A/N: Hello all. This is my first Fan Fic and I would love some feedback.
This is based on the song "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell. It is Edwards POV of the decision he made in New Moon.
***New Moon spoilers.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters
E.P.O.V.
I had never been more afraid, anxious, and miserable in all of my 100+ years on this earth. I spent my night away from Bella trying to ponder solutions to the problems our love had created and would create. I sat on the grass in our meadow and scowled at the moon, blaming it for the pain that had been distributed to me and those that I love. I knew the moon was not at fault. In truth, it was me that I was angry at. I abhorred myself for being too weak to walk away from her that first week. I only saw what I wanted to see and felt what I wanted to feel. I was aware of the consequences of my actions, and yet chose to ignore them. I convinced myself that I could trust myself around her. My family and I were convinced that we all could be human around her. This conviction had led to an insurmountable amount of pain for all of us. My sister Rosalie and I were quarreling because she feared that Bella's presence would cause us to be acknowledged by the other humans. Jasper was feeling even more inferior to us because he had tried to attack Bella. Bella was almost murdered. Again! And my entire family was dealing to the repercussions of this chaos. I knew leaving Bella was inevitable if I wanted to right these wrongs. Time could not be turned around and my mistakes would be forever set in stone. My only option would be to minimize the pain that we might endure and completely disappear from Bella's life forever. But how was I going to convince her that my departure was necessary? How was I going to convince myself?
(Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day there'll be no remnants, no trace,
No residual feelings within you
One day you won't remember me)
I knew that she'd move on one day. She was lucky to be a young human with a short memory. I knew that our love was real, but I also knew that someone as caring and beautiful as Isabella Marie Swan would find another true love. Maybe even a love as strong as ours. I predicted that one day I'll be forgotten.
(Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love you.
I hope you feel the same)
I am cursed and blessed with a perfect memory and will never be able to forget her. Bella is the miracle that brought me out of my dark abyss of loneliness. She is the one that sculpted a smile out of marble and awakened what I hope is my soul. It will forever be the memory of her that elicits any joy that I will feel for the rest of eternity. And all I will have left of her is my recollection of her. My disappearance from her world will be final. I won't have the right to see her again. I'm not sure how I'm going to ignore my eternal love for her or my necessity to have her near me. It is impetrative that I stay away from her and I will force myself to do so. I hope she doesn't bear any ill feelings toward me.
(Oh, you played me dirty; your game was so bad.
You toyed with my affection
Had to fill out my prescription for the remedy.
I had to set you free)
As I tried to picture my life without her, I could only remember my first days with her. Her presence encompassed all my fears and anxieties. All of the strength and control that I had developed and maintained over the past eight decades was in jeopardy of being erased. She tempted the monster within me, and then within a week, she had inadvertently taken my whole existence hostage. I tried to ascertain why she was so different from all of the other humans, and ended up falling in love. She changed me from the inside out. She caught me off my guard and I was unable to control the emotions that I had never felt before. I know that my love was irreversible, and that my existence has been changed forever. And this is why I must leave.
(Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be
when you are not with me
I had to lead
I had to live
I had to leave
I had to live)
I know that she will have a better life with a human. With a human she can have children with. She can have a life free of secrets and remorse. My presence will only hinder her from growing. I know that clarity will come to her once I am away, and she will understand how much more she deserves. She will never decide this for herself if I am in the picture. Therefore, I must take this first step for her and sever our connection. Although I know that my existence will be lonely, it is the life I deserve. It is the life I will live.
(If I can't have you
Let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around.
Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your
Pretty wings. Pretty wings around)
It will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I must depart. I pray that my absence allows her to experience life and all that it has to offer. If I knew this weren't possible, I might consider staying. But the truth is, she was always destined to experience life to the fullest before I intervened. May she always be happy, with or without me!