Recently, I woke up from a bad dream - one that is unrelated to this topic - and like any good fangirl, I chose to read from the Twilight series of books. However, I couldn't settle on one book because a disturbing trend was making itself extremely clear. The Cullen family (Jacob included) is composed of only pedophiles and their victims. Here are my realizations, in order of how they presented themselves.

Edward Cullen (née Edward Masen)

This one was realized long before the early morning clarity. He is over a hundred years old. He hangs out at various high schools for decades. Finally, after returning to Forks high, he finds a girl who isn't terrified of him and a love story ensues, but not before he starts climbing in her window undetected to watch her sleep. The fact that she is just shy of being legal is something I don't quite understand. I doubt the series was planned while Meyers was writing the first book. Why did she not just make Bella legal? His pedophile standing has long been established by that fact in my mind, but it's worth saying again, when I write that they are all the same.

Jacob Black

I don't think anything more than saying Breaking Dawn is necessary here. How can you explain falling in love with your best friend's newborn baby any way other than by saying pedophile? Well he uses the fact that his best friend did it too, so it isn't as bad as it seems. The only reason this one wasn't the first one realized is because it comes in at the last book, long after Edward establishes himself as Pedophile #1. It's clear that he is a sick bitch (I was going to say bastard, but the man is a dog- literally).

Carlisle Cullen

How I didn't notice this one immediately is astonishing. The fact that he surrounds himself with a surplus of teens should have been a beacon of light on his pedophilia, but I simply glossed over it somehow. Carlisle is very devoted to his wife Esme who is legal, but let's rewind to when he met her shall we? Now before when I thought of Carlisle meeting Esme, I thought of when he was working in the morgue and she was barely alive. I realize now that that story is probably a lie concocted by him and Pedovamp #1 to hide the fact that they stalked her for ten years. You see, the first time they met, he treated her for a broken leg. They way she broke her leg speaks volumes about this disturbing scenario. She was climbing a tree and fell. Do I believe he just happened to find her still alive in the morgue? No. Live bodies do not go to the morgue. How I or anybody else just accepted that is a mystery. So what do I think happened? He was following her when she jumped. I wouldn't be surprised if he followed her over the cliff and bit her mid-air. I sure hope he doesn't specialize in pediatrics at that hospital.

Jasper Hale (née Jasper Whitlock)

I found this one hard to accept. Jasper is by far my favorite character in the series. He is also the only one who can be seen as a pedophile without any kind of knowing the back-story. The only thing needed here is the description of his eternally unchanging wife. Alice is very short, not even five feet, and very skinny (and that was a subtle way to say flat chested). She is described as absurdly energetic. I could describe my seven-year-old cousin with the same words. I could describe most seven-year-old girls with the same words. Stephenie does backtrack this one. When Alice finds out how old she was during her absence in New Moon, the number 19 appears despite the lack of sense it makes to the way she looks. Unfortunately, since I've already stated that I think the details in Twilight were meant to stand-alone, my favorite little empath is in fact a certified pedophile from here on out.

Rosalie Hale

While I would like to say that the reason I realized this one last was that I just wasn't paying it any attention, it would be a lie. It took time to see past the fact that Emmett, the hulking manpire he is, is the victim here to a female no less (double standard much?). During Rosalie's human life, the last day of it in fact, she goes to a friend's house to meet her baby. She decides to fast track her plans for her own baby but fate intervenes and immortality follows, eliminating any chance at having her own baby. Years later in the woods she comes across a man with curly dark hair and dimples that reminds her of her friend's baby. You read that correctly. You know that man was Emmett. I think this puts Rosalie on the same level as Jacob. Her lengths to protect Renesmee from Bella, alongside Jacob, in Breaking Dawn say that Meyers is in agreement here.

Twilight is filled with disturbing little tidbits, notably vampires that glitter in the sun, but this is by far THE worst. I think the only thing left to say here is this: Stephenie Meyers, what is your obsession with pedophiles and should you be allowed around children?