A/N My idea of humour will of course not be everyone's cup of tea, but with my wacky sense of fun this story did make me chuckle when It first popped into my head. I hope readers will excuse my faux pas if it brings a frown rather than a smile. Can't please everyone.
Regarding queries about D.A.C. , Major Zhükov, Starbase Aluris and the cadets, I have intentionally been uninformative, as an explanation will come in another story, of who, how and why they came into the plot. These one-off stories that mention them, are in fact just part of an ongoing adventure, that is still a work in progress. The mind works in mysterious ways, just as dreams, sometimes with no rhyme logic or reason, my mind creates in no specific nor organised order, I just have to be patient until it reveals the direction the main theme is taking. Like I said I'm not a writer, I just dream up stories and write them as they come, I blame my brain it has a mind of its own :D
April's' Fools.
Chapter 1. Suffer Fools Gladly.
"No, No and No again, have I made myself clear ? You are not coming into my kitchen ever again, the last time you got in here your com badge fell into the plumbex soup and you sent sixteen crew members to sick bay with gastroenteritis, If you come anywhere past this boundary I will have security lock you in the brig for trespassing. It's no good pouting and looking all offended you are not going to get round me this time, once bitten twice shy, as the saying goes. I've learnt my lesson where it comes to food and the kitchen, its in everyone's best interest to keep you as far apart as possible."
"Aff Neelix, it's not my fault these things never stick to my uniform, and besides Lt. Torres made me one with a pin see... so it can't fall off now."
"The answer is still No, you're a catastrophe, an accident waiting to happen. Remember what you did with the four thousand Mungado eggs you were supposed to put away. You forgot to set the cooler to freeze, so they hatched instead. We had to put them off at the next available planet, which was a week away. It took me days to clean up the cargo bay where we stored them, but the smell still lingers."
"It's lucky for you they matured rapidly and replaced the eggs that you allowed to hatch, otherwise the crew would have had to go without some of my famous recipes that require them. I think the Captain was half tempted to put you off the ship with your brooding flock."
"Ok ok, you made your point with your usual flamboyant exaggeration. I still think you're making mountains out of mole hills Neelix, those things can't happen again."
"No they wont, and I'm not about to let you create any more mayhem in my domain, so scoot, shoo, vamoose, and stop badgering me. I'm not going to change my mind no matter what you say or do. Look I'm not heartless you know that , I'll make you anything you want within reason, failing that there is always the replicator. So take it or leave it, but your staying out of my kitchen and that's final."
With that Neelix turned his back on Alyx and walked away, leaving her looking defeated and rebellious.
"Hey Alyx, whats up? You look as if you're planning an insurrection the way you're glaring at Neelix, whats he done to get you so riled?"
"He said I'm an accident waiting to happen, a catastrophe causing mayhem in his kitchen, as if I deliberately poisoned the crew."
"Ah yes i remember that." Tom exclaimed with a grin.
"I was on duty in sick bay when it was overrun by vomiting crew members, I did not have enough sick bowls to hand out, and had to replicate more.
"Oh don't you start as well, I just had all that from Neelix." She retorted indignantly.
Tom laughed.
"We all make mistakes, even Neelix." Trying to placate her.
"You would not think it the way he was carrying on about the eggs that hatched." She chuckled.
"Does he still think it was by accident?" Tom asked nonchalantly.
"Tom are you insinuating it was not?" Alyx exclaimed in mock indignation with a mischievous grin
"I would do no such thing Alyx."
"I always thought you a shrewd young man Tom." She winked.
"Ever heard the saying Don't get mad get even?" Tom asked.
"Nope, but I guess it's some old earth saying. Sounds like good advice, but how do I get away with it?"
"Well , there is an old earth custom coming up soon called April fools day, on the first of the month, and it's customary to play tricks on people, harmless fun one's mind, nothing nasty. Why not come up with something to play on Neelix, that should make you feel better."
"Hey you two. What's the conspiratorial discussions about? Can anyone join in?" Harry asked.
"Sure, grab a pew, I was just telling Alyx about April Fools."
Harry grind, Paris and his old earth customs had led them into trouble on a few occasions.
"Remember that time we programmed the console and replicator to say ˝˝Live long and prosper˝˝every time Tuvok used them." Tom reminded.
Harry laughed remembering Tuvok's face, he only managed a raised eyebrow in true Vulcan style showing no emotion.
"Did you get punished for it?" Alyx asked with interest.
"No because we did not get caught and Tuvok had no proof it was us, even though he suspected it was." Kim answered.
"Are you going to be playing any tricks this year?
"That would be telling , we might we might not." Tom said.
"Now if you want any help with pointers, just let us know, we'd be glad to assist, wouldn't we Harry.
For the next three days Alyx, Rohan, Garon and Dexa planned and plotted their campaign furtively every free moment, when not occupied with D.A.C. or ships duties. Tom could not get a peep out of them about what they were up to, and he was doubting the wisdom of having told Alyx about April fools. Goodness knows what they were preparing for the poor unsuspecting Neelix and he began to get a little pang of guilt, but it soon passed as he was busy contriving plans to entertain the crew with a few practical jokes of his own.