TITLE: What a Synth Wants
CHAPTER: Complete
I am a synth.
But my mind wasn't wiped by the Institute, far from it. Those Institute bastards implanted the memories of a cop. A man who lived his life doing what he loved by protecting the innocent. I guess I should be grateful, right? The thing is I know how often his lonely life left him on his couch eating greasy Chinese food on a Saturday night. I feel the pain of the gunshot wound he survived centuries ago and the confusion and fear of the bullet that ended his life.
He did enjoy a few women in his life. A handful of them were good girls, and occasionally he purchased the affection of a prostitute. One of two of them would have jumped at the chance to become Mrs. Valentine. But the relationships never lasted. It was always a new case, late hours, a troubled teenager or an abused wife who needed him more.
Only I know the depth of his feelings for his fiance Jenny Lands or the woman who worked at the coffee shop around the corner from the police station. It's still standing on that narrow side street in downtown Salem. I go there sometimes and sit at the counter, so I can picture her with her golden blond hair tied up in a ponytail. It swings when she walks, and the old Nick always enjoyed her company. She was beautiful in that undefinable way of a natural female who knew her place in the world. She served her customers with pride. He loved the way she always greeted him with a friendly, "Hey, Nick! What's the word?"
He never asked her to sit down with him, share a cup of coffee or take her to the movies. A cop was lousy husband material. He worked twelve to sixteen hours a day. Everyday. How could he make the proper amount of time to love a woman or raise a family? He couldn't, and he knew it. So he never did. Each night, usually about the dawn sent its first light across Boston Harbor, he climbed the rickety wooden steps to his empty apartment. How could he bring a wife into his dingy rooms set on the third story of a grocery store in the middle of Lexington?
Time went by, and the waitress with the swinging ponytail and snapping gum spent her charm on Nick and wondered why he never responded. Until one day she wasn't there and when Nick asked why they said she'd left. When he asked where she'd gone, they told him she left town to get married to some boy from New York. He regretted allowing her to slip away. Until he reminded himself that he hadn't really known her and wished her well. Besides, another young girl would take her place soon and that's just how life went.
It's the memories of Jenny that haunt him. The touch of her hand, the soft sigh of her surrender. She was beautiful, of course. When he looked into the blue eternity of her eyes, he often saw his children...their children. He'd wanted to make love to her and knew if he pushed it would happen. But he respected her, so when his hands roamed too far and she stiffened he always stopped. Nick had waited all his lonely life for a woman like Jenny and he could be patient a little longer. Then exactly thirty days before their wedding, Eddie Winter took her life and left her to the ravens. I cannot purge the memory of Nick kneeling down to push the hair from her face, or the words of farewell he whispered against her cheek. The words and Nick's grief etched themselves onto the cold and logical circuits of my construct. I'm not worthy of those memories.
I tugged at my hat, lit a cigarette and pushed those old worn out thoughts away. Instead, I focused on Nora and Paladin Danse. She brought me here to help find him. With information from Scribe Haylen, we located him easily enough deep inside this bunker where he tried to hide his shame. For all the years I'd heard him badmouth synths, I thought he must be devastated. Just like me, he's a synth. And then I thought of Nora's son and husband. Of R.J.'s dead wife and their son Duncan. Of Cait and her rough and tumble life. Of the long years of Deacon's life. With all the tragedy in the world, the broken hearts and the violence I stared in wonder at Nora and Paladin Danse innocent way they leaned toward each other reaching out for a future beneath the meager light over the entrance to the bunker.
Through Nora's search for her son, the Brotherhood discovered he was a synth. Their response? Kill him. The most respected Paladin in the Commonwealth tossed away like garbage. Just like they'd done with me. Our Nora talked them out of it. Barely. Although I believe she would have killed Maxson before he could turn that Gatling laser on Danse. I listened to the angry words she vented to Maxson and watched Danse. He stood silently in the shadows, his eyes shining in the starlight. The same man he always believed himself to be but broken in a way that might not heal.
When the confrontation ended, and Maxson marched back to his vertibird. We watched the lights of the aircraft disappear against the hulk of the Prydwen until the three of us were alone while the night sounds surrounded us. I heard Danse start to say something. Then he tried again, but Nora cut him off. How I envied the intimate hush of their voices. I ought to leave, but I promised to come here with her, and well, truthfully I can't bring myself to go because I'm in love with her, too.
So I reckon I am that man. I am Nick Valentine, and today he's a private detective. If I am it's Nora who helped me come to terms with that. Nora, the only survivor of Vault 111 with more sadness in her broken heart than any one person could carry befriended me. She treated me like any other man in her life. I have friends now when I never did before. Cait, MacCready, Danse, and Deacon are my family now. It's Nora who holds us together, and I have her to thank for those lessons. The horrors she lived through would break anyone else, but she kept going. Helping those in need and leading the way toward rebuilding the Commonwealth. It was difficult not to love her. You wanted to help her. You wanted to stay near her in case she needed you. Although, I did watch her take down a deathclaw with nothing but a super sledge. But if she needs me, I'll be here.
I stood silently in the shadows and pretended to watch the stars. Then Nora raised her voice enough that I could hear her. I listened to the emotion in her words, and I knew she was about to break down. Danse spoke of leaving the Commonwealth, but I knew he wouldn't. He would never leave our Nora. But if his confusion and grief led him away from the Commonwealth, then good old Nick Valentine would stay right here.
I overheard her implore the Paladin with her hand on his forearm. "You're not nothing, Danse. You're the opposite of nothing."
Danse said something about how close he felt to her, and she smiled up at him with a look that could break your heart because it wasn't you. A tear slipped down her cheek when she reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand and said, "I feel the same way. I only hope we can be more than friends."
Danse said something that almost made me laugh, when he asked incredulously, "You...love me?"
Ya big megillah, of course, she loves you. If you paid attention instead of always spouting off about the Brotherhood this or the Brotherhood that, you would have noticed the way she watches you, turns to you when she's troubled and always manages to hold a Nuka-cola Victory back just for you. We love her too, Danse. So don't blow this.
He must have heard me because he touched her cheek with his first two fingers. It's gonna take more than that, Pally. I was beginning to think Danse would never make a move when suddenly he grabbed her by the shoulders. Come on, big boy. Then he went for it and pulled her toward him and into his arms. He held her so tight her petite frame almost disappeared. Danse made a strangled sound and buried his nose in her thick auburn hair. In seconds her embrace changed from tentative passion to a mother's comfort. She stood on her tiptoes to get closer to him, stroked his hair and held him close. A woman's love is what keeps the universe together...I should leave. She's safe with Danse. There's no reason for me to stay and intrude on their privacy.
But when I turned to leave, I heard Nora say something, so I stopped. It took me a few seconds to understand. At first, I thought she might be in danger. She needs me! But when I peered into the darkness, I saw Danse lift her off the ground and claimed her mouth with his. And I realized the sound was of pleasure, not pain.
Kiss her senseless, Danse. Take her mind off things...Nick would know how.
Danse set her feet on the ground and touched his forehead to hers. I swear I could hear satisfaction push her too-often sad face into a grin of happiness and wonderment.
The old Nick felt jealous of her joy. It burned my eyes. She was one of those extraordinary women. Smart, beautiful and she bore the grief of losing her family like a brave soldier. But I had seen her cry. One night something set her off. I think it must have been the pediatric ward at Milton General Hospital. What was left of it anyway. Surrounded by Raiders searching for us, she stopped in the middle of the filthy room and got very quiet. I watched her shoulders sag. I'm a synth. I didn't know what to do. Nick Valentine knew what to do. So I walked up to her and stood close enough for her to make a choice. To my surprise, she laid her head on my shoulder. I wanted to put my arms around her, but I didn't dare. I heard the words through her tears that her son Shaun had been born here.
She wasn't crying tonight.
I heard her laugh when Danse lifted her in his arms and carried her inside. I followed them a few minutes later. So intent on each other they didn't notice me step out of the elevator. I could only watch as Danse led her to the narrow bed and sat down with her on his lap. They're perfect together, I realized with an odd pain in my chest that grew worse while I watched him unzip the front of her uniform.
She copied his action and unzipped his uniform teasingly. Her actions sent a crimson blush to his cheeks.
I wish I could make her laugh. And I'd bet a week's pay her skin is soft and that I can trust Danse to touch her gently. He carded his fingers into her hair as if he were feeling something for the very first time. Then he kissed her again while he pushed her BOS uniform off her shoulders and freed her arms. I bet he's never done that before, either.
The pale flesh of her breasts gleamed in the dim light. The dusky hued nipples puckered. I couldn't stop staring until she laughed again and pulled Danse to her. He didn't hesitate, and with one arm under her hips, he pulled up her up against him so that her firm breasts pressed against his bare chest.
Danse pulled back and stared down at her bare skin with the wonder of a man who hadn't expected that on this day he would find this specific—or any women, for that matter—in his arms. Danse laid her down on the mattress making sure a pillow cushioned her head. When he touched her breasts my own hands curled in response. My thumbs brushed against the dark points, and I licked my lips.
Nora made a soft sound.
Don't make her wait, Danse. The old Nick wouldn't have made her wait.
Danse bent his head and carefully pressed his lips against the center of her chest. I watched her body arch. The sensitive flesh was seeking the warmth and haven of his mouth and tongue. I imagined the old Nick would take what was offered to him, but Danse was taking his time. Was he hesitating? Why? Nora knew the ways of a man and she'd given that man a son. Don't hesitate Danse. She's waiting for you. Nick knew what to do. If Nick knew then why didn't Danse know? Love her, Danse. Make love to her. Touch her secret places with reverent kisses and gentle fingers. Don't stop until she's sated, then hold her close until your angel floats back to earth.
Nick's jealousy flared when he watched Nora take Danse's hand and place it between her legs.
"Be with me, Danse. I've waited..." she whispered urgently against his lips. Her nails left red marks on his shoulders. At that exact moment, something changed in Danse. I noticed it when he drew himself up to his full height. Knew it when he pulled off his boots and stood slowly. He locked eyes with her while he unzipped his flight suit and revealed the muscles and scars.
Years of poor nutrition had turned young muscle into solid curves of whiplash strength. Battle scars and years of unfiltered sun etched themselves into Danse's flesh. Even without the usual trappings of a BOS Officer, his charisma and power shimmered over his nude body. Like a wild animal poised to strike, his muscles bunched and coiled under his skin and I thought that any woman would find him desirable. Then I had to smile because I realized Danse didn't know these things about himself. Didn't know the rock hard size of his passion could make Nora scream with pleasure. Was that why he hesitated?
Nora seemed to understand. When Danse sat down she climbed over him and straddled him. Her movement put her perfect breasts at the level of Danse's mouth.
They're a gift, Danse.
She cupped her breast with her hand and used it to tease his lips. Danse closed his eyes and placed a chaste kiss on her right breast. While his eyes were closed Nora lowered herself over him and took him into her body. Danse's hands jerked in response than with one hand on her buttocks, and the other fisted into her hair he took control. I doubted he could help himself from responding. No man could ignore her quiet courage, the short dark curls between her legs and her sex full and wet, glistening with passion in the dim light. Any man would count himself blessed to cup the firm cheeks of her ass in his hands to control her movements.
Her actions dragged a moan from Danse, and he threw his head back. Eyes wide with...was it shock? Surprise? Nora settled over him and went back to kissing every part of him that she could reach. She bit his earlobe, and he hissed. She dragged her teeth over his collarbone, and he breathed her name. His thighs stretched until every muscle stood out in relief. His toes curled against the concrete floor. His breath poured warmth over her nipples keeping them taut. How could Danse resist?
"I've got you, Danse. I'm right here...for as long as you want me."
In response, the Paladin dragged her mouth to his and kissed her with his other hand knotted into her hair.
I backed toward the jagged opening in the wall intent on escaping. This was not for the likes of Nick Valentine. I knew that. Nick's memories curled my right hand curled to cup her breast and touch the pebbled surface to my lips. But my right hand isn't a man's hand. It's a metal claw.
I turned back just as Danse moved Nora, laying her gently back on the mattress and moved over her. When she opened her legs to him, I turned away. When I heard his groan of surrender I hurried toward the exit. The elevator door closed over the sound of her cries of pleasure.
My dreams will torment me that I heard her shout my name instead of his. I bet she tastes as sweet and warm as a summer afternoon. Nora is where she belongs. She deserves a good man like Paladin Danse. I pulled my collar up and stepped out into the Commonwealth night. It'll be a long walk back to Diamond City. But I'll get there soon enough.
I know I'm not the man for her.
I'm not even a person.
I am a synth.