A Selfless Proposal

by EldestSalvatore

When it has come to Elena Gilbert, no one loves her more than Damon Salvatore, she is his light and breath of life when he feels darkness consuming him. Elena Gilbert is his world, but he's willing to give his world up when he presents her with a second chance & a fresh start. the cure.

"Are you sure about this"

Bonnie's voice drawing Damon from his thoughts as he leans against the wall in her dorm "no" he honestly answers earning him a weak smile from her. "When you gave me this" shifting his attention towards the cure held securely in his hands "all I wanted to do was toss it in the trash…put it in an envelope and mail it all the way back to Nova Scotia so that it's out of sight and out of mind."

They had been trapped for months together, and during that time she had been able to see all different sides of Damon, and she had been able to see when he was trying to mask his own pain. Though he tried to wear a confident expression she could see the struggle in his face. "No one is telling you that you have to give it to her Damon if you don't want to you don't have to."

"I know" nodding his head "this is a curse and a blessing all at the same time, but it's not my choice to make it's hers…what she decides to do with it whether she wants to take it or not is all up to her."

Remaining silent for a few moments having her own inner debate. They had vowed not to take any trips back to the prison world anytime soon, vowed to stop hopping worlds, and the reason why she was so weary was running into Kai, but more so the fear that she'd get stuck again. "Alright" finally knowing her answer "I'll do it, I'll bring you two back."

Was he supposed to feel joy? Had a small part of him hoped she'd say hell no yes the voice in his head answers knowing there is the possibility that he may lose her all together "thank you."

Silence falling between them as she bit her lip no longer able to hold herself back from asking "do you want her to take the cure?"

The question alone causing his stomach to drop "all I want is for her to be happy."

The answer not really giving her much, but from the defeated expression it doesn't take rocket science to figure out why his heart wants "you really love her."

"More than you know."

Though it had taken some convincing on Damon's part in the end Elena had agreed to join him on this first class trip back to 1994. As they joined hands Damon couldn't help but shoot Bonnie a nervous look to which she responded with an encouraging smile and then started up with her usual witchy juju "next stop 1994."

Pulling a Marty Mcfly but instead of a time machine it was replaced by magic Damon checked his surroundings seeing that they were now back to the past. Casting his gaze towards Bonnie "we won't be long" he promises seeing the anxiousness in her expression.

"Please make sure of that" her gaze sweeping around to make sure that nothing or more so no one is lurking around them. Wanting to be nearby, but far enough to give them space "I'll be at my house, just meet me back there when you're finished." Brushing past them, but as she does she reaches for Damon's hand, giving it a short squeeze of encouragement and sending Elena a smile as she heads off.

"O-kaaay" once Bonnie is out of ear shot Elena turns her attention to her boyfriend "is this the part were you tell me why we're here?"

"Did you know that when I was still human my dream was to become a lawyer" he begins watching as a smile comes to her face before she shakes her head. "At the time the South was at war with the North, the South fighting for slavery while the North wanted to abolish it completely."

"Damon you know I did take history" she counters.

"You barely attended classes" he teased reaching out and interlacing their fingers together as they begin to walk "anyways before I was so rudely interrupted" that earning him a nudge in the shoulder only resulting in him giving her a sideways smirk. "I didn't agree with the South about slaves being our possessions, not being treated as humans. The dream was to be a lawyer so that one day I'd be able to be in the courtroom and fight for something worth fighting for."

"Why didn't you" she asks falling into step with him as they walk down the street.

"Daddy dearest of course" half scoffing with a roll of his eyes "the only thing he wanted me fighting for was the war…and obviously not on the North's side. I'm pretty sure he wanted me to just go out there and die that way he wouldn't need to do it himself" he bitterly states.

Not really sure how to answer it she gives his hand a tender squeeze reminding him that she's here.

"Father in the end got exactly what he wanted I ended up pretty much against my own will signing up for the confederacy. I even served, but in the end I ended up returning home early because I deserted" he confesses chancing a glance over at her.

"You were fighting on a side you didn't agree with Damon you can't blame yourself for that" she's quick to argue.

"It's not just that yes I was fighting a battle that I didn't agree on, but there was a much bigger factor that was reason enough to draw me home."

"What was that" she curiously asks.

"Katherine."

The name alone causes a grimace to appear on her delicate and beautiful features "why are you telling me this Damon?"

"I know that Katherine is a sore subject but hear me out. When it came to Katherine I was blinded by my love for her which pretty much made me want to do anything and everything for her. I didn't think twice about wanting to be a vampire because all I wanted was her. Don't get me wrong Katherine was a bitch, but when it came down to it she let me know about everything that would greet me to me joining the walking dead clan, and still after all that I wanted to be turned. The night that Katherine was captured by the council round up I had her blood in my system, and I chose to go after her knowing that there was a chance I could die, but at the time the only thing I was thinking about was saving Katherine so the choice was simple."

"When I had foolishly believed that she had burned along with the others in the church I wanted death, because through my whole time with Katherine I had viewed eternal life a gift, but knowing Katherine would no longer be in my life I saw it only as a curse. The choice at the time was simple I wanted death, but my brother refused to let me have it resulting in me turning and vowing eternal misery on him. For the longest time I carried such hate against him because he was the reason I had become a vampire, but over time I accepted that the fault was mine alone, because even before Stefan I had chosen to be a vampire. I had made that choice on my own free will."

Honestly she was trying to play catch up with his story, trying to connect the dots onto why he was telling her all of this, but she only seemed to draw blanks. Deciding to just ask the source "Damon I don't understand why are you telling me this…and why are we even here?"

Seeing that they were exactly where they needed to be Damon casts his gaze over towards the still standing Gilbert House. "When Bonnie and I were trapped here obviously we needed space sometimes I'd stay at the Boarding House, but other days I'd come right here and just try to envision a younger version of you. A girl who only saw the world in an innocent light and had yet to be greeted to tragedy and a girl who knew nothing about the things that went bump in the night" he explains. "There are those of us like Stefan and myself who chose to be vampire's because we wanted to and then there are those who are turned into vampire's and find that they like themselves more than they use to, like Caroline…don't ever tell her this but she really grew up, and became a great addition to our Supernatural Class of whatever" he comments with a sideways smirk, before it falls.

"Then there's you someone who never wanted to be a part of this, someone who wanted to have a future, grow old, have kids and live really live, but that choice was ripped away from you." Bit by bit he was getting closer to the reason why they were here in the first place "in the end though you made the selfless choice and turned because you had loved ones that you didn't want to leave behind, especially Jeremy. You adjusted and you accepted being a vampire, but it was never really something you wanted to be."

Why was he even talking like this? What point was he even trying to make here? That wasn't what made her concerned though it was his expression alone filled with fright that worried her, because whatever he was about to say she felt was going to destroy them both "just tell me."

Reaching into his jacket his fingers coil around the item that has the power to make him or break him, retrieving it as he pulls it out and showcases it to her.

Elena's gaze dropping to the vile held in Damon's hand, her eyes widening in disbelief before looking back at him "is that…."

"The cure."

A single tear rolling down her cheek as her gaze remains locked on the item he is presenting to her. Would it have been odd of her to think there would be something different entirely? "I" shaking her head as she finally finds the strength to look at him "I thought you were proposing."

Elena's assumption shattering Damon's heart, swallowing back the whine that wants to slip past him if only the universe loved me enough he thinks to himself giving her a weak smile glancing down at the cure and then back at her "in a way I am….I'm proposing a human life for you."

Why was he doing this? It didn't make sense, because just a few days ago she had told him they'd have forever, and at the time the way his usual smirk broke out into a full on smile she felt he had been more than happy with that answer. There was a look in his eyes that reflected a sense of hope, like he had been looking at her because she had said something familiar to him, and more than anything she had wished she could remember. "Is this because I don't have my memories because I thought you were okay with that…I thought you agreed we'd put the past behind us and make new memories."

"Elena that's not it at all."

"Then why Damon" and suddenly she's clinging onto him for dear life as her hands lay flat against his chest "why would you offer something like this when you know the end result, I thought you wanted forever with me" choking back a sob "I thought you loved me."

"Oh Elena" he half whispers taking his free hand to rest upon her cheek "that's the problem" a bittersweet smile displaying "I do love you, I love you so damn much, more than you'll ever know. The love that I hold for you will never be tainted or damaged. My biggest secret was to be human again, I miss it, and one of the reasons why I had missed it so much was because I feared not being human no longer made me human. I no longer possessed a heartbeat and for the longest time I lived my life as a monster and not a man." The pad of his thumb gently caressing her cheek "until you" this would be so much more easier to explain if she had her memories "Elena you gave me my humanity back…you resurrected my dead heart and gave me back the man I had use to be, and for that I will always love you."

Not able to hold back the choked sob as it escapes her, her hands reaching desperate to cup Damon's face in her getting lost in a stormy shade of blue "then don't do this."

A defeated sigh sounding knowing this wasn't going to be easy "do you see that house behind me" he motions towards the Gilbert house in 1994 "back in that house was a girl filled with hope, a girl who hadn't yet known the definition of loss and tragedy. A girl who smiled more than cried in defeat….a girl" sucking in an un-needed breath "a girl who planned to have a future, a future that consisted of normal desires and dreams, a future that consisted of no vampire's or supernatural beings."

Elena's gaze momentarily flicking over towards the house she technically had yet to officially grown up in, smiling for a second at the memories that would be created there. "The cure doesn't change the past Damon" she's quick to argue "my parents are still going to be dead, Jenna is still going to be gone my house" gesturing behind them "will still be nothing but a memory….the cure doesn't have the power to change the past."

"You're right it doesn't" now pocketing the cure in his jacket pocket taking both his hands and placing them atop hers "but it does have the ability to give you a second chance…this could be your new beginning" feeling the heaviness of the object in his jacket.

There was hope in his voice, but dread in his heart as he tried to picture a life without Elena, and the thought alone was too damn depressing to even accept.

"Damon" she carefully begins trying to find something to reason with him "it gives me a second chance yes, but my memories will still be there…my loved ones, my friends" nervously licking her lips "you" she says just below a whisper.

"Yeah" nodding his head "that's another thing I can change."

Processing what he means her eyes widening in horror as she uses the strength she has to push him back "no absolutely not…if there was one big regret I had wiping my memories away of you was one of them….erasing a whole slate of my life….no that's out of the question."

Lifting his hands in half surrender "I know it sounds crazy" hesitating as he takes a step forward "but just humor me for a moment…I could tweak it leave you with the memories you want to hold onto and erase the ones that deal with anything and everything supernatural. You'd have a do-over you could go anywhere that you want. I could make sure that it happens you want to be a doctor I'll get you into the best medical program in the world….you want to go into writing….Elena you can do anything and go anywhere this is literally your get out of jail aka Mystic Falls free card."

"Wow" she half laughs "you really know how to sell a once in a life time vacation" sarcasm dripping in her tone "but you're forgetting a very important part to all of this" the arch of his brow silently telling her to continue "I don't want to forget this…I did it before and I was left with this huge space in my heart, and I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel whole…I couldn't figure out what was missing and then you came back into my life." The annoyed expression softening "and I was told about how we had this great love….the type of love people spend their lives searching for….and when I opened that door to see you standing there" tears welling in her eyes "I knew that you were the missing piece and it terrified me, because I didn't even remember you Damon and yet my heart suddenly came alive at the sight of you."

Damon had recalled that moment perfectly, upon his return how each step that he took that brought him closer to Elena only increasing the anxiety. With his time in the prison world the only thing that kept him going strong was the thought and hope of returning back to Elena, watching the shock in her eyes before she'd embrace him, and they'd hold each other for dear life. What he had been greeted to was the door literally being shut in his face, and that, that moment in itself had been one of the worst moments in his life, because the person he had considered his world, his entire life had shut him out and turned him away.

Damon's surprising silence only drawing Elena to be more upset because he no longer had anything to say "so you want me to take the cure, to give up forever does that mean you'd be able to compel me to remember" a hint of hoping flicking in his eyes "and then you can turn me back into a vampire."

"Elena" there's that optimism that I have grown to love "it doesn't work like that and we can't take any chances with the cure…we still don't know how it fully works and the thought of you dying and not coming back" he trails off.

"So I'm human and with no memories" she haughtily asks "you really know how to sell a girl a good time" realizing she's using Damon's sarcasm as deflection to keep her from breaking down. "Fine" crossing her arms over her chest to hug herself "let's say I take the cure, and I keep my memories and I stay in Mystic Falls because this place is my home…where are you in all of this?"

The question alone if Damon was still human would cause his face to lose its color. Damon had been waiting for this question, preparing himself for it, but now that he heard it he wasn't ready to give his answer. Stop being a pussy his inner voice scolds "I'd be gone."

Honestly she had expected him to say that, but hearing that made her blink back her tears "you would leave me, you would leave Mystic Falls and in this plan Damon did you anticipate the chance that I'd follow?"

"No."

"No" she repeats trying to understand what he means by his short answer "no you didn't anticipate me following or no you don't think I'd follow?"

"No, as in I know you wouldn't follow."

Damon's brief answer irritating her even more as she moves forward "why?"

Unfortunately for Elena he doesn't answer her but his conflicted and broken blues do as they linger on her for a moment before casting their gaze to the floor. He's ashamed to look at her but why going back over her question and his answer as realization floods her "no" shaking her head as she advances forward, drawing her hand back and before she even has a chance to comprehend what she's doing next she hears the contact of her palm meeting his cheek. "How dare you" she hisses in his face "how dare you….you'd compel yourself away from me….you" not even having the strength to find words "you're so selfish."

Selfish

Selfish

You're so selfish

Something about that statement coming from Elena drawing Damon to snap "selfish" he says with a growl "I admit Elena I have done some horrible and borderline selfish things, things I wish that I could take back, but cant. When it comes to selfish hell maybe I can even be defined by that, but when it comes to you….when it comes to you I shred that role because anything and everything that I have ever done in regards to you I've done it because I believed it to be best for you…..I did it because I had your best interest at heart."

"Considering circumstances with your memory eternal sunshine-d let me take you on a trip through memory lane I'm sure in your head the way Ric re-wired you that before the sacrifice me feeding you my blood was deemed as a selfish act. I knew the consequences of my actions, I knew I'd spend eternity or whatever with you hating me, but I did it anyways because the thought of losing you completely" his tone cracking remembering the struggle he had gone through over Klaus and Elijah "I couldn't accept it….I had rather lived with you hating me, then you not living at all…the choice was easy…no world without you was a world I didn't want to be in."

"For your birthday when my brother had re-introduced the Ripper I had been tracking his kills for months you might have been angry at me for it from keeping that from you, but I didn't want you carrying my burden. Klaus had already ripped so much away from you and I wasn't going to rip away your last shred of hope to get Stefan back."

Birthday something about that word causing something to click in Elena's head, but she's not sure what as she stands there allowing Damon to get his words in.

"You weren't aware of the monster that he could be and once you saw it you feared it, you feared him and bit by bit you watched as he slipped further and further away from your grasp." Going down memory lane about Stefan and Elena's relationship certainly wasn't something had planned I hear you oh mighty universe "I watched you every day losing more and more hope…the night that Rebekah had taken you deep into the ruins Stefan and I had a coin toss on who would be the one to turn Bonnie's mother, Stefan lost." Seeing the confusion on her gorgeous yet heartbroken features he continues "I stepped in and did it because I knew old Stefan wouldn't have gone a long with it, and if he had been the one to kill her whatever last thread of hope you were holding onto would have been gone, so I took one for the team, because I knew my action wouldn't have surprised you all that much, because it was me just being selfish and monstrous."

"When you turned" oh here we go the best part yet "you were given back the memories that had been compelled away and one of those memories was when I told you for the first time that I loved you." Watching the surprise mirroring in her eyes "it was after we had saved you from you being kidnapped at the masquerade party…when you had first met Elijah. You had dropped your necklace, and while you and Stefan" even still to this day he felt a bitter taste in his mouth "busy reuniting I picked it up and that night I went to visit you. I'll save you the declaration but the cliff notes version is I told you that I loved you, but I couldn't be selfish with you, I didn't deserve you, but my brother did, I said I wish that you could remember this and then poof memory and moment gone" he waves off.

Selfish if there was one theme Elena was picking up on as she tried to let these stories sink in it was the mention of selfish, but in truth he had been anything but selfish. Elena recalled how Bonnie had gone on about how Damon was a monster for killing her mother, how the only person he thought of was himself, she even remembered Stefan visiting Bonnie and not once confessing to Elena the truth behind it. Damon had taken the blame, Damon had taken the fall and not once had he been thanked. There were bits and pieces she could recall about how she sprinted down the stairs into Stefan's arms after she had been rescued, and as she hugged him her eyes met Damon's and at the time she was scared and cowardly to admit it to herself but she could see the love reflecting in them. Damon Salvatore the man who kept his heart closed off, who had difficultly being open had taken the leap and finally allowed his heart to speak, only in the end to take such a moment away.

"Don't tell me you've already grown bored of the story we're getting to the best part" he drawls out and she instantly flinches hearing the detachment in his voice knowing her slap and cruel comment was reason for it.

"For over a century I have felt always on edge, not complete and it didn't help matters with my growing feelings towards you. For so long I had believed you and I would never have a real chance, there had always been this tether between us, but I didn't think it was enough. Once you were turned though something changed, the pull was even harder something we both couldn't ignore." I loathe this open and honesty crap that's Stefan's forte not mine "and that night after the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant I found you outside my door, and I invited you in" a small smile playing at his lips "in every way." The memories of that night instantly flooding him "we finally allowed ourselves to give in. We finally stopped that tango we had been taking part in and allowed ourselves to be free. Elena we made love and describing it to you isn't enough to put into words how perfect that night was. The morning though that was my favorite because for so long I would wonder and dream about waking up next to you, but the reality was so much better than that. We were in this bubble of bliss, and for the first time in a very long time I was perfectly content to where I was, but unfortunately for us that bubble popped, enter sire bond."

The sire bond Elena was well aware of the side effects to it, but concerning Damon well that was a blur "Caroline filled me in on bits and pieces about it."

"Blondie" he scoffs "that's ironic considering she was the biggest supporter on Team Sire Bond, her and Stefan were both convinced that the only reason you were acting that way with me was because of the sire bond, that your feelings weren't genuine."

"They were though" she proudly states recalling how even Caroline had admitted that her assumption had been wrong.

"Yeah" offering a weak smile "but eventually because of my paranoia, because of the whole always Stefan thing I let it get the best of me, consume me until I was convinced that it must be true, and because of it I let you go."

"You let me go but somehow we found our way back to each other" she comments.

"We seem to always find our way back to each other which fits nicely for the next story our summer of bliss. Oh Elena it was perfect, supernatural chaos for us didn't exist the only problem that we had was your brother walking in on us when we were in compromising positions" waggling his brows suggestively.

The story that still isn't completely concrete drawing a smile on her lips I wish I could remember. "It sounds perfect" and she means it, and as immature and odd as it sounds she finds herself jealous of her old self that she had been able to share moments like this with him.

"It was" a softness appearing on his expression "but like always the universe intervened it brought along doppelganger fate shipping you and Stefan" rolling his eyes at how stupid that sounded "but worst of all it brought out my inner demons during my time at Augustine."

"Enzo" she finishes for him able to recall when Enzo had gone about Damon being his only friend, and feeling betrayed by him killing his one true love.

"Yup" giving an extra pop of the p "I remembered the awful things that I had done, how I truly embraced being a monster…but most importantly how I had left him to die."

"Damon" she gently starts "you had to choose between life and death and you chose to live."

"At the cost of leaving my only friend for five years behind, let alone someone who had trusted me enough to get him out. When you had your switch flipped I told you how Lexi was a walking, talking reminded of all the horrible things I had done, well Enzo was that too, and the more I thought about it the more I began to realize how awful I was for you."

"So you let me go."

"I let you go" he confirms with a weak smile.

"Damon what I said before"

"Stop" his finger coming to rest on her lips to keep her from saying more "you need to know that turning my back on you was never done because I wanted to free myself from you. Before I told you that we are toxic together, and we are, but not in that way" his finger slipping from off her lips "we're toxic without each other."

"For over a century of my life Elena I was a vessel, I was here but I wasn't really here. I was this dead but living corpse walking this earth just accepting the cards the universe had dealt me. For the longest time I felt as if I was drowning, there'd be points that I'd be able to push to the surface for air, but then something would happen and I'd be thrust down again, and just as I thought I'd be stuck in the cold and dark depths forever I felt your hand. You pulled me out, you brought me to the surface and you breathed life into me. Knowing you and being loved by you was the pinnacle of happiness…you slapped me" catching the guilt that immediately displays on her expression "and maybe I deserved it, but what I don't deserve is being called selfish, by you of all people."

"I am giving you the opportunity for a clean slate, for a fresh start and the life you were always meant and deserved to have. I take your memories of me away and maybe there is a small space in your chest, but for me it'll be a gaping hole in my heart, because unlike you I can't forget you, no matter where I go, where I escape to I will always carry you with me. I know that Katherine is a sore subject" Elena's expression proving just that "but I spent over one hundred and forty five years waiting for her, longing for her, aching for her and just missing her, and I will spend that and more when it comes to you, because I have actual memories and moments to hold onto, moments that when I think back to I know that what we had was real, and the definition of true love."

"The months that I spent away from you in the prison world was hell for me, and it was the worst pain that I had to endure because all I wanted was to be with you my heart, soul, and body was crying out for you….it absolutely killed me, it was" pausing for a moment as he collects himself "it was unbearable, and a pain I never wanted to feel or go through again." If Damon was trying to hold himself together he was doing a miserable job at it as his vision suddenly blurred, and it took him a moment to realize his eyes were starting to water "between the two of us Elena you get dealt the better cards because you have the chance to fall in love again, to choose a different path, but me…I'm still going to be left yearning for you, so no Elena I'm not selfish, because this is the most selfless thing I have ever done in my entire life, because I am willing to left my life go." No longer able to keep it together as the tears that had been forming finally start to roll down his cheek "that's how much I love you."

When it came to keeping her emotions in check Elena was barely keeping it together, but she forced herself not to become an emotional wreck, at least not yet. The second however that she caught sight of tears flowing freely down Damon's cheek, and hearing his declaration and devotion of his love towards her all bets were off as she allowed the river of tears she was holding back to finally fall including the broken sob escaping her. Damon Salvatore the man that everyone had deemed to be selfish, the man who had spent over a century of his life with a deep ache in his heart, the man who always felt like second choice was willing to give her up. From the stories that she had been told all Damon had ever wanted was her, and now here she was and yet he was willing to let her be free, free of the pain, free of everything, including him. A sudden overwhelming amount of love crashing against her as she starts up at this selfless man standing before her. Even though this man loved her he was willing to give Elena the one thing he had known at one point in her life that she had always wanted, to be human again.

Tell me the moment that you knew you loved him

Elena's brows furrowing in confusion as a voice introduces itself causing her to turn around "Ric?"

"Ric" Damon repeats with an arched brow "what does he have to do with this?"

"I swear" casting her gaze around before turning back to Damon "I heard him."

"Elena" gently begins "it's just us….and Bonnie" he adds in "but she's back at the house waiting for us to get back."

"Right" nodding her head figuring she must have used that as a means of distraction from the heavy conversation happening between them "I guess I was just hearing things."

Awkwardly rocking on his heels, nodding his head "yeah."

Whatever distraction had happened no longer enough as they both are drawn back to the present events. Elena looking upon Damon and seeing how uncomfortable he is as he quickly wipes a tear away. "I can't believe you would do that" she finally whispers "you make it sound like I'm your entire world and yet you're willing to let me go…no one has ever done that for me."

"No one has ever loved you the way that I do."

The ardor in his tone, the genuineness enough to cause Elena's heart to ache, her feet carrying forward once again as her hand reaches up to rest upon her cheek. Though the evidence of her slap has now healed she takes the pad of her thumb lightly stroking his cheek, relishing in the way that he instantly leans into her touch. Not able to help herself she loops her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her level as she rests her forehead against his, following suit she closes her eyes "you are a selfless man Damon Salvatore."

Who is Damon Salvatore?