Sweet Acceptance
It must have been quite a while. Lubbock noticed this himself as he continued watching Bulat read a book. The teen was sitting at the dining table behind the couch Bulat was seated in. He did not know how he went from making tea to finishing it and staring at the back of the man's head. It must have been the title of the book that caught Lubbock's attention. And how Bulat was reading it without any sort of reaction. Or perhaps how mysterious the man is at times like this when he is not flirting, since his arrival in the newly found Night Raid.
Just a serene expression with an occassional twitch of his lips upward.
"... You..." Lubbock paused when he realized he had began speaking. What was he going to say exactly?
"I?" Bulat urged patiently, his eyes still on the page. Lubbock cocked his head curiously with a blink.
"Do you always read that type of stuff?" He asked.
"As in?"
Lubbock stood and made his way over to the man. He then pointed a slender finger at the hard cover of the book.
"Romance novels. Between a love-sick girl and some passionate guy?"
"Why wouldn't I? The storylines are remarkable." Bulat answered with a small smile, gently tapping Lubbock's finger with his own. Lubbock flushed, still containing a straight face while moving his hand away.
"Not to be rude or anything. I just... figured you'd be the type to... to read..." He trailed off, not knowing what other polite way to say it. Bulat finally looked up from his book curiously.
"Gay novels?" He suggested. Lubbock nodded, giving an apologetic look.
"I figured since... well... I don't have anything against it really..."
"Why are you so worked up over it? Are you perhaps worried I will get angry over a well-known stereotype?" Bulat asked with a reassuring look.
"I didn't want to seem insensitive."
"I understand. You're just a curious young boy. In truth, I don't necessarily go out of my way to find same-sex books. Just the idea of romance is what fascinates me, no matter the pair."
Lubbock took in the rather philosophical statement Bulat made, which is rare. He always found the man a pain in the ass with his constant flirting and suggestive winking. However, that was just the exterior side of Bulat. Right is only a piece of his true self.
"I see." He said, not knowing what else to say. Lubbock realized how shallow his previous thoughts of Bulat were. Maybe he should sit by the man and actually get to know him more rather than agreeing to label him as 'That gay pervert'.
"It's not your fault." Lubbock looked up from his thoughts.
"E-Eh?"
"I'm sure you're feeling guilty, so it is not your fault. I choose to present myself in such a way that makes you uncomfortable. I don't feel the need to throw all of my best interests at you." Bulat said, flipping a page. "I understand that you may not prefer the other gender, so it is indeed my fault gaining such an insulting title. Well, maybe not all that insulting."
Of course, this only made Lubbock feel slightly worse. The teen walked over and sat right beside Bulat, who hummed questionably.
"I... I want to get to know you though." Lubbock announced with a slight blush, although sternly looking over. "I-I can see it everyday. I've always been denying, but you feel lonely, don't you?" Bulat's eyes widened by the accusation.
"Lubbock-"
"You're forced to make do with what you have. And... you don't have a lot. All of us don't in this group. That's why we rely on each other, but I personally never gave you that luxury..." Lubbock then grabbed Bulat's hand with a frown. "So can rely on me! Watch, I won't be afraid of touching you starting today!"
Bulat sweated at the rather petty declaration, but nonetheless felt a sort of appreciation for Lubbock's effort.
"It's not necessary." Bulat said.
"It is." Lubbock retorted.
"No really, I don't deserve this." Bulat said, moving his hand away. "The most I can do is admire such a well developed boy." He added with his signature flirtatious grin. Lubbock was hardly affected.
"But... why?"
"Hmm? Are you saying you want me to do more?" Bulat asked.
Lubbock finally realized what his question had sounded like and blushed deep red.
"N-Not that way! Ack, I mean why do you feel like you don't deserve it? Is it because we're assassins? Like it or not, we're humans too. There's nothing wrong with taking what you want."
Bulat figured the boy had no clue how awfully tempting his words sound.
"After all, isn't that what all your little romance stories teach?" Lubbock continued on, motioning at the novel in Bulat's other hand.
"Lubbock I'm afraid you're confusing my concerns with something else." Bulat only steered off. Lubbock scoffed.
"As if. Look, what's so wrong about acting out a romance novel? Didn't you read one about some chick that's a serial killer, and she still got a guy at the end?" Lubbock added.
"That's not the point-"
"Come on! You never know when we'll be reprimanded for assassinating people. It's best to just get what you want now rather than punish yourself the rest of your life." Lubbock encouraged. "It's what I always tell myself about Miss Najenda, hehe."
"... And why is that?" Bulat murmured.
"Be... because you deserve it." Lubbock answered, not realizing what he had said was a mistake. The teen was barely able to make a sound when he was shoved back on the couch and the larger male hovered over him, pinning him on the couch cushions.
"Wrong answer." Bulat said smirking with a dangerous glint in his chocolate brown eyes. Lubbock made no attempt to escape.
"Wrong... answer?"
"You mentioned taking what I want. I could take it right now, no matter the circumstances. No matter if you're not willing. Lubbock dear, I am a dangerous man. Does that make me deserving?"
Lubbock flashed a false smile. It had to be an act.
"Newsflash, we're all dangerous haha. Now let go, you're starting to hurt my wrists-" Lubbock cut off himself off with a wince when the grip tightened painfully. "O-Ow Bulat!" He looked up and his breath hitched when there was no sign of emotion in the man's eyes, contrasting from earlier.
"Well then I'll take your advice right here and now." Was the growled response. Lubbock's heart dropped.
"Bulat, dude, you're acting strange- hngh!" He shivered uncomfortably when a hot tongue trailed up his neck. It's just an act. "S-Stop..."
"..." Bulat held Lubbock's wrists with one hand and grabbed at the hem of the smaller boy's shirt.
"Hey, stop!" Lubbock pleaded with wide eyes. He fidgeted as Bulat ignored him and he yelled when his shirt was ripped open.
"I'm just simply rewarding myself." Bulat said in a slightly mocking tone, trailing his hand down Lubbock's unblemished torso.
"Please Bulat! This isn't funny!"
"Let's see how loud you can scream." Bulat murmured darkly, smiling slyly.
That was the last straw.
In several moments before the man could do anything else, Lubbock found himself crying. His body slumped in defeat as he shook with tears running down his flushed cheeks. "N-Noo... Stop..." He lightly wailed. Bulat's smile slowly faded and he leaned up, letting go of the boy's wrists.
He sat still while picking up the novel he had tossed aside. Just as Lubbock quieted down, the man turned to look at the slightly-scarred male with an apologetic smile, not meaning to have taken it far.
"This further reiterates my reasoning. I suggest you keep your distance." With that, Lubbock tremulously sat up just as Bulat stood.
"Bulat..." Before Bulat could walk away, he felt Lubbock stubbornly wrap his arms around his torso from behind. "You're an idiot. You're even more of an idiot than me." He muttered, resting his head against the man's back. "I don't care how dangerous you are. I don't care about what you've done in the past, 'cause I'm not the proudest of mine either. We're all fucked up in our own way... but it's okay to have a happy ending..."
It was silent for several moments. Lubbock wondered if he had said the wrong thing again, but Bulat only chuckled this time.
"You're undoubtedly naive, it's cute." The man turned around and sighed when he was reminded of his previous actions by the torn shirt. Lubbock noticed this and blushed, dismissively batting his hand as he held his ripped shirt together against himself.
"Ah it's fine! I-I never really liked this one anyway..." Lubbock excused with a small reassuring smile and looked down. "Heh... Just don't scare me like that again."
"Sorry about that." Bulat apologized. Lubbock grinned widely and Bulat could not help feel his attraction grow unrequitedly even more for him.
"It's cool. As payment, you have to stay here while I sew it back up." Lubbock said, digging under the couch for a sewing kit. That's right. After growing well acquainted with CrossTail throughout the week, Lubbock had grown a new talent of normal sewing. It was no surprise, it's just that the teen would rather not make a big deal out of it since he deems it girly.
Bulat wondered why Lubbock would want to sew his shirt in this case and have him stay nearby.
It then clicked.
The man smiled exasperatedly.
"If you just want to keep me company, you don't have to make an excuse for it." He said. Lubbock leaned back up with a small box and his cheeks warmed.
"What!? I just happen to like this shirt!"
"You do realize you are contradicting yourself from earlier."
"Get back to your damn novel." Bulat chuckled from their interaction and opened the book back open. Out the corner of his eyes, he watched Lubbock slide down his green jacket and take off his ruined shirt.
Lubbock blinked when he heard Bulat murmur something.
"What was that?" His answer was the man's large white coat fluttering over his figure.
"Cover yourself. You're a distraction." Bulat said straightforwardly, truly not being able to contain himself with Lubbock half naked beside him. Lubbock pursed his lips embarrassedly, muttering "I could've used my own jacket..."
However, he went to fixing up his shirt while Bulat quietly read his novel. He would occasionally smile not from the book, but from Lubbock's too-concentrated look and sounds of frustration. Of course, the teen was not exactly an expert at sewing despite being fond of it. Bulat focused back on the his page of the novel just as he felt Lubbock lean against him slightly.
"You do not deserve sadness. You feel it is remarkably okay to punish yourself with the most negative of emotions. Tell me how any of that is acceptable to you. I forgive you. Your family forgives you. The only option left is to forgive yourself... and that is by accepting our feelings for each other. Sweet Alice, it is okay to embrace me, kiss me. Tell me, when was the last time you were ever truly loved?"
Bulat stopped at the end of the dialogue looked at Lubbock with an observing stare.
Perhaps...
"Lubbock." The teen fixated his emerald green eyes on Bulat's.
"Yes?" He set the book down, saving his page. He then rested an arm behind Lubbock on the top of the couch.
"I believe it's safe to say we're both idiots." Bulat said, leaning in slightly. Lubbock tilted his head up a little while squinting his eyes in confusion.
"Excuse me?" Bulat only leaned in further. He was mildly perplexed when Lubbock had not moved away. In fact if it wasn't for his hopefulness, he would say Lubbock pressed against his side more.
"Couldn't you agree the both of us have been holding back?"
"The hell are you going on about." Lubbock retorted with a slight embarrassed expression as his eyes darted to the side, indicating that he knew well what Bulat meant. Before Lubbock could hastily go back to sewing, Bulat cupped the male's chin and pulled him in swiftly.
It was just as Bulat imagined. Soft and sweet lips that are innocently pressed against his own. His heart raced from the contact and he was about to pull away until Lubbock shyly leaned into the kiss. Keeping in mind that this is Lubbock's first kiss, Bulat gently moved his lips against the other boy's, feeling fireworks erupt in his chest. Is this the feeling of acceptance?
They finally parted their lips while panting lightly. Bulat took in the sight of Lubbock breathing heavily with a flushed face, the white jacket falling off his bare shoulder on one side. Something stirred inside of him from the sight and he forced himself not to desirably touch Lubbock, fearing he may scare the boy again.
"So... it was me, huh?" Lubbock finally said breathlessly.
"Save me the act of surprise." Bulat said.
"Then it is true." Lubbock egged on with a sly smile. Bulat chose to flick the teen's nose, who scrunched it in displeasure.
"You seemed eager for the kiss." Bulat said. This managed to catch Lubbock off guard.
"W-Was not! You just forced yourself on me."
"Says the one who leaned in."
"I slipped!"
"You're unbelievable."
"Idiot!"
"Brat."
The two males glared at each other for several moments before their quivering smiles gave out as they laughed softly at their small bicker.
"Aw damn! I sewed the front and back together!" Lubbock cried out a half hour later as he held up the further destroyed shirt. Bulat chuckled at the disaster, for the first time feeling no guilty conscience over his own behalf.
Sweet Acceptance