"Hello I'm Criticmon," said a Glaceon. A Sylveon comes up and whispers something in his ear.

"What do you mean 'copyright?' Digimon? We made peace with those guys eons ago," said Glaceon, "What do you mean I have to use the -eon as oppose to -mon? Where are those lawyers? I would like to vomit on them. And by vomit, I mean launch toxic on them."

"Get on with the review," yelled someone off stage.

"Shut up Flareon," said Glaceon. He began to get even more depressed. His bad mood wasn't because of copyright, but it was because he had read My Immortal.

"You've probably heard of My Immortal, the worst fanfic ever. It's no surprise why. The first two chapter proves how bad it is. It's an abomination to Harry Potter as a person and as a franchise," Glaceon said, "Now let's start."

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Glaceon facepawed. That's the only thing that can suit this abomination.

"How to put this kindly. Why don't you use spellcheck. Or at least bold the thing so people won't think it's part of the story," Glaceon yelled, "Ugh, anyways, let's continue."

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

"I'm not ready to declare her a Mary Sue yet, but come on! Did that author's note really get anything done? And that stupid description..." sighed Glaceon, "Moving on."

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"I'm no grammar nazi, but I think you're missing a few commas, Hogwarts is in Scotland, redundancy, and you describe your clothes in waaaaay to much detail," Glaceon said biting his tongue, "I am so tempted to swear, but I took this job to pay off my swear jar debt."

"And she flipped them off because... physics," Sylveon said.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

"And that's the end of the first chapter," Glaceon cheered, "I'm not kidding. My trainer's winning streak is longer than this. At least the grammar is kinda decent. I'll get back to that later."

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

"Oh please, I've dealt with fire-types that are hotter than the flames people give you," Glaceon said, ""And what the heck is a prep anyways?"

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

"Who at Hogwarts gave you a coffin? Where did you get the blood? And more importantly... WHERE'S THE ACTUAL STORY?" Glaceon yelled with eyes twitching. Not one eye, both eyes.

"Anyone going to go on about the fact that she puts more effort in describing her clothes rather than actual characterisation," Sylveon sighed.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

Glaceon is trying to put on a decent poker face, but he can't help how bad this is. Sylveon, on the other hand, will spew all of the hate for him.

"You know what, Tara. This is the universe of Harry Potter. Spells, creatures that only exist in myths and legends, and all of it is hidden from the Muggles. In these two chapters, all you've done is describe clothes. No respect for the source material is seen in these two chapters," groaned Slyveon, "Granted that these two chapters are only 615 words, but you... you... gah!"

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Stop," Glaceon ordered, "If you're going to swear every five words, that doesn't tell me you're trying to convey a story or that your a mature person. It tells me that you have a limited vocabulary."

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

"Out of character moment for Draco, " Glaceon said, "And why are Muggles is a magical town? This is an abomination, but it is arguably the best of the chapters due to the fact that spelling is mostly correct. It gets worse, but that's for another time" He stood there pondering what he should do it the fanfic in front of him.

"Oh, what the heck," Glaceon said spewing some purple liquid on the papers. The papers dissolved, and then there was a green light. The light took shape of Ebony.

"At last I'm free. Those preps at TvTropes put me in that prison. Now I'll seek my revenge," she ranted, "But - " Now she was a pillar of ice thanks to Glaceon's ice beam. What did you expect? He's an ice-type.

"Thank you for tuning in and be sure to review. You can suggest bad fanfics in the areas of Pokemon, Digimon, and Disney properties in the PM or reviews," said Slyveon, "Now a word from our sponsor - I mean trainer."