Minor fixes & spell checks 30/09/2012

This is my first fanfiction, my first attempt at writing since school actually, so please be gentle!

This idea wouldn't leave me alone so I figured I would write it down until it did or I completed it, depending on reader responses.

What would I do if I swapped bodies with Sookie Stackhouse before she met Bill, but I remembered every detail from the books?

I don't really have an eidetic (photographic) memory but I kinda need one for this story!

As a warning, there will be a lot of language in this story, I have a tendency to swear like a sailor, unless I'm around my family. No one swears in front of my Granddad.

Please review or follow my story, if you don't like it that's fine but please be constructive, don't just slag it off tell me why you don't like it.

For now this is un-betaed, it may change later.

Charlaine Harris owns it all but me.

I opened my eyes to find myself in a single bed in a bright and sunny room that was most definitely not the double bed in cloudy London I went to sleep in. I pinched myself just to be sure. Nope, not dreaming.

Where the fuck am I?

I wonder why Sookie isn't up yet, it's not like her to sleep in. I'll wake her up when breakfast is ready.

Oh. Shit. I know where I am. Well if I'm not dreaming and Gran is still alive I've not only jumped realities, I've gone back in time too. Fun. Ok what do I remember last? As I closed my eyes to visualise the night before I had a rush of new memories that were most definitely not mine, and so I hoped were Sookie's, I don't think I could have handled another curve ball right then. By the time I had recovered from the influx, Gran was walking to the door to wake me up. I decided she was the Steel Magnolia all others wish they were, she could handle the truth, but I should get dressed and make sure she's sitting down first, after all I would try my best to save her life for Sookie, and even if my hunch was right and those who die in the books will die anyway I will at least change the circumstances and make sure she isn't alone.

"Just a second!" Fuck. I still sound like me and I sound nothing like a sweet southern belle.

"Are you ok honey?"

"Uh huh!"

"Ok I'll be in the kitchen breakfast is ready."

Finally presentable to meet a fictional character (although I suppose this is their world so I was probably the fictional one.) I walked out to the kitchen to tell my story for the first time of what was bound to be many today. The smell that welcomed me was amazing, there were no exaggerations when it was said Adele Stackhouse could cook, but I had to remember this wasn't my body to abuse. I found Gran sitting at the table with our plates, and I decided it would be best to come clean straight away rather than hoping she wouldn't notice anything, this lady is more perceptive than a microscope.

"Mrs Stackhouse, we need to have a talk."

"Why are you calling me Mrs Stackhouse and why does your voice sound different?" It was a testament to her ability to deal with the unusual that I didn't have a skillet wrapped around my head at that point.

"I'm not Sookie. Well, obviously this is her body but it's my mind." I went on to explain how I was from a different reality where this was all fiction and somehow we seemed to have swapped bodies, or I hoped we had swapped bodies, I wouldn't mind living her life but not at the expense of her consciousness. "Mrs Stackhouse –"

"Child call me Adele or Gran I feel old enough without the formalities thank you."

I smiled at her and carried on, "Ok Adele, I have some news that may be hard to hear."

"Treat it like a band aid dear the suspense is always worse."

I smiled again until I remembered the news I had to tell. "In the books, you are killed by Jason's friend Rene, because Sookie gets involved with vampires." I was right with the steel magnolia thought, she didn't even twitch.

"But there aren't any vampires in Bon Temps."

"When was their Great Reveal?"

"About four years ago, why?"

"Sookie would be meeting her first vampire any day now. He walks into Merlotte's and pretends to be the perfect southern gentleman, but he betrays her on a level akin to Jesus and Judas. I need you to call Sam for me and tell him I'm too ill to come in, and ask if he could be here for about 7pm, he'll pick up on my voice so I can't sorry, then we need to have a talk about Fintan, and after dark I need to make a call to Fangtasia and hope Eric is in a good mood and willing to listen." After my mention of Fintan Gran's eyes had widened but she didn't say a word, just went to call Sam. I think that was the moment she really believed my story. I finished my wonderful breakfast then made us both a sweet tea It's really handy having Sook's memories, shields going strong and perfect sweet tea. We then sat down to start our talk about Fintan.

"Fintan will not be able to protect this family much longer, the Fae civil war is getting worse, and from what I understand he will be going to the Summerlands soon, and when he does it won't just be vampires Sook has to worry about. I'm not sure if it is wise to try and contact him, but I will call Mr Cataliades and ask his opinion, and if he can be here tonight too. I'm sorry I'm inviting all these people at short notice Adele but it's vital I do what I can to change certain things, and I need them to help." Gran just kept proving my point, mention her death, nothing. Fintan's, a brief burst of sadness, which was gone in seconds as she accepted it, then the steel resolve to do what she could to help.

"I'm going to clean, then we will run into town to buy some of that blood substitute, I won't knowingly have guests coming without preparing something for them." Bless southern hospitality.

"Adele I'll run to Shreveport for the blood, we don't want the noses around town knowing what's going on."

Remembering the lack of internet at the Stackhouse residence pre-Amelia, I called Directory Enquiries to connect me to Mr C's offices, and then the receptionist to connect me to the demon lawyer himself.

"Mr Cataliades, I have information about the Stackhouses I would like to share with you, would you please me at the farmhouse this afternoon at around 3pm?"

"Who is this? Why do you think I would care about the Stackhouses and how would I know where they live?"

"Mr C you are very intelligent man you can find their address it isn't a common name after all, and if you weren't interested you would have hung up by now. If you like send Diantha or Gladiola now and they can pass a message, I don't trust phones much." With that done I looked at the clock and was stunned to find it was only 10am. I went to find Adele to tell her we may be having a guest turn up soon, and that I was running to get the bloods and I would be back shortly. Considering I can't drive, I think I did well pulling from Sookie's memories, though the car would make my friends (read: car fanatics) at home cry, it really was a rust bucket. The bloods picked up, I made my way back to Bon Temps to help finish cleaning and see if the demon's nieces had turned up.

As I pulled up to the house I saw a figure that could only be Diantha, tall and thin with clothes you need sunglasses to look at. She rushed over to the car as soon as I parked, yanked my door open and had a blade at my throat in seconds. Having expected this kind of reaction, I was as prepared as I could be, and so managed to look her in the eye.

"Whoareyaandwhyareyamakintrou ble?"

"Pleased to meet you Diantha, I would gladly talk to you if you would kindly take the blade from my neck so we can go inside, you and I both know I can't out run you, and I'm fairly sure your sister is around somewhere should I be foolish enough to try." Diantha frowned but pulled the knife away and let me out of the car. I made sure to walk steadily and not to make any sudden moves, I quite like being in one piece.

As it was now a little after midday Gran started making lunch, while I sat and filled in Diantha on everything for her to relay it back to Mr C. Like I suspected, he wasn't far away, and once Diantha called him with the all clear the sounds of a car coming up the pot holed driveway could be heard.

Once Mr C was settled inside and everything was explained, we started to discuss who would get what information. We both agreed to tell Eric everything, and then issue an invitation to the house, he will decide how much to tell Pam, Bill gets nothing, the queen will get information about Waldo, Threadgill and Katrina, anything else will be on an as-needed basis. We decided to not tell Sam anything yet, so Gran cancelled plans with him for now saying I had gotten worse and was mostly sleeping but not to worry, and could he re-schedule my shifts for the week. By the time we were finished it was after dark and so time to call the vampires.

"Fangtasia the bar with the bite"

"I need you to pass a message to Mr Northman, tell him an associate of his lawyer Mr Cataliades has information concerning him, his business partner Pam and a new member of his area, it is in his best interests to leave Pam in charge for the evening and meet myself and the lawyer in Bon Temps at the Stackhouse residence as soon as possible." I then hung up, and made sure Gran knew to stay out of sight so she couldn't be glamoured, I was banking on my mind working like Sook's to protect me. The silver jewelry helped too.