Thought of this in the while doing clinicals for my EMT class...it was a really slow day in the Ozark Medical Center Emergency Room.
So, I figured I should share it :)
TWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWD
"All you had to do was keep an eye on her!"
It was the truth, the cold, hard, undeniable truth, but that didn't make it hurt any less...and the fact that HE had been the one to yell it in her face was what really was tearing her apart. She could have sworn he was going to hit her, knock her right down in the Georgia dirt, but he'd stopped himself a mere second before that had become a reality. She vaguely mused that most people would be scared or angry towards him for that stunt, but she'd seen that look in his eyes when he stepped back, that haunted, terrified, lost look Carol had given a name to: fear and regret. She could never be angry at him for grieving in his own way and she couldn't be afraid of him after everything he'd done for her...and for Sophia.
And that was the reason she was walking across the grassy expanse of the farmland, heading towards the flickering light of the campfire in the distance. She wasn't going to give up on him, because everyone else in his miserable past life had given up and she couldn't stand to see that happen again. He would just have t deal with the fact that someone gave a shit.
As she got closer to her destination, she began to hear some odd noises coming from the distance, odd little "twang" sounds and she thought it sounded a bit like a guitar...but that was an insane notion. However, the closer she got, the clearer the sounds became and she realized she was right, it was the sound of guitar strings being plucked.
Carol slowed her steps and approached the glowing firelight quietly, keeping in the shadows and then standing hidden in the shadow of his tent as the fireside came into view.
He was sitting on the weathered rocks of the old free-standing fireplace, which was the center piece of his little scrap of paradise, leaning forward slightly over the guitar Glenn had been hanging onto earlier that day. His eyes were focused on something in the distance and he was plucking each string individually, turning the pegs occasionally to achieve the correct tone. Finally, he readjusted the instrument on his lap and closed his eyes.
Carol wasn't quite sure what she expected, but when Daryl's fingers started moving over those strings she was shocked by the smooth and easy way the notes filled the stillness around her. She recognized the tune as "Wanted Dead or Alive" by a long dead or undead Bon Jovi, and she smiled lightly at the newfound knowledge that such a brilliant talent had been hidden in the most unlikely of them all. Sitting there in his ripped, bloody jeans and sleeveless button up shirt, hair messy and hanging gently in his eyes, was a man who always managed to surprise her with amazing depth of character and hidden skills.
She remained in the shadows of the tent until the song ended, then she stepped out into the firelight and made her presence known. Daryl's eyes opened slowly, but quickly locked onto her and widened.
"How long ya been there?" he snapped, eyes literally flashing in the light of the dying fire.
"Long enough," Carol replied gently, knowing she was treading on thin ice, "I didn't mean to hear, I just came to talk to you."
"Well, ya can turn right on around and leave me be then 'cause I ain't in a talkin' mood," Daryl groused, setting the guitar aside.
"That's not a big surprise," Carol muttered out loud to herself.
"Then why'd ya bother comin'?" came the reply. Carol gaped at him. How the hell had he heard her from over there?
Instead of replying, Carol made her way over to him, taking a seat next to him on the fireplace. Predictably, he stood up and moved away to poke at the fire.
"So," Carol started to speak, calm and easy, "I didn't know you played guitar. Where did you learn?"
"Taught m'self," Daryl mumbled. Hey, at least he was talking.
"You're very good," Carol stated honestly, "I always like that song."
Daryl sniffed, but she thought maybe there was a little amusement to it and not all anger.
"It's been a long time since I heard music of any kind," Carol sighed, looking into the glow of the embers in front of her. "I think it's one of the things I miss the most about life before all this."
Daryl nodded, she saw, and then he stood up and came back over and sat next to her awkwardly. He reached over and picked up the guitar, running his hands almost lovingly along the curves of the instrument. Carol's mind flickered with the thought "Lucky guitar..." before she snapped back to reality.
"Will you play another one?" she whispered hopefully. "Please?"
Daryl didn't look at her, he just kept staring down at the ground in front of him. Finally, he gave a slight nod. Carol moved from the fireplace to the ground in front of him to give him room to position the instrument and waited for him to begin. He was still for the longest time, silent and thoughtful, and then he closed his eyes and began to play.
Carol knew the song immediately and tears began to form in her eyes at once and she closed them to gather her resolve not to cry. But when Daryl's voice joined in, she let the tears fall.
"I close my eyes, only for a moment and the moment's gone. All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity. Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind."
The words had always gotten to her. Before all this, she thought of her highschool years and the plans she had for her future, how happy she was going to be, she would find love and have a family and everything would work out beautifully...but none of those dreams had come true. And now...now she'd lost everything, even her little girl who was all she had in the world that mattered to her. She wondered if Daryl even realized how appropriate the song choice was...she assumed he did. He was playing this song for her...and for him, for their losses and their broken pasts and their bleak future, when you thought about it, maybe their future was actually brighter than their past. Carol let the melancholy tune fill her very soul and she didn't even realize that she began to sing along with him.
"Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea. All we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind."
She opened her eyes now as he began the musical bridge and watched him as he played. There was something about him in this position she had never seen before, a relaxed and easy posture with no tension in his entire frame, his fingers moving lightly and smoothly over the strings as if he was caressing a priceless treasure, his face was void of hard lines and his usual angry squint. He looked so calm and at ease and it caused a lump to grow in Carol's throat as she watched him. But then his blue eyes opened and locked on hers as the next verse began, his less than perfect singing voice was soft, yet tinged with the gruffness of his speaking voice as he stared her down, directing the words at her. Words that she knew he knew she needed to hear.
"Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky, it slips away and all your money won't another minute buy. Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind. Everything is dust in the wind."
Carol let the tears roll down her cheeks, unashamed if he saw them or not. She closed her eyes and hung her head, placing it to her knees as she sat in the cold dirt, her mind full of images of Sophia's smile, Ed's angry face as he came at her once again, that pickaxe splitting his skull, Sophia's torn body stumbling out of that barn, Daryl's eyes as he yelled at her. His last scream of "all you had to do was keep an eye on her" echoed in her mind.
Suddenly, Carol felt a warmth against her back and she lifted her head slowly, blinking through her tears. Daryl was crouched in front of her, the warmth was the palm of his hand resting on her shoulder blade, he was looking at her with an expression she'd seen on his face only a few times before, when he'd given her the Cherokee rose and when he's apologized by the pond.
"I'm sorry," he said gently, "For what I said t' ya the other day. I...I don't know why I said that because ya were the best mother that girl could hope for. You did the best ya could for her, there was nothin' else ya coulda done."
Carol sniffed, but the tears didn't stop, in fact they increased at his confession. He was letting her in again, she had no idea why he decided she was worth letting in, but he was.
"But ya can't hold on forever, not in this world," he said softly, even softer than before, "I know it's hard on ya, losin' her, but...you can't let it take ya down. If you hang on forever, ya won't survive."
He stopped talking for a moment and looked down at the ground as he hesitated, then he looked back up with eyes full of honesty.
"And I want ya to survive, Carol."
She eyed him for a long moment, taking in his words, feeling something inside her change and take root. She realized at that moment that her plan to come down her and show him that someone cared about him had just done a 180 degree turn on her...he was the one showing her that he cared. HE cared. About her. And at that moment, Carol decided she wanted to survive too. She wanted to live her remaining life to the fullest, she wanted to give this man a reason to believe in himself, she wanted love him with all her heart and work hard at building this friendship because this time now was what mattered...even if they would eventually be dust in the wind.
TWDTWDTWDTWDTWDTWD
Well, how was it? Awful, cute, boss awesome, terrible, good, bad? Let me know!
Love always,
~Sarah~ aka Narnian at Heart