Title: Simple Words
Summary: Grissom tries to use the simple words to get his feelings across to Sara.
Spoilers: "Sex, Lies and Larvae"; "Formailities"; "UnBearable"; "Committed"
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.
A/N: This is a post-Committed episode, but not right after it ended. It takes place sometime after Committed ended and before Grave Danger started. If anyone can guess the movie Grissom remembers, kudos to you!
A/N 2: Wow. This is my tenth story up, and I've gotten so many positive reviews and feedback, it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Ha. Thank you so much for your positive views, they mean a lot to me and encourage me to continue. Thanks. But now, read and enjoy!
Simple Words
"I have feelings for you."
No, too complicated.
"I love you."
No, too simple. She isn't simple to me. I don't just love her… I –
"I'm in love with you."
No, that's – wait. That just might be it.
"I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you… I'm…"
Yes! That's what I'll tell her. That I'm in love with her, and that's the truth.
"I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you… I'm in love…"
OoOoOoO
Sara Sidle sat in her apartment, looking over the newest forensic magazine delivered to her door every week. This week the main article was on ear prints, something Sara and the crime lab of Las Vegas had perfected long ago.
She laughed bitterly and threw the article aside, standing to stretch out the kinks in her back.
That was the thing about working in the number two lab in the country. You were usually ahead of all the other labs in technology and way ahead of the magazines because they were printed months in advance.
Moving to the kitchen, she pulled out a bottle of water and began making herself some dinner. Pasta was all she had in her apartment, so pasta was what she would be having.
She cooked it silently, singing along to the soft songs coming from her radio. She had impeccable hearing, something that was a bit of a necessity for the job.
The police scanner sitting on her desk was making more noise than the radio, but she could still hear the music and hear the scanner. Life was good if you could hear both, right? Not so much.
Unconsciously, her hand moved to her neck and touched the spot where the piece of ceramic had been jabbed into her skin by the mental hospital patient. It had happened three or four weeks ago, and she was basically over it, but the proof on her body still wouldn't go away. It was always there, reminding her that she could of died.
She felt the red skin and pulled her hand away. She didn't want to remember it any more than she had to. It wasn't a great memory, so she pushed it away and locked it into the dark and deep recesses of her mind, which held most of her childhood.
She had finished the case, telling Grissom more about her mother and letting him have just another small peek into her heart and all the emotions she kept locked away.
The pasta was ready now and she took it from the stove, dropping it into a bowl and pouring sauce over it. Sprinkling it with cheese, she carried it over to her kitchen table and sat down heavily in her chair.
Twirling the long noodles around her fork was somehow soothing to her, and she found herself relaxing and enjoying the meal. The only thing that was wrong with it was the fact that she was eating it alone.
Then, almost as if the gods had heard the silent cry from her heart for him, there was a soft knock on her door.
Strange, she thought. All my neighbors know I work the night shift, I wonder who could be at my door…
Standing slowly, she put the dishes in the sink and the rest of the pasta in the fridge while the knocking became louder and more insistent.
"I'm coming!" she called, irritated now. If it was another sales rep, she was going to snap him in half.
Stomping to the door and pulling it open, she felt her jaw hit the floor. The man standing on the other side of her threshold was definitely not a sales rep, unless he'd switched careers on her since this morning.
"Grissom!?" she asked in a high pitched voice, completely surprised that he would even be here.
"Yes Sara. May I come in?"
She stared at him a moment, uncomprehending that he was here, in her apartment. Again. He looked at her expectantly, and she backed up, allowing him to enter.
"Uh, yeah. Come on in."
He followed her in, a smile gracing his features. She turned quickly, almost barreling into him.
"Sorry," she squeaked, backing away. "I was just wondering, do you want something to drink?"
"Sure, coffee would be great," he said, only then noticing the dishes in the sink and the pot on the stove. "Oh no, did I interrupt your dinner?"
She turned to look at him from her place near the coffee maker, momentarily confused. Seeing her dishes, she laughed nervously. "Oh, no. I was just finishing, actually, when you knocked."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes Grissom, I'm sure," she said, pouring them each coffee.
Taking the offered mug, he watched as she went to the living room and sat down on her couch. He followed, sitting down beside her. He sat far from her, so that they were not touching, but close enough that he could easily take her into his arms when the time came.
Sara stiffened noticeably as he sat by her, confusing Grissom. She turned to him, looked over the rim of her mug and asked point blank, "Why are you here?"
Grissom couldn't help but smile. He was finally ready to tell her, to let her in. "Because I'm in love –" and his voice faltered, cracking and grinding painfully to a halt, not finishing the sentence.
With you! his mind screamed, horrified that he couldn't get the rest out. His mouth moved, gaping soundlessly, and no sound came out. His mind screamed on however, I'm in love with you! With you! With you with you with you! With you, Sara! With…
Her eyes brimmed with tears of pain. Sofia, her heart said. I knew it! After he took her out to dinner, after she glued his damn tie… why would I even for a second believe that it was me? I'm so stupid!
She stood abruptly, very nearly sloshing her hot coffee all over herself. "I – um, congratulations, Grissom. I hope you, you and… Sofia –" she choked violently on the name, and some coffee did spill over this time, burning her fingers, but she didn't register the pain.
It was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the pain that was now ripping her heart into millions and millions of pieces, all the more easier for Grissom – and now Sofia – to step on.
She stumbled to the kitchen, away from him. He'd stood as well, seeing the coffee burn her pale skin, turning it red.
"Sara, honey, what are you talking about?" He'd heard her say something about Sofia, but hadn't quite caught it properly.
She was standing at the sink now, the coffee gone down the drain, and the empty cup balancing precariously on the edge of the counter.
He moved around her and pushed the cup to the middle of the island, to a safer place and then turned his attention to Sara. He placed a hand on her arm, but she jerked violently away.
"Don't touch me!" she shrieked, scaring him. "It hurts. It hurts… it hurts too much."
Terrified now that he had hurt her in some way, he advanced again only to have her hand come swinging at him before he ducked, narrowly missing her blow to his head.
"Sara! Sara! What's wrong? Where do you hurt?" Grissom asked, concerned and more than a little worried about her.
She turned to him, tears streaming painfully down her face and she hit him, square in the chest.
Time froze for Grissom. Sara had just hit him. She had just hit him, physically hurting him. He knew she was strong, and the force of her hand caused him to stumble backwards.
Time started again suddenly and he grabbed her hands to keep from falling, effectively pulling her against him. Her hands kept coming at him, swinging and punching, digging into his chest.
He was vividly reminded suddenly of a movie he had watched with Lindsey months ago, about a girl who had lost her father and had her maid as a mother more than her actual mother. The scene he was remembering was when the little girl was crying and punching her maid in the stomach. He remembered that she'd punched and hit and cried for a few moments before collapsing into the maid, drained.
He figured Sara would do the same thing, but she first had to get her anger out, and he was her punching bag. He let her, ignoring the pain she was inflicting and trying not to think of the bruises that would appear in the morning.
He held her arms, not to hold her back, but to make sure that when she did stop, she wouldn't topple over.
After only a few seconds more – seconds that seemed like hours to Grissom – Sara stopped her physical tirade on him and stood stock still for a moment before collapsing into him, crying.
He quickly wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him. She sobbed into his shoulder, shaking. He held her tightly, not letting go.
Only when he heard her mumbling something did he release her slightly. "What was that honey?" he asked quietly.
"It hurts," she mumbled, repeating what she had said earlier. "It hurts too much… it hurts so much…"
Grissom couldn't help the frown that crossed his features. He had no clue as to what she was talking about. "What hurts Sara? Talk to me, honey, talk to me," he pleaded. "What's wrong?"
She pulled away slightly, and placed a hand on her chest. "It hurts here," she whispered, seemingly unaware of what she was saying. But he looked into her sorrowful eyes and knew she was very much aware of what she was saying, and telling him.
"Your chest?" he asked, for he had followed her hand's movements.
"My heart."
His heart lurched as he saw the pain in her eyes. "What? Why?"
"Because of you," she said, regaining her composure and slowly pulling farther away from him. He saw her put up a fortress of walls around herself and her heart, and Grissom wasn't sure he would be able to climb them now.
He took hold of her arms and pulled her back into him, ignoring her cries of protest. "Me? Why? What are you talking about?"
Tears brimmed in her eyes again and they spilled over, racing each other down her cheeks in a desperate attempt to leave her face.
"Because you've chosen someone else. You're in love with –" Her voice cracked then as his had earlier, and she was unable to form full sentences as her mouth moved but no sound came out.
Grissom wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and led her to her room. She needed sleep, and she wasn't going to get it standing in his arms.
Walking down the hall, he saw her eyes glaze over and began to worry about her state of mind. She seemed to be on the brink of an emotional burnout.
She looked up at him as he gently laid her down on the bed, removing her socks and sweater. She'd been wearing only sweats and the sweater when he'd arrived. Under the sweater she wore an old Boston t-shirt, obviously her sleeping apparel.
He moved away after he'd pulled the covers up around her chin, cursing himself for not handling this meeting properly. He tuned off the light and went to close the door when her quiet voice reached out to him.
"Don't leave."
"What, honey?" he asked.
"Don't leave," she repeated. "Stay with me."
He flinched slightly, unsure of what he should do. The back of his mind nagged him with thoughts of how she didn't know what she was asking him, but another part told him that she was perfectly aware of what she had just requested of him.
"Sara…"
"Grissom, I really don't want to be alone right now. I know you'd rather be with – just, please, will you stay?"
He didn't have the heart or the courage to ask who she thought he'd rather be with. Instead, he eased his way back into her room and sat on the edge of her bed.
She rolled over, lying on her side. She put a hand over his and pulled him closer to her. "Get in," she told him.
"Sara… you don't want me to do that. You need sleep."
"I need for someone to hold me, Grissom," she said quietly. "And you're the only one around. So please, just get in the bed."
Tentatively, he slid in beside her, resting on the very edge, almost falling off. She opened an eye, and groaned at how far away he was from her.
"Grissom, I'm not going to bite you. Don't lie there, teetering on the edge. Come closer by yourself, because I'm pretty sure you don't want me to force you."
Knowing now that she was aware of what was happening, he moved slightly closer, watching her eyes as he did so. They had no fear in them, just plain exasperation now, wondering why he was making such a big deal out of this.
Finally he was right beside her, and she could feel the heat of his body. It sent a warm fog to her brain, and she instantly relaxed against him. He stiffened as her body made contact with his, but then he too slowly relaxed.
Turning slowly around on the bed, Sara aligned her body with Grissom's face-to-face and let her head come down onto his shoulder.
Grissom didn't know what to do. Should he pull her closer or pull himself away? He was conflicted, even though he'd come over today to express his love for her.
His heart made the decision for him, and his arm went around her back, pulling her closer. She was asleep already, in his arms. It was a feeling that was new but not disliked. In fact, he thought it was quite comfortable and could see himself falling asleep with Sara in his arms in the very near future.
Sleep crept up on him as well and his eyes closed, taking him into dreams of the unknown.
OoOoOoO
Darkness pressed into his eyes, seemingly darker than before when he'd fallen asleep. Already instinctive, his hand reached for her, but found empty space in his arms.
His eyes snapped open, desperately searching for her in the blackness. He saw her, hunched over and sitting on the edge of the bed.
Pulling himself up, he spoke quietly. "Sara? What's wrong?"
She turned to him now, showing him her tear-stained cheeks in the glinting sunight let into the room by her window.
"I can't sleep."
"Why not? Was I snoring?" His attempt at humor drowned in her tears.
"No. I can't sleep with you. Not when – not when you're in a relationship."
"I'm not in a relationship," he said slowly.
"Well when you're on the brink of entering a relationship then," she said, almost shrilly.
"But what if you're sleeping with the person you're about to enter a relationship with?"
"It would be okay, I guess."
"Then come back to bed."
Sara stared at him. "Grissom, I can't. Didn't you hear what I just said? You're in love with… with Sofia and I'm not going to jeopardize any of your relationships. I – I care about you too much to do that."
Grissom's mind finally awoke, and he took in her words, shocked. She thought he was in love with Sofia!? Far from it. Why would she even think that?
He was about to ask her when the voice of his heart returned, and he could finally speak the words he'd failed to do so earlier.
"With you."
"What?"
"With you," he repeated, moving closer to her. "It's what I meant to say earlier."
"Earlier when?" she asked, standing and moving away towards the window.
"When I told you I was in love. I tried to say with you, but I couldn't. My brain and mouth were working against me."
Sara laughed harshly. "Don't lie to me Grissom. I'm not stupid. Don't tell me something that isn't true; something you wouldn't follow up on, even if it was the truth."
"I'm not lying Sara."
"Yes you are! You don't love me, you don't feel anything, remember?"
"I do feel, Sara. And what I feel for you hasn't gone away these past five years. It's only gotten stronger. And it will continue to grow until I die."
She watched him, wanting desperately to believe him, but knowing that she shouldn't. She turned back to the window and watched as the sun stood proudly in the sky. It was just another one of his mind games, she knew, and they'd go into work tomorrow and he would act like none of this had ever happened. Her heart couldn't withstand another round of this sick game he was playing. It was time to blow the whistle, get all the players off the field, and go home for the last time.
Warm arms encircled her from behind suddenly, and she felt herself being gently pulled back into him, into his warmth.
"Sara, I'm not lying to you," he whispered. "I promise. I do love you. I am in love with you. I'm not lying. I'm done lying to you. About everything."
He was holding her from behind, and his arms were slung loosely around her hips, with his thumbs making small soothing circles on her stomach.
She tried to turn around so that she could look into his eyes to see if he was telling her the truth, but he held her where she was, saying, "Sweetheart, please, stay where you are. I just want to hold you this one time, in case you never let me again. In case I'm too late."
Tears cascaded down her face and she cried, letting her head fall back onto his shoulder. His hands left her stomach and moved up her sides to her face, wiping at the tears.
"Don't cry honey. There's no more need for tears. The hurt and pain is over. The war in my heart is over, it's been won."
More tears continued to streak her face from beneath her closed eyes. He leaned down to her ear and whispered, "And the side that is desperately in love with you has triumphed."
Sara's body began to shake with emotion, and she began to fall forward. Grissom caught her, and turned her around slowly so he could look into her eyes. "Do you believe me now?"
"I do," she whispered, "I do, I do, I do."
"Good. Am I too late for this?"
Coughing slightly to bring her raging emotions under control, she leaned into him and let her forehead rest on his lips. He kissed her softly, going no further.
"Grissom, eternity could come and go and you wouldn't be too late," she said, raising her head to look into his eyes. They were shining slightly because of the sun streaming in through her partially open blinds.
"I didn't know I meant that much to you Sara."
"You mean the world to me, and everything else," she confessed. "And this is the first time you'll hold me, but it will be followed up by thousands of other times you'll hold me, right?"
"Of course. I'll hold you until I die, if that's what you want."
"It's what I want." Sara's tears had stopped now, and she was looking at him with the clearest pair of eyes Grissom thought he'd ever seen.
"Then it's what I'll give you."
Sara smiled slightly, feeling suddenly exhausted again. She climbed into bed and Grissom came up behind her, molding her body to perfectly fit his.
"It's the simple words that get my feelings across to you, Sara," he whispered. "I love you."
"They're the words we'll use then, Grissom. Because I love you too. And that sentence has the simple words we'll live by. Forever."
"Forever," he echoed, marveling at how they wanted to just fall off of his tongue for her now.
I love you. That's all it had taken. That's all he'd ever need. Three simple words.
-End-