Chapter 1

Sure, Leia's heart was torn apart and she was distraught, but that was no excuse to be outside this man's door. She didn't know who else to turn to, though, and she was afraid that she might explode if she didn't find a way to work through this. Her cheeks were wet with her tears, and she knew that she must look awful with how violently she had reacted to… that.

Leia had known for a long time that Jude had fallen for Milla, but she had thought, since Milla had no physical form anymore, that she had a chance. When all the fractured dimension stuff started, she should have realized that Milla would show back up, but… She still never expected to walk in on such a scene… And the worst part was they were so entranced with each other and their physical position that they hadn't even noticed her.

As Leia choked down another sob, she knocked on the door—HIS door, the one that she had a million and one reasons not to trust—and waited.

Alvin had been fast asleep when he heard the knock and dragged himself out of bed. He didn't even think to put a shirt on when he opened the door. Neither one expected to see the other in the state they were in. Leia's hair was falling out of her ponytail and her face was red from wiping away tears. Her eyes were still bright with them and her lips were swollen and chapped.

Alvin was in no better condition. He had gone to bed immediately after washing, so his hair was sticking up odd directions. He was in his pajamas, a pair of brown sweatpants… And no shirt. He had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep and his face was pale from low blood pressure that he always struggled with when he woke up.

"Really? Is that how you open the door?" Leia was the first to recover. "What if it had been Elize or something?" She snapped, wiping her face.

Alvin felt his temper flare—who did this girl think she was?—but it didn't last for more than a second. "What the hell would bring Elize to my door at 2 'o clock in the morning?" He retorted, but it held no edge. "Jude's room is that way." He pointed down the hall before shutting the door in her face.

She knocked again in frustration. Did he always have to be such a dick?

He opened the door again after only a few seconds. This time he was pulling a t-shirt over his head. "How can I help you, little lady?" He asked courteously, stifling a yawn. "You look all dewy-eyed. I thought you were looking for someone else."

"I… I saw…" Leia started to tell him what had happened, but she felt her throat close and another tear fell. The waterworks were about to really start… Looking alarmed, Alvin reached for her arm but stopped himself before he did something stupid.

"Hey, kid… Are you okay? I didn't know you were…" He paused for a moment, trying to unscramble his thoughts. He felt like he was playing with fire, but he couldn't let her stand outside. With a soft sigh, he moved aside, allowing her access to his room. "Come in." He turned and walked in, kicking aside a few empty liquor bottles to clear a path for her. A bit surprised, she followed him inside.

Except for the trash, it was a very plain room, identical to hers, with a small bed on the very left side and a bathroom all the way to the right. Nothing fancy, just a small and cheap place to stay. Something about it seemed sad to Leia, though, and it wasn't only the mess (HOW do you trash a room in less than four hours?). All of Alvin's things were packed in a little brown bag next to his bed and his weapons were leaned against the wall. The gun was pointing towards the bed—she wasn't sure why she noticed that, but it felt important.

Alvin turned to face Leia with a guarded expression on his face. She wondered for a brief moment if she'd made a mistake by going to him. What if he just thought she was a nuisance? Or worse, what if he thought her problem was stupid? She had almost made up her mind to leave when Alvin finally spoke.

"I really don't know how much help I'll be… But you can tell me anything." His voice was uncharacteristically kind. "…If you want." He added, the volume in his voice dropping lower.

"I… I saw..." Leia wondered one last time whether she should leave before she gathered her nerve and resolved to tell him everything. "Oh, Alvin, I'm so STUPID!"

"Whoa! Th-That's not… what I was expecting." He laughed nervously. "Where's your spunk? The Leia I know would never admit to stupidity. She would try to convince me why the ones that she's angry with are stupid." He sat down on his bed. "And if someone made you cry, Leia, then they ARE stupid…" He sighed, realizing that he'd cut her off. "Sorry. You can continue."

"…I saw Jude and Milla… I thought that I forgot my favorite hat in Jude's room, so I went back to get it…"

"Wait, when were you in Jude's room?" Alvin cut her off a second time before he could stop himself. "That's a bit bold for you."

"Because Rowen and I were talking to him about what's been going on recently." She answered defensively.

"Aw, and I wasn't invited?" He started to tease her but was quickly silenced when another traitorous tear rolled down her cheek. "…You saw Jude and Milla…?" He asked apologetically. He had a sinking feeling that he didn't want to know this…

"They were sleeping together!" She finally blurted, her face turning a darker shade of red. When Alvin didn't respond, she continued. "O-only they weren't SLEEPING."

"O-oh." Alvin stammered, more than a little shocked that the do-gooder had that much nerve. Even though it was a serious matter for Leia, Alvin found himself holding back a grin. She picked up on it, though.

"This is stupid! I'M stupid!" She looked at the door. "I knew—of COURSE I knew—but… I still thought I had a chance… And now! Now I'm doing the DUMBEST thing by bothering you in the middle of the night!" Turning, she strode back to the door. In a flash, Alvin had thrown himself off the bed and grabbed her hand.

"Hey! Hey, hey… I didn't mean to…" He quickly let her go when she looked back at him. "Look, I get that you don't trust me much because of…"

"That's not true." Leia didn't even allow him to finish the sentence. "You know that I trust you. Why ELSE would I be here?"

"…Then why is it so stupid to tell me what's bothering you?" He looked at the floor in an attempt to hide both his embarrassment and guilt. He wasn't sure why he felt these feelings, but he was having trouble fighting them… "Don't get me wrong," He started again. "Jude is an adult. Good for him to have… learned something new." He chuckled softly but quickly continued when Leia's eyes flashed angrily. "But I know how you feel about him…"

"FELT. From now on, it's how I FELT about him!" She sniffled, choking on a hiccough, and walked past him to plop on the bed. "And I might just burn that damn hat!"

"Ooh! Someone's getting feistier by the second." Alvin smiled at her for a moment before sitting back on the bed next to her. "But both of us know it isn't that easy…" There was silence between them as the full weight of what he said and what he meant sunk in before he added in a lighter tone, "After all, that's a nice hat."

Leia snorted and shook her head. She knew that his jokes were an attempt to lighten the mood, but she wasn't ready to be consoled yet, so she forced herself to frown. She was angry and hurt and frustrated… She wasn't ready to let Alvin's lame jokes wash away her pain.

"The hat is the least of my problems." She muttered stubbornly, sniffing and wiping at her eyes.

Alvin leaned backwards and grabbed a handkerchief from the other side of his bed. "Here." He said softly, handing it to her. "Stop wiping your nose on your jacket." She hadn't realized that she had been doing such a thing until he mentioned it.

"…Thanks." She whispered, taking the cloth from him. As the minutes ticked by, she was becoming more and more embarrassed. Not only was she crying in front of Alvin, she was using his handkerchief… and he wasn't even making fun of her for it! She didn't know what to think…

"You got really quiet…" After a few minutes had passed, Alvin spoke up again. "If you're feeling better then you should go to bed, kiddo. Good children should be asleep this late."

"Stop that!" She snapped, slamming her fist on the bed. "I'm not a little kid! So stop calling me that!"

"Of course you're a kid." Alvin's voice lost its humor. "Only a kid would come to a grown man's room in the middle of the night like this. I'd say you threw caution to the wind, but that isn't even the case. You didn't even THINK that I could do something, did you?" He paused, noting the fear showing on her face. His expression softened and he patted her on the head. "See? You're still a kid… But there's nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it while you can."

"I'm not a kid…" She grumbled, but all anger was gone when she realized something… She'd stopped crying. Just like that. "Here." She held the handkerchief out to him.

"Um… You go ahead and keep that." He eyed it with disgust. "Or give it back when you wash it…" The last part was said under his breath, but Leia caught it anyway.

"Ugh! Why are you such a jerk?" She put the cloth in her pocket. "…I'll return it next time."

"Next time?" He asked incredulously. "Do you plan on another late night visit? I think I'll pass."

"…Am I bothering you, then?" She asked quietly. "Tell me honestly, Alvin."

He took a deep breath before answering. "That's not what I meant. I'd rather you came here than cry on your own… But maybe you should talk to Elize… Or Muzet. You know, a girl…"

"Elize is too young to talk about his, and Muzet—REALLY? You can IMAGINE all the things wrong with that scenario…"

Alvin winced. As funny as that would be to watch, he knew that Leia had a point. That wouldn't end well for anyone.

"And Rowan and Gaius AND Ludger are all men too." She continued. "So, according to you, I couldn't talk to anyone at all!" She crossed her arms. "Besides, I don't want everyone to see me cry."

Alvin almost asked why she would let HIM see her cry, but he thought better of it. He wasn't sure he could handle the answer… Instead, he sighed and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't seem to understand what a precarious position that she was putting him in. He shuddered to think what would happen if anyone knew she was in his room—ON HIS BED—this late at night. Was she trying to get him killed?

"…Alvin? Are you even listening to me?" Leia's annoyed voice cut into his thoughts.

"Geez, girl. I'm thinking!" He snapped, putting his hands over his face. She had a very good point, but it didn't make things any easier for Alvin. He knew that she needed him, but… As much as he insisted that she was just a child… There were times that he found it very hard to see her as one… No, he couldn't let himself think about that.

She's sixteen. She's eleven years younger than me. She's a KID. He told himself firmly. But she needs someone to turn to when things get rough…

"Well?" Leia had been watching him very carefully as he tried to deal with his internal dilemma.

"I think it might be best to talk to Rowen." Alvin finally spoke, sitting up.

"But you said—"I know what I said." He cut her off impatiently. "But he's more like a… fatherly figure, right?" Grandfatherly, more like… But he kept that thought to himself. "So it's not the same. You'll be safe talking to him."

"Safe? Why wouldn't I be safe talking to you?" She obviously didn't understand the problem, so Alvin pondered over how much he should tell her.

I'm occasionally attracted to you. He smiled bitterly as the thought entered his mind. Nope. Definitely can't say that. It's not true—it CAN'T be true. She's just a kid.

"…People will kill me if they find out that you were here so late." He said slowly. "They'll THINK that something is going on even if it isn't." He watched as understanding and embarrassment took over her face. "They wouldn't think that if you talked to Rowen."

"But why? Why is Rowen so different?" Leia demanded, crossing her arms and frowning. Alvin almost couldn't take it—to see her trying to take up for him like that. He felt like a part of his heart was breaking…

"Because I'm a shady guy." He forced a grin on his face, hating how true the statement was but keeping it to himself. Leia, in response, punched him in the arm. "Ow!" He cried. "What was that for?!"

"You act like you're the devil or something. You've messed up, sure, but you're not so bad." She stood up and sighed, luckily missing the yearning expression on Alvin's face. "So you don't want to talk to me about this, huh?"

"That's not what I'm saying." He replied honestly. "Just… when it's late at night, go to Rowen I'm here for you whenever you need me DURING THE DAY." He tried to stress the importance of the last part as much as he could.

"Oh." She smiled, seeming relieved. "Well, thank you… For everything. I… I thought I'd lose my mind if I didn't have anyone to turn to… You really helped me tonight." She slowly walked to the door.

"Hey!" Alvin jumped up and rushed over to her. "I'm sorry if I… I mean, I'm just trying to save my own bacon here, and… I don't want people to think that…" He stumbled over his words, trying to explain.

"I know." This time her smile was radiant, and Alvin thought again that it was very dangerous for her to be here so late. "I'll be more careful next time, okay? And… I can still talk to you during the day, right?"

"Of course." He pinched her cheek playfully. "Don't think you can get rid of me so easily, brat! And you'll owe me after this—just so you know."

"Shut up, jerk-face! You already owed me! Now we're even." She slapped his hand away and laughed, unknowingly forcing him to laugh as well. He really couldn't resist her…

"All right, all right. Now get to bed." He opened the door and gently pushed her out, surprising himself with his own reluctance. "And no more crying! You'll get wrinkles!"

"Nuh-uh!" She cried indignantly, punching his arm again. "You're such a jerk…" But she was smiling as she went back to her room.

Alvin shut the door and leaned against it, the smile dropping from his face. "Now we're even, huh?" He whispered to himself. "If only…" Grabbing his last bottle of bourbon, he made his way back to his bed.

He was confused—really confused. He had cheered her up, so he should feel good about it… But all he felt was an all-too-familiar desire. At least he'd fought it off and kept her safe… from his own damn self.

"She's a KID." He told himself for the millionth time before taking a huge gulp. "Shit… She's a KID! Get a grip…"

Alvin wondered briefly if it was because Leia had woke him up from a dream about HER—Presa. He had never thought that he loved her before, but now that she was dead… He couldn't save her… But he couldn't tell if he felt love or guilt. He didn't really understand what love WAS.

"It must be because of Presa—not Leia… I'm not in my right mind—I wouldn't feel anything for a child." He tried desperately to sort though the jumbled mess that was his feelings. "Shit…" He said again, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

Even as he tried to convince himself of this, he pictured Leia. The tears had made her eyes bright and pleading… Her lips were chapped and swollen, but that just drew his eyes to them. He liked seeing her hair, however messy it was… She should get rid of that hat… Her cheeks were rosy, and she looked so… so…

Alive.

"There will be a special place in hell for people like me… And I get the feeling that she'll be the death of me…" Feeling defeated and utterly exhausted, Alvin closed his eyes and forced himself to go back to sleep.

Chapter 1 ~ END