Random story idea i had, takes place in time between when Katniss got sent to 12 and before the epligue.
cant promise reglar updates but I'll try.
Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living my head,
And since I fell for that spell
l I am living there as well, ohhhhhh
~ 42 Coldplay
...She makes us breakfast and I feed all my bacon to buttercup.
"So are you going hunting anytime soon, get me some fresh game?" Sae questions me, but I zone out, I don't want to go to the woods again...not after going the other day, I cant stand the loneliness. Without Gale or my father the woods are dark and frightening. I have no one to go there for as well, now that Prim is gone...
Sae fortunately leaves me alone and after she does the dishes she leaves, telling me that she'll be back again tonight. After she leaves I shuffle back to the couch and question myslef 'whats the point of living' and I cant find one, but like every other thought I have like this I slowly fall into a dark abyss of sleep.
I dream of being in the meadow. Everyone I care about, everyone I killed is their. They chant my name to jump into a pit of fire thats sits in the middle of the meadow. I see Prim in the crowd of the angry dead and scream her name, she only glares back at me with eyes alive with hatred she blames me, blames me for killing her...for killing everyone I ever cared about...
I jerk awake before I had time in the dream to jump. I'm a mess, Crying and my throats sore, probably from screaming. I only wish Peeta was here...I wish the boy with the bread was here to scare off my nightmares. But the world is not a wish granting factory, so I sit alone and when the sun starts to go down I go upstairs to have a shower and get dressed.
When Sae arrives I pretend nothing happened. I eat her food, she cleans the dishes, I sleep (if you can call it that), I wake up and Sae comes to cook again, she cleans, she leaves, I sleep. She comes again.
I continue with this depressing schedual of a life. What a miserable human being I've become I think, Prim should've lived, I would trade my life for her. I dream of her day and night, I see reminders of everything she left behind in the house. Buttercup, her clarinett on a coffee table, a drawing on the wall.
My dreams only get worse, my nightmares making me scream loud enough to have a drunk Haymitch come wake me up one day. He must have been sleeping because he looks like a mess, but who am I to question what he looks like. I must look like a bigger mess then him.
"Sweetheart, just go talk to the boy you look miserable ya need someone to talk to" Haymitch grumbles sitting on a plush chair opposite of me.
"I-I can't Haymitch he wouldn't understand, he doesn't understand what I'm going through. Him seeing me will only make his condition worse" I say looking at the floor miserable. Talking to Haymitch
ch I realize how much of a hermit I have become, barely talking to Sea, having only Buttercup, Sae and occasionally her granddaughter as company.
Haymitch suddenly leans forward looking me in the eye when he says, "Listen girl, you aren't the only one suffering right now. Peeta lost his whole family, and he was tortured to forget-" He jabs a finger at me, "You, the people he cared about are all dead to him. He bakes for people now arriving in twelve, he'll get his bakery back soon with the repairs going on in town. But how do you think he'll feel when he's the only one working in it. No more family for him. He has even less company then you."
I feel the burn of tears in my eyes, of course I've been selfish, mopping around all these days forgetting Peeta's worries. But its not like I could just walk up to his door and say hello.
Haymitch gets up and stomps out, before he closes the door though, he looks back at me with pity. I turn away and face a window looking up into some trees and stare until sleep overcomes me again.