It was the usual morning for the Sanzo party. They had traveled all the previous day and had arrived exhausted at a small inn just as the sun set. Too tired to want to do anything recreational in the evening all four members of the infamous group had fallen asleep in their cheap beds and woken up bright and early the next morning.
Sanzo had been all for starting off without breakfast, but both Gojyo and Goku made enough disturbance that the blond had to concede that taking a small break would be easier than listening to their perpetual whining.
It wasn't like anyone was behaving badly really, that morning. Gojyo and Goku had their usual squabbles over food and Sanzo fired his customary warning shots as Hakkai sipped his hot tea pleasantly and fed jeep crumbs from his plate.
They were actually about to leave when a woman in a black suite stepped up to them. She had brown hair and glasses pushed far down onto her nose. Her hair was slicked back into a severe bun and her clothing was extremely tight. She was holding a blue pen and a clipboard.
"Excuse me," Her voice was loud and authoritative. She took Goku by the hand and pulled him up. Goku looked at her with large golden eyes that were obviously befuddled.
"You are mistreating this child." Her statement produced a moment of silence, and then a laugh from Gojyo and a polite smile from Hakkai. Sanzo just sat there looking studiously poker faced. Hakkai finally cleared his throat and asked,
"Excuse me? I don't believe we know you." The woman looked at him in disgust and replied,
"My name is Meg Ahbitch, and I work for the COA, the child protection service." She said this like she expected some kind of immediate response, but she got nothing but befuddlement from the four traveling companions. Obviously displeased by the lack of reaction, she whipped out a small notebook. She frantically scribbled something on the paper, while the three remaining Sanzo party members stared blankly at her.
"I am taking this child with me for the time being. If you wish to attempt for custody, here is the name of the courthouse and the date of the trial. I have been following you for a while now, this child should be treated right and I'm going to see that it happens." And with that she dragged Goku away by the arm, with he boy looking back at his friends with wide pleading eyes. Hakkai took the paper that she had left with them and read it.
"Fictions Courthouse 67 Rainbow Lane. Well that's right across the street from here, and the trial is in two days... I guess we're staying in this town tonight. Oh dear, it says here to come prepared with a list of reasons why we're suitable guardians."
Although he didn't display it outwardly, Sanzo was bemused. Who had ever heard of the COA? And how had Koumyou gotten around this particular obstacle...? But above all, Sanzo was confused at his own pronounced irritability at Goku's disappearance.
After re-booking the inn for two nights, Gojyo, Hakkai and Sanzo went upstairs to brainstorm some ideas. Hakkai made hot chocolate, and hour later they were in the same position, except that the hot chocolate was gone and on the list Hakkai had written in neat handwriting, "We Taught him how to play mahjong. Very Well." After looking at that for a moment Hakkai crossed it out.
"Man this sucks, the monkey is gone, and we have nothing to tell them. We're totally going to loose in court."Gojyo said pessimistically. Everyone nodded and a feeling of gloom descended on them.
When the day of court arrived the Sanzo party made sure to arrive on time. They walked in confidently, until they saw the judge. It was judge Judy from TV. When weather had impeded their traveling process they watched television, and they all knew what a tough cookie Judy was. Then they saw that Goku was seated uncomfortably next to Meg Ahbitch. Judy cleared her throat and banged her gavel and court was in session.
"Okay we're here on behalf of this boy, uh Goku... and who is fit to be his legal guardian." She put on her glasses and scrutinized the papers in front of her.
Miss Meg Abitch smiled and put her arm around Goku while Judy continued.
"Okay Miss Meg... Abitch? You may start on why you think that this man Sanzo isn't fit to be Goku's legal guardian." Judy banged her gavel again for good measure. Meg stood up and smiled, showing the gold tooth that lurked in the back of her wide mouth.
"Thank you Judge."
Sanzo twitched irritably in his seat and thought to himself, "What a sycophant." Judge Judy seemed to read his mind and fixed him with a stern glare as Meg began her testimony,
"Well, these men tease Goku and deprive him of food, they also hit him, with their hands and various other objects. They call him names and they make him sleep in a car almost every night. He is clearly unhappy here and he is being abused by them. He is also subject to gross negligence." Meg finished with another suck up smile.
"Are there bruises?" Judy inquired.
"Well uh no, but I have seen them hit him." Meg's face was shining with her earnestness.
Judge Judy shook her head in disgust at this statement and turned to the Sanzo party. "Okay Mr. Sanzo, what is your occupation?"
"Uh, I'm a priest." Sanzo didn't usually falter, but he was a little thrown by the possibility of losing Goku. Although he didn't like to admit this particular fact. Judge Judy seemed to approve of his answer and wrote something down on her sheet.
"Oh, a priest. I see...what kind of priest?" She inquired further.
"A Buddhist priest." Sanzo replied, and he could see by Judy's face that she wasn't so impressed with this.
She turned to Hakkai and Gojyo and asked them, "And what are your occupations?"
"I am a teacher" Hakkai told her, and Judge Judy nodded and waited for Gojyo's reply, which took a moment in coming.
"Uh, I'm a gambler..." Gojyo didn't know what else to say but the truth, Judy was obviously really mad now because she turned a deep plum color.
"Do you think thats funny young man?" She nearly screamed. "This is an important matter involving a juvenile's future. It is of grave importance!"
It was at this point that Sanzo lost his tenuous grasp on sanity. He had always been susceptible to going crazy, but the possibility of losing Goku seemed to have driven him off the edge. In addition to this, Sanzo couldn't sleep at all last night, because he was thinking of Goku and so he had an awful headache from lack of sleep.
"SHUT UP!" Sanzo yelled at her in a complete non sequitur. The whole court looked at him, and even Hakkai and Gojyo's faces were shocked. Judy was about to have a coronary, and she frantically gestured for her friendly bailiff to remove Sanzo.
The Bailiff came over and dragged Sanzo kicking and screaming off into the hallway.
Meg smiled in a slightly snake-like way, pleased that this was going to be easier then she initially thought. Judy continued with her trial by asking Goku some basic questions and then after she was done Sanzo burst back into the room. With his gun drawn. No one knew what happened to the bailiff, but everyone hoped for the best.
"How are you related to Goku?" Judy decided to ignore the firearm and her missing employee and asked Sanzo this question once he had sat down.
"Uh... I saved him...?" Judy had lost her temper again, she evidently had been pushed too far.
"Start taking this seriously, you're in my courtroom now, and maybe this will teach you a lesson. I grant Meg Ahbitch full custody of Goku, and I pray to god that you become more mature in the future. And I don't pray to Buddha!" Judy banged her gavel, signaling that the trial was concluded.
Meg Abitch smiled evilly and took Goku's hand in a tight grasp. Hakkai shook his head, and then stood up and went up to confer privately with Judy.
"I believe we have forgotten a little something here... Goku is eighteen he doesn't need a legal guardian" Judy looked at him for a moment in astonishment and then said,
"Oh right! Well that changes everything. Meg Ahbitch doesn't get full custody over Goku, he can do whatever he wants." There was an outbreaking of cheering from the crowd in the courtroom, which was composed mainly of excitable fangirls.
Goku ran over to them and hugged Sanzo, who stiffly hugged him back. Obviously, Goku chose to stay with the Sanzo party and continue their journey, and all was back to normal,
except...
they now had one angry Megabitch planning to kill them.
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