For those of us who are both EA and Star War fans at heart, this is the glorious fanfiction that will send your minds "through the wormhole." By the way, the over-the-top purple prose is very appropriate for this tongue-in-cheek fanfiction.
"I've been waiting all my life for you, my lovely vixen!" Darth Vader breathed heavily through the apparatus of a mask that seemed designed to help facilitate his breathing, since he suffered from the most grievous sort of asthma. Both he and Emilie Autumn suffered impediments of some kind in the name of paving out their destiny. These were impediments that deemed them to be most assuredly part of the Dark Side in the eyes of those that feared the joint power of Emilie Autumn and Darth Vadar.
Wrapping her thin, tattooed arms around the Dark Vader's heavy black suit, Emilie Autumn sighed expressively. "Oh Darth Vader, it's a pity that your suit lacks any tits like George Clooney's Batsuit. Otherwise, I'd have to get them a mighty squeeze, thus unleashing the mighty roar of the raging beast that dwells withi this caged suit of yours ."
"Yes, my sweet! Ho-pen Ho-pen, I have been pining for you,ever since that seditious Obi-Wan pushed me into that fiery lava pit on that hell planet. You have metaphorically spared me the blistering memory of those hellish flames." Darth Vadar spoke with his weighted, baritone voice that made Emilie Autumn feel chills down her spine.
"You've found the key to the asylum, and you personally secured my safety by unlocking me from my virginal prison. Now, you hold me aloft in your artificially muscular arms, and I love the striking power of your asthmatic-toned voice. Every time you say Ho-pen so airily, I just want to rip this suit of armor off of you, much like you freed me from my own prison." Emilie Autumn said, sighing pleasurably again in the manner of a straight-laced strumpet.
In response, Darth Vader ingratiatingly breathed, Ho-pen, in his most sensually pleasing way. With his leather gloved hand,he touched Emilie Autumn's painted heart on her left cheek that visually expressed Emilie's indomitable will. He rubbed it tenderly until Emilie Autumn felt herself mewl once more and curl in closer to his hard, luxuriant body. Resting herself against Darth Vadar's cold armor was the antithesis of lying in extreme discomfort wakefully, night after night in the padded rooms of the asylum.
"I would fly a Millenium Falcon into you and out the other end in the most extreme conditions, weathering every potential cosmic incident, all in the name of my love for you,Emilie" Darth Vader said this in a thundering tone that was interrupted with spasms of coughs, as he continued to lovingly stroke her tattooed heart and feel her soft blonde hair in his gloved hands.
"My Darth Prince, I wish we could battle one another with lightsabers until we're a crumpled, defeated mess on the ground. That is where we'll start the real battle and our true journey towards ruling the whole of galaxy. Why I thought about consulting my ex-boyfriend, Morgan Freeman, who might give us some advice about possibly updating our outdated late seventies, early nineties technology on this Death Star of yours. I want to build the prodigious empire of the intergalactic asylum, open to all the debased droids, aliens, and species that populated all the far reaches of space. Together, we can rule this galaxy with triumphant insanity."
Emilie Autumn surprised Darth Vader with the asperity of her voice, yet he loved her bouts of rage. It was one complex piece of the Emilie Autumn he loved.
Leaning his head down towards hers, he felt the masked indentation that served as his lips touch Emilie Autumn's soft, pink lips. Emilie Autumn put on her own masquerade mask and warrior-queen headdress that made Darth Vader feel less out-of-sorts for wearing battle armor. Both of them continued kiss, as Emilie Autumn pressed some of the buttons on the circular spaceship console that comprised the circumference of this interior room within the massive Death-Star.
A cacophonous voice sounded from an intercom right above them, saying that the planets of Tatooine and Alderaan were destroyed, thus murdering Lord Vader's children. "They are a needless distraction, Lord Vadar. Thankfully, the asylum has an antiquated Victorian VHS player that allowed us to have prescient knowledge of all that will occur in your future." Emilie Autumn proudly declaimed.
"You really are amazing, Emilie Autumn" Darth Vader yelled, throwing his arms around her again. They continued to kiss, as the death star headed further into the far reaches of space. Emilie Autumn and Darth Vadar lived happily, ever after, all due to Emilie Autumn's prescience, and other undisplayed divine powers.