The first few days of March had arrived and with them the first warm gusts of spring, but nobody was feeling very renewed. Actually, everything was at a standstill as if they were all frozen under the cold blanket of winter. It was like they were still stuck on that rooftop on New Years, in that one moment that was supposed to change everything.
At least, that's what Farkle thought would happen. Things were supposed to go back to how they were before or at least everyone would come to an understanding. But that wasn't what happened. Actually, nothing happened. And for once, Farkle wasn't involved in his friends' mess. But their happiness was at stake and he was involved with that.
So when he saw Maya half-heartedly drawing on their usual bench, he realized that he hadn't talked to her as much lately, so he hopped up next to her.
"Hey," he said, and then after a beat, "what are you drawing?" She looked up at him, a smile of pleasant surprise playing at her lips. Maya spun her sketchbook around so Farkle could see. Instantly, Farkle was pulled back to the first drawing of hers he ever saw from that night in the library.
It was of the sky, too, but this time, there was a crescent moon instead of a full one and the number of stars had grown exponentially. Instead of skyscrapers, the horizon was lined by grey mountains, protected by a shield of pine trees. He looked back up at her almost shy face and smiled.
"You never disappoint." She laughed, then, and Farkle felt a wave of nostalgia for that night, when things were so much simpler. "So, Maya," he started, "I wanted to ask, just, how are you doing with all this?" He didn't really have to explain for her to get it. She sighed, setting her sketchbook down next to her and running her fingers through her hair.
"Honestly?" Maya let out a breathy laugh. "I've been better." Farkle put his hand on her shoulder, hoping that would say what he couldn't. Riley and Lucas walked past them, then, and Maya's eyes tracked them as they went. Farkle watched as Riley giggled, beaming up at Lucas.
She was a lot happier than she had been the month between their trip to Texas and New Year's. Relief seemed to hit her like a warm wave of water and she was smiling again. That was what Farkle had really wanted and it had worked. So, why, he often wondered, did he still feel so terrible?
Farkle turned his attention back to Maya. Her eyes were cast downwards and she was anxiously twisting her friendship ring back and forth. "Wait a minute," he said, eyebrows furrowed, "are you jealous?"
"What? No," she said, quickly. Farkle raised an eyebrow. "No, really." Maya looked away. "I mean, it's Riley. I couldn't ever be jealous of Riley. It's just, do you know what it's like to have feelings for someone you know you'll never be good enough for? Like, you know there's someone else so much better for them than you can ever be?"
Farkle watched as Riley turned the corner and disappeared from sight. Yes, Maya, he thought. I know something about it.