Oh no .. its bad..
got me feeling so weak..
when you are holding my hand
As we both walked down the dark street.. you.. was shivering.. that made you grab my hand
"let me do this just for now"
You asked me to.. and I nodded ..
the more I think about it .. I feel like my face is getting hotter.. I tried to give this situation a reason.. that you held my hand
Until we reached your home.. where I should say good bye.. where your hand just left mine at the door.. where I finaly got the reason why you did what you did
"sorry .. but I fear the dark places.. and I had no other way .. "
As you looked at my hand.. I smiled
"don't care about it.. its not a big deal"
Here we had to split apart..
"ok .. looks like I've got to go.. now"
Just to break the awkward silence .. and you said
"yeah! Take care in the way.. see ya tomorrow"
And smiled..
you smile.. I die
cause I don't wanna feel
what im feeling inside
and I walked away.. its always the same.. walking away from you.. its not like escaping but somehow its fate.. should I hate it.. or.. not.. it's a complicated life
*hurt*.. it only hurt so badly.. it only began to hurt when I loved you.. it only killed me days and nights.. it only looks like will last forever..
even if I don't really believe in forever..
and so I walked down the dark street.. and turned to where I left my beloved.. im seeing shadows .. but I know it cant be him.. whatever.. he never looked at me the way I do to him..
its too much..
its too late..
im so into you
there when I left the place.. I got too far away from him..
I feel that im thinking too much about him..
and that tire me..
its all what I do from awhile..
other days… and more..
until we reached the point of leaving each other.. that when you had to rest at home .. is it fate that even a fever can do this to me?..
and the school's mood just got sick without you around.. and so I secretly decided to give you a visit.. not bearing the thought of not having you around for a whole day..
here I am.. after school.. standing at your home door.. and before I could touch the bell's button ..
"ahh.. its you Kazemaru-kun, you came to see Mamoru?"
Your mother showed up.. and I nodded..
I entered the house.. and endou's mother asked me to go up to endou's room.. and so I did..
and I opened his door smiling sheepishly.. but he was sleeping.. and that relief me in fact..
I took the chair that was beside a studying table.. and sat .. Staring at the sleepy face.. isn't it cute?..
I guess I cant escape from this curse.. not as long as I cant stop these feelings.. its haunting me..
and that really ANNOYs ME?.. I don't know.. really
"heh.. heh.. c-cold"
Endou.. he said that .. and I stood up hurried as it snapped out of what I was thinking about..
and I covered him properly.. just few words came out my mouth
"please.. never leave me behind"
That what I said.. yeah.. im afraid.. maybe he will leave me .. by any way or another.. the more I think about it the more I get confused..
what would be worse..
if he left me by loving someone else?.. or by leaving whole this world?
Yeah.. maybe he will die.. and that I don't want.. but what if he had someone in his heart.. will I take it.. I don't know the answer myself..
I'd be crushed..
If you walked away..
I'd be lost..
I'd be drowning in gray..
I'd be rooted beyond repair..
If you weren't there..
I'd be crushed..tears*.. its too hard to see you walking away.. its just too hard ..
but .. cant do anything about it.. I know..
I swore..
I would be in control of myself..
I hate it..
But I love you..
So don't ever leave..
*sobs*
Stop it.. you are making noise..
"huh! Is that you? Kazemaru?"
HUH!~
I raised my head.. to see .. endou.. looking at me worriedly ..
I.. quickly wiped my tears.. and put a smile.. as I stood
"aah.. sorry .. I woke you up.. are you ok?"
"hmm.. I guess.. not like usual..but don't worry I will be fine by tomorrow"
His spirit.. his smile.. never leave him
"but kazemaru.. you was crying just now?"
"aah no.. never mind its nothing"
"tell me.."
"I told you already"
"no you didn't .. ack!"
"see .. you are still sick.. don't move much"
"huf~ but tell me.. I will not lose here because a fever"
"its nothing"
"…"
"argh! I-its "
Here I remembered again all what I was thinking.. and froze..
I ran out the room.. looks like I've lost control this time.. I don't want to see his face..
"hey kazemaru.. wait.. aah"
*sound of endou falling to the ground*
sorry endou.. but ..
You got me falling..
And I never wanted to feel like I do..
Pant~ pant .. pant .. pant
"heh.. heh.. heh" breathing*
Is it safe to stay here?
Maybe he will find me.. then what am I going to do? But no .. I guess he will not.. he is sick I don't think that he can go out the home
PAT PAT PAT PAT
Oh no.. he is getting closer and closer.. no way I can let him find me .. not like this
and suddenly .. nothing can be heard..
"endou?"
NOWAY!
"ENDOU"
I ran as fast as I can.. to find Endou.. Lying down on the ground.. Breathing difficulty
"endou.. ENDOU.. answer me"
"heh. Heh..*he smiled* im sorry kazemaru.. I was pushing you "
And he closed his eyes..
I'd be crushed..
If you walked away..
I'd be lost..
I'd be drowning in gray..
I'd be rooted beyond repair..
If you weren't there..
I swore..
I would be in control of myself..
I hate it..
But I love you..
So don't ever leave..
You got me falling..
And I never wanted to feel like I do..
IM SO INTO YOU!
"SORRY ENDOU"
And that's it.. I carried him home.. there his mother saw him.. and she took him to the hospital..
but I was just standing on the road.. while I was the reason that he is like this now at the moment..
I guess its normal to feel the pain in a fate that is controlling every little thing against what I want..
I feel like its telling me to just GIVE UP..
And its like I liked the idea.. give up huh~.. maybe..
Im not sure if I will.. but I hope that I can have the strength to keep it up..
anyway.. I already did something insane.. I didn't want endou to leave me again.. so I just already sent a message .. I wrote in it
"sorry.. but I could not say it to you face to face.. that I like you"
…..
THE END
R&R everyone ^_^
*winki winko*