Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement intended. The original characters and places mentioned are the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to those living, dead, or undead is completely coincidental.

Autor's notes:

This story begins early in the season 5, more precisely in the second episode, so yes there are spoilers of season 5 and also some from previous seasons. I will try also be consistent with what was showed in the future in the series but I'll try my best to avoid spoilers, but there is no promise here as well.

About the episodes itself, well ... watching the serie I figure out that on the screen there is not necessarily the same timing of the reality, even if the episodes are aired in a weekly basis, it does not necessarily mean the timing between one episode and another is of one week, and the same applies here. That said, I want to remind everyone that this is a McNozzo story, therefore SLASH. I don't know how to rate it right now but I'm not thinking of nothing too graphic, just kissing, cuddle and sex innuendos without actually going there. So if this is not your kind of story do not read it.

I'd love to know your opinion then reviews are warmly welcomed. Seriously, you can criticize it (without offensive words of course), the critics will surely enrich my ideas and I can even review some of them.

As I already said, english is not my mother language, please forgive me the mistakes. I actually, would be glad to have some help if someone is interested to Beta it for me just PM me.

Enjoy

N.

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Chapter 1

"You really loved her, didn't you?"

Tony had no answer for McGee ten minutes ago, as well as he had no answer for himself right now. Did he love her? Anthony DiNardo, surely... Anthony DiNozzo, who knows? Tony thought as he cleaned up the mess he caused on his shirt tearing down that sandwich. And, no, he wasn't crazy. Yes, he knew that Anthony DiNardo and Anthony DiNozzo were the same person, but they also were different. DiNardo, wasn't an absent father, he hadn't lost his mother as a child, he had never been rejected by the love of his life... except now… of course, but that does not count since Jeanne left only after she discovered his undercover op so, technically, she left DiNozzo and not DiNardo. Well ... actually, she hadn't exactly left, since she had given him a choice, which brings back McGee's question... If he really loved her, he wouldn't think twice, would he? Well, Anthony DiNardo, a Cinema's professor whom would be professionally better anywhere but DC, whom wasn't a federal agent, who wasn't used to chase dirty bags and never meet the dark side of people. The one whom had NOT found at work the safety, the union, the family support that supposed to come from your own family.

Yes, because Anthony DiNozzo didn't found only a job but a family at NCIS. A family which he had refused an irrefusable promotion... For this family he would die every day, for this family he would continue being the class clown only to make their days easier… and… it was because of this family he had found the strength to get up every day, despite all his misfortunes. So, yes, Anthony DiNozzo needed to think more than twice, a thousand times, actually, before leaving this family. It was only at this point of his thinking that he realized the other agent in the bathroom looking at him puzzle and there was no chance that Tony DiNozzo would show his weakness, so he did what he always does, he made an outright lie without even blinking. "Interrogations are a little out of control I had to..." he was interrupted when the bathroom door opened and he turned around and saw Ziva slip inside. "I can't explain that." Tony finished watching his co-worker get out leaving them alone.

In fact he could explain that... oh ... how he could... Ziva was trying to take care of him, like a little sister take care of his older brother ... Yup ... this is what family does and while Ziva spoke Tony couldn't help but see the worry on his friend's eyes. Of course she was not subtle by saying things, except that she didn't know really what was going on. She didn't know that Tony has already done the same question more than once. And so far, the answer was pretty obvious. Wasn't it? But he would not let her know the real reason of his whirlwind of feelings, that wasn't fair to her, or to boss, or anyone of that bunch of people he considered his family. Why? Well ... since he had broken rule 10 he had to clean up his own mess ... Yeah, yeah... rule 45 was in place now and, of course, also because they were his family and he didn't want them to know ... well he didn't want them to know that there were a possibility of him leave. But Tony couldn't avoid his feelings, then Yes. Anthony DiNozzo loved Jeanne Benoir but, no, he didn't know if he loved her at the point of leaving his family. The family he has chosen.

" If this is a pep-talk, I give you a D-minus." Tony said after Ziva's not comforting speech.

"And right now, it is very clear you are still hanging onto her.." Ziva went on, because this is the only way she could make her partner get out from his defensive. But Tony remained expressionless as he looked at her straight in the eyes.

"I see the confusion. These are called 'feelings', Ziva."

"Feelings you need to let go."

Yes, Ziva was worried... no... afraid that he might abandon them, as well as him, she also had found a family in NCIS, because her real family was not, exactly, the kind of one to envy, but Tony couldn't help but feel pissed by his co-worker thinks more in herself than in him. Because the truth is… if she considered herself as part of the family, she should encourage him to do what would make him happy, shouldn't she? And maybe... maybe... this is Jeanne Benoir. But no, she tried to make him rationalize, make him see that his feelings should be shaped and directed to where he wanted it to be, instead.

"Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?"

"No, actually I didn't"

"Well it does."

"Well, it shouldn't."

"Really. This coming from the woman who fell in love with the dead man walking."

Tony couldn't help but be cruel, he was tired, sad, tormented by his failure as agent and as person, and he had an option that he'd rather not want to have. He knew this moment would come, since the moment he realized his feelings for Jeanne, but it didn't mean that would be easy.

"You crossed the line, Tony." Tony saw the disappointment in the his friend's eyes, then she turned around and headed for the door. "Oh, I crossed the line?" It was his rhetoric, but only to see she unlock the door and pull it open. In fact he knew he had crossed all lines, even if he was hurt he knew how much that case had shaken his friend, he knew how fragile she had been and he knew how much it bothered her, but this wasn't his point. The point is that Ziva had also crossed the lines here... Okay.. she was family, she was a sister he never had, but still ...

Ziva ran into the door as McGee came in and he looked at her and clearly saw that something was not ok, then he looked at Tony puzzle.

"Don't ask." It was Tony's reply.

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Figure out how much affected Tony was with the end of his relationship with Jeanne made Tim saw something else in his co-worker, not that he thought Tony was the man "arrogant and socially repugnant" he had described his character Tommy, the one based on him, in his book, but the truth is that he never looked into Tony, he had never bothered to look at behind the mask of playboy Tony wore every day at work, perhaps because he liked to see him as the funny guy and prankster who was always ready to make the day be better, even when it meant he would be the target of some of his jokes, or ... maybe because deep down McGee knew that this was Tony's intend, because it was clear for him that Tony was more than he used to show and McGee knew he always hide his problems with mastery, even more than Gibbs ... and as much as himself, Tim knew that behind his fratboy mask Tony was, actually, reserved what regards his private life... yeah ... funny to think that the more talkative of men he had ever known was reserved, but, yes, this was Tony's way to preserve himself. He used the words to hide his weaknesses… to hide whom he was.

But the point is that even though Tony was not the fratboy he tried to demonstrate, Tim never thought he was, indeed, able of love, well ... everyone is capable of love except, of course, the Serial Killers, because, you know, Serial Killers have no feelings, so that's why they become serial killers, to be able to feel something ... ok he was rambling here. Coming back to his friend, so ... it was clear that Tony was a special person who cared about people, about friends, McGee remembered very well how he has acted as a real Abby's big brother when Tim was interested on her, back then, when they worked together for the first time, or when he suddenly showed up in McGee's apartment just to make him feel better when he thought he had killed that cop Benedict ... no... if there are something Tony wasn't, it was insensitive. But ... surrender completely to a woman, a passion... Well, that certainly surprised him.

He looked up and saw Ziva follow their co-worker, she was visible concern about Tony ... and he would not be surprised to discover that she was in love with him, flirts and jokes in the office could be games for Tony, but maybe were not for the little Israeli. Tim could not remember when exactly this ... this Ziva's feeling started, but he remembered that they were even closer when Gibbs resigned... retired. Tim head slapped himself mentally correcting his mistake.

The fact is, at that time they three have become much closer, Tony bravely tried to filled the lack of Pappa Smurf and ... well ... Tim had his writing, the games, no issue of a failed relationship. All that helped him overcome the absence of the boss... but Ziva... she does not only wore a mask of strong person but she wanted to be that person, she struggled to be strong and independent ... but the truth is that she missed it all, all the family package, and NCIS somehow seemed to fill this in her life, and Gibbs departure was a very hard blow for her. Okay, Tim was rambling again, but what he really think is that even if Ziva and Tony were closer, Tim wasn't sure how close, but as far as he knew, Tony had no such feelings for Ziva and this was proved after Jeanne... but he wasn't so sure about Ziva.

The fact is that she was trying to help Tony, he didn't know if she was doing it because the feeling she might have for him, or because of her fear of losing him or just because she had become part of the family ... but The Senior Agent had shelled himself and Tim knew there would not be easy to do him open up ... And if there was something that Tim has understood during these years working with DiNozzo was how hard it was for him to talk about his own feelings, Tony always armored himself so damn well then move on without let people figure out his weaknesses... but this time it was different, he was trying to, but he was not able to hide his feelings and even if the mask was in place, the sadness in his eyes was visible and it was when Tim finally look deep into this other side of his co-worker. The side of a man capable of give love and being loved.

The beep of McGee's computer took him from his thoughts showing the result of the search for the dead official car. He read the information on the screen, stood up, walked around his desk and headed to the lab in order to give Gibbs the news, but stopped midway when something came to his mind... then he turned back and headed toward the men's room.

When McGee held the bathroom door lock to open it, he felt the same movement from the inside and quickly knew it was his friend whom stared at him for a few seconds then he knew something was not ok, because, they both Tony and Ziva were acting as if they were in a duel, a duel of words that hurt when it should cherish. They looked at each other puzzle then he saw the little Ninja leave with a hurt face as Tony said. "Don't ask."

Tim decided to follow his advice, so he didn't ask. He walked in and leaned against the sink next to Tony as he told him the results of the BOLO, yup, this was the excuse Tim was using to talk to his co-worker far away from the others, but after seeing the Ziva's failed attempt he realized there was no point to continue insisting on this road so he tried something else and spoke before Tony escape through the door.

"Tony". Tim saw the older man already-turn with his senior officer mask in place. "Yes."

"I ... well ... there's this girl who I'm dating and I want to... you know..." Tim said trying to sound casual, he did not want Tony to realize his intention to help him. And Tony's comment wearing that mocking smile, the one part of his playboy mask make sure he was successful.

"This is new Probie."

"What? I want to be more interesting to a girl?"

"No, you're dating a girl."

Tim rolled his eyes, as he always did with the comments of Tony and Ziva about his love life. "Will you help or not Tony?" Tim saw a flash of doubt and discomfort in Tony's eyes and for a moment he thought he would have understood his move to cheer him up.

"I don't know if I'm the best person to help you Tim." Tony said with a mixture of sadness and discomfort but also with such a sincerity tone that touched Tim, the Italian seemed to be fighting with himself, fighting a battle that there were no winners or losers. He definitely needed someone to talk to, and Gibbs was certainly not that person, Ziva perhaps, but she seemed to be too emotionally involved to do that ... therefore he had to try harder. "Movies, Tony." Tim smiled slightly on the corner of his mouth with Tony's confused look then he started talking gesturing with his hands and shaking his head at the same time trying not to look at the senior agent's eyes, otherwise, the he would definitely figure out he was lying, well it was not a big lie since Kelly really like movies but he didn't exactly need any knowledge to be more attractive to her at all.

"Kelly is fanatic with movies as much as you Tony ... huh... movie passionate expert..." Tim correct himself as Tony narrowed his eyebrow then paused for a second to see a more relaxed Tony. As he was satisfied with the amusement in his friend's face he went on."... She likes to talk about it ... you know ... the actors, storylines, features and their productions." Tim was happy to see that Tony's smile slowly switch from the big fake I'm-happy-happy-even-if-my-life-is-crap one to a real smile for the first time since his op had been discovered. Tim rolled his eyes and sighed before saying what he was about to say. "... I can't follow her, you know? I don't know the movies she use to talk about and I know nothing about makeup, camera angle or assembly..."

"Timothy Mcgee, you are admitting that you are completely ignorant about something?" Tony interrupted his friend, glad to be expert in something that Tim wasn't. Yeah, yeah... even if Tim was still new as a field agent and Tony always tease him about that, about how much good senior field agent he was, the truth is that Tony was nothing more than a cop... okay... a Damn good cop, but that's it. But Tim... Tim was the guy who has graduate on Jon Hopkins and MIT his brain works as a computer, his knowledge was not only math or computer things, his expertise is from physics, through botanical and yet there was something that Tony had more expertise than him. His smile was large and did reach his eyes now.

"No. Yes... Okay, maybe. Tony, please."

Tim saw the older man thought for a few seconds, he couldn't know what was going through his mind, but he was almost certain that Tony was inclined to accept the proposal.

"With one condition."

"No."

"I didn't say what condition, yet."

"And I'm sure that is something I will not like."

"Hey, I've done something you didn't like?"

"Super Glue."

"Ok, but not this time, I'm just curious ..."

"Curious about what."

"How did you lose your virginity."

Tim raised an eyebrow and twisted his mouth staring at Tony who had prank eyes. Ziva have been tease him about that for weeks now, but Tim said nothing, not because there was some embarrassed secret but McGee had always been discreet about this things and nothing had changed. And Tim also have fun with his co-workers tentative to know his side of him.

"And?" Tony cut Tim's thoughts.

"Okay, but you can NOT tell Ziva."

"My lips are sealed." Tony spoke playfully smiling as he walked out of bathroom casually making Tim be sure he would not maintain the promise.

"Tony?" Tim said skeptical, as he followed Tony. But, actually he didn't care. He even liked the jokes of his colleagues, it used to bring lightness to the heavy days of handle dirty bags and made that job easier.

"My home after we wrap up this case. Bring the pizza."

"Deal."