldn't be able to see the outcome of this battle, what with the teacher being hidden from his view.
Kakashi sighed. He had half a mind to waltz over to the window of Iruka's classroom and give the dolphin-named man a nice blush with his unexpected entrance. Plus, he'd get some "ooh"'s and "ahh"'s from the kiddies. One of the only perks with being a famous elite. Marring scars and ghastly nightmares that woke you up in a cold-sweat and an old memory were not on his top five reasons on the list of Why Jounins Are So Awesomely Cool. Kakashi waved off the thought of making Iruka's face resemble a ripe cherry, for now. He'd always have time to ask the chuunin how to pronounce a certain word in his Icha Icha that he, for some strange reason, forgot how to phonetically sound out.
I swear, it's only to build up the man's backbone. For kicks? Never. That's just plain mean.
Leaning off the sap-soaked tree, he grimaced as to how much of the fluid had stained his green jounin vest. Always the indifferent man he was, Kakashi merely shrugged to himself and proceeded to the destination he was not quite sure of yet. Then again, he never really did know where he'd end up some days.
The road of life was a complicated and intricate one.
Kakashi paused. He could smell the blue smoke that was soaked from nicotine entering his nasal passageways before his senses could even begin to detect any familiar chakra. He tried to hold in a groan. No, it was too early for him to get smashed. Hell, it wasn't even dusk yet. But, being the friendly man he was, Kakashi turned around anyway, acknowledging Sarutobi Asuma's presence with an eye-crease and one-handed wave. His cheerful hello wasn't reciprocated, only met with downcast, brown eyes. Kakashi raised a silver brow at his friend's behavior.
The chain-smoker swivelled his cigarette to the left side of his mouth before blurting out, "Fight with Kurenai."
Ah. Well off to the bar we go.
Kakashi never needed a long thought-out explanation of things. Kakashi was (pretended to be) a simple man, and clearly, any sentences that included the word "fight" and the speaker's girlfriend, well it didn't take a Hatake genius to figure out where he'd be spending the next few hours.
The jounin fell into step with his good buddy, and just like buddies should, Kakashi accompanied the despondent man to chug his worries away. Becoming smashed was one of the perks. Getting Gai into a drinking contest was a plus. Yes, he'd be kicking himself in the morning, but life was short. And in the words of the late Yondaime, "Buddies can last a lifetime, but drinking buddies last forever."
He couldn't disappoint his sensei, now could he?
o-o-o
Ah, what was the second part of sensei's philosophy?
Kakashi stumbled over an imaginary pebble that was conveniently placed right where his apartment door was, earning the jounin a bruised shoulder as the disoriented body slammed into the wooden contraption. While his keys jingled to their own accord as his shaking hands tried to maintain some hand-eye coordination to place the stubborn key into his lock, it hit him.
"Buddies can last a lifetime, but drinking buddies last forever. Unless they die of alcohol poisoning."
Dammit! Why couldn't he remember that part before Anko brought out the tequila? It would've saved him a lot of trouble. He tried to rack his fuzzy mind as to how he found his way home in the first place and if he left Genma passed out on the floor (and right next to the bill), but it was neither here nor there to the copy-nin as his foot tripped the other foot, causing the man to catapult onto the lumpy couch.
He lay there for a few moments, face down, and wondered quietly to himself if he should be worried about suffocation. Letting out a frustrated moan (why oh why did he have to land on the bulky binding of Icha Icha?), the jounin briefly noted that he should at least take off his shoes before crashing on the sofa. But, alas, that would require movement, something the copy nin avoided doing in his spare time at all costs. Kakashi buried his slightly flushed face deeper into the confines of his navy pillow that he landed upon. It smelled faintly of cedar and blood (he seemed to have landed in this area before, after a mission).
Kakashi always had a high tolerance for alcohol. It came with the package of being an elite jounin. When missions go bad, if one-night stands don't work out, or if a good buddy needs some company, a jounin will always willingly (sometimes reluctantly) saunter into the nearest pub. So, it was safe to say that as of right then in that moment, his face stuffed against a pillow and his body in an outrageous position, sprawled lackadaisically on the couch, Kakashi was only slightly buzzed.
"I thought I smelled a failing liver."
The sharingan-wielder groaned audibly, his mind too clouded to hold it in, and tried to smash his masked face further into the pillow that was suffocating and losing some stuffing from the immense pressure. Kakashi felt a wet nose jab him in the ribs.
"Oi, go to bed. It's closer to the bathroom. I am not cleaning up after you tonight."
Kakashi wiggled a hand free from the depths of the couch to shoo away Pakkun, "'S only a buzz."
A huff of displeasure (a clearly unconvinced audience) resounded, "Yeah, just like New Year's eve two years ago."
Kakashi growled into his pillow, "Not my fault. Sakura-chan's evil plot for my mask."
"New Year's eve, a year ago."
"Nooo, not my fault. Peer pressure."
Pakkun rolled his eyes, as much as a pug could, "Of course.. It had nothing to do with Jiraiya bribing you with a new book which was all construed by your students for another de-masking attempt."
"Exactly."
Pakkun sighed, knowing his master was becoming more stubborn with every passing year. What happened to that kawaii four-year-old who used to give him belly-rubs and biscuits? The pug strode over to his master's feet and carefully undid the bindings of the sandals with his sharp incisors. Ever faithful, the nin-dog pulled off the sandals and placed them by the door. It was the least he could do. They were his master's last usable pair after all, and having them soiled with pre-digested ramen and alcohol would be a terrible waste. The brown pug sighed, "Go to bed, Kakashi. It'll benefit both of us in the morning when you're not whining about a sore back."
The silver-haired jounin growled softly, not wanting to get up from his position, even though the last salvageable part of his conscience agreed with the nin-dog. Pakkun retorted with a growl of his own, taking matters into his own paws. The small dog chomped down onto the material of Kakashi's glove and pulled as much as he could, trying not to picture the amount of blood he was probably drawing from his sharp canines. He seemed to make some progress as Kakashi stirred.
Pakkun regretted his half-baked plan as the elite copy-nin proceeded to topple off the couch and onto the ground below, using his nin-dog's small body as a pillow once the sharingan-wielder landed.
Pakkun could only pray that Kakashi would remember to fill his food bowl in the morning.
o-o-o-o-o
It wasn't the need to throw-up that woke him up the next morning. It wasn't the need to use the facilities and not even the semi-conscious revelation of how did I end up in my bed?
No, it was a bit more rude than all those things.
CRASH!
The distinctive sound of glass shattering and littering his bedroom floor was unmistakable. Instead of bolting upright in his bed (which he still didn't know how he got into), Kakashi only sighed. His conscience was back and with a vengeance. A splitting headache from the night before was brewing and a queasy feeling was gnawing on his insides. It seemed that even elite copy-nins were not spared from hangovers.
"KAKASHI-SENSEI! GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF BED! TSUNADE-SHISHOU WANTS YOUR REPORT ASAP AND SHE'S GONNA WRING MY NECK IF YOU DON'T COMPLY!"
Kakashi only buried himself deeper into the covers, enjoying the 'orchid scent' of his fabric softener. He noted that his sheets would have to be washed soon, since the delightful smell of lavender was fading.
"SENSEI I MEAN IT!"
Kakashi cracked open an eye, only to be blinded by the blaring sun. The pain was twofold because of his slight hangover and Sakura's shrilling voice was not helping. Unlike Naruto, the pink-haired kunoichi was not afraid to blast through his booby-traps. Her barging down his door was inevitable so he made the best of the situation. Snuggling deeper into his covers, Kakashi waited for Sakura's entrance and maybe if he was lucky, she'd treat his mild symptoms of nausea and migraines.
"I'M COMING IN SENSEI!"
Kakashi sighed in contentment.
"YOU WANT A BROKEN WINDOW AND A DOOR?!"
He only threw the covers over his head.
My intuition is tingling.
o-o-o-o-o
A/N: A shot of Kakashi for your rainy day. I didn't get to write as much as I wanted to and I ended on a note that I'm not happy with, but whatever. This has been in my documents for awhile and I've been adding sentences here and there for months and I just wrapped it up today. Never fear, Oxygen is still being worked upon. This oneshot is your antidote for your anticipation.
I always fancied the idea of Kakashi being a late sleeper (with a little help from insomnia pills of course). I see him as an 'orchid scent' fabric softener kind of guy. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have your sheets fresh and comfy in those melancholy mornings.
I don't own Naruto or Sum 41's lyrics of Heart Attack. Thanks for reading and drop by a review!
- - H. 92