Being a Man
By- An Unknown Foreign Beauty
(A Mulan one shot- Li Shang's beginning)
"Shang…"
General Li walked inside his son's room to find him curled in his bed. His little face was relaxed, lips slightly apart as he drooled over his mother's pillow, still unaware of the harsh reality waiting for him. He didn't want to lose this innocence so quickly, but he had to. He hesitated for a moment, then put his hand on the little boy's shoulder, and shakes him gently.
"Shang…wake up, son."
"Alright, Mama. 5 more minutes," Shang slurred, forgetting about last night…and his mother's death in his moment of sleepiness.
"Shang, open your eyes," General Li said softly, "It is time."
"Father?" The little Shang's eyes flattered open, and soon recognition came into his mind. "Mama?"
General Li nodded and then saw the tear come into his son's eyes. His heart broke into pieces to see the tear in those always happy eyes, but he didn't wipe them away. He had to make him accustomed to the real world from now on, and his features hardened.
"Get ready for your mother's funeral son. Everyone is waiting for you." He got up from the bed and waved at the maid waiting at the door. "You better hurry up." He walked near the door without looking back at Shang's teary eyes.
.
.
.
Eight year old Li Shang had never dressed for the day without his mother. But from this morning everything had changed. He silently wiped his tears as the maid dressed him in white and tied a white ribbon around his ankle, a sign of mourning.
"Chen, why Mama has to die?" He asked the maid as she began adjusting his neck long hair in a neat bun.
The old maid looked at the little boy, and his innocent brown eyes. She knelt in front of him and wiped his tear gently, "Because great Buddha took her to him. Because she was a good woman. Now be a big boy, and wish her a good journey."
Shang nodded, and clutched the maid's hand tightly as she led him towards the funeral.
The funeral was a simple one. Shang clutched his father hand and watched smoke soaring higher and higher to the sky from his mother's pyre. He watched as long as the pyre ceased to burn. He closed his eyes and prayed to great Buddha for her safe journey to the other side of the life. He tilted his head to meet his father's eyes for support, but he only nodded in return.
The dinner after the funeral was silent. The members of both families sat together and prayed for their deceased member. Shang sat in his seat watching everyone taking their foods from the big serving plate, but he just kept looking. It was his first dinner without his mother sitting beside him, helping foods on his plate. General Li noticed his son's empty plate.
"Shang," Shang's head snapped by his father's voice, "What's wrong? The food is getting cold."
"Father…" Suddenly Shang burst into tears, "I miss Mama."
The guests in the room turned to look at the crying little boy, and Shang's grandmother ran to hug her crying grandson.
"It's alright dear." The old woman hugged the little boy. "Let me help to take the dishes on your plate."
The old woman's soothing hug somehow calmed the crying boy, and he nodded to his grandmother as she began to pick up the food from the serving dishes.
'Shang…" Everyone in the room startled by General Li's stern voice, "You must learn to serve your own plate from now on. You are not a little boy anymore. And you must not cry in the public. "
"Son…" General Li's mother scolded her son, "He is still a child. And he just lost his mother."
"I know mother." General Li shook his head sadly, "But you know the rules."
The old woman sighed. Yes, she did know the rules. No man in Li family was not allowed to cry in public.
Shang cringed by his father's stern voice, and silently took his half filled plate from his grandmother. The old woman let a sigh to escape as he began to gather foods from the dishes with difficulty. And then he finished his dinner, without wiping his tears away.
He didn't look at his father again. He didn't know why he felt so angry with everything- the rules, the traditions….everything.
.
.
.
General Li wished to cry for his beloved wife like his son did. But men were not allowed to cry in public. Grieving in the public is always considered as a weakness for men. As the general of the emperor's army, General Li was not supposed be weak. He knew he needed to give Shang more time to grieve. But he did not want him to be weak. Li men were supposed to be weak.
Shang was all he had after his wife's death. He could not certainly let him lost in the cruel world. He needed to be with him. He needed to teach his son to be strong in the harsh world. He stood in front of the patterned wooden door of his son's room, raised his fist, and moved to knock. Something stopped him, though. The muffled whispers on the other side of the door drained all determination and sternness that had been built up in him for years.
He pushed the door open and saw his son praying alone. General Li stood at the door and heard Shang speaking.
"Mama…I promise I will be good." The little boy whispered between sobs, "I promise, I will make my bed, pick my own food. I will never ever disgrace father in public."
Instantly General Li felt horrible for behaving with his son in this way earlier. He was still a child. His wife's death was a loss for both of them.
Aching to comfort the little boy, General Li spoke in a soft voice. "Shang, son…."
Shang was startled by his father's voice and stood up. He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and stood in front of his father, eyes fixed on the floor.
"I am sorry, father."
"No, son. I am sorry." General Li broke down finally, hugging his son tightly, weeping softly and brokenly. Shang was surprised to see his father cry. It was first time he had seen him cry since his mother death.. "…Father…I am so sorry" He let out a surprised whisper, a sniffle escaping as well.
General Li caressed Shang's head, gently pushing it back down to the crook of his neck. He ran a hand up and down his back, trying to comfort her and hush his cries. "Shhh its ok. I'm here. I'm so sorry," He whispered, holding his only son in his arms with his eyes closed tight.
Shang whimpered and tightened his hold around his father's neck, clenching onto the fabric of his white hanfu. "I miss Mama…" he chocked out.
"We both do, son." General Li soothed the little boy, rocking them both slightly.
Though he had still a long way to understand the human nature, the little boy could sense his father's grief. He wrapped his arms around his father, head burying into his neck, Shang, coming to a realization of the only person that could be holding him, barely removes his face from its position
"I will be good father. I promise. I will make my bed, I will eat my food, I will not cry anymore." He sank into the warmth of his father's embrace, he promised. "I will make you proud."
The last statement made the grieving general look at his son. "Shang..." He searched for his son's childish face, and was surprised to see the determination in his eyes.
"Yes, father." The little boy shook his head, "I will not cry anymore."
Though General Li hated to lose his baby boy to the harsh reality so soon, but he knew the time had finally come.
Time to grow up…
Time to be a man…
The End
Reviews? Faves?
I always wanted to write a back story for Shang. But it came in so late.
It can also be considered as a companion piece of my other Mulan one-shot "Prologue" where I wrote about Mulan's back story.
Errors are all mine. Consider them nicely.