'Children of Fate'
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this fic belong to me. They are property of SquareEnix & Midway.
Scenario: Seifer, Squall, Kadaj (FFVII: AC), Cloud (FFVII: AC), Rinoa and Kimahri are sitting in the waiting room, ready to audition for the new FF game -- 'Final Fantasy Reunion: Children of Fate'. The topic of conversation is varied and suited to all present, until Seifer mentions the fact that all auditionees are required to have a twin, as it is crucial to the storyline of the new game. This is bound to be a problem for someone… but whom?
Seifer: My brother's sense of style is unmatchable, except by me of course, and he has the good looks to go with it. What can I say? He does look like me after all.
(Seifer looks toward the doorway as his twin brother walks in)
Seifer: Everyone, this is my bro' Rufus Shin-Ra.
Rufus: Hi, everyone!
Everyone: Hi!
(Rufus takes a seat beside Seifer)
(Seifer grins, full of himself)
Kadaj: Don't look so smug, Seifer. I'm a triplet and I ain't talking about those SHM losers from Advent Children, no way! My brother and sister should be here any second.
(Riku (Kingdom Hearts) & Fujin walk through the door)
Riku & Fujin: Hi everyone!
Everyone: Hi!
(Seifer looks jealous and eyes Rufus as if he's no longer good enough)
(Kadaj smirks as his identical brother and sister sit with him)
Cloud: Wow that was amazing! All three of you look so girlie!
Riku: You can talk! I hear you had to dress up like a girl once and wore a wig, which was stuffed down some wrestlers under pants!
Cloud: (Blushes) It was in the goddamn script! Anyway, my twin brother, Shuyin will kick in your grey haired head for making fun of me!
Shuyin: (Appears from a host of Pyreflies) Who's been laughing at you, Cloud? I'll fix it.
Cloud: It was him. (Points at Kadaj)
Shuyin: (Punches Kadaj)
Cloud: No, wait a minute, maybe it wasn't him… Damn, all three of 'em look alike. Can't even tell which ones the real girl.
Shuyin: (Shrugs) Punches Kadaj, Riku & Fujin
(Kadaj, Riku & Fujin: K.O'd)
Rinoa: I take it he's your twin brother.
Cloud: What of it? You want a piece of Shuyin too?
Shuyin: (Flexes fists)
Rinoa: (Cowers) No…
(Dwarfish, dark-haired girl walks in)
Rinoa: Garnet! You're just in time. Everyone, this is my twin - Garnet Til Alexandros II.
Everyone: Hi!
Garnet: (Sits beside Rinoa) Hello, nice to make your acquaintance.
Seifer: Pah! You call that a twin!
Rufus: More like half a twin.
Garnet: (Pouts) It is not my fault that Rinoa was a greedy bitch in our mother's womb.
Rinoa: Yeah, it's not Garnet's fault I -- What! Don't make me set Shuyin on you, Garnet.
Shuyin: (Smiles at Garnet and flexes his fists) I like fighting girls. Got the taste for it after the last game I was in.
Garnet: I think I'll pass.
Kimahri: Kimahri say no more fight. Kimahri say be quiet. (Throws a mega-phoenix at Kadaj, Riku & Fujin)
Kadaj & Riku: Thanks
Fujin: BETTER. (Suddenly whips out her missile blade)
Squall & Seifer: (Also draw their weapons)
Creature resembling Kimahri: AAAH! Don't shoot!
Kimahri: (Jumps out of his seat) Griever, you made it!
Squall: Don't tell me this guy's you brother.
Kimahri: Yes. Griever -- Kimahri twin brother.
Seifer, Squall & Fujin: (Lower their weapons)
Seifer: Oh, brother…
Squall: Whatever…
Kadaj: Hey, Squall. Where's your twin? You do have one, don't you?
Seifer: Or did you just say you had one 'cause it sounded cool? For Hyne's sake, Squall, you'd do just about anything to impress me, wouldn't you!
Squall: I have got a twin actually -- a twin brother -- but… (Wipes sweat from forehead) he's, uh, just in the, err, bathroom.
Rufus: Oh, really? So what's his name, then?
Squall: Well, you see, I… can't quite remember that detail right now, but he'll be here soon so you can ask him for yourself, if you like.
Cloud: If he's been in the bathroom all this time, then he either has the serious runs, or there's something wrong. Aren't you gonna check if your brother's okay, Squall?
Shuyin: I'll go check, but if he's not okay… I'll fix it. (Flexes fists)
Sqaull: No! I mean, um, I'll get him.(Leaves room, then returns five minutes later)
Rinoa: Where's this twin of yours, then? We'd all really like to meet him.
Squall: He's just outside. I'll get him. (Leaves room)
Person who looks EXACTLY like Squall: Walks in Hi, everyone, I'm Leon Leonhart from 'Kingdom Hearts'.
Seifer: Pah! Leon Leonhart? What kind of chicken-wuss has a lame name like that? It's almost as bad as Riku, whose name sounds just like that of a female FFX star!
Kadaj: (Draws his sword at Seifer)
Cloud: (Draws his buster sword at Kadaj)
Shuyin: (Draws his fists at Kadaj)
Kadaj: Why are you two defending Seifer? He was making fun of my brother's name, dammit!
Cloud: Blond solidarity, grey boy.
Kadaj: (Sits back down with the other two greys)
Seifer: (Pokes his tongue out at Kadaj)
Riku: Anyway, back to the subject. Leon from 'Kingdom Hearts' is actually Squall Leonhart, everyone knows that.
Leon: Err, no. That's not true!
Garnet: Is that so? I n that case, where is Squall, if you are not in fact Squall?
Leon: He's just outside. I'll get him. (Leaves room)
Squall: (Enters room) Leon said you guys wanted to see me.
Riku: Yeah, but where's Leon gone?
Fujin: LEON! WHERE?
Cloud: Let me guess. He's just outside, right?
Squall: How did you know that? Look, I'll just get him. (Leaves room again)
Leon: (Enters)
Rufus: This is getting stupid.
Kimahri & Griever: GRRR!
Shuyin: Leon, Squall -- or whatever the hell your name is -- are you both going to come in the room together, or am I gonna kick your teeth in?
Leon: Okay, okay! No need to get all heavy, Shuyin. Alright, we'll both come in. (Leaves room)
Seifer: He's just trying to compete with me.
Squall: (Suddenly starts coming in and out of the door, really, really fast so that he could be mistaken as two separate people)
Rinoa: Jeez, I can't believe I had to kiss that guy. I never knew Squall was such a psycho!
Griever: Me neither.
Fujin: NEVER KNEW.
Seifer: I did. He's a maniac! Look at what he did to my face! Points to scar on forehead Then he cut himself in exactly the same place and tried to blame it on me, during rehearsals for FFVIII.
Everyone: (Gives a dirty look to Squall, who is still running in and out)
Riku: Okay, look, just stop it, already! We know you're just running in and out to try to make it look like two people and we know that this brother of yours doesn't exist.
Squall: (Stops running and stands there panting)
Kimahri: Squall a lunatic.
Everyone: (Agrees)
Squall: Whatever. Look, I'll prove it to you. Wait right there. (Leaves room and doesn't return until 3 days later)
Rinoa: Oh, wow, you're back. I was getting pretty sick of sitting here on pause for so long. I hate it when people do that.
Squall: Walks in with Sephiroth This is my… twin brother?
Everyone: WRONG! (Hurls empty soda cans at Squall)
Seifer: He looks more like those three. (Points at Kadaj, Riku & Fujin)
Squall: Whoops! Wrong guy. (Shoves Sephiroth out of the room. Leaves, then returns with…)
Garnet: Now you are just going way over the top. That is Yuri Volte Hyuga!
Yuri: Yeah, this nutcase just abducted me from the set of 'Shadow Hearts: Covenant'. Midway will have your ass for this!
Squall: No, no… You're my twin, don't you remember, bro'?
Yuri: (Laughs at Squall) Bite me. (Leaves)
Shuyin: Squall, you've got 3 seconds to get this twin of yours, or else. (Drives one fist into the palm of his other hand) This is the end!
Squall: 3 seconds! That's a bit harsh, isn't it, Shu --
Shuyin: One!
Squall: (Runs off)
Shuyin: Two! (Stands up) Three! Squall!
Squall: (Suddenly appears, supporting a strange looking Squall-like figure by his side) Uh, hi! Yeah, um, guys, this is my twin brother -- Paul.
Paul: (Very stiff lips and emotionless face) Hi!
Everyone: … Um, hi!
Fujin: AAAH! LEGS!
Riku: You're right, Fujin. That's gross!
Rinoa: Don't be such a bunch of meanies. Paul obviously has some kind of disability.
Everyone: (Watches Paul's floppy legs as Squall drags the limp figure across the room and sits down beside it)
Squall: Paul's legs have always been like that. I pretty much carry him about wherever we go.
Shuyin: Leg problem, huh? I'll fix it.
Seifer: (Frowns and whispers to Rufus) There's something not right about that Paul…
Rufus: I was thinking exactly the same thing…
SquareEnix auditions judge: We are sorry to have kept all of you waiting for so long, but we are now ready to begin with your auditions for 'Final Fantasy Reunion: Children of Fate'.
Everyone: (Takes their turn auditioning for various roles in the new game. After, they sit and wait for the outcome)
SquareEnix auditions judge: Okay, here are our decisions and criticisms. Kimahri and Griever; we're sorry, but you're both too hairy for this game. Rinoa and Garnet; you two were amazing; however Garnet's abnormally large head totally put us off. Cloud and Shuyin; sorry, but Shuyin just wants to destroy the world and fight people all the time and Cloud, your sword takes up 1/3 of the screen so it's a 'no'. Kadaj, Riku and Fujin; we asked for twins, not triplets. Seifer and Rufus -- the performance and on-screen chemistry was spectacular and you guys have just the look we're after, but… I'm afraid the part had to be given to Squall and Paul. Whispers to Seifer & Rufus That Paul guy's got a leg problem; Square Enix don't want to be done for discrimination…
Shuyin: I heard that! So those weirdo's got casted on the count of Paul's bad legs, huh? (Stands and rolls up sleeves) I'll give him bad legs! (Throws Squall aside and starts laying into Paul)
Everyone: (Does the same as Shuyin)
(Paul's arm flies across the room. Paul's legs fly across the room. Paul's Squall-wig flies across the room)
Everyone: (Stands back in horror)
Kadaj: I can't…
Riku: Believe it… Paul's a…
Fujin: DUMMY!
Squall: Uh, no. That's not true! Starts collecting up Paul's limbs and wig He's just physically challenged, is all.
Rinoa: You got those Forest Owl's guys from FFVIII to make that dummy for you, didn't you, Squall!
Squall: No, that's not true! (Starts crying)
Square Enix auditions judge: This is outrageous!
Seifer: You're telling me! (Laughs derisively) So do Rufus and I get the part now?
SquareEnix auditions judge: (Gives Seifer a filthy look) You're all sicko's. Look at what you've done this poor boy! (Points at the Paul dummy)
Everyone: (Gazes at Square Enix judge in disbelief)
Squall: (Utters quietly) Murderers. (Shouts with an out-of-sync mouth, like in the old martial arts movies) YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!
Everyone: (Slowly backs away)
Shuyin: (Speaks to Seifer) You were right he really is a maniac! I don't think my fists are gonna scare him this time.
Tidus: (Suddenly appears from a host of Pyreflies) Quick, everyone, flee!
Everyone: (Scurries away)
Tidus: Live and let live! (Runs away also)
Squall: Bugger! They got away!
SquareEnix auditions judge: Think yourself lucky, they were all a bunch of fruitcakes! You and Paul were the only sane ones out of the group. (Takes Paul's legs from Squall and starts fixing them back onto the body) Don't worry, we'll have Paul put back together in no time. Then you two can start taking a look at the script for 'Final Fantasy Reunion: Children of Fate'.
Squall: (Sticks Paul's wig back on) Did you hear that, Paul? You're gonna be alright, bro'.
Paul: (Looks at Squall) Who the hell are you? I'm not your damn brother, you fruit loop! (Slithers out of the room like a snake) Crazy freak! I don't even have a brother. Wouldn't want one, not now…
The End!