Title: Beginnings and Ends

Plot: Set after Season 9. Mulder and Scully have been on the run for a few years. How has this affected their lives?

Rating: T (For language and some adult themes)

Spoilers: Season 9, maybe some random movie stuff

Category: Sappy, M&S Shipper-rific!

Chapter 1

Sometimes you have to run away, to flee the life you worked so hard to build. You have to keep moving because life does. It will not stop and wait for you to take a moment to gather yourself.

I know this all too well, the jagged and crumpled edges of the envelope shaking in my fingertips. My heart feels full and empty at the same time, something between a dull ache and euphoria swirling around in it. How long has it been? So long. I had almost forgotten how many days had passed since I saw his face.

But there is so much more to tell between my now and my then, thousands of moments standing next to one another to compose my life in a brilliant array of chaos and bliss. Before I tell you about my now, let's take a step back to where it all ended. And where it all began again.

The Before

It had been…six months? I'm not really sure. Between the sleepless nights and winding roads, I lost grasp of time really. I remember it was in a gas station bathroom. We had stopped to stretch our legs. As I was washing my hands, I looked up into the cracked mirror, not really understanding how I could look the same but feel so different.

Instantly, I hated myself. I hated that I still saw the traces of the old me, the FBI Agent, the mother-things I no longer was. It had been a hard six months, first explaining to my mother that I had chosen my child's father over my child-my work partner and eventually my lover-to flee off into the night with. Severing ties was never my intention, but it happened.

In month seven, I poured the darkest black I could find on my head. Blond seemed too logical, too safe, too close to the old me I wanted nothing to do with, to remember nothing about.

He said nothing when I came from the bathroom, locks jet black with a darkness even he hadn't seen in me before. He'd only met my emotional walls-never seen me echo it and physically wear my pain.

Neither of us spoke as he turned off the small table lamp and curled into me, the motel blankets scratchy upon my skin. We hadn't made love in months, countless days that had stacked up on one another without intention. I hadn't wanted to shove him away, but I had.

My love for him was unending but I ached for William in all the places Mulder just couldn't touch. The FBI had helped keep my thoughts from him, but now I had nothing but time to wonder, hope that my baby was safe. On his birthday, I cried endlessly. My little boy would be a year old now, maybe walking.

I felt my thoughts dissipate as he touched me and I moaned. I'd forgotten how good it felt to have his hands exploring the curves of me. Only then did I reach for him too, press my lips to his in a drastic effort not to weep into him. I'd missed him so but didn't know how to get over my emotional hurdles.

We made love three times, afterwards dozing off in one another's arms, knowing somewhere inside of us that many more days would pass before we came together again. And we were right.

In month nine, he bought a small home in a highly rural area of Washington State. I wanted to be as far away from D.C. as possible. Neither of us had worked since we left, living off part of the inheritance Mulder had received after his mother's death and both of our now dwindling bank accounts.

Our home was lovely in a quaint way. I tried to fill it with all the homeliness we both hadn't felt since our old homes. But I also think it was different for us too. We were no longer shadows in our own homes, alone. Another body was mashing footprints into the carpet behind me and it took some getting used to.

I got a job working at the county hospital doing lab work. We had changed our names; I had altered my appearance. In name, we were someone else. In soul, I was still me. But the night kept me away from most of the world as I dealt with blood samples, cultures, and other tests for only names, no longer faces.

Every morning, I trudged in to find Mulder asleep in our bedroom. Sometimes he had his laptop propped open. Most of the time, it was stories about paranormal activity and odd occurrences, things I believed in but had to roll my eyes about now because none of it mattered anymore. One morning though, it was something different.

"What the hell is this?" I felt myself breath.

He stirred in his sleep, looking at me wearily. Slowly, he sat up and his big, brown eyes turned sad.

"Didn't you hear me? Mulder, what the fuck?"

"Dana…"

"Don't 'Dana' me. What are you doing? The adoption database?"

It was month fourteen now. We hadn't spoken about him since I had visited Mulder in prison, had agreed then and there to let our son go because we couldn't give him a shot at a normal life. I never spoke his name, like it would freeze in my throat if I did. Then again, I didn't need to. I carried him with me always.

"There is a program through the site. They allow contact from the biological parents with consent of the adopted family," he began.

"I don't want to hear this," I muttered and started to walk from the room. Suddenly, I felt a hand come down hard on my shoulder and spin me around.

"Listen to me! For once in this last year, just stop and listen to what I have to say. I love you Scully. This is a constant; it will not change. Neither will my love for William. Now I have been in contact with William's adoptive parents. They have agreed to visitations twice a year, for now…"

"And then what Mulder? What about after the two times a year? We just go back to our lives and pretend everything is fine without him in it? Maybe it is easier to let go for good. We already gave up our right as parents."

"I had no say! You gave up that right!"

"Like you had no part in it? You gave me no choice Mulder. OUR SON was part ALIEN. He wasn't NORMAL."

"So then, what you are saying is that neither am I…because he is part of me and part of me is alien. What now? You discard me too?"

"Mulder…"

"No, don't worry about it Scully. We aren't married. You don't owe me anything. We just love each other, that is all. We made a pact with one another to stick together through thick and thin. But if you don't love me enough to stay by my side through everything…"

He paused.

"You do still love me, don't you Scully?"

Now it was my turn to stop. Yes Mulder, with every fiber of my being- I love you…to the depths of the deepest ocean and as far as the universe goes. But I didn't say it. The words wouldn't fall out of my mouth.

He looked stung and rightfully so. I would be too were I in his situation. Mulder hung his head and his shoulders sagged. Shuffling past me, he grabbed his coat and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked, following behind him. He opened the door and then turned sharply. My body brushed up against him and a chill went down my spine. I knew what was coming. He laid a hand on my shoulder and threw me another sad smile. His hand moved to trace my face.

"Take some time. Learn to breathe a new way."

I tried to protest, but he kissed me quickly and was out the door, moving fast into the night and becoming swallowed by it. That was the last time I saw him, until month 16.