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Magical Development

Part 1 of 7

Arrested Development/Harry Potter Crossover

"The Flying Segway"

George Senior sat on his usual spot in the Model Home that he had built just before he went to Prison, Mexico, and a Ford Dealership. He almost bought a Ford Escape: an ironically named vehicle. So, have you driven a Ford lately?

Regardless, he was looking for his only friend at the moment. His daughter Lindsay had left her former doll Pansy up in the Bluth attic where George had been using it for venting and tea parties.

"So do you want another biscuit or some afternoon delight, Pansy?"

We're going to stop it there for the flashback because it gets a bit too descriptive, but trust me, it could have been a lot worse. Tobias used Pansy for a stand-in during his time training for the role of George.

Tobias stands in the room that he shares with Lindsay. He has Lindsay playing herself. "Now, Lucille let's go take an interesting tour of your nether regions," said Tobias trying to emulate George Sr. However, he sounded more like a constipated Shakespearian actor. Lindsay gagged and left the room as Tobias had his only afternoon delight with Pansy.

George Sr. finally found Pansy when Lindsay threw the doll back in the attic after disgust with her husband and the fact that it was too much work to put on E-Bay. In fact, it is quite easy to just post an auction. Lindsay just was more distracted that day by VH1 Remember the Eighties Marathon of the Coreys.

When George wasn't looking, Pansy hit him in the head. This caused him to bang into a beam. The on-the-run patriarch fell to the floor. However he had no idea if it was the still stagnant insecticides or the fact that he hadn't been feed that day. However, Pansy started to talk.

"Where's my money! You little Mungle!"

George Sr. started to wonder if he was finally going insane. "Pansy is this because I let you get taken by my "daughter." She means nothing to me. You have to understand," pleaded Geroge Sr.

Pansy got up on her cloth legs. Cleaning herself off with cloth arms without fingers, she walked over to George Sr. "I don't care, Yank. However, I'm not Pansy. I am Mr. F."

If on cue, a musical interlude played, "Mr. F."

"What! Haven't you done enough? It's because of you that I ended up in jail. I wish Lucille never introduced you to me at that party. Regardless of if you are a family friend?" Remember that point, it will play an important part later.

The doll suddenly shook. Then a swirl and a mist jumped out of the doll, and suddenly a man in a bad suit a couple of years out of fashion appeared out of smoke. However, his most recognized aspect was the derby hat that he wore. It was former Minster of Magic Cornelius Fudge of the United Kingdom.

He sat back in the chair that George usually used to have his tea parties in. Let's not go back there.

"I could care less if you lost your freedom."

This upset George Sr. because it was Fudge who had suggested doing business in Iraq. The reason was because he had no idea about what Iraq was. You see Fudge failed Wizarding Geography at Hogwarts. You'd think that was a requirement for a Minister of Magic, but you'd be surprised.

"What just because you told me that you knew a couple of Wizards in Iraq who wanted some quality housing? Then you assured me that it wasn't with Saddam. Then again, you had no idea who was Saddam, so you just answer that it was with that GreybeardwolfBob of the Tigress."

Fudge was a bit upset by that response. "Greywolf is a well respected wizard. The fact that he had Saddam as a client wasn't the issue. Plus, I thought that he was from Persiana."

"Persiana is Iraq, you twit!"

"Well excuse me, but I'm not here to get yelled it. I want to know why I haven't been paid to keep your little secret quiet."

George suddenly clutched his chin. Then he scratched his head. It was still rough from hitting his head on the beam. "What are you talking about? Oh my God, I've made a horrible mistake."

You see earlier in the week Michael who currently ran the Bluth Company had discovered a strange account in the books. It was buried pretty far down in the number in outgoing payments. Plus it was pretty big. It only read "M&M Fudge." After considering it for a couple of minutes, Michael finally decided to use the two million dollars that went annually to pay for m&ms and fudge to build a new development in Kansas. In fact he had just that morning come to talk to George Sr.

"Dad, why were you paying for two million dollars for candy and fudge? This had better not be another one of your famous laundering plans?"

"Michael, you know I don't like fudge. Plus, M&Ms always melt in my hands. Now what did you bring for breakfast?"

Instead of answering, Michael left because he thought that he was getting the run around by George Sr. However, the old man did really hate fudge. However, he was hungry that day.

"You know I really could go for some fudge and M&Ms right now. I bet my worthless brother Oscar is eating Fudge right now." In fact, he was.

However there were bigger issues at stake than fudge and hunger. A dark secret in the Bluth family was about to be unleashed.

"You got to give me more time," pleaded George to the shabbly dressed Wizard. "Michael doesn't understand his mother's side of the family. I can't have them suddenly displaying powers!"

"I'm a busy wizard, but no money now means that is bloody over. Tell, Luca Parkinson that I said hi."

Then with a flash, Fudge was gone. George Sr. started to walk up and down the attic with hatred in his eyes. Then he suddenly wondered what would happen if Michael inherited magic. Then he suddenly realized that it could be worse. It could be G.O.B. .

If on cue, G.O.B was riding his segway around Orange County looking for the address of a 3rd place beauty contestant when suddenly he felt a new feeling of power as if suddenly he was filled with unlimited power. Like he was wearing a two million dollar suit! In fact, his suit was now golden cloth and his Segway was floating off the ground. This warranted a couple of stairs from pedestrians and even some motorists.

"What you've never seen someone in a two million dollar suit! Come On!"

In fact, the people took his suggestion, and they came on. Soon G.O.B. had an audience that he had always wanted. Though for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why he only saw their heads.

So he decided to do impromptu magic show. However, he fell from six feet in the air. His segway flew into the air. Over the moon it shot to where it was seen by Maeby Funke, his niece, working as a studio executive. Looking up at the sky, she thought for a moment that she saw an iconic image. "Nay, it's too eighties." The Segway kept on climbing till it hit orbit. Remember this because it will be important later.

However, George Oscar Bluth finally had an audience stunned. He had actually made a woman disappear infront of their eyes. Plus, he had made her come back thirty years younger. In fact, he went out with the now twenty-something woman after his first real magic show. However, he still had a strange thought about the situation.

The next day, G.O.B arrived at the same time as Michael at their mother's penthouse. Michael was upset about the fudge account. "Mom, have you been buying f. . . A better question is have you eaten anything ever?" The matriarch of the family Bluth felt blighted. "Now, Michael just because I'm not going to be featured like Lindsay in the Macy's Day Parade. Doesn't mean that . . . Did you almost say Fudge?"

Lucille had been distracted by Lindsay at the door trying to listen into what Michael was upset about that she suddenly realized something horribly was happening. "You didn't cancel the Fudge Account, Michael?"

Michael smiled. "Somebody in this family has to be responsible and legal. I'm tired of finding more and more lies in this family."

"Always with the legal, Michael. Last night, I did an illegal magic show that made the people go wild," said G.O.B who's suit suddenly changed to something a little more regal. In fact, it was against the Magician Alliance, a group founded by G.O.B., that said impromptu shows were against the groups' code. The fact that G.O.B openly laughed at the rules since a mistake a year ago was another reason that his appeals had fallen on hard ears.

It was at this point that Lucille slapped her head. Of course, it would be her least favorite who would be the magically one she was probably thinking. "Michael, you have no idea what you have done! You've just unleashed this family's dark secret."

"Dark secret! What you use dark chocolate instead of regular to make your fudge extra nice."

It was this point that something happened that made Michael notice something was amiss, a puppet walking around the penthouse. It was it this point that Buster woke up. Walking out of his room, he noticed that the puppet Franklin was walking on its own. "It's finally happened! YARRRRGH!" Buster hated that puppet since he had been silenced earlier that month when he had gone to sleep after G.O.B. had Franklin kiss Buster to put him to sleep.

The puppet then started to sing and dance with G.O.B's voice. Michael turned towards G.O.B. "You took apart a Tickle Me Elmo X to make Franklin scare Buster. What will your depravity do next?" G.O.B shrugged his shoulders, but he was as befuddled.

"Mikey, I have no idea why that is happening. Actually, I had to walk here this morning. My Segway is still in space for some odd reason."

Michael was about to ask if G.O.B had been smoking some "Afternoon Delight," a special blend of marijuana known for slowing aspects of the brain when his mother cut him off.

"Michael, George, stop it. This is more serious than you realize. You see I'm the daughter of a Witch."

"Now, you shouldn't call nana a b. . ." said Michael before being cut off by Lucille.

"Witch not the b word. My father was a Wizard, and my younger sister is a Witch too. However, I'm perfectly normal."

Lindsay scoffed at this one as did Michael and G.O.B. The truth was that Lucille was far from normal. She had been featured on Fox's Worst Drivers. All the best stars are on Fox, so watch today. However, the bigger problem was that she was being sincere for once. "I am a squib; a pureblood witch who has no magic power. However, G.O.B. apparently has magically abilities from the way that annoying puppet is now walking around."

"Has Uncle Oscar been giving you more 'Afternoon Delight'?"

Lucille was livid at this point. She made the point by throwing her glass to the ground. "My real name is Luca Parkinson. In fact, G.O.B probably now is the legal head of the Parkinson family due to that blasted will."

In fact in the Wizarding World, most documents automatically updated when a new heir was detected. It usually happened at birth, but since the Bluths had been paying Fudge off for a couple of years before G.O.B was born, it didn't detect G.O.B till yesterday. Even now it was causing problems it Hogwarts. In two different areas, the sudden Parkinson Scion caused distress in two quarters with the year not even beginning yet.

Lucille could care less. She just needed to make sure that she kept her inheritance coming. "G.O.B. you're coming with me."

Michael couldn't believe a word that he was hearing. Then he noticed that Franklin was drinking some of Lucille's cheaper adult beverages. "What's a brotha got to do to get some King Cobra?" It was at this point that he decided to go to the safety of work, and then he'd talk to his father about this all. Buster stayed in his room due to the talking puppet.

The next day, Lucille and G.O.B. arrived in the Leaky Cauldron. "Mom, why am I wearing this rag?" In fact, G.O.B was wearing a two thousand galleon robe that had been his grandfathers. Lucille had kept it after her mother had died that she failed to tell anyone about for several months. In fact, Lucille was wearing a witch outfit with a hat that she last wore to a holiday party in the mid eighties. Michael had made an interesting comment that day. "What you didn't have a nose to go with that?"

As Lucille took the second door, they walked onto the busiest wizarding area in all of Great Britain next to Little America owned by the Leeds family that had no idea why it was so popular. It was a little known fact that British Wizards liked to spend their weekends thinking that they were Americans.

However, G.O.B. was angrier over the fact that he recognized someone there. "Tony Wonder! You cheat!" The two ran by Ollivander where Mr. Ollivander was helping first years with their wands when he saw a wizard without a wand. "He's probably a 10' with a combination of dragon and kappa scales. Not that bright is he, but you require a special wand," said Ollivander as he looked at the child. "Ah, a 15' with chimera fur. Yes, I'm right. Just right!" Tony Wonder disappeared down an alley as the wandsmith handed the child its wand from inventory.

G.O.B chased Tony Wonder threw the streets until he lost him near a dumbwaiter. Lucille followed but was a bit angry. "I don't care if it was Patty O'Daniel, your third cousin sixteen times removed. We need to go see a Goblin about some galleons," ordered Lucille. She wished it was anybody but G.O.B. who was the magical one in the family. However, there was another in the family with a magical background. And currently, he suddenly noticed that a snake was talking to him in biology.

"You know you can let me go," said the serpent to George Micahel. He fainted. "Wow, I had no idea that he was so afraid of snakes," said Maeby as she was getting a veteran of the experiment to proceed with her experiment. The teacher was currently counting some money as George Michael fell over. Steve Holt turned his head. "Shouldn't somebody do something for him?"

Maeby sat back and enjoyed the situation. However, lately there was a strange owl looking at someone in the room. That when it dawned on Maeby. "Strange eyes. It's perfect for a new teen slasher flick. Owlman, he cues in the night for blood. I'm sure that it's perfect for the Christmas season."

It was at that point that Maeby dialed the studio on her cellphone. Ann Veal walked in at that moment to see her boyfriend on the floor. "George Michael, you can't make me a pre-engaged widow! Wake up!" Ann was trying to revive her boyfriend with a prayer, but she ignored Steve Holt finishing Maeby's experiment. However, the held back senior noticed he kept hearing voices that were a little unhuman as well.

The teacher continued to count the money that Maeby had given him. If that isn't a statement on the state of the educational system, I have no idea what is.

It was at that point that Michael had gone up to visit his father in the attic. "Dad, Mom took G.O.B to England. Can you tell me what is going on?"

George Sr. was angry. "Michael, you have no idea what've done. By canceling the Fudge fund, you unleashed the fact that you mother has magical genes. I've been paying off Fudge for years."

It was at that point that Michael remembered other events that had occurred over the years. He had heard about his parents talking about Fudge when he was five. Then he never saw his parents eat any fudge which left Michael a little perplexed especially when his "twin sister" Lindsay punched him for not getting any fudge. Then there was the time that he was just entering the company and somebody said something about fudge on Friday. He brought his son thinking it was a family event to discover that his father didn't come in that day and there was no fudge. It was a sour event for Michael.

However, it all started to make sense. "You mean Fudge is a man."

"Yes, what did you think it was some slimly chocolate treat that I loath? No, he is the idiot who got me to build in Iraq. Damn him and GreyBob the Persian." It should be noted that George Sr. never met Greywolf of Tigress. In fact, he looked kinda of like Sasha Cohen. Note if you see Sasha Cohen, shoot him on sight with a silver bullet. Though he may offer you gold, he is in fact a wizard and werewolf. Plus, he is from the Magical state of Persiaiana. Never trust a Persianianan.

Regardless, Michael finally discovered that his mother was something other than a b-word. "You mean Mom is a real Witch! What's next, your going to tell me that Lindsay was actually the daughter of gypsies."

George laughed a bit. "Good one, Mickey. However, this is no laughing matter." In fact, Lindsay was the daughter of gypsies. However that was another story.

Back on Diagon Alley, G.O.B. was bored as he could be with the short ugly fellow who kept on talking in some gibberish. "I don't care what Pedro is saying except that I need to go find a bathroom," said G.O.B. who was held down by Lucille who speaking in the same unusual language. Then she went into shock. "No, you did it again G.O.B. You've taken my hope and dreams and flushed them down the preverbal toilet. Now, I can only live on the millions that I already have and the small inheritance allowance that I get."

"What are you talking about?" said Gob trying to talk to a Goblin.

"It's quite simple," said an usually man with a long beard and a withered hand. "The will of your grandfather Lister Parkinson stated that any male heir of Parkinson's blood would receive the full inheritance save for monthly allowance to his female heir. His female descendants still receive a nice allowance per month. That means Luca still gets enough to live on."

Lucille nearly scratched the man's eyes out. "Aldous Dumbledore. Why are you snaking about? Hasn't your phoenix been satisfying you, lately?" Years ago, Lucille had a crush on Dumbledore, but due to the fact that she was a squib she never got to go to Hogwarts. Instead, she ended up at Harvard where she met George Bluth who was a janitor who was working his way through school.

"Little Luca, I'm amazed that no one ever detected George Oscar till now," remarked Dumbledore. "That's for me to know, and you to discover, Old Goat," replied Lucille as a goblin brought Lucille a half shaken pumpkin juice with a bit of alcohol. Actually, it had a lot of alcohol.

"Actually, I wanted to offer Mr. Bluth a position at Hogwarts. I've been going over his work, and it seems to indicate that he had a great affinity for magic." In fact, Dumbledore just got back from vomiting in the bathroom after watching some of G.O.B.'s 'Illusions.' Plus, he read G.O.B.'s autobiography which lead to the reason why he was currently trying to recruit the Illusionist. Buy the DVD! However, this is a plot point.

"So, what is this position?" asked G.O.B. wondering what he would have to do. A smile formed on Doubledore. "Well, I need a new Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, and I'm sure that the Regents of Hogwarts would approve of Lister's grandson taking over the position," said the Headminister of Hogwarts. Before Lucille could stop G.O.B., he agreed with a handshake.

-Next Time on Magical Development

- After another bout of magic, George Michael gets a fully paid scholarship to Durmstrang Magical Institute. Michael thinking it was a military institute sends him immediately after Ann dumps him. "This doesn't look like a military school."

- Pansy Parkinson discovers that she has cousins, and that her inheritance has been cut to shreds. Draco dumps her for her lack of money. Plus, Snape discovers that he has been promoted or demoted from a certain point of view.

-And Tabas ends up with a new set of hair and a new house on Maeby's cabinet. A mouse holds up a sign saying, "Help, my acting got carried away!"