Now, I'm sure a lot of people are wondering why ToF hasn't updated yet. And, I'm sure most of you have just figured out that this is the reason. This is just a combination of weird and amusing scenes that I just can't do in the normal ToF, and have to get out of my head before I go insane.
Okay, the reason this thing started was because I got bored and Aeris had given me some rather strange plot bunnys. So, wordpad was opened and the first part of this little ditty was born. So, that was her fault. Or, at least, the 'romance' part of it is her fault.
The second part was just the result of me wondering what would happen if Blacky and Spiral were a little older and our favorite Umbreon was still too niave for his own good.
Then, scene three. That was me wondering how to next bastardize Mewtwo, which came out with a rather amusing potential. Then; Cherry, my beta reader, suggested changes to the initial costume and changed it from classy, posh Mewtwo to... well, see for yourself.
The title itself is a little injoke between me, Aeris and Rizu. Especially seeing as this isn't the first time Aeris has brainwashed me into writing weird stuff like scene one. The first time, well, that went under the name Drunken Silly, as it involved a lot of alchohol and our favorite pyromaniac fire lizard and pink legendary. Although that did redeem itself by becoming a venue for beating the crap out of Celebi, a scene of which will probably be redone for either this or the story itself.
Anyway, obviously, this is not canonical with the main network stories at all, so certain characters will act a little differently for the cause of humour. Anyhoo, enjoy, and I should have the update done by tomorrow night, providing I don't get too many silly ideas and end up writing another one of these. If, Mewforbid, you ever do decide to review this, can you do me a big, big favour and review of the three scenes? Or at least mention all three, it really bugs me when scenes that I would like opinions on just get forgotten. I understand not reviewing the first one, it's not going to be to a fair few people's taste, but the other two I do really want opinions on.
Not-Quite-Drunken Silly - Part One: Fervo and Boredom
Fervo was bored. So bored, in fact, that he had locked himself in the supply closet in the vain hope that someone would care enough to break down the door, drag him out and berate him for being a dumbass. In the end, it took three hours before he got so bored, and tired of the small space, that he set the brooms on fire. Grovyle hadn't been too happy about that. And so he was stuck in the gym-come-basement, seeing as he was forbidden from going anywhere he could do damage. Hell, he was so bored that he'd even tidied the place up a little.
"Bored, bored, bored, bored. There is nothing to do in this damn mansion. What I'd give for a little excitement..."
Famous last words, actually having been said by an ex-Elite Four member, shortly before a Tyranitar went on a rampage and ate him. Fervo pondered that thought, actually counting his teeth in curiosity. Problem was, he could only count to three. So that respite from boredom was just as brief as the warning he got before a heavy, thick, hardback book came flying out of no where and sent him crashing to the floor.
"Jack, you are dead!"
"I'm not-" Fervo was about to yell that he wasn't Jack, when he froze, realising that a fight would be the perfect relief for the few minutes it would take for Kirlia to rip him in two. But, he was so damn bored that his brain wouldn't let him refuse the opportunity. Instead he faked his cousin's apathetic smirk. "What is it now, Girlia?"
The psychic's eyes flashed red for half a second, before Fervo found himself thrown backward by telekinesis. He hit one of the wooden benches, going straight through it and bouncing as he hit the floor before finally rolling to a halt.
"Stop calling me Girlia!" The psychic type whined, his voice sounding rather girly as he did so.
"Sorry." Fervo spat out a dislodged tooth, pushing himself back to a standing position. "How 'bout Pretty Boy? That seems to fit."
Kirlia let out a yell as he threw his arms forward, throwing out a Psybeam. Fervo didn't dodge, instead charging a Shadow Ball and throwing it right into the path of the oncoming attack. The ghostly orb ripped through the psychic energy, out the other side and sent Kirlia crashing to the floor. The Shadow Ball had been aimed well, impacting with the psychic's forehead. He wasn't going anywhere soon.
"You're- you're not Jack," Kirlia spat, trying to push himself up and failing dismally.
"Yeah, I'm a whole different Pokegame," Fervo laughed, walking over to his fallen opponent and kneeling down in front of him. "You know, I oughta thank you, really. I was a little bored."
"Bastard," Kirlia spat.
"Someone's got a tongue on them." The Treecko rolled his eyes, before stopping and giving an eerie and – to Kirlia – evil smirk, "I bet I can find better ways to keep it occupied."
Squirt, who'd been looking for Fervo for the past half hour, was reaching the bottom of the stairs and was unable to do anything but gawk. There was the Treecko, leaning over and shutting the psychic type up with a rather active looking kiss. The psychic was so stunned by the sudden turn of events that he wasn't able to resist in time, letting the Treecko have a free shot at deepening the kiss. Squirt finally got his legs to move, turned around, and got the hell out of there was fast as he could.
"So Fervo was making out with Kirlia?" Dione glanced across at Jack, the moment Squirt had burst into the dining room, practically screaming it in his shock. "You owe me five bucks, Treecko. Told you that if we got Fervo bored enough, he'd end up snogging someone. No, wait, you owe me ten. We bet weeks ago that Kirlia was gay."
"Hang on, I'm sure Girlia was resisting. So, as much as it pains me to say it, that makes him straight," Jack insisted.
"No, he's not resisting." Scarlet came up the stairs from the basement, having ran down there the moment she'd heard the news. She had a rather eerie smile and had her arms held behind her. "He seems rather enthusiastic. He's actually on top of Fervo now."
"That makes it fifteen." Dione smirked.
"I am never gambling with a bloody Absol again."
Scarlet, who was still giggling madly, and had pulled a digital camera out from behind her, suddenly stopped, just as the familiar grey wolf pup walked in.
"Hey, have you seen Vulpix-chan anywhere?" he asked, everyone shrugging their shoulders. Well, everyone bar the Charmander, who had an angelic little smirk on her face.
"I saw her going into the basement!" she piped up, everyone bar Poochie turning to stare at her in shock and disbelief. Well, everyone else apart from Jack; he just didn't care.
The poor dark type believed her, heading down the stairs before Squirt could warn him that it was a trap. The Wartortle went to run after him but found himself stopped dead as Scarlet grabbed ahold of his ear and hauled him away. There were several seconds silence, awkward choking silence, before the dark type came shooting back up the stairs and dived under the table, whimpering.
"Scarlet, you are a cruel, evil person," Dione muttered, getting up and stretching. He did that often. Claimed that keeping limber was needed when you did his job.
"And loving every minute of it." Scarlet smirked in reply, staring down at the screen on the back of her camera. "Ooh, guess who got herself a new wallpaper for the computer?"
"Well, that's one way to get rid of my internet addiction..." Squirt muttered to himself.
It was ten minutes before the Wartortle had managed to coax the severely traumatised dark type out from under the table. And, just as they managed to get him out in the open, Fervo and Kirlia appeared at the top of the stairs, the sight sending Poochie darting straight back under the table cloth. They were both covered in brown dust, the kind that was used by sparrers to get better grip during grappling sessions.
"Oh, thank Mew, a seat!" Fervo wandered over, wincing slightly with each step, before plunking himself down and letting out a sigh of relief.
"What's up with you?" Jack asked his cousin, almost sounding as though he actually cared.
"Kirlia."
"Twenty," Dione pointed out, Jack cursing under his breath.
"What? I can't believe I missed that!" Scarlet exclaimed, while Squirt just looked ill and Kirlia himself was a nice shade of bright red.
"Missed what? He threw me through a bench when we were fighting, a wooden bench. I landed on a splinter." Fervo then glared over at the psychic. "Still, did you really have to yank it out so hard? I can barely walk!"
"I could put it back in if you want!" Kirlia snapped back, looking about ready to start another fight.
Squirt crawled under the table, grabbed Poochie and made his escape outside, just in time to avoid witnessing Kirlia attacking both of the cousins with cutlery while Scarlet cheered him on.
"There is something severely wrong with that Charmander..." The Wartortle murmured as Poochie ran to hide in a hedge. He'd been scared out of his wits, being so unused to Fervo's knack of hitting on just about everything with a definite gender. And even a few things that didn't, as a slightly intoxicated Mew found out to his cost a few weeks before. That hadn't ended well. Squirt shook his head, attempting to clear it of disturbing thoughts. It didn't work, but he spotted something that did. His own partner in all the craziness that life seemed to throw at him, tending the flowerbeds like she so often would.
"Kirlia!" And, as an added bonus, she wasn't a psychopath like many of the other females (and a fair few of the males too).
"Sister!" The dark type crowed as he approached the Espeon as she drank some water. "What's mating?"
"Wha?" She jerked up in severe shock, banging her head in the process and falling face first into the liquid before her.
"You know stuff, you're smarter than I am." Blacky fidgeted even as Spiral hauled herself free of the water, coughing and spluttering in her confusion. "So I thought I'd ask you."
"Why the hell do you want to know that? We might be adults now but still..."
"I heard Kirlia talking about it and wanted to know what it was."
Spiral stared before slowly voicing her question. "Which Kirlia?" There were two after all, and both went by the name Kirlia... one really had to get a nickname before people got really confused.
"Uh, the girly one."
"I am not girly!" Everyone winced at the telepathic yell.
"I think he meant the one that is a girl, dumbass!" Spiral fired back at the pissy psychic. "So stop with the tantrums and get a fucking grip!"
Spiral turned back to her brother, who was just sitting there, waiting. She coughed, trying to figure out exactly how to say it. After all, avoiding the question was pointless; Blacky could be surprisingly persistent when it came to awkward questions. Persistent to the point that, on one occasion, Mewtwo nearly leveled a building on him just to get him to shut up. That hadn't ended well; Blacky's psychotic side was more than agile enough to escape unscathed, and proved a match for Mewtwo's brute force. The only reason the two hadn't killed each other was Flame and Mew's timely interference, with Scyther and Dione backing them up.
"Mating is an act between two Pokemon, usually of different genders, although there are some same-sex relationships." She could have sworn that the Kirlia was bright red there; she dearly hoped that it had been the other one that Blacky had meant. "The method differs slightly but the aim is pretty much the same throughout all species, an act designed for reproduction."
"..." Blacky just stared at her, blankly.
"Having kits," Spiral sighed.
"Oh!" He finally got it, sorta.
"Or when you're drunk and the girl sitting up near the bar has a cute butt," Fervo inputted as he walked in, heading for the fridge.
"Drunk?" Blacky asked.
"I could tell you, but it'll be easier just to let you find out for yourself. Tell you-" Fervo stared to say as he pulled out a sandwich
"If you are even considering getting my brother drunk, I will castrate you," Spiral growled.
"You could come too!" Fervo insisted
"Get out."
"I live here!"
"OUT!" Spiral yelled as loud as she could.
The massive attic, much like the basement, was more than large enough to encompass several rooms. Some of the more exotic guests lived up there, several of them laughing their merry heads off at the show before them. Wearing a silky, bright yellow ball gown, 'Mewtwo' pranced around the basement. Completing the costume was a sparkling silver tiara with several small gemstones set into the room, a glittery set of fairy wings that had been swiped from a fancy dress store and a small silvery stick which fashioned as a wand.
"I am a fairy princess, tralala!" Mew danced around the basement, managing to mimic Mewtwo's telepathic voice as he did so. He was suddenly rather glad that Mewtwo was out moping somewhere. Nearby, Eve and the other higher powers were trying to fit in breaths between their manic laughing.
Mew, in yet another act of spontaneity, darted forwards and plunked the tiara, one that he'd stolen from a 'beauty queen' a century ago, onto his sister's head, hauling her up and pulling her into the dance. However, Eve wasn't prepared to join the fairy princess and retaliated with a fairly vicious slap, one that left Mew clutching a bruised cheek and Celebi to fall of his chair in utter hysterics. Eve stomped off, right up until Mew pounced her in a giant hug.
"Get off of me, you bastard!"
"Not until you say sorry for swearing," Mew countered, jabbing her in the ribs with the wand as he did so.
Eve didn't have to struggle in order to break free, Mew was rather forcibly hurled to the side by the real Mewtwo; who'd just stepped in through the door from the balcony, having returned from his sulk around Saffron. Even if he had gotten over whatever had been annoying him, the sight of Mew using his form in idiotic costumes just rekindled his temper. Those cold, fiery, eyes glared down as Mew pushed himself back up, brushing down his dress.
"That wasn't nice, you know. This dress is an antique, used to belong to a noble 'bout four centuries ago; you shouldn't try to damage it like that."
"Then I shall damage it in other ways," Mewtwo shot back, a Shadow Ball forming in his paw.
"...Trust you to be a smartass," Mew sighed, scratching the back of his head as was his habit, then he froze before taking on a rather jovial grin. "Oooh, that's good, right behind the ears..."
Eve and Jirachi, were both looking rather weirded out, the former backing away and finally removing the glinting tiara from her head. She hid it behind her back, unable to bring herself to destroy something so sparkly thanks to her feline nature combined with the memories of a small child, wearing such an item, albeit a fake one, one Halloween. She was snapped out of her daze when Mewtwo, the real one, found his Shadow Ball rocketing out of his paw and straight out of the window. The cause, a grinning fairy princess.
"Expelliarmus!" He gave a wave of the wand with a wink."Although, really it's just me using your brain patterns to manipulate your attacks. But that doesn't sound as cool, does it?"
He then had to duck under a punch, Mewtwo deciding that physical assault would work just as well. Mew ducked behind the clone and got him in a headlock, which was trickier than it looked considering Mewtwo's extra neck thing.
"Now, you are going to admit that you secretly wanted to be a fairy princess and that the reason you are such a grouch is because you couldn't," Mew ordered.
"I wanted no such thing," Mewtwo countered, Mew swearing that he could make out the faintest little growl deep in his brother's throat.
"Meh. I'm bored, I'll go get pizza!"
And, with that, Mew vanished and there was a resounding thump as Mewtwo fell face first, being caught unaware by the sudden vanishing trick. Eve, deciding not to stick around, quickly ran down the hatch into the house proper, lobbing the tiara over her shoulder as she went. It'd lost its charm now, and Mewtwo was likely to get angry if he spotted her with it, so she dumped it. However, her method of dumping it involved it arcing through the air and landing, quite by chance, on the real Mewtwo's head as he pushed himself up. Celebi, unable to hold in his laughter, found himself blasted through the window, two buildings and out of the city itself.
Meanwhile, totally invisible, Anti and Ryuu hovered around the attic, clutching digital cameras much like Scarlet's. The memory of said devices was full, as it always was when Mew decided to annoy Mewtwo with his shapeshifting. Scarlet'd find the wallpaper on the computer changed, and she wouldn't mind, because the new one would be just as amusing. Mewtwo's look of shock and confusion as the tiara landed on his head. Priceless.