Author Notes: This story follows the basic plot of Shakespeare's iconic Much Ado About Nothing. However, it will deviate at times, and you can definitely enjoy it without having read the original play. I've had to restructure the timeline a bit for it to make sense, the largest changes being that the Dark Curse was never cast and that Rumpelstiltskin does not exist in this story. Any other changes will be made clear pretty quickly. The title of this story comes from a line from the final scene of the original play.

Special thanks to Castle-Dancer1212 for encouraging me to write this, as well as being such a speedy beta!

The sun was setting in the Enchanted Forest, and for the first time in months, Red didn't feel like someone was clawing at her from the inside. The woods glowed with the last bit of daylight, and the pine needles underfoot released a heavenly aroma with every step.

Red sighed, content at last.

"What are you thinking about, lass?" Killian asked. They'd been walking in comfortable silence all day, but he seemed to take her sigh as a cue to speak.

Red looked at him and smiled. "Home." The word tasted sweet in her mouth. After months of battling ogres, she was really going home. The wolf would go back to being a refuge rather than a weapon.

"You fought valiantly."

"Mulan's better. I can barely carry a sword. I'm only useful one night a month." Red could see Mulan, leading the group in the march home. Red had started out that morning in the front, but at this point she was near the back of the group. She'd never felt the need to be the first to arrive, even to somewhere she wanted to be.

"This is hardly the time for modesty, mate. Boasting is permissible after a job well done. Have you ever heard of a pirate who failed to claim credit for his victories?" Killian said.

"I haven't," Red admitted. "So, mate, when does the dreaded Captain Hook return to rule over the seas?"

"Not until after the festivities are over, I expect. I'm eager to get back to my ship, of course, but there are customs and niceties that must be upheld if I'm to retain the allies I've made these past four months."

"Four months," Red repeated. Was that really all it had been? Victory over the ogres in just four months. It wouldn't have seemed possible, although to be fair, they'd had help from several unlikely allies. And now, finally, they were going home. Home to at least a month of festivities. Home to her grandmother, to Emma and Lily and Marian.

And to Belle, whispered a traitorous voice in her head. Red shushed it and focused instead on moving her body forward. They'd have to stop to rest soon, but they expected to be home within the next few days.

Behind her, Red could hear Snow White's attempts to draw Regina into conversation. The Evil Queen had been banished years ago after numerous attempts to ruin Snow's happy ending. Still, her offer to help in the Ogre War and their subsequent victory had been enough for Snow to give her a second chance, inviting her to the palace for the duration of the festivities. Red had been concerned about this until she heard Snow talking to the Blue Fairy about removing Regina's magic for the foreseeable future. Even with that knowledge, Red didn't feel nearly as sure about the whole "second chance" thing as Snow seemed to.

"Don't worry about her," Killian said, noticing Red's glance backward.

"Can't help it," Red admitted. "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Perhaps a distraction is in order? I could tell you a tale, I've thousands of them."

Red looked at him thoughtfully. "All right. Tell me how you got the hook. I've heard at least half a dozen rumors about it, and none of them seem remotely true."

Killian paused. After a moment, he said, "I suppose after everything we've been through together, you've earned my trust."

"Damn right, I have."

Killian lowered his voice and leaned in slightly. "Very well." He paused, then began his tale. "I was a young lad, lieutenant on my brother's ship. We were in the royal navy in a nearby kingdom, see, until we were sent on a mission of rather—unsavory nature."

"Unsavory?" Red laughed. "I don't see what the kingdom could have done that was more unsavory than piracy."

"They had asked us to collect a plant that could have been used as a weapon of mass warfare," Killian said starkly. Red's laughter quickly subsided. "My brother was killed on the mission. In my anger I stole the ship we'd been given rule over and defected from the kingdom. I would rather be a pirate with my own code than serve those who have none. As it turned out, the King didn't much care that I no longer aligned myself with him, but he cared a great deal about his ship." Killian's face showed no expression, but his tone was bitter.

"They came after you," Red said, beginning to understand. "To get it back?"

"Aye, they did. The king lost many soldiers, and I lost one of my hands."

"And did they take back the boat?"

Killian grinned, seriousness vanishing in favor of something entirely more mischievous. "Not yet, they haven't."

Red smiled. "So that's the story of the infamous Captain Hook?"

"Did it disappoint, love?"

"It could have used a little more pizazz. A forbidden romance, maybe," Red teased. "Actually that'd be pretty good. You should add something about stealing someone's wife. Everyone loves star-crossed lovers."

Killian laughed out loud at that.

"What? Is the idea of falling in love with someone you're not supposed to have so ridiculous?" Red demanded.

"The idea of love in any form is ridiculous, but falling in love with someone you can't have is a form of masochism that even I wouldn't enjoy."

Red forced the image of Belle from her mind as firmly as possible. "You know, I have to agree with you." When the picture wouldn't leave entirely, she added, "Let's make a pact to never fall in love."

Killian laughed. "Bold words from a young lady."

"No, I mean it. You're right, love is masochistic. I don't see any good use for it."

Killian looked at her thoughtfully. After a moment, he grinned. "I'll drink to that." He offered her his flask of rum.

Red took it and drank, hoping that the burn in her throat would serve as a reminder not to wish for things she couldn't have.

Emma was trapped in a room with no doors, only a window. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think as she ran towards it, yanking with all her might in her attempts to get air into the room, but it wouldn't budge. The room was getting smaller. The air was running out. Emma tried to scream, but she couldn't get enough breath to her lungs to make a sound. The walls continued to close in on her.

Through the window she could see a storm on the ocean. The walls shrunk further, and the window disappeared.

Bright light hit her face, and Emma blearily opened her eyes. Marian must have opened the curtains, she thought, both irritated at being awakened and relieved to be done with that horrible dream. She rolled over and buried her face in the pillow.

There was a loud knock on her door. "Emma, you're needed in the council room."

She groaned and slowly sat up. "Do I have to?" she asked squinting at the intruder, who turned out to be her father, looking far too awake.

Charming looked aggravated. "Are we really going to have this conversation again? You know, you'll have to attend meetings when you're queen."

"Who says I'll have meetings this early?" Emma asked. Or at all, she thought. At another look from her father, she sighed and rolled out of bed.

"I'll see you in the council room in ten minutes," Charming said, then left.

With the help of her lady-in-waiting Marian, Emma was dressed, coiffed, and in the council room only two minutes over the instructed ten. "You're late," her dad told her when she walked in, but he was smiling, and there was a cup of coffee at Emma's seat. (Although technically there was no assigned seats. The point of the round table was to make everyone more or less equal, but mostly people sat in the same spot every time.)

"Thanks for the coffee," she said, sitting down and taking a large gulp. "What's up with the early meeting?"

If he was annoyed at her poor manners, Charming managed to hide it. "Happy just got a mirror message from Regina updating us on their progress."

"Wait, so this is just a freaking progress report? You couldn't have handled this one on your own?" A bit of coffee sloshed over the edge of Emma's cup and onto the saucer as she set it down. A drop landed on the table, and Emma quickly wiped it up with her sleeve.

"Emma, you're twenty-three years old. It's far past time for you to learn how to be an effective ruler, and that means going to meetings. Even if they are 'just a freaking progress report.'"

Emma was in the process of formulating her witty response when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Charming said.

Happy entered, grin stretching from his chin to his reddish nose. "Good morning, your majesties. I have good news to report! The Evil—that is, Lady Regina—said that the troops expect to be back by midmorning. Isn't that wonderful!"

"Casualties?"

"Minimal, and none from our kingdom," Happy replied.

Charming nodded. "This is very good news indeed."

Emma wondered how her father could be all business right now, when she knew he was as excited to see her mother as she was. She couldn't keep herself from smiling at the news, although she tried to keep her expression in check so as to appear serious. In just a few hours, she'd get to see her mom, and Red, and…

"Excuse me," Emma interrupted, unable to help herself. "But is the valiant Captain Hook still travelling with them?"

"Captain Hook?" Happy asked, a flash of confusion running across his face but leaving instantly. "Yes, he's still with them, and doing well, I understand."

"And did he prove worthy of the moniker? Or should we all start calling him Captain Runs-In-The-Face-of-Ogres?"

"Emma!" her father scolded, but his face looked resigned. "Well, Happy? How did Captain Jones fare?"

"He served very well!" Happy replied brightly. "He showed great bravery in the face of the ogres, your majesties."

"Well, if he can stomach the sight of himself in the mirror it's not a surprise he can handle the sight of ogres," Emma said. "He probably noticed the family resemblance."

"You find the sight of him displeasing?" Happy asked. He furrowed his brow as though trying to understand.

Emma smirked. "Of course; it's the only way to balance his ego. As long as I find him at least as revolting as he finds himself 'devilishly handsome,' we can reach some sort of tolerable average. Otherwise it's chaos."

"Ego not-withstanding, Jones is a good man," Charming interjected.

"Ego not-withstanding? I don't think so. If his ego wasn't standing, there'd be nothing left to support him." Emma backed up this comment with her very best disdainful look.

"Ignore her," her father said to Happy. Emma shot him a glare. "She and Jones have been at odds with each other ever since he came here offering assistance with the war. The Ogre War might finally be over, but the battle of wits between my daughter and the captain is as strong as it ever was."

"Who's he palling around with now?" Emma demanded, then mentally berated herself. What was she doing? The last thing she needed was for people to think she cared what Hook did. "I just mean— he was with Smee, before they left, but he stayed with The Jolly—Hook's ship. I was just wondering who he spends time with, outside the company of pirates"

"Regina didn't say—she's not one for chit-chat, is she? I love a bit of good chit-chat myself, it's so interesting to hear what's going on in other people's lives— but I could see behind her in the glass and I believe I saw Captain Jones—what was that delightful term you used?— 'palling around' with Red."

Emma groaned. "Red? Really?" Wonder what Belle will think of that.

Belle was the daughter of of a nobleman name Sir Maurice. When her family had heard rumors that a war with the ogres was brewing, they'd sent her to live in the palace for safety. Before Belle had even arrived, however, the royal family had caught news that her parents had been killed by ogres. Since then, Snow and Charming had treated her as a second daughter. Before the war had started, she'd spent most of her time with Red in the kitchen.

"Yes, isn't it wonderful! Red, one of our kingdom's heroes, and Captain Jones, our latest ally, building a friendship!"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Enough with the Captain Jones stuff, all right? His name is Hook. He's a pirate."

"Emma," her father warned.

"What? He is!"

"He aligned himself with our kingdom for the duration of the war, and in exchange we offered him leniency!" Charming said, using the voice he usually saved for arguing politics.

"Yeah, and you know that as soon as he gets tired of being landlocked he'll go right back to being a pirate on his freaking ship!" Lucky bastard, Emma couldn't help but think.

Her dad took a few deep breaths before speaking. "Regardless of whether that is true, he's been one of our key allies these past few months. Now, if he returns to piracy we'll deal with it then, but in the meantime I think it's our duty to give him the benefit of the doubt, don't you?"

Emma was about to give some sort of retort when the door to the council room burst open and Belle came in, looking more flustered than Emma had ever seen her. Normally she looked every bit the princess, more so than Emma really, but at the moment her eyes were wide and her hair in complete disarray, as though she had left halfway through having it done.

"I'm sorry to just barge in like this, your majesties." Belle sounded breathless, as though she'd run all the way there.

"Belle, we're family," Emma's dad said. "You're welcome in the council room at any time."

Belle blushed, and Emma felt a pang of sympathy for her. "Thank you for that. You've all been so kind, and—oh! I almost forgot. They're here, your majesty. All of them, at the castle gate. Your wife Snow is at the front, with that pirate captain and Red."

"Well, then, I think we should go meet them," Charming said. He led the way out of the room, Emma trailing reluctantly behind him. They went through many winding corridors before getting to the castle's entrance. Emma knew where each of them led and how they connected, having spent her entire childhood exploring every nook and cranny of the castle. These days, she barely noticed them.

When they reached the castle grounds, Emma ran all the way to the gate to greet her mother with a hug. "You're back!"

"Of course I am," Snow said, returning the embrace. "You didn't think a few ogres would stop me, did you?" Still, she held on more firmly than she usually did, as though having to remind herself that she was really back with her daughter.

"Red!" Emma called when she'd let go of her mother. "Come on, give me a hug."

Red tore her eyes away from Belle and threw her arms around Emma.

Red had been a toddler when Snow White had come to her grandmother's cottage to hide while running from the Evil Queen. When Snow had regained her throne a year later, she'd given Widow Lucas a place on her advisory council. Red had been allowed to roam around the palace freely, and although she was a few years older than Emma, they had been practically inseparable growing up. They'd spent considerably less time together in the past few years, Red busy working in the palace kitchen while Emma reluctantly attended meetings and learned how to rule a kingdom. Even so, she'd missed Red more than she'd realized was possible when the Ogre War started, and she tried to put those feelings into her hug.

When they broke apart, Emma's dad made an announcement. "We'll hold a masquerade ball tonight!" he shouted. Several people cheered. "To celebrate the soldier's return. Spread the word."

Chattering excitedly, the crowd started to trickle into the castle, so Emma stepped off to the side, right into the path of the pirate himself. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, Captain? I thought you'd have returned to your ship by now." She was unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. Just go, get away from here, she mentally urged him. You have a choice, dammit. Just go.

"Lady Swan," Hook said, bowing in an elaborate gesture that Emma was sure was intended to mock her. "Or should I say Lady Disdain?"

"Disdain only lives as long as it's fed," Emma shot back, proud of herself for her fast thinking. "It's a good thing you're back, it was beginning to wither away completely."

"You know," Hook said, stepping towards her slightly and speaking in a low voice. Emma forgot to breath for a moment. "I have it on good authority that you are the only lady who thinks so little of me." Stepping back with a smirk, he added, "Sadly, my only love is the sea."

"And the women of Misthaven just breathed a collective sigh of relief," Emma replied. "Now they needn't to worry about having you as a suitor."

Hook laughed. "And what of your suitors? Or have you torn them all to ribbons with your cold heart?"

Emma felt as though she'd been slapped. It was the other way around, actually, she thought. But Hook didn't know about Neal, he couldn't. Unless Red had mentioned something…

"That's right," Emma said. "Watch out, or I'll make ribbons of you, too."

Hook raised his hands in mock surrender. "I seem to have overstepped my bounds. I'll leave you to it." He followed the crowd into the palace, leaving Emma drowning in her thoughts of Neal.

The last time Emma had seen him, it had been exactly one week before her eighteenth birthday. She and Neal had secluded themselves in an unused bedroom towards the back of the castle that Emma had discovered one day while wandering. They were lying on the bed together, Emma's head resting on Neal's chest while he stroked her hair.

"This might be the last time we get to steal away like this," Emma said after a while. "Next week they're going to start training me like I'm a horse or something." This was not the first time she'd made a comment like this, but Neal's reply shocked her.

"So don't let them. Run away with me."

"What?" Emma yanked her head off his chest to look at him. "Neal, we can't do that."

"Why not?" Neal took one of her hands. "You're sick of being a princess, I'm sick of being a farmhand. We both need a change, let's just go, let's get out of here. Come on Emma, let's decide what we want to do instead of just doing what everyone expects of us."

Emma's pulse raced. She sat all the way up and looked around the musty room for a distraction. Everything Neal was saying was true. They could leave now, and Emma would never have to worry about perfecting her curtsy, or understanding foreign policy. But…

"My parents would never forgive me."

Neal actually snorted. "Snow White, the famous bandit, would refuse to forgive a daughter who she loves because she ran away from home? That'd be a little hypocritical, wouldn't you say?"

"Well, even if they'd forgive me, I'd still miss them," Emma said quietly.

Neal shrugged. "Then I guess you've got to make a choice. Is it really worth it to stay in a place that makes you miserable because you're scared you might miss someone?"

Emma took a few steadying breaths as she thought about this. She just needed time to think things through. She avoided looking Neal in the eye and instead stared at the bureau, which was brown and decrepit with age. After a little while, she asked, "But where would we go?"

"Well? Where would you want to go?"

"I don't know." Suddenly remembering something, Emma jumped to her feet and began rifling through one of the desk drawers. "I looked through all of these once," she explained. "There's a map in here somewhere."

Neal sat up and gave her a lazy grin. "Great. We'll close our eyes and point to the map, and wherever our fingers land we have to go. Deal?"

"Deal. Unless it's the middle of the ocean," Emma said, unrolling the dusty old map out onto the bed. She sat down next to Neal to look at it. He took her hand in his, and together they closed their eyes and moved their conjoined hands across the map. When they opened their eyes, their fingers were pointed towards the middle of the forest.

"Oh, no," Emma laughed, covering her face with her hands.

"Hey, we had a deal," Neal said, grabbing one of her hands. "We have to move wherever we landed, no matter what."

"We can't live in the middle of the woods!"

"Why not? Lots of people manage to do it, it can't be that hard. You can shoot a bow and arrow, right?"

"And in the winter when there's no meat? We're going to do what, gather berries?"

"Maybe. Or maybe we can dry enough meat to get us through the winter. Steal, even, if we have to." Something in Neal's tone made Emma realize that he might actually intend to go through with this.

"You're really serious about this, aren't you?" she asked.

Neal nodded, then leaned over to kiss her forehead. Getting down on one knees next to the bed, he said, "Emma Swan, will you do me the honor of being my woodland princess?"

"Get up, you goon. Of course I will." She pulled Neal up and kissed him, hard. "On one condition."

"Anything."

"We have leave before my eighteenth birthday. I don't want to spend any more time than I have to preparing for a life I don't want."

"Your wish is my command."

The day before her birthday Emma went to his house at the agreed upon time only to find it cleared out. That same day, Marian reported that three silver vases, as well as a number of smaller pieces, had gone missing from the palace. She never saw Neal again.

They'd been hiking since sunrise to get back to the palace, so it was no surprise when Killian insisted on stopping in the kitchen. Red was more than happy to oblige, so now the pair was sitting on stools across a table from each other, Killian cracking open nuts with his hook.

"So," Red asked, trying to remain casual. "Did you happen to notice Belle? Emma's adoptive sister, the girl in the pretty dress?"

"The one with the hair all awry? I noticed her," Killian said absently. "What of it?"

"Well, you know that thing I said, about never wanting to fall in love?" Red asked nervously. Her hand shook as she took a nut from Killian's pile.

"I believe the exact word you used was 'pact,'" Killian said.

"Oh, shut up. What do you think of Belle?"

"Are you asking me as a pirate, or as a man who fought alongside you in war?"

"Either one."

Killian considered it for a moment. "To me, she seems fairly unremarkable. If it weren't for the sneer that constantly graces her lip, Princess Swan would exceed her in practically every way."

"Oh, forget it," Red said, laying her head down on the table. "She's never going to like me anyway. She's nobility, and I work in the kitchen."

Killian gently pushed her back up. "Are you serious about pursuing her? Enough to fight for her?"

"I think so," Red admitted. I'm never going to hear the end of this, she thought.

Killian looked at her seriously. "You need to do more than just think so, lass. Those unwilling to fight for what they want deserve what they're left with."

"So you want me to go for it? What about our pact?"

"Oh, don't think I will refrain from mocking you about that," Killian said, breaking into a grin. "A pirate has to seek entertainment somewhere, does he not?"

At that moment, Mulan entered the room. "I'm starving. What are you talking about?" She dug around in the cupboards and came out with a peach, which she proceeded to bite into.

Killian glanced at Red slyly. "Lady Red was just talking about her desire for the Charming's adoptive daughter."

"Belle?" Mulan asked. Red nodded, wishing for nothing more than to sink into the ground. Mulan's next words surprised her. "We're friends. I could talk to her and see if she's interested."

"Are you sure?" Red asked. Her heart, which had been racing since the beginning of this conversation, seemed to double in speed. "I mean, you don't have to. It's not a big deal either way, really."

"It's no problem. I'll talk to her at the masquerade ball tonight if you want. Besides, I'm pretty sure she was looking at you, earlier."

Mulan spoke so matter-of-factly that it almost hurt. Red tried to answer, but the words got stuck in her throat. What if Mulan was wrong? What was she willing to risk? She looked down at the table, feeling the grain of the wood with her fingers as she tried to think of what to say.

Killian appeared to tire of waiting for Red's response, and began scavenging the cupboards for something to eat. After a moment, he returned to the table triumphantly carrying half a pie.

Red stared at it mutely as she was sent reeling back to that first conversation with Belle.

It must have been Belle's second or third night in the palace when she stumbled into the kitchen close to midnight. Red had been taking inventory, but stopped when she heard the door open.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Belle said. "I didn't realized anyone was in here." There were tear tracks on her face, and Red felt a tug in her stomach.

She turned away. "It's all right. Do you want something to eat?"

Belle nodded shakily. "Only if you're not in the middle of something."

"Nothing that can't be put off until tomorrow," Red said. "What do you want to eat? There's fruit, and I think there might be some leftover pie tucked back here somewhere."

"Pie would be lovely." Belle was still standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"You know, there's no rule saying you aren't allowed to sit down," Red said, opening a cupboard and searching for the pie. She found it in a covered dish, two slices left. When she turned around to set in on the table, Belle had finally sat down on one of the tall stools at the table. Red sat down across from her and passed her one of the slices, keeping the other for herself.

Belle looked as though she might start crying again at any minute, but began to eat her pie. After a few bites of her own slice, Red put down her fork. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Belle looked down. "I don't know if I can."

It's her parents, Red realized, remembering a piece of gossip she had heard earlier that day. She felt a pang in her chest, and reached over to put her hand on top of Belle's. "Mine are dead too," she said quietly. She wasn't at all sure if this was the right thing to say, but it was all she had.

"Oh."

"I don't remember them, though," she said, stroking Belle's fingers with her thumb in what she hoped was a comforting manner. "They've been dead my whole life."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry," Red said. She could feel her heart pounding. "I'm not trying to make this about me. I just want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me."

Finally, finally, Belle looked up. Even though they were red and puffy from crying, her eyes still looked warm. "Thank you."

They looked at each other for a minute before Red quickly pulled her hand away and focused on her pie.

"I don't think I ever got your name," Belle said after a few minutes.

"Red."

Belle smiled. "Well, Red, since you seem to know my whole life story already, it seems like the honorable thing to do would be to tell me something about you." Belle's brown eyes twinkled slightly. Red was amazed that even after everything that had just happened to her, Belle could look this alive.

"You want me to say something about myself?" But what could she say? I hate walnuts. I went to Arendelle with Emma's family once when I was younger. In three days it'll be Wolfstime and I'll transform into a beast that most of the kingdom despises. She wondered if Belle even knew about the wolf, if she'd heard the rumors.

Ever since her adolescence, Wolfstime had been a source of both joy and fear for Red. Joy at the sensation of shedding her skin and giving in to the animal. Fear because she could see the same fear reflected in other people's eyes, hear it in the way they whispered when they thought she wasn't looking. As Wolfstime approached, she would invariably spend more time in the kitchen, away from prying eyes. It was a respite. Lonely, but safe. How much did Belle know? Had anyone told her?

"Well, I live with my Granny in a cottage just outside the palace walls. She's on the Queen's council," Red said, realizing she'd left Belle's question unanswered.

"If you live outside of the palace, what are you doing in here so late at night?"

"Inventory," Red explained. "A bunch of us who don't have much to do take turns cooking, and we have to keep track of what supplies to purchase."

"That must be difficult lately, what with the new trade embargo with Frostmeadow."

Red raised an eyebrow. "Well color me impressed. Emma barely cares enough to know what a trade embargo is, let alone who we have them with."

Belle blushed and set down her fork. "My parents always insisted that I keep up with politics."

"Yeah, but you like it, don't you?" Red said, almost teasingly. "Snow and Charming insist that Emma learn all of it, too, but you don't catch her talking politics outside the council room."

"I supposed I do," Belle admitted. "Here, hand me your plate and I can wash up. You should get back to your inventory."

Red hadn't even noticed that she'd finished her slice, but when she looked down she saw that she had. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She stood reluctantly, reeling at the abrupt end of the conversation. Was it something I said? she wondered as she got back to work. Even worse was the fear that Belle had just realized that she was the wolf and was too disgusted to finish the conversation.

These concerns vanished when Belle, about to leave, turned back and said, "You know, I'm really glad I met you."

Red could only smile.

"Do you really think she likes me?" Red asked Mulan finally. She had to know, had to be truly sure before she was willing to risk everything falling apart.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

"Okay," Red said. "You can talk to her for me." Belle's known about the wolf for months now, she reminded herself. She's had every chance to run away if she's going to.

"Before long," Killian said, "They'll do away with battlefields entirely in favor of ballrooms, for the latter are much better suited for courting. You must be the fourth soldier from our fleet to fall in love since we started back."

"I suppose this sort of thing never happens on the high seas," Red teased, relieved that the attention was off her now.

"Not on my ship."

"Oh really? Not even in the celebration after a well-fought skirmish?"

"She has a point," Mulan said, looking at Killian. "People do often act on their feelings immediately after a dangerous situation. The fear of dying alone suddenly everything else."

"But shortly afterward, one realizes that the feelings one was so sure of in the heat of battle have faded now that the danger is gone," Killian replied easily. "Love is a fickle form of currency, easily bought and sold. I'll have none of it."

"You're sure, then, that you'll never fall in love?" Red asked, a twinkle of mischief in her eye.

"Would you like me to get down on my knees and swear it? Or was the oath we made less than a week ago promise enough?" Killian went down on his knees in an overdramatic gesture. "Lady Red, I swear by the seven seas that I shall never fall in love, and if I do that you might take my remaining hand, for a man that crosses his heart with his left hand while breaking the promise with his right has no claim to either."

"Oh, get up," Red said, laughing.

Mulan's face was serious, but her eyes were playful as she said, "You can keep your hand, pirate, but I'd bet with a reasonable amount that before your month here is over you'll find yourself in love."

Killian returned to his chair, a smirk on his face. "A word of advice, love? Don't make wagers you don't expect to win."

Regina had been given a comfortable chamber on the ground floor of the palace, and she couldn't have hated it more if there were bars on the window. Sidney's room adjoined it, but of course he insisted on spending his time in hers. The room was clean and had a nice window, but the décor was absolutely Snow's. The curtains were made of lace, for God's sake. Even worse was the windows themselves. After years alone in a tower fortress, Regina had gotten used to having a view. All she could see out her windows here was a courtyard full of simpering nobles.

"This is outrageous," Regina said, pacing back and forth across the room. "The nerve of Snow White, acting like we're family! 'Oh, Regina, I'm so glad we were able to work out our differences.' 'Oh, Regina, I always knew you had some good in you.'"

"Your Majesty, you must calm down," Sidney said from his seated position on the side of the room. He was holding a book, but Regina noticed that he only seemed to be reading it when he didn't want to say anything. "Why do you always let Snow White get to you?"

"Why do I let her—you should have heard her, Sidney! All the talk about family this, forgiveness that. It made me want to rip her heart out!"

"Then why don't you?" Sidney asked, turning a page.

Regina turned on him. "Don't you think I would have if I were able to! You know as well as I do that they had the Blue Fairy place a spell on my so I can't do magic. Oh, you should have heard Snow White go on about it. 'It's just a precaution, Regina, we don't distrust you, Regina, oh please Regina let's be friends!'" As soon as she'd finished speaking, she turned her back to Sidney once more. Regina preferred to face away from him whenever possible. It perpetuated the comforting illusion that he was still trapped in the mirror where he belonged. Just another way Snow White had interfered with her life.

"You're certainly in a mood today, Your Majesty," Sidney said mildly. If it had been anyone else saying it, Regina would have found a way to destroy them even without her magic. As it was she just glared.

"Well, why shouldn't I be?"

"Queen Snow has granted you leniency for all of your crimes, that must count for something."

"Oh, please. You're just happy to be on this side of the glass for a change. I'm a prisoner, Sidney. God!" She clenched her fists. "For the first time in years I'm in a perfect position to ruin Snow White's happiness, and she's taken away my magic so I can't do it."

"Perhaps with no way to destroy your stepdaughter, you'll find your way back into her good graces."

Regina rolled her eyes. "I'd rather rot for a century in Neverland than spend the next thirty days sucking up to the Charmings."

"What if I told you I knew of a way to make Snow White unhappy, without a lick of magic?" came a voice from the doorway.

Regina wheeled around. "Scarlet," she said, curling her lip at her sometimes-informant. "What do you have for me?"

Will entered the room fully and leaned against the wall opposite Sidney, carefully crossing his arms. "Only a chance to undo somebody else's happiness. You see, Little Red Riding Hood has fallen in love with the Lady Belle."

Regina wanted to sit down, but as long as Will was standing it would just make him feel like he had the upper hand. She stayed upright. "As disgusting as I find the details of the she-wolf's love life, I fail to see what this had to do with me."

"I'll give you a hint. What does Snow White believe in above all else?"

"True love," she replied, practically sinking her teeth into the words.

"Right in one. And how do you think Miss Snow will feel if true love falls apart? Especially between these particular young ladies of whom she is so fond."

Regina considered this. "If we're going after people's love lives, it'd be more satisfying to break up Snow and her pathetic husband."

Will raised a finger. "Satisfying, yes, but a little obvious, don't you think? Now Red Riding Hood and Belle, those two are just close enough to the Queen for her to care, but not so close that it's clear you've got a hand in it. It's bloody brilliant, if I do say so myself."

"And how exactly were you planning on sabotaging this relationship?"

Will shook his head. "Mum's the word. You're staying out of that part, see. Plausible deniability and what-not."

"And what do you get out of it? I know you, Scarlet. You don't give something for nothing." Out of the corner of her eye, Regina could see Sidney still sitting in his chair pretending to read. She shifted so that he was no longer visible.

Will grinned, a gleam in his eye. "What do I get? Nothing you don't have to spare, Your Majesty."

"If it's magic you want, you should know that I no longer have it."

"No longer have your own magic, you mean. Lucky for you, I'm not looking for your magic. I need safe passage to Wonderland."

"A magic bean," Regina said.

"Exactly."

"So if I promise one magic bean on delivery, you'll destroy Red Riding Hood and Belle's happiness, as well as my step-daughter's faith in true love?"

"Well I usually ask for half up front, but in this case I think it'd decrease the bean's usefulness. I'll settle for knowing that without your magic, you wouldn't be able to stop me from just taking the bean, if you won't let it go quietly."

Regina let her mind wander for a moment, let herself picture Snow White's tearstained face as everything fell apart for people she cared about. It wasn't perfect, but it was considerably better than the image she had now of happy, smiling Snow White who was convinced that she had redeemed the Evil Queen and that'd they'd be one big happy family.

She held out her hand to Will Scarlet. "We have a deal."

They shook.